Chapter 1
She had known that it was always a possibility and, even more than that, she had known it would probably be best for him, but somehow Maggie had never truly ley herself believe that her boy could be taken by better, more caring people who deserved him more than she ever had.
Matthew had never been the easiest child at the orphanage, often getting into fights or refusing to do as he was asked but Maggie didn’t hold it against him. Both of his parents had failed him. She hadn’t been ready for a child and his father’s actions had finally caught up with him. At least Jack was always there for him, Maggie thought.
A week previous, Father Lantom had approached her and gently told her that her son was to be adopted by a couple who lived outside of New York. She’d taken the news well and then later cried when she was alone and prayed to God that the couple would take good care of Matthew, as she had failed to do for so long. Her son who slept in the same building as her but had no idea that they were related. This was entirely down to Maggie’s own cowardice.
The couple planning on adopting Matthew were, according to Father Lantom, lovely and when they’d met Matthew were not phased by his overall attitude. They also took his blindness in stride, not acting like he was different from everyone else. Father Lantom had told her that the man was deaf so may be more accommodating to a disability than most people. Then again, with all the fights, most people would doubt Matthew’s blindness in the first place.
Maggie picked herself up from the cold stone floor she was praying on and turned to walk out of the room. It was gone 1 O’clock in the morning but she hadn’t yet found the will to sleep. When she did, the morning would only come quicker, and she wasn’t strong enough to make that happen yet. In the morning, the Barton couple would arrive to collect him. So, instead, Maggie opted to wander the corridors, passing the bedrooms of all the children under her care until she arrived at his and paused. She couldn’t go in. He would hear her. She waited outside his door. Almost nothing separated her from him in that moment and still, she didn’t go in. She wanted to tell him everything. About how she’d met his father, their time together, share stories, tell him she was sorry, explain everything, but she couldn’t. Maggie wasn’t strong enough for that.
Slowly, Maggie walked away from Matthew’s door, back down the corridors and to her room. Changing her clothes, Maggie finally got into bed and decided to read. However, her eyes wouldn’t focus, they were too tired. Or maybe her brain was too distracted. Either way she quickly realized that reading wouldn’t work that night. In that moment she built up the courage to close her eyes and let herself drift off into sleep.
The sun shone brightly that morning and Maggie woke to it peeking through her window. Not a single moment passed that she had forgotten what the day was since waking, though she wish she’d had at least a few to soak in blissful ignorance. Without that as an option, though, she readied herself and went to meet Father Lantom.
“Matthew is gathering his things,” she was informed when she arrived, nodding to signal she had heard.
“Are you sure you want to be here for this sister?” Father Lantom asked kindly.
“Yes, Father, I’m sure,” she replied.
Matthew appeared a few minutes later, with a backpack presumably carrying everything he was taking and cane in hand.
“Good morning, Matthew,” she greeted him.
“Morning Sister. Are they here?”
There was no excitement in his voice but that did not surprise her. Matthew was rarely excited these days; he was just angry. He had calmed down over the last year, but it was still obvious to Maggie. She had always, however, been more worried about him lacking any meaningful connections. She wasn’t even sure if her or Father Lantom would count due to Matthew’s unwillingness to talk with them.
“They should be any minute,” Father Lantom informed them.
“Shall we wait outside?” Maggie suggested.
Matthew didn’t look completely opposed to the idea, which she took as agreement and led the way. Matthew soon followed, cane tapping along the ground.
Maggie wasn’t sure why she suggested going outside but sitting on the bench beside Matthew did manage to bring a small sense of calm for a few moments before the Barton couple arrived. She stood up and greeted them politely. Laura Barton seemed friendly enough and Clint Barton wore a lop-sided grin, pinning him as a troublemaker. Matthew will probably learn a few things, she thought.
Far too quickly for her liking, the cups of coffee and tea had been drained and Father Lantom had begun initiating goodbyes and reminding the couple and Matthew that they could call for any problems.
“Well, Matthew,” he was saying, “we’ll miss you and your smarts around here. But I do hope this works out for you.”
A tight smile found its way onto Matthew’s face. Maggie knew he thought it wouldn’t work out and that he’d be back. Sadly, her gut told her different. Clint took Matthew’s bag and Laura offered her arm as a guide. He didn’t take it. But he did move towards their vehicle.
“Matthew,” she called before she could stop herself, “look after yourself.”
“Yes Sister,” he replied.
She watched her son be driven away by people she had met just an hour ago. It was possible that she wouldn’t see him for years. But that was what she had once wanted, right? For someone else to deal with him because she couldn’t. Then, it had been Jack and he had been a wonderful father to their son when she couldn’t be a wonderful mother. Now, though, she knew her son and had liked being part of his life.
On the other hand, she knew she was still not what he needed, especially as she was still too much of a coward to tell the truth to her son.