Kozakura smiled more placidly than I’d ever seen from her.
“The thing about being an adult is you don’t cry in front of kids.”
She didn’t look sad, as she cast one more glance at the photo in her hand, instead there was a hint of the irritated expression I was used to. I relaxed slightly, at that.
“I lied, you know,” she said quite pensively.
“Huh?”
“At the funeral, I lied. Satsuki wasn’t always a monster. Sure, she was always a bit wrong in the head. Cold, distant. But not always a monster.”
I didn’t know if I was supposed to say something about that, so I didn’t. Kozakura put the picture face-down on the table, then looked up at me. She looked at my hair. There was something hesitant about her, she looked a little like Toriko when she was thinking about something that made her a bit nervous.
“Sorawo-chan, let me try something,” Kozakura said.
She got up, and walked around to my side of the table, then she sat down next to me, where Toriko usually sat.
“No, not like that. Stand up, swap places with me,” she said.
Kozakura seemed to be putting a lot of thought into this, and I thought it might be helping her, somehow. I swapped places with her on the sofa. It felt a little strange to sit on the other end of the sofa, but not as strange as the fact that Kozakura was on our side, and not her side.
“There we go,” she said.
“What are we doing?” I asked, and I think I must have looked confused, because she shook her head slightly.
Am I really that readable?
“Don’t look this way, look over there somewhere,” Kozakura instructed. I followed her instruction, and I could see her nod out of the corner of my eye. “Now,” she said, “close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Just do it,” she said, with only a little bit of that normal irritation seeping into her voice.
I closed my eyes, and could hear Kozakura scoff a little.
“Keep them closed.”
There was some light rustling to my left, and I could feel Kozakura move around a little on the sofa. I recoiled slightly as I felt the touch of her cold little hand on my cheek. She didn’t try follow or hold onto me, so I moved my face back, and let her touch it. I kept my eyes closed.
“What-” I said, but Kozakura actually shushed me. It almost made me a little angry, but she had enough to worry about, so I kept quiet, and kept my eyes closed.
Kozakura kept her hand on my right cheek, and turned my face slightly towards her. She was still for a moment, but then she moved. And then I felt something soft touch my lips. Somehow, even though it had only happened three times before, I was incredibly familiar with the sensation. Kozakura was kissing me.
It didn’t feel urgent, like when Toriko had done it. It felt slow, and soft, and final. Kozakura’s hand moved up, and she twirled a strand of my hair around her finger. She smelled like sweetness and sandalwood, and I could feel something moist falling onto my cheeks.
Ah, she’s not kissing me.
After what felt like quite a while too long of being trapped like a deer in the headlights, I raised my hand, and pushed slightly against her chest. She seemed to understand, and she broke away, letting go of my hair, too.
“Keep your eyes closed a little longer, please,” Kozakura said. Her voice sounded very little.
I kept them shut, and I waited. I heard her sniffle once, and heard her get up, and walk over to her seat on the other side of the table. She cleared her throat.
“You can open them, now.”
I opened them, and saw her in her usual spot, staring down at her own lap.
“I’m sorry,” she said almost immediately. “Please, forget that ever happened.”
“Okay.”
Kozakura laughed, a little bitterly.
“And don’t ever tell Toriko, I don’t want her to hate me, too.”
“Okay,” I said. “Wait, hate you too?”
Turning her face towards me, I could see the pained little smirk she was hiding behind. “Sorawo-chan, I know you’re weird about other people, and I just kissed you despite that. You must have hated that, right?”
When she mentioned that, I felt a bit weird about not feeling worse about it. I thought I was only kind of okay with Toriko doing it because she’s Toriko.
Maybe she’s desensitised me?
Then, I remembered how it felt when she kissed me during the funeral.
No, that’s not right, is it.
“I don’t,” I said, quite matter-of-fact. “Hate it, I mean.”
“Huh?”
“I get it. I think I’ve kinda got it since Akari compared me to Satsuki, that time. You see some of her in me. You were kissing Satsuki, not me. It didn’t bother me that much, because I’m not her. She’s dead. We had a funeral for her. I thought you said that was the end of it?”
Kozakura turned away, slightly. “You’re wrong. I don’t see any of her in you anymore. I thought I could, just a little.”
She laughed, and kicked her legs against the chair.
“I don’t know how I ever did, really. Wishful thinking. You’ve done more for all of us than Satsuki ever did. All in the hair, I guess. And the weird obsession with going to that horrible place.”
Kozakura turned back to me, and she looked to be a few steps closer to her normal self.
“That aside, you kiss pretty decently for an antisocial weirdo.”
“I have kissed before,” I said, for some reason. And I said it so defensively, too.
Toriko, what on earth have you done to me?
Kozakura’s jaw dropped, and she rocked back in her chair, rolling with laughter. “What!? No. Toriko did it? No, surely you’re too oblivious for that.”
“I’m not blind,” I said, irritably.
“This is so funny. Since when?”
“Christmas, she kissed me then. And around when we found Kasumi. And during the funeral, after you passed out.”
“I can’t believe I missed that! So, are you going out now? Don’t forget your poor old Kozakura when you’re out lovey-dovey-ing it up in the other world.”
I sighed, and shook my head.
“I don’t know if I can feel for her the way she feels about me. I love her, but probably not in the way she loves me.”
Kozakura produced a slow, knowing sound. “Is that right? Well, you’ll figure it out.”
“Huh?”
“You’re both too crazy about each other to leave each other alone. You even dragged me through actual hell to save her, that time. Give it time.”
“That’s all?”
“That’s all.”
It can’t be that easy, I thought to myself. But, saying that, hasn’t it always been that easy with her?
Kozakura was look at me in a new and slightly terrifying way. It was familiar, in a way that made me feel uneasy. There was kindness in her eyes, but her mouth was set in that normal way that was sort of on its way towards a frown. Though, I couldn’t really just look at her lips, since she’d just kissed me with them.
I stood up, and dusted myself off, feeling like I had to do something with my hands.
“I have to go, have some work to do.”
“The life of a student, how nostalgic. I forget you do normal person stuff, too.”
I went into the hallway, and she followed, waiting patiently as I put my shoes on.
“Wait, Sorawo-chan.”
“Yes?”
“If you tell anyone I said what I’m about to say, I will kill you.”
I hesitated a little. “Okay?”
“Can I hug you? As Sorawo, not as her.”
With a sigh, I turned and opened my arms wide. She walked close, and wrapped me up in her arms. I didn’t know how to hug someone that short without being condescending, so I just returned the hug in a way I hoped was fine. She didn’t complain.
After, I opened the door, and took a step out. I looked to Kozakura again.
“I’m not going to disappear, you know? I’m not like her. I’m not going anywhere.”
Kozakura scoffed. “You say that while you’re leaving.”
“You know what I mean,” I said. “See you later, Kozakura-san.”
She smiled, just a little. Not quite as naturally as she did in the photo. “Later, Sorawo-chan.”