Chapter 1
The Avengers all knew that Clint Barton and Phil Coulson had been engaged for a very long time. None of them thought particularly hard about why they still hadn’t tied the knot. Phil and Clint had met when they were both in the U.S army. Clint was one of the best sharpshooters they had, and Phil worked in the strategical side of things. Phil had left the army to join S.H.I.E.L.D sometime between Clint’s first and second tours of Afghanistan. And on the night before Clint had left for his second tour, Phil had popped the question. Clint had hastily agreed, and the next day, was shipped off to war. That was the last time the pair saw each other for six months.
***
After only two months in, Clint had been reported missing in action, likely caught behind enemy lines. Phil had been a mess, sure that he would never see the love of his life again, but another four months later, he had gotten the news that Clint had been found alive and had been rescued from an enemy camp. Blinded by his relief, Phil hadn’t really stopped to think about what that might mean, but quickly realised that things wouldn’t quite pick up where they had left off. When Phil went to see Clint in the army’s medical base, he had been devastated to see the state that Clint had been returned to him in. His pale and bony body was covered in wounds and bruises, but the thing that worried Phil the most was Clint’s eyes. Once filled with a mischievous spark, his eyes were devoid of emotion as he stared blankly at the wall in front of him. Clint didn’t notice that his fiancée was in the room until he was standing directly in front of him, which alerted Phil to the fact that Clint’s hearing aides were gone (destroyed by his captors, he’d later learned). Clint had simply stared at Phil for a long time before signing, “Are you real?”
Phil had broken down crying, triggering a similar reaction in his partner. They held onto each other for comfort and refused to let go.
***
The next few years had been difficult. Clint’s PTSD was hard to manage, but together they made it work. About a year after Clint’s honourable discharge and a whole heap of extensive therapy, Phil had managed to help his partner get a job at S.H.I.E.L.D, where his talents with a bow and arrow wouldn’t be wasted. Nick Fury had worried that the job would be too similar to that of the army, but as a long-time friend of Phil’s he believed him when the man said that Clint would be ok in S.H.I.E.L.D’s field missions as they were very different to a war zone. Of course, there were still good and bad days, but for the most part, Clint thrived in his new role as an assassin. He never once missed a shot, except of course when he meant to. Sparing Natasha Romanov’s life was the best decision Clint had ever made, despite the fact that Fury had been, well, furious. But even though everyone worried about the danger she posed; Natasha proved to be an excellent asset to the team. Clint spent a few more years as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent before Fury started talking about the Avengers initiative. Things moved into action pretty quickly then, with Phil and Nat working to recruit Tony Stark and Bruce Banner. Meanwhile Fury had been working on getting Captain America back in the game (Phil fangirling the whole time of course). And then Loki had appeared, causing all hell to break loose. Everything had eventually ended well for the team, but Clint had spent some time being mind controlled by Loki, and had then woken to discover that Phil had very nearly been killed. The loss of control in his life and his mind being a massive trigger, Clint had almost completely shut down. This is where the Avengers currently found themselves, unsure of what to do to help Clint who seemed unable to help himself. Phil usually looked after Clint during his bad episodes, but Phil was currently in intensive care in a S.H.I.E.L.D hospital. And his fellow Avengers had never seen the archer in this state before. As soon as Thor had left to Asgard, Loki in tow, Clint had shut down, mind caught in a continuous loop of flashbacks and fear without Phil to help pull him back. Fury, who had a better idea of what was going on then the rest of the team, simply asked them to look after Clint as best as they could in the Avengers tower until Phil was better. Of course, they had all agreed, wanting to help their team member, but it wasn’t easy. Most days Clint wouldn’t leave his room, he refused to eat anything that he was given, and he had intense panic attacks if anyone even came too close into his space, let alone touched him.
“Hey guys.” Tony Stark stepped off the elevator and into the Avengers tower common area, where all (bar Clint) were currently gathered. “Jarvis just let me know Phil’s awake and talking.”
“Thank God.” Nat said, rubbing her hands over her face. “We need to try and get Clint to go and see him as soon as possible.”
“Agreed. It’s probably best if you tell him the news Nat, he knows you far better than he does us.” Steve said.
“Yeah, I’ll go and see him now. Hopefully he’s feeling better today than he was yesterday.”
The day before had gotten off to a bad start, with Clint waking from nightmares, screaming; Natasha struggling to calm him down when she knew touching him would just make it worse. This morning appeared to be far better by comparison. When Nat entered Clint’s room after a light knock, she found him sitting up in bed, sorting through multiple cases of arrows. “Hey Clint.”
“Nat.” he acknowledged, barely looking away from what he was doing.
“Watcha doing?” she asked, trying to gain some of his attention before springing the news on him.
“Gotta sort through the arrows, gotta make sure they’re all in the right groups.” Clint said absentmindedly.
Natasha, who knew that Clint sorted through his arrows at least four times a day, knew that there was nothing wrong with how they were categorised. But she didn’t say anything. Clint felt out of control, and this was helping him regain some control.
“I noticed you didn’t eat dinner last night; can I get you anything now?” Nat asked gently.
“Not hungry.” Clint replied, still not looking away from his sorting.
“Alright. Well maybe you’d like to come and visit Phil at the hospital. Tony said he’s finally woken up this morning.”
Clint’s eyes snapped up to hers immediately. “Why didn’t you say so?”
***
Half an hour later, Natasha and Clint were in the S.H.I.E.L.D hospital, Clint rushing to see Phil in a private room, propped up on some pillows. He looked a little pale and tired, but immediately lit up the second he saw Clint. Natasha gave a little wave and sat down on one of the visitor chairs, pulling out her phone to give the couple a bit of privacy. Clint ran over and gently pulled Phil into a hug, tears running down his face. “I was so worried about you.” Clint whispered.
“So was I. Last I knew you had been taken by Loki. I was so scared for you. Are you ok?”
Clint only hesitated for a moment before nodding. Phil raised an eyebrow.
“You know me too well.” Clint said, sitting down on the edge of Phil’s hospital bed before removing his hearing aides and placing them on the bedside table.
“Have you taken them off at all while I’ve been gone?” Phil signed. Clint shook his head.
“Have you been eating properly?”
“I can’t” Clint signed back, a small sob breaking out.
“It’s ok Clint, it’s ok.” Phil signed before gently pulling Clint down next to him. Clint curled up on his side, head buried in Phil’s shoulder, quietly crying.
***
After Clint’s soft breathing had evened out and Phil knew he was asleep, he softly asked Natasha, “How has he been?”
“Not good. He’s barely eaten a thing for days, and he often won’t leave his room. But when he does, he’s up all night on the shooting range, doesn’t get a wink of sleep. And if he does manage to get some sleep, he’ll usually wake up screaming.”
“It’s been a while since he was this bad. I’m gonna have to get him to go back to therapy.” Phil said with a sigh.
“Why’s he only take his hearing aides off with you? I know he knows other people that know sign, but I’ve never seen him take them off any other time.” Natasha asked curiously.
”You know how he was a prisoner of war while he served in the army? Well, they did some pretty awful things to him obviously. But Clint always said that the worst part was having his aides taken away. It made him completely vulnerable. He couldn’t protect himself, but at least with his ears he would have been able to know what to expect. But he didn’t have that. He used to turn them off all the time, said they gave him a headache after too long. But ever since then he’s only ever taken them out with me. Guess it shows that he really trusts me, but I wish he could be comfortable all the time.”
“One day he will be.” Natasha said softly, “One day he will be.”