More than once, we all may have thought, "I don't feel like getting out of bed today" or "I can't wait to get home and go to bed" or maybe we just blurt out a phrase like "I felt like sleeping in today." And if we don't hear it or say it, we may not even suspect that it may be rooted in something less than physical.
It happened frequently to Norman. It was rare for him to stay in bed longer than he was used to. Even with Otto's pleas for him to get the eight hours of sleep every person needs, Norman could never stay in bed that long, whether it was because he needed to attend to his company's problems, because he was staying up late with employees, or because his mind wouldn't stop even when he went to bed. Not even when his wife got sick was he able to take a break. He used as a possible pretext to pay the bills for her treatment. When she died and Norman did not know how to be a support for Harry, he took refuge in work and left his son in the care of his butler, believing that he could offer him better containment.
No matter how great the exhaustion, Norman would not take a break. Even when his body and mind demanded it, he would not allow them to collapse. His mind was still working a mile a minute and his body barely had a couple of hours to enjoy the comfort of his bed when he arrived at the mansion.
However, that had been years ago, when he had the strength to get up and face the day to day.
Now he was living twenty years in the future. Well, twenty-one. It had been a year since he had returned to his universe and managed to locate himself in time and space thanks to the help of Peter; that is, his Peter, the one from his own universe. In that year, he and Otto had had to receive a lot of help to survive. Since they were remembered as villains and the citizens doubted their ability to integrate. Living in hiding didn't help their heads. Otto had coped better during that year. Peter carried sample projects and they both evaluated it and Otto helped him improve it. Norman preferred to stay out of the way, not wanting to bother or worry them about his distant state.
Perhaps it would have been easier to get along if he hadn't learned that if he wanted to visit his son, he would have to go to the cemetery. At first, he had not realized how harsh those words were. At first, he was shocked, but he didn't cry or do anything. It was only within days of being taken to the cemetery and seeing Harry's headstone next to Emily's and his own that his mind was shattered.
Although he spent months staying active and avoiding depression, Norman was still human.
The days when he saw his bed as a safe place were few and far between. Even if he went through periods of excessive sleepiness, it was never enough to make him stop feeling tired. Sometimes doing basic activities became a real challenge. Otto got up early, every day. Knowing Norman's sleep problems, Otto avoided waking him up at the same time he did. If he did, he ran the risk of his partner not being able to fall asleep later.
Sometimes, if he woke up before he did, Norman thought about the idea of telling him that he wanted them to stay in bed and share more time in bed. But the smaller man felt it would be selfish of him to keep the scientist at his side, especially if he was making progress in his work with Peter. Knowing Otto, he lost track of time when it came to his work. Norman knew it could be hours, so he measured time to know when to get up and avoid worrying him.
However, he didn't always find the strength to do so. Like one Tuesday at noon. That morning, when he woke up, Otto was no longer by his side. And as usual, Norman found some comfort in staying in bed. The blankets covered him a little above the waist, though not much more. He was lying on his left side, his back to the door. His right arm was held over the blankets, squeezing them, as if he was afraid that "something" would pull them off. His left hand was under his pillow, at the same height as his head. He just stared at the wall, blinking almost in slow motion. He didn't feel tired enough to go back to sleep, but he was tired enough to get up; every time he thought about doing so, he felt like an invisible force was preventing him from moving. His knees already ached from having been in the same position for so long, but even so he couldn't find the will to move.
What was the point of trying?
He heard heavy footsteps approaching down the corridor, had Otto finished earlier? Strange. He usually never left things half done.
Norman heard his partner pause at the door and then, he heard the door hinge. He didn't turn to look at it or say anything. Instead, he moved his head as slowly as he could to cover his face a little with the pillow.
"Darling?", called Otto slowly to him. Norman heard a couple of footsteps and knew he was near the bed. "Are you all right?"
Norman just shrugged his shoulders.
"I made the tea just the way you like it," the scientist continued.
The smaller man found himself sketching a small smile. One of his pet peeves was how he prepared tea. Regardless of whether it was the normal one or one flavored with some herb, he could never miss the spoonful of honey and a little sugar. He could tolerate strong coffee, but there was no way he would drink bitter tea. Otto would chide him a lot about the amount of sugar he put in his tea, though that only served to incite Norman to use more.
"Would you like something to eat? You haven't eaten anything," Otto said. His voice sounded incredibly soft.
Norman wanted to find the will to turn around and answer yes or no, looking at him. But he felt it would be harder and harder.
"I'm fine," he mumbled hoarsely. Talking less and less was taking its toll on him.
He heard Otto sigh. It pained him to realize that it must not be easy for him to deal with a depressed person who can barely get out of bed. He would have understood if Otto left, whether it was from the room or from his side. After all, he wanted to live again, too.
He felt the bed sink behind him and one of the actuators gently pushed his exposed shoulder.
"Won't you even check to see if I put the right amount of honey in it?" asked Otto. Though teasing, Norman could hear a note of sadness.
The former businessman felt terrible for letting his condition affect his partner. The times he got up even if he didn't want to were precisely to keep Otto from feeling bad about seeing him in that state. Norman still wanted to avoid that. So, as much as his body and mind wanted to keep resisting movement, he found the strength to sit up on the mattress, turning toward Otto. But he didn't dare look him in the eye.
On his side, Otto sketched a little smile and moved a little closer to push his hair away from his forehead and plant a kiss on it. Larry passed the teacup to Norman and Flo to Otto.
"Thank you," Norman murmured, still not meeting his partner's eyes. Truth be told, he wasn't even sure which one of them he had thanked.
He took a small sip of the drink, which had already lost some temperature, and let out a chuckle after a few seconds.
"You got the quantity right this time."
"I'm a quick learner," Otto continued, laughing.
They stood in silence. Norman didn't know how to start a conversation. Nor was he sure what to talk to Otto about.
He felt one of Otto's hands run over his shoulder. The touch felt warm.
"Norman, you know you can't close yourself off to what you feel, right?"
Those words caught the former businessman off guard.
"What do you say?" he asked softly.
"I know what it's like to go through depression and feeling like nothing is worth it," Otto continued, gently shaking his shoulder. "You don't need to tell me the things that overwhelm you, but... don't shut me out, please. I want to help you cope with whatever it is."
Norman turned to face forward. He barely moved a little away from Otto. He kept his eyes riveted on the blankets. He took a sip of his tea, already quite cold, and continued speaking in a vacant voice.
"I don't want to drag you into the same pit I'm in now."
Otto let out another sigh.
"Norm, in a couple, there are difficult situations that can generate some distance. But it's up to each person to seek to work it out as a team or let things escalate and end up with something more than an estrangement."
Norman knows he's right. He knows his condition and lack of communication could make things worse. He imagined Otto ending things with him for not knowing how to help him and not wanting to end up the same way. That completely tore him apart. Whatever he did, the people around him always ended up hurting, whether to a greater or lesser extent.
He felt the annoying burning in his eyes. He lowered his head and, as he blinked, a few tears fell into the rest of the tea he had left. One of the actuators carefully took the cup from him and a second later, he found himself in Otto's arms. One of his hands stroked his hair. Norman found himself trembling under the touch. Unable to contain himself any longer, he burst into tears against the taller man's chest.
Otto had to adjust himself because of the pain in his legs. In that brief instant of movement, Norman clung tighter to him, as if afraid he was going to let go. It broke his heart. Norman didn't usually show himself so vulnerable. And he used to complain about those who cried in front of other people. But he was human. Otto could only see him this scared in the other universe. Even if he was as mocking and arrogant as when they were young, there were times when a distinct fear crossed his gaze. Now healed, Otto was able to pay more attention to it. He felt horrible when he remembered that, in a state of anger and stress, he called him a "monster." Guilt gnawed at him every time he remembered that.
God, how pathetic I must look, Norman thought, miserably. He hated crying in front of other people. He hated crying. What was Otto going to think of him?
This time, when he felt confident and secure enough to walk away, he looked up for a moment, meeting his scientist's big eyes. All he saw was... empathy and that great affection he knew Otto felt for him. Norman too... loved him so much. He couldn't imagine losing him.
Otto let out a chuckle and pulled him to himself again to kiss his forehead.
"Do you want me to stay with you?", he asked.
Norman nodded without much thought.
"Okay."
Otto turned away from him for a moment so he could take off his leather coat. Whatever the reason, he couldn't stay up without it.
Looks like I'm not the only one with hobbies, Norman thought. His own thought managed to make him smile a little.
They both lay down and the actuators snuggled close to both men. They loved being part of the 'cuddle sessions'; Otto mentioned that the title was Harry and Moe's idea.
Norman, this time, didn't hesitate to snuggle into Otto's arms and lean against his chest. All he wanted was to feel those barriers protecting him from the outside world. He knew that sooner or later he would have to face it, but in the meantime, nothing would stop him from stretching that coming a little.
He felt Otto kiss his forehead and found himself sketching a smile.
He had forgotten what it was like to feel cared for.