The Last Goodbye
The first thing Tony felt when he woke up was a painful migraine, a weight at the corner of his mind that somehow seemed heavier than his entire body.
Everything hurt, and yet, even in the glum room, the ticking had a relaxed feeling, as if it were a heart-beat at rest. He was in the medical bay. One of them anyway.
There were voices too. Quiet and murmured, but close all the same. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but he made sense of Dr. Cho and Bruce talking in the hushed whispers.
"No..." Dr. Cho was saying. "It's my responsibility to tell him."
Tony frowned, trying to turn to face them properly. Even that simple action hurt.
"Tell me what?" He managed to speak up in a croaky and strained voice.
The two were startled and turned to him with the same expressions of surprise and sudden guilt. Bruce looked pained, and Dr. Cho had a similar secretive yet sad look about her.
No one said a word.
Tony tried to sit up and ask again but grimaced as a sharp pain shot through his body. He held his abdomen and looked down to find a red-stained bandage wrapped around his middle.
"Well, shit." He mused, falling back on the bed.
"Yeah, I wouldn't do that." Bruce advised, doing his best to smile. "You got hurt pretty bad out there."
"I'm fine. Just a sting. I don't feel any..."
He trailed off as his mind was suddenly overcome by flashes of the fight with the masked man. The blows, the stabbing, and the words exchanged all came surging back as clear as day.
You were hurt too, far worse than he was. The last memory he had was of you in tortured pain, bleeding out.
"(Y/n)!" He exclaimed, looking over to Dr. Cho. "How is she?"
But he didn't get an answer, simply the same look of sorrow as earlier.
"Come on, don't hold out on me now, Doc." He said, attempting to lighten the mood.
It was as if the air was trying to suffocate the room. It was just so thin and heavy at the same time.
"She's in another recovery room." Dr. Cho explained. "Agent Barton is watching over her."
Relieved, Tony finally relaxed. A recovery room was always a good sign.
"Tony..." Dr. Cho hesitated, clearly conflicted on her own thoughts. "She's in critical condition. I'm sorry."
The relief crashed.
"But..." He struggled to figure out what to say or ask first. "But you said 'recovery room', what else is it for?"
"She's there because we did all we could and the rest is simply up to her. I removed a bullet from a shoulder wound inflicted a few hours before the other incident, but when I tried to reach the one in her abdomen we discovered it had broken and split. There was... There was an unidentified substance leaking from the fragments. We think it's poison."
"Then cure her!"
"Tony, we can't administer a cure without knowing what the problem is. A sample would've helped but whatever it was had already entered her bloodstream. It's damaged her organs."
"What..." His voice was now starting to crack from how quiet he had become. "What are you saying?"
"I'm so sorry. We don't know if she'll make it."
No. That wasn't good enough.
Without even thinking about his actions, Tony struggled to his feet and stumbled his way past them and to the door.
"Tony!" Bruce called.
It was futile. He wasn't listening to them. He didn't stop until he was right in front of the elevator and pressing the button desperately.
Of course it would be when he needed it the most that others were using it. It was moving too slowly. With every second wasted, you could be slipping away.
He wasn't there. He should have been, but he wasn't. Again.
His injury was starting to play up now, causing him to mutter and curse under his breath as he got more and more impatient with each floor the elevator stopped on.
He couldn't help but remember that moment. You were so close. He could see your smile through the pouring rain and the harsh winds, he could have reached out and wrapped you in a hug right then and there. But he was too late.
He remembered the bang of the shot and you collapsing on the hard ground. He remembered fighting the man and then feeling the knife plunge into his own skin. Now of course he was stuck with Dr. Cho's words.
'We don't know if she'll make it.'
With just one sentence his world was crashing down all over again.
"Tony!"
He turned around to find her and Bruce finally catching up, both breathless. He didn't realize how fast he'd been walking.
"I need you to listen to me!" Dr. Cho insisted, coming to a stop in front of him.
"No, you're lying!" He snapped. "She's not gonna die! Not after all this! Not after all the hell she went through!"
"Enough!" Bruce ordered, uncharacteristically grabbing Tony by the shoulder and forcing him to turn his way instead. "She's not lying, Tony. I looked at (Y/n) myself and it's true. I'm truly sorry, but under the circumstances... It's dire at best."
Tony wanted to fight and argue, to insist it was all some ridiculous scheme cooked up for twisted humor, but Bruce wouldn't do that to him. To anyone for that matter. If he could trust anyone to be truthful, it would be him.
You were dying.
He let out a choked sob, hands over his middle as he fell to his knees. Bruce cautiously wrapped his arms around Tony's shoulders, the billionaire shaking as he took it all in.
"I'm sorry." Bruce whispered.
Tony closed his eyes tightly as the tears fell, holding onto his friend's arms as he cursed and cried.
"What am I supposed to do?" He trembled.
"There isn't anything to do." Bruce confessed. "What happens next is entirely up to (Y/n)."
"But she's my kid! I can't lose her again... I'm supposed to protect her from the world and all I've done is let it destroy her."
"No, Tony. You've done the best you can, and you never stopped looking for her. That's the only thing any parent can do."
Despite his friend's assurances, all Tony could hear were Dr. Cho's words telling him you were going to die, and the masked man taunting him about the very same thing.
-
Back in the present, Tony was standing in the doorway with labored breathing. He had both hands over his bandaged wound as the stabs of pain kept spiking up.
"Dad..."
You looked so vulnerable from his point of view. The machines connected to your stomach looked far too complicated and horrible, and the slow beat of your heart on the monitors was more haunting than reassuring.
"We'll give you some time." Dr. Cho spoke up, smiling sadly.
Tony entered the room slowly and unsurely, and with each step feeling like the weight of the world. The door soon closed behind him, leaving only the two of you in the room.
"Miss me?" You asked in a meek voice.
Tony couldn't speak at first. He just managed a shaky nod as his eyes sparkled with tears again. He practically fell into the chair at your bedside.
"Can I..." He hesitated, worried that you wouldn't be happy to see him or that you were too hurt. "You know..."
You knew what he was trying to ask and nodded. "I'd like a hug, yeah."
Relieved, he quickly wrapped his arms around you. You did the same, unable to believe that you finally got the chance. When you were sixteen, this didn't seem possible, all you did was fight and bicker. You couldn't believe it took years of separation to finally appreciate each other.
You stayed as you were for what felt like forever. You were afraid to let go now. You knew you didn't have long, and you were okay with that in the long run, but this moment felt too perfect - too fulfilling - to let go. You just had so much to say.
"I'm sorry." You whispered, closing your eyes tightly.
Tony held you close, shaking his head lightly. "You have nothing to be sorry for, (Y/n)."
"But I do." You reluctantly pulled back so you could look him in the eyes. "I left with no warning, scared everyone, scared myself."
"It's okay-"
"But it's not, though. Everyone says it is, but I was a stupid kid who got scared and chose the easy way out. Even after-" You paused, wincing at the memories. "After you dealt with Obadiah and everything, I should've come home. But I didn't. I got paranoid and I didn't want the people I cared about getting hurt."
He didn't reply for a moment, considering your words. Then, with a light sigh, he nodded.
"I can't lie and say I wasn't mad, because I was." He confessed. "But when I found out why, I realized it was my fault."
You went to argue but he held up a hand to stop you.
"It's the truth." He continued. "I was so harsh on you, I never... I wasn't a dad. I realized how much I missed out on and I wanted to fix it so I didn't end up like my old man. And you're here now and it's good. You got scared and that's okay, you still managed to look after yourself. I do think SHIELD was a poor career choice but you do you."
You choked out a laugh. "That's the part you're concerned about?"
"Have you even seen the conditions in those places? Disgusting. And cheap."
"Maybe. But it wasn't all bad. I had people, and Fury always looked out for me."
That was another thing Tony didn't like. He was annoyed and even jealous that Fury was the one who was there when he couldn't be. Fury was the one who got to talk to you every day and see all your work, not him.
"Well, you're fine now." He said, trying to focus on the happier aspects of the situation. "You're home, and you're - you will be - okay."
Your smile fell.
He knew.
It was the way he said the words with such... Diffidence. Self-distrust. The way he had suddenly looked away and forced any tears away.
He knew you weren't going to make it.
You tried to smile again but it was weak and small, the epitome of hopelessness. "I'm not."
Tony looked back at you, a little surprised. "Hey, of course you are."
"No." You shook your head. "I know I'm not fine. I know I'm dying. I'm checking out, biting the dust, the whole shebang."
How was he supposed to react?
How was he supposed to try and pretend you weren't stating facts?
How was he supposed to live with himself knowing by that time tomorrow you'd be nothing but a memory?
So he didn't say anything. He simply looked down and held your hand in silence.
"I'm sorry." He whispered tearfully.
"Everyone is apparently." You mused, still hoping to keep the topic light.
"(Y/n), I-" Once again, the words fell short. "This wasn't supposed to happen. It was - It wasn't supposed to go this way. You weren't supposed to get hurt."
"Look, I don't regret what I've been through. I've had ups and downs, super highs and some really low lows, but they all led me here, back to you. That's all I care about. You don't have to be sorry for that because I'm definitely not. I forgave you a long time ago."
But the words only hurt more. It made facing the upcoming hours even harder than they were meant to be.
"You shouldn't." He said, still unable to meet your eyes again. "I don't deserve it. I'm arrogant and selfish and I never listened. I spent time with so many different people yet somehow forgot about the most important of all. I missed... All of it. Even when I realized my mistakes I couldn't fix them. I couldn't save you."
"Maybe that matters, and maybe it doesn't. It's true you were arrogant and selfish, got around and cared for no one but yourself, but you've changed."
You remembered being a teenager, pissed off and confused about why your own dad spent all his time with literally anybody but you. He seemed to have more of a connection with his hookups than his own daughter. If it wasn't plain ignorance and loathing, it was parties or business or personal projects. Something always seemed to come up when you tried to act like a real family.
"Yeah, you're different." You decided, looking down at your hand in his. It made you smile. "Since starting the hero craze, you changed for the better."
You remembered finding out your dad was Iron Man. The shock and disbelief and pure awe had lingered for days afterwards. You remembered being oddly prideful at one point, though you didn't really want to admit it to yourself back then.
"I was proud, you know." You admitted. "I mean, how many people can brag about their dad being a goddamn superhero? I was still angry of course, but... Yeah. I was happy too. You were out there protecting the entire planet. You fought the bad guys and protected the good. You helped people who couldn't help themselves, you saved them, gave them a chance few ever get."
You remembered reading all the articles about the one and only Tony Stark becoming a hero to the people. All the donations and support he offered for the people affected by tragedies. The sheer amount of people who still had their lives because he was the one there to protect them. In particular, you thought about Peter and Harley. Your dad helped them before you met them. Because of him, you got to befriend two of the brightest minds to grace the world.
"And you seemed so happy." You added. "You scored a family, you finally got with Pepper, you founded a better world..."
You remembered wandering the city streets and coming across the entire team once. They were hanging around just as normal friends did, laughing and teasing each other without a care in the world. While you had been so happy for them, you couldn't keep away the envy either. It was like some kind of cruel irony, the universe letting you get so close and yet so far. There were so many times you could have just reached out and called his name.
"I stayed the same." You whispered, closing your eyes for a second. "I was still a coward, the scared little brat that thought running was the only way to fix things. But even with that, I still don't regret a thing. I lived my life my own way and that's all that matters. I don't care how short it was."
Tony listened to every word, simply letting you express everything. He had spent your entire life thinking you despised him just as he hated his own father, only to just now be corrected. While you insisted your life wasn't wasted, he couldn't help thinking that his was.
"My mission was dangerous." You said. "I knew I had to infiltrate a compromised agency and retrieve a dangerous artifact, but I did it anyway. I knew it would end badly if I messed up, but I accepted it. I didn't know if it was the right thing to do, but it got me here."
He finally looked up, his expression almost heartbroken. "What do you mean? The right thing?"
"Yeah." You shrugged, but regretted it when a sudden wave of pain washed over you. You tried not to react. "For years I put it off because I didn't know if you wanted me back. I didn't know if I was worthy of being your kid. I didn't know if you even wanted me at all, that you probably regretted me being born in the first place."
You remembered pulling your hand away every time you saw him because you simply didn't want to ruin his newfound happiness. You had convinced yourself you were both better off apart. After all, you had the Parkers as family. You had Coulson and his team as friends. You had your own happiness.
"I don't regret anything." Tony said, bringing you back to the present. "I've made so many mistakes it would take all the resources in the world to list them, but you aren't one of them. You never were. (Y/n), you're my... You're my greatest creation. You've saved me."
You had to wait a moment as the words processed. Involuntary tears began to well in your eyes as it set in that he truly loved you after all.
"I kept it, you know." He added.
"Kept what?" You asked quietly.
"The necklace."
You watched as he used the hand that wasn't holding yours to move the collar of his shirt to the side. You saw the chain around his neck and felt a strange warmth deep in your heart.
"I won't take it off. I... I can't." He confessed. "I thought you might come back for it. It kept you close. And it confused Loki the Great Horned One."
You tilted your head curiously. "It what?"
"Yeah, he had a few performance issues. Or maybe it was just an off day. Either way, I'm glad I had it."
Your tears began to fall. You felt too emotionally and physically weak to stop them. In fact, you felt tired. Some sleep would be nice.
Seeing you cry made Tony hate the circumstances even more as he carefully cupped your cheek.
"You've always been with me."
He smiled and kissed the top of your head softly.
"I'm sorry for not being there. I didn't get to see the important bits, to watch you become... You. You were as beautiful as your mother but I thought you'd just end up like me. I didn't want that for any kid."
Your tears were coming faster. Partly because you were so sad and happy at the same time, but also because you were starting to feel weaker.
Something was wrong. You didn't have long left.
You could feel your limbs aching, the urge to relax, your eyelids fighting the choice to remain open. Your body was done.
Using all the strength you had left, you gripped his shirt. You were scared.
"I need you, Dad." You said. "I need you safe and well and happy. I need you to be okay because that's the only thing that's gonna keep me from going crazy right now."
"Don't worry about me, sweetheart." He said. "Just stay with me, alright? Keep looking at me. You're safe, and you're gonna be fine. I've got you now, and I'm not letting go. I'm always going to protect you. You're my life."
"Promise me. Promise that when I'm gone you won't be sad... That you won't push Pepper away or leave the Avengers... That you'll live. I need you to do that for me. Don't waste your life because mine ended. It's too precious."
The words hit him like a brick, and suddenly he was back in Afghanistan with Yinsen telling him the same thing. He was overwhelmed with the sudden emotion and embraced you tightly, hoping that as long as he could hold you, you couldn't slip away.
"I will." He promised. "I will, babygirl."
Although you didn't want to, you had to let go.
"Dad?" You whispered.
"Y-Yeah?"
"I... Love you... 3000."
The words froze him in place.
When you were a kid, you didn't understand why he wasn't there all the time and you had to come up with numbers to try and emphasize how much you missed him.
All Tony could do was watch helplessly as your grip loosened and your eyes slowly shut. He wanted to beg you to come back but his throat had turned to sandpaper.
And then the flatline filled the room.
"N-No..." He shook his head, pulling you close again. "No!"
He cried and sobbed and rocked back and forth with your body cradled against his.
It was over. All of it.
You were gone.