behind closed doors
With the start of fall comes the beginning of a new school year.
Since Yelena was old enough, Melina would be sending her off to the elementary school with Natasha to get her out of her hair. Yelena had seemed very excited at the prospect at first but as the first day of school draws closer, Yelena seems to lose her enthusiasm, becoming even clingier.
“You’re gonna be going to big girl school, just like Natasha,” Layla tells her, trying to pep her up for her first day. The last thing she needs is for Yelena to have a meltdown and get into trouble. “Don’t you want to be a big girl?”
“No!” Yelena pulls herself closer to Layla as the teenager holds her in her lap on her bed. “Wanna stay with you, Mama.”
“You can’t stay with me, silly,” Layla tells her. “I’m going to be with the very big kids.”
“No…” A whine escapes Yelena’s lips. “Mama--”
“I will drop you off at your new class and come to pick you up when you’re done. You’ll barely notice I’m gone, you’re going to have so much fun!” Layla had never been to kindergarten before and she had no idea what they did but she was parroting what Melina had told the young girl to try and get her excited.
“Promise?” Yelena’s lower lip wobbles as she peers up at Layla with wide eyes.
“I promise, little one,” Layla said, pulling Yelena close and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “You don’t have to be afraid, I won’t let anything happen to you.”
The night before their first day of school, Layla was reading Yelena her usual story. Yelena had wanted more stories, restless about the first day tomorrow. “More, Mama.”
“She can’t call you that at school,” Natalia comments and Layla peers over at where the girl was rearranging the contents of her backpack. Layla can’t believe that such a simple thing had slipped her mind.
“That’s right,” Layla tells Yelena. “It’s a secret, remember? Only me, you, and Natasha can know about it.”
Yelena frowns up at her. “You’re my Mama.”
“I’m not gonna stop being your Mama. We’re just… pretending,” Layla reaches out to brush a strand of hair out of Yelena’s face. “What are you going to call me when we’re at school?”
Yelena stares up at her, clearly searching for what answer Layla was looking for.
“You call her Layla,” Natalia pipes up, standing and approaching the bed.
“Layla.” Yelena echoes, peering up at Layla for approval.
“That’s right,” Layla praised, pulling Yelena close to kiss her cheek. “What are you going to call me when we’re at school?”
“Layla.” Yelena said confidently, basking in the praise coming from Layla.
In the morning, Melina sets a stack of papers in front of Layla. “This is for her teacher.”
Layla looks down at the stack before looking up at Melina in confusion. “You’re not coming?” She could get Yelena there and back just fine but she figured that Melina would at least show up for the first day.
“I’m busy,” Melina said curtly and Layla doesn’t push her, sliding the papers into her backpack. “I trust that you can get her there and back without messing up.”
“Yes ma’am,” Layla replies, shifting to go help Yelena put her shoes on. Layla knew that helping Yelena get settled for her first day would undoubtedly make her late for her own classes and she can only hope that Melina wouldn’t be too upset with her.
Yelena seemed in better spirits that morning as she skips alongside Layla and Natalia while they walk to school. Layla was lucky she left a little earlier than usual so she can help Natalia hunt down her own classroom and drop her off before searching for Yelena’s.
She feels very out of place alongside all the parents settling their children down. Yelena shifts closer to Layla at the sight of all the other children her age, reaching up to grip the hem of Layla’s shirt. Layla approaches the teacher to pass over the papers Melina had given her.
The woman eyed Layla’s own backpack. “Are you Lena’s older sister?”
“Cousin,” Layla corrects, setting a hand onto Yelena’s head when the younger girl tries to push herself closer against her. “Sorry, my aunt and uncle had to get to work early today.”
“Oh, it’s no issue at all,” The woman flips through the papers. “You’re… Layla?”
Layla blinks in surprise at her name. “Yes.” She said hesitantly.
“You’re on the pick-up list,” The woman turns the papers to show Layla’s name written under Melina and Alexei’s fake ones. “I think everything is in order.” She turns her attention toward Yelena.
Yelena grips fistfuls of Layla’s shirt to try and worm her way closer to her and Layla can see her getting overwhelmed at the chaos of fifteen kindergarteners running around and yelling.
When Layla tries to settle her down enough to leave, Yelena scrunches her face up as tears well up in her eyes. “No, don’t go!”
“I’m going to be in the building just next door.” Layla crouches down to her level. “And I’ll be here when you get out. You’re gonna have fun, I promise.”
“I wanna go with you,” Yelena said stubbornly, her lower lip wobbling.
“I know,” Layla glances at the clock on the wall. She was already ten minutes later and she still had to walk over to the high school. “How about this, if you can be a big girl right now, I’ll read you three stories tonight.”
Yelena sniffles, clearly weighing whether the barter was worth it. “Five.”
“Four,” Layla tells her and Yelena lets out a reluctant nod. “Good.” She moves to stand and has to pry Yelena’s fingers from her shirt. She can feel Yelena’s eyes on her the whole time as she leaves. As soon as Layla is out of view of the classroom, she picks up her pace to hurry to the high school.
She ends up twenty minutes late to her first class and claims she got lost. She gets a headache during her second class and the whole day goes by in a messy blur. She had to duck into the bathroom during lunch when she got another bloody nose and by the time school was over, Layla was drained.
When she finally arrives at Yelena’s classroom to pick her up, Yelena was one of the last kids to there. When Yelena sees her, she darts to Layla with a wide grin and Layla is relieved that she seemed to have had a good day.
“Look at what I made for you Ma--” Yelena abruptly stops before she corrects herself. “Layla.” She holds up a piece of paper.
Layla takes it, looking down at the three figures scribbled out in purple marker. Before she can ask what it was, Yelena points out each figure. “That’s me. And that’s Nattie. And that’s you!”
Layla doesn’t think about how Melina and Alexei were not pictured with them. “It’s lovely, Yelena. Thank you.”
Yelena reaches her arms up and Layla slings Yelena’s backpack over her own so that she can scoop her up. She meets Natalia outside of her classroom and they start the trek home.
That night, as Layla was helping Yelena get into her pajamas, the young girl spoke up. “Mama?”
“Yes?” Layla straightens the collar on Yelena’s pajama top.
“Why can’t I call you my Mama?” Yelena asked, squirming impatiently as Layla dressed her. “The others talk about their Mama’s.”
“It’s a secret, remember?” Layla reminds her and Yelena wrinkles her nose.
“Why?” She inquired.
Layla lets out a sigh, trying to think of a good reason to placate her. “Because you already have a mommy. People usually only have one mom.”
“But I want you as my Mama,” Yelena folds her arms stubbornly.
“I am your Mama but only in secret so that nobody else knows that you have two moms,” Layla tells her before she changes the subject. “You get four stories tonight.”
Yelena immediately drops the subject in favor of collecting a stack of her favorite books.
“I said four, Yelena,” Layla comments when Yelena attempts to carry as many books as she can. Yelena looks up at her and she grins.
Layla can’t help but let out a soft laugh, the tension of the day bleeding from her frame as Yelena attempts to barter for more stories.
As Natalia’s birthday gets closer, Melina and Alexei’s actions confuse Layla.
Layla hadn’t got anything for her birthday last year, but Yelena and Natalia got a present to keep up pretenses. This year, they don’t seem to bother, and Layla can’t quite wrap her head around it. Natalia may know better but Yelena will talk to the kids at school. She doesn’t know if Yelena will have a birthday but as Natalia’s birthday draws closer she becomes more certain.
The night before Natalia’s birthday, Layla helps Yelena write their card, Yelena decorating it with pictures of the three of them. There is some part of Layla that tells her this is dangerous, that they should leave no trace, but Natalia is a kid. Layla wants her to have something normal to remember when they go back to the Red Room.
It’s a school day but Layla wakes Natalia up early, Yelena crawling into her sister’s bed for sleepy cuddles. “Happy birthday!”
Natalia holds the card like it’s the most precious object in the world, tracing the message Layla wrote in the card. She finally looks up, eyes crinkling as she smiles. “Thank you.”
Yelena helps Layla pass Natalia a bag, tugging her big sister’s arm. “Open it!”
Candy tumbles into Natalia’s lap. “I’m sorry we couldn’t wrap it,” Layla says, sitting on Natalia’s bed. The younger girl wraps her arms around her tightly and Layla hugs her back, rocking them slightly.
“How did you get them?” Natalia asks as Yelena crawls between them.
“That’s a secret,” Layla tells her. She doesn’t want to tell her baby sister/cousin that she’s been stealing test answers and selling them for candy. She couldn’t risk Natalia getting caught. “Do you want to eat some before school?”
That night, Natalia climbs into Layla’s bed once Yelena is asleep, curling up in her lap. “Do I have to destroy the card?”
Layla shakes her head. “Only if you want to. It’s yours.”
Natalia hesitates. “Widows can’t leave a trace.”
“Well, you’re not a Widow right now, are you?” Layla pokes her cheek. “You can leave a trace of your existence.”
“Okay.” Natalia reaches over to pull the curtains open a crack, the light flooding the room with a milky sheen. “What moon is it?”
“Waning crescent,” Layla tells her, brushing her hair out of her face. “You know what that tells us?”
“What?”
“That you need to go to sleep.” Layla pokes Natalia’s nose when she grumbles. “Even ten-year-olds need sleep.”
Natalia lies down but stays on Layla, her breath slowly evening out.
Christmas comes and goes quickly, the presents nothing more than empty boxes under the tree. It makes Layla uncomfortable with how bright and happy the house looks. It feels too fake, and she doesn’t miss the longing looks the girls give to the toys in the windows. She doesn’t have any money so she swipes a soft toy from a shop for Yelena, shoving it deep into her pockets.
Natalia is harder to find something for, so Layla ‘accidentally’ loses her pocket knife. The bruises from such a careless mistake don’t fade for weeks but her sister holds the gift lovingly and Layla decides everything was worth it.
Layla wakes up with a pounding headache on Christmas and Alexei gets drunk and hits their door again and again. It’s not the picture-perfect Christmas the neighbors see.
On Yelena’s birthday, it storms hard, and Layla takes the girls out to jump in puddles. They are completely soaked by the end of it, clothes muddy from the water, but Yelena declares it to be the best birthday ever.
Working undercover at SHIELD always stressed Alexei out. He constantly came home angry and any small thing would cause him to let out all the anger he had pent up to keep his cover. Layla had taught the girls about how to tell when the night would be a bad one, namely how Alexei wouldn’t waste more than five minutes in the front door before he started drinking.
When he drank, he drank a lot. Layla pegged him as an angry drunk but he didn’t get handsy like the other guards in the Red Room. Instead, his anger would be channeled into the closest person or object to offend him.
Layla ensured that when he drank like that then Natalia would take Yelena upstairs no matter what they were doing. Melina would usually step in to keep him placated but Layla will ensure that she’s in the path between him and the girls.
That night, however, Melina was closed up in her office with the strict order that she was not to be interrupted. So when Alexei came home angry, there was nobody between him and Layla to keep him calm. Alexei flops into his armchair in the living room as Layla sends the girls upstairs, moving to follow them when Alexei calls out to her.
“Hey--” He snapped his fingers like she was a dog. Layla steps off the first stair she had ascended, turning to look at him. “Come here.”
Layla glances at the stairs before she backs away and makes her way toward the living room.
“Go get me a beer,” Alexei orders her and Layla hurries into the kitchen. As she tugs the refrigerator door open, she realizes with a sinking heart that Melina hadn’t replaced the beers and that the only ones they had were room temperature. She looks over at the counter where the warm beers were and debates about whether it was worth it to return empty handed. “Hey!” Alexei calls out and Layla snatches one of the warm ones off the counter, twisting the cap off before moving back toward the living room.
Layla holds the bottle out to him and he takes it with a large sigh, leaning back as he takes a large swallow. Layla backs away a few feet as his face twists in disgust.
“What is this?” He demands, spitting the beer out as he stands up. “When I ask for a beer, I want a cold one you stupid girl!”
“We didn’t have any cold ones,” Layla replies, flinching slightly when Alexei hurls the bottle just past her head and it smashes against the wall.
“So useless!” Alexei approaches her and Layla knows that she cannot flee without risking him going after the girls. Layla braces herself as Alexei snatches the front of her shirt to pull her closer. “Go get me a new one.” He hissed, letting her go and shoving her away.
Layla’s heart beats fast in her chest as she glances over at the kitchen. “We don’t have any cold ones.” She repeats herself but she takes the opening and slips into the kitchen to take a few moments. She eyes the block of knives on the counter before peeling her eyes away, listening to Alexei grumbling angrily to himself in the living room.
She looks in the fridge again, vainly hoping that she had missed one in her first search. She finds nothing but juice and milk. Layla takes another bottle from the box and heads back into the living room. Alexei twists the cap off, takes another sip and then lets out an angry grunt.
Layla flinches when he grabs a fistful of her hair, wrenching her head back. Layla lets out a gasp of pain and Alexei shoves the lip of the bottle against her lips, the glass hitting her teeth as he tips warm beer into her mouth. Layla chokes on it, spilling it over her shirt as she tries to push it away from her.
“Does this taste like cold beer to you?” Alexei demands, yanking on her hair as his hand keeps the bottle firmly against her lips. She inhales some, attempting to gasp for air as she swallows. “Huh?”
Layla shakes her head as much as she can, coughing violently when he finally drops the bottle. She sucks in as much air as she can, gagging at the bitter taste in her mouth.
“Pathetic,” Alexei hissed, slamming her up against the wall. “You can’t even do anything right. Dreykov should have picked another, you’re useless.”
Layla squeezed her eyes shut as Alexei pressed her harder against the wall, trying to focus on coughing whatever she inhaled from her lungs.
“What do you have to say for yourself?” He demands, grabbing her chin and squeezing to make her look at him.
“I’m sorry--” Layla gasps out, wincing at his grip.
“Sorry is not good enough,” Alexei hissed, yanking her away from the wall and twisting to shove her toward the couch. Layla stumbles at the force, tumbling over the coffee table. The room spins and Layla doesn’t know whether he wants her to get up or stay down. She tries to shift to her knees but Alexei’s hand grabs a fistful of her shirt to yank her upright before his other hand connects with her torso.
The force makes her retch, her stomach twisting violently at the action as she tries to curl up to protect herself. He sends another hit and then another. Layla fails to fold into herself to protect her vital organs. One hit connects with her left side and white hot pain sears through Layla as something snaps. Layla can’t help the cry of pain that escapes her lips.
Her finally crying out seemed to please Alexei, as if he was happy to have finally broken her. He sends another hit near the same place, not as hard as before but it hurts so much more.
“Please stop!” Layla finally cries out, not above begging to do whatever he wanted. “Please-- please--”
He doesn’t listen to her and Layla lets out another yell at the pain that seized her body with each blow.
Layla tries to tuck herself away in her mind, just like she did when she couldn’t take the stimulation of her body in the Red Room. She prays for it to go by quickly. She doesn’t know how much time passes before she’s peering up at Melina’s face, having been dropped to the ground to curl into a ball at some point.
“Come here, let me see,” Melina said quietly, her fingers gently peeling Layla’s hands from where she had wrapped them around her torso.
“Alexei--” Layla rasps out.
“I have taken care of him. Listen to me, let me see,” Melina said firmly and Layla reluctantly uncurled her fingers to let Melina unfold the ball she had tucked herself in. Melina briefly runs her fingers over Layla’s side but her pat down is quick. She tugs Layla to her feet, ignoring how Layla sucks in a breath at the pain that held her hostage. Melina helps Layla up the stairs but as soon as they get to Layla’s door, she leaves her side and heads back downstairs when Alexei starts to yell again.
Layla braces herself on the wall as she tries to twist the doorknob and enter her room. It takes her a moment to realize that there was a weight settled on the door and it took a few tries before she remembered how she would help Natalia hold the door closed when Alexei got violent and angry.
“Natasha,” Layla breathes out, resting her head against the door. “Sweetheart, it’s only me. Can you open the door?”
It was quiet for a few moments before Layla heard a shuffle and the door opened. Layla steps inside past Natalia, closing the door and leaning against it for a few moments. Her eyes scan the room before she looks down at Natalia. “Where’s Yelena?” She whispers.
“In the closet,” Natalia points toward where she had moved her mattress to block the closet door.
“Let her out,” Layla rasps and Natalia hesitates.
“You’re… you’re bleeding. And hurt,” Natalia comments, glancing back at the closet. “You’re gonna scare her.”
Layla is far too exhausted to make her way to the bathroom to clean up. She reaches up to swipe at her face, grimacing at the dried blood from a bloody nose. “I’ll be okay.”
“I can help,” Natalia tells her, hesitantly reaching out to take Layla’s hand. “You need to sit.” She tugs Layla over to the bed and Layla takes a seat. She’s too slow to stop Natalia from slipping out of the bedroom.
Natalia returns a few moments later with a towel and a wet washcloth. She approached Layla and offered out the items to her. Layla cleans herself up the best she can, grimacing at the dried beer making her skin sticky. “Will you grab me another shirt please?”
Natalia fetches a shirt from the dresser and hands it over to Layla. Layla slowly peels her shirt off, wincing at each movement that makes it hard to breathe. Layla does what she can to clean the beer that seeped through her shirt and onto her skin off, running a hand over her ribs much like Melina did.
She clenches her jaw, tears of pain burning at her eyes as she finds the main source of her pain. She has had broken ribs before but not like this. She moves to tug the new shirt over her head but she can’t manage to raise her arms up, each attempt causing pain to flare up. She takes a few shallow breaths as she tries to push through the pain like the Widow she was taught to be.
Small fingers finally grip the shirt in her hands and Layla looks up at where Natalia was standing in front of her.
“Let me help,” Natalia said quietly and Layla doesn’t have any energy left in her to argue about it. She lets Natalia help her pull the shirt on, smoothing it down and adjusting it. She notices Natalia staring at her side where she had undoubtedly seen the damage Alexei had done.
“I’m okay,” Layla tells her quietly, reaching out to try and reassure her somehow.
“No--” Natalia says, her voice wobbling as she curls her fingers into fists. “You’re not.”
“I will be,” Layla amends, her fingers gently grasping Natalia’s arm to pull her closer. “I will be okay.”
Natalia’s face crumples and tears finally spill over her cheeks as she lets out a sob. Layla gingerly slips off the bed to her knees so that she can pull Natalia close.
“It’s okay. We’re okay,” Layla whispers to her, cradling Natalia as close as she could without doubling over in pain.
“You were yelling, Mama--” Natalia chokes out into Layla’s shoulder where she had buried her face.
Natalia doesn’t notice the slip-up she made but Layla does and it just makes her feel like she’s failed even more. “I know. I’m okay now. I’m right here with my girls.”
At Layla’s statement, Natalia stiffens and pulls away from her. “I didn’t mean-- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call you that.”
“Hey, it’s alright,” Layla grasps Natalia’s arm before she can pull all the way away. “I don’t mind.”
Natalia wipes her nose on the sleeve of her shirt as she eyes Layla suspiciously. “You don’t?”
“I don’t,” Layla promises, gently tugging Natalia back to her and reaching out to wipe away tear tracks from her face. “You can call me that. You and Yelena are my girls no matter what.”
“It’s okay?” Natalia checks again and Layla nods her head. “We need… we need to let Yelena out of the closet.”
The change in subject doesn’t surprise Layla but she lets the younger girl go anyway so that she can go ahead and move the mattress. Yelena looked as though she had cried herself out, sleepily scaling the bed to curl into Layla’s arms.
Layla doesn’t bother making either of the girls get ready for bed, knowing that they all just needed to settle down and sleep after the night they had. Yelena doesn’t barter for stories and Layla’s stomach twists at the thought of her being too upset to ask.
Yelena leans into her sleepily. “Night, Mama.” She sighs out, drooping against her.
“Goodnight, little one,” Layla adjusts the covers over them. Natalia had joined them in her bed but seemed too afraid to come near Layla, not wanting to hurt her. Layla’s body aches but she wants them near her more than she cares about the pain. “Come here, sweetheart.” She beckons Natalia closer.
Natalia eyes her warily but shuffles closer, not resisting when Layla tugs her down and close to her. She slowly relaxes as Layla runs a hand over her hair.
“Goodnight, Natasha,” Layla tells her softly.
Natalia lets out a deep sigh as she finally curls into Layla. “Goodnight, Mama.”
The next morning, Layla struggles to pull her clothes on, tears forming in her eyes as she tugs her shirt over her head. Natalia gives her a scared glance but doesn’t say anything, helping Yelena get ready.
As Layla moves towards the door of their room, Yelena sticks her arms up. “Carry me?”
Layla is in so much pain and she knows this will cause her more damage, but she picks Yelena up, cradling her in her arms. She scared Yelena so much last night and Layla will do anything to fix that.
As much as she tries to hide it, tears drip down her face as she makes her way to the kitchen, setting Yelena in her chair with a sharp intake of breath. Melina looks up from where she’s reading files but doesn’t say anything, even though Layla knows Melina can see that she’s injured. She supposes it’s a test - Layla has been struggling recently and she needs to prove herself again, that she knows.
As they walk to school, Layla cursing under her breath with every step, Yelena tugs her hand. “Up?”
Layla shakes her head, taking a stuttering breath. Her vision goes black for a moment. “Sorry, Lena. I don’t feel good today, okay?”
Yelena shakes her head stubbornly. “No! Carry me like you did earlier!”
“I’ll give you a piggyback,” Natalia offers, and Layla gives her a grateful smile. Yelena stamps on the ground in anger.
“Carry me! Mama, please!”
“Yelena!” Her voice comes out sharper than she intended and Yelena’s face crumples. “I’m sorry. But no mama outside the house, it’s a secret.”
Yelena yells, jumping as they make their way towards her school. “I hate you!”
Layla’s tears do escape her eyes then. “Come on. You’ve got school.”
It breaks her heart even further when Yelena runs in without looking back, without even stopping for a hug.
Natalia hovers by Layla for a few moments. “Are you feeling okay?”
Layla nods, knowing she cannot keep the lie up for much longer. “Of course. I’ll see you at the end of the day.”
Classes seem to drag on for longer than usual but Layla barely pays attention, trying to not to cry. She’d clearly done something whilst walking and now she could barely keep her head clear, the world threatening to slip away with her every time she took a breath. This was just another test from the Red Room she had to survive. She’d done worse.
She’s in history class when she starts to zone out even worse than before, her head nodding as she tries to stay conscious. The video the teacher had projected was dull and Layla was so exhausted, her head aching as well as her chest.
An explosion came from the video and Layla startles at the loud noise, jerking. She slams her ribs into the desk and the world sparks around her, and she can’t stop herself from falling sideways.
As darkness clouds her vision, she sees a figure with a bird’s skull for a head, carrying a long staff.
Layla comes around to her teacher crouching by her, sighing in relief when she wakes up. He’s speaking to her but Layla can’t focus. The figure with the staff was still there, just in the corner of her vision. She’s never seen anything like it and she’s not sure she should like it. Layla doesn’t want to see things that aren’t there. It would cloud her judgment and she wouldn’t be able to protect Yelena and Natasha as well.
But the figure seems to calm her, and she continues to stare at it, slipping in and out of consciousness. Layla can’t get herself to move and in the depths of her brain she knows this is worrying, because she shouldn’t be badly damaged. That could kill her, and not because it was a bad injury, but because people didn’t want Layla if she wasn’t of some use to them.
She can’t explain it, but she’s fairly sure she’s having some near-death hallucination. Layla lets herself drift away as the figure stands over her, his staff tapping on the floor.