“ WOO HOOOO!” Eddie whooped as he bounded across the rooftops. The night's cold air may sting harsher in Hell's Kitchen, but to Eddie and Venom, it felt like freedom and defiance.
“ Spidey is going to kick our asses if he finds out about this!”
“ He can try!” Venom growled in reply.
After the last time Eddie and Venom went looking for old buildings to explore, which didn't end so nicely for them or the old lady they scared into a slightly too early deathbed, Spidey had barred them from continuing their adventures…which is why they were here instead of Queens. What Spidey didn’t know wouldn't hurt them.
Hell's Kitchen was humid this time of year, making the cooler nights sticky and heavy; summer was in full season. The night was quiet and breezeless, a calm tranquility blanketed the area, it was unbecoming of this infamous part of town.
Eddie spots, among the broken and decrepit buildings of the area, something that might fit the criteria for this evening's hellish escapades.
“Hey wait a second bud, look over at that old church.”
“It looks like we found our target for today Eddie”
Calling the building ‘that Old Church’ was a bit kind. It properly blended in with the bad side of Hell's Kitchen. Bricks lay faded, chipped, or entirely missing from its exterior. Presumably, the oozing holes in the side of the building once held ornate windows, but now only held some jagged pieces of what was left. Eddie counted at least a dozen bird nests strewn about the building's nooks and crannies before he gave up. Calling this place a dump was more accurate, but it was ripe for exploration.
“ Let's try the roof bud, I don't like our odds against broken glass, not after the warehouse incident ” Eddie murmured.
“ That was your fault Eddie”
“ Yeah yeah, c'mon.”
On the roof, as predicted by Eddie, was a cracked skylight. Cracked as it may be, it still let in just enough moonlight to peer inside.
The inside of the Church was an improvement. Every viewable service from the floor to the pews was caked in a thick layer of dust, yet from what they could see, only the giant statue of Jesus on the cross was damaged, with only one of the arms being completely missing and a distinct chunk missing from his thorny crown .
“ Do you hear that bud?”
“ There, Eddie.” Said Venom, pointing.
Squinting at the shadow of the giant statue, a man could be faintly seen kneeling and quietly reciting, what they assumed, was a prayer. As strange as it was to see a man at this time of night in a building like this, Eddie has seen far weirder things than a devout man wanting a midnight prayer.
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
“ You think we should leave him and move on or wait for him to go so we can explore this place properly?” Eddie asked.
“ I want to see inside”
“ Waiting, it is then”
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done;
on earth as it is in heaven.
Eddie jerked, his arm stinging suddenly.
“ OW! What the fuck was that?!” Eddie frantically whispers
Apparently, they had gotten too close to one of the three dozen bird nests littered on the building, because when they whipped around to see what had bitten them, they were promptly blinded by the blurring feathers of an enraged pigeon.
Now one would think that a full grown man and his alien symbiote could handle one measly bird, they had handled far worse than that before, right? You would be wrong. Eddie lets out a boyish squeal, waving his arms about in a futile effort to defend against the pigeon's wrath.
Crack
Eddie freezes, trying not to make any sudden movements. Eddie peers down. He only manages to see that the cracked glass of the skylight just got much more prominent under his foot before he hears a sound that will haunt his dreams for weeks to come: The cooing of a pigeon.
Horror dawns upon Eddie's face as man and symbiote realize what was to be their imminent fate. Frozen, they could only accept their demise as the bird charges once more and sends them ass over tits through the skylight.
Seconds felt like minutes as they fell. The moment is a blur as they speed towards what Eddie is sure to be the second time that month that they've accidentally killed someone.
Eddie feels his stomach lurch as their momentum is halted halfway to the dusty surface of the church floor, and he comes to realize that venom had grabbed onto what was left of Jesus' missing arm, managing to cut their fall in half. Eddie hears the shattered glass fall to the ground and takes a moment to calm his racing heart.
“ Good job bud” Eddie breathes, nodding. Eddie hesitates a moment before nodding to Statue Jesus as well.
“ Eddie, the human.” Venom says.
“ What?” Eddie starts before a jolt goes through his mind, remembering the praying man they were spying on, but before his head can swivel to the last known location of this holy man, an inhale is heard from beneath them and Eddie's breath returns to him knowing that they didn't kill him.
…Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
Man and symbiote stare. They can’t help themselves at the sight of what may be the most oblivious man they've ever witnessed.
“ Maybe he’s deaf?” Eddie whispers. The man's prayers echo faintly.
“ Or stupid.” Venom says gruffly.
For the second time that hour, Eddie heard a crack from beneath them. Sticky to the decrepit nature of this accursed church, the stature was crumbling under their additional weight.
“ I think it's time we get out of here bud”
“ Agreed.”
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
As venom extended an arm towards the ceiling, his jet-black tendril stretching and thinning to reach, a greater crack rang throughout the church, lurching them forward and forcing venom to stop his attempts lest he doom them to another fall. As Eddie clung to Jesus like a drunken bloke on a Friday afternoon, he realized that the statue now bowed towards the praying man.
“ Um, Eddie?” Venom inquired.
“ Thanks for trying bud, but I think it's time for plan B” Eddie says, appreciating the evolving fissure in the statue.
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
“ What's the plan Eddie?”
Eddie's breath catches in his throat as the statue gives another violent lurch.
the power and the glory,
for ever and ever.
“ Hold on!” Eddie cries
The Statue lets out an almighty crack and Eddie's stomach drops into his ass as they fall.
Time slows once again and Eddie can’t help but stare in horror at the man still praying obliviously on their landing zone, blissfully unaware he is about to become extra padding for their fall.
With ever graduating speed, the ground seems to race to meet them.
Eddie's breath leaves his lungs as he lands squarely on his back, the whoosh of air he releases muffled by the crashing of holy stone all around them. His lungs groan, winded.
Eddie gasps in loaded silence as the rocks finish crashing with the church floor. Eddie is keenly aware of the absence of mumbled prayer. Eddie and Venom breathe, laying a moment in mournful silence in the face of their unintentional homicide.
“ Oh man this is not good.” Eddie despairs to the ornate ceiling.
“I can eat the body, no evidence.”
Eddie ignores Venom's generous proposition.
“ Spidey is going to never let us see another one of those premium New York hotdogs again” Eddie wails.
“ People taste better anyway.”
“ No they do n-!”
“Amen.”
Eddie’s blood freezes.
Man and symbiote turn in unison towards the very much alive figure of the praying man, his image now clearer and much more familiar. Brown hair, scowling mouth, white cane and unforgettable pitch black glasses make up an unforgettable figure now that they could see him free of the statue's shadow. Eddie's heart sinks and he tries to act naturally as the very much not deaf visage of Matt Murdock, The Devil of Hell's Kitchen, stands over them shaking his head in disapproval.
“ Oh heeey Maaatt…! Um looking good buddy-”
“ I’m telling Peter”
“ Noooo, C'mon where's your heart!? Anyone but Spidey, Matt please! ” Eddie pleads, scrambling to stand.
Matt turns and strides down the pew, their pleads falling on deaf ears and blind eyes.