Did you see me last night
I was there in the dark
I saw her look at you
The way I used to do
When I still had your heart
Sherlock looked in the window of Angelo’s, being careful to stay in the shadows. He watched John on a date with a nameless girl. John laughed at something she said, and smiled at her. His special ‘I really care about you’ smile. The smile that had previously been directed only at him.
I watched you take her hand
There was love in your eyes
I remember when you
Looked at me that way too
Before we said goodbye
Sherlock’s breath caught in his throat as he saw John’s eyes turn towards her. John’s eyes were filled with love. John used to look at him like that, before he met her. Jessica, or Mary...one of those. Maybe it was Penny? No! Willow, that was it.
I don't wanna be your friend
I just wanna be your lover
I don't think I can pretend
That you mean nothing to me
It's hard enough to say goodbye
Even when you know it's over
I don’t wanna be your friend
I wanna be your lover
He didn’t just want to be flatmates, or partners. He wanted to be friends, no, not even. He wanted to be more than friends...he wanted to be lovers. He really doesn’t think he can take John not knowing anymore, he won’t be able to say goodbye, even if John turns him down.
Am I gone from your mind
Forgotten somehow
When you lie there with her
Does my memory stir
Any part of you now
He knows John will take her home, at some point, to have sex with her, and that hurts. Because in John’s relationship, he seems to think there’s no room for Sherlock. He forgets Sherlock was there first, he’s been ignoring Sherlock, and their cases together.
I know that I should concede
Face the truth and all that
I know I should realize
I'm not part of your life
Anymore but I can't
Sherlock knows he should just forget about it, he should give up all hope on a chance at a relationship with John, but he just can’t. He’s loved him too long for that. He doesn’t really have a place in John’s life, at least not the place he wants.
‘Cause I don't wanna be your friend
I just wanna be your lover
I don't think I can pretend
That you mean nothing to me
It's hard enough to say goodbye
Even when you know it's over
I don't wanna be your friend
I wanna be your lover
He really wanted to just tell John, but he knows he won’t do anything about it. In fact, John will probably turn him down, and then it’ll be awkward.

And when I think I've had enough
And I just can't stand the pain
I reminisce about the way
It felt to have you everyday
You know that every time I hear your voice
I still get a thrill
Whenever he thinks of ‘what-ifs’, his heart wrenches. There’s no point in hoping. So instead he remembers. Remembers John’s sweaters, his experiments and how John disliked them, how they’d eat at Angelo’s to celebrate a case solved...
I don't wanna be your friend
I just wanna be your lover
I don't think I can pretend
That you mean nothing to me
It's hard enough to say goodbye
Even when you know it's over
I don't wanna be your friend
I wanna be your lover
Hell, he even remembers the times they were arguing over his experiments or eating habits. He just remembers.
I don't wanna be your friend
I wanna be your lover
Sherlock took out his phone as he stared hungrily at John, wishing he was in Willow’s place. he sent a text, and watched as John looked at it.
I don't wanna be your friend
I wanna be your...
I love you. -SH