What I'm Trying to Find
Steven kept muttering to himself, he was ignoring Marc and just kept creating a to-do list in his mind. Fumbling around with this keys, trying to get them into the door, dropping them a couple of times. He couldn't stop shaking, his hands were trembling. His mind wouldn't stop racing with the panic of how much he fucked up with Eddie. Marc said it was only going to be a couple of days, but it turned into a week. One week of him not being at home, in his flat, calling into work with the flu just to make sure he wouldn't lose his job. He had essentially placed Marc on the 'naughty step', and was currently ignoring him at every turn. Every reflective surface he looked away or simply just didn't make an effort to look at him.
The third time he had dropped his keys, he swore loudly, bending down to pick them up and try miserably once again to get into his flat. Once he had finally got his key into the door, someone behind him was walking out to start their day. Probably that woman living down the hall to go and work at the cafe down the road, or it could even be the old bloke going out early on his little walk to the off-licence to pick up a packet of fags. Steven wanted to get into his flat quicker, he must have looked sleep deprived, disheveled and in Marc's clothes. His body ached from top to bottom, his fists burning every time he moved his hands, his arms and legs felt heavy enough to cause him to awkwardly crash on his bed for the next twelve hours.
Finally slipping into his flat, Steven dumped his keys on the coffee table, taking off his clothes and getting into the shower the first chance he got. He got dressed into a pair of joggers and jumper, that were the comfiest thing that he had worn in a week. Settling on the sofa, cup of tea in hand and the TV playing whatever re-run was playing on the closest channel. Steven pulled out his phone, scrolling through his limited contacts, his thumb just over the contact he knew he had to call but just couldn't bring himself to press it. He had been home two hours, one and a half cup of teas later and he knows that he needed to call him just to say that he was still around. The thought and worry of Eddie hating him for disappearing out of nowhere scared him, scared him enough to want to shut his phone off, pack up his bags and move back to... well, just move anywhere else. Pressing down on the keys, typing away a response, deleting at least three texts before finally hitting send...
Steven (14:47):
Hey, I know it's been a while... more like a week... but I just wanted to ask if maybe you wanted to get something to eat?
Eddie (14:52):
yeah
im about to go on my lunch, wanna get something in town???
Steven sighed, his heart broke at the thought of how much he hurt Eddie, all the days that he had just disappeared with all the texts that he and Marc he left unopened. Every calls and voicemails, he had finally read and listened to them all, Eddie had been clearly drunk through some of them and the rest was out of fear of why Steven had disappeared into thin air. He didn’t really have any excuse ready, this wasn’t something he was able to explain, Marc was barely able to explain it to Layla.
To Steven, Marc was still on the naughty step for pissing him off and not communicating properly. In Marc’s defence he was still getting used to communication in general, they were in a far better position then they were a year ago, mainly because Steven knows about Marc’s existence and they both talk to one another now instead of flat out arguing who had control of the body. Nevertheless this hasn’t been the first time in the past few months alone that Steven put Marc on the naughty step, it possibly wouldn't even be the last time that they fall out, but for the moment Steven was ignoring Marc.
Focusing on trying to put back together the pieces that he is sure that was left of his and Eddie's... relationship? If that's what they could call it, even after one night of making out and months of pining. Steven wanted to called Eddie up and tell him the whole story, but that would spiral to another story and another after that. A part of him wanted to call Layla, asking for help and wanting to know her whole honest opinion on what he could do, yet he was still trying to give her space after Cairo. At the same time, he wanted to see why his heating was turning off, it wasn't Marc and he was definitely sure that it wasn't him, his stomach turned at the thought of being back in the same unknowing position he was in not too long ago.
Moving around his flat, Steven got himself dressed into something more presentable, a button up shirt and trousers. It had been snowing earlier in the day, Steven pulled out a blue jumper to put over the top of his shirt, looking himself up and down in the mirror, he caught sight of Marc. Rolling his eyes and shutting the mirror, Steven picked up his bag and phone, locking his door behind him, Steven walked down the hall to the lift. Pressing the ground floor button, Steven smiled to himself at the thought of seeing Eddie.
It was still below freezing outside, shivering as he stepped out of the complex and trying to wrap himself up more. Manoeuvring past the bloke who is still selling broom by the entrance, Steven just gave him a nod and made sure he going to be warm enough. Running to catch the next bus to save himself waiting around for christ knows who long, Steven fell down on the closest seat he could get to, the bus was mostly empty except filled with older people and mums with babies. Steven sat bouncing his leg up and down, nervousness settling in his stomach, he doesn't remember being this nervous for anything, he had survived Harrow and his weird arse cult. He had even died and came back to life, but this is what got him.
Stepping off the bus, Steven sped past all the people crowding the doors, walking over to the café that Eddie said he was taking his lunch at. Steven saw him sat by the window, typing away at his laptop, Steven's heart picked up with anticipation, even though it was below freezing, his chest still felt warm. The smell of coffee and pastries flooded his sense, the warmth he had been missing since he had left the complex. He stood by the opposite chair to where Eddie was so entranced by his work, for him lunch was eating while working outside of the office. A break was just his way of leaving his place of work and taking it somewhere else to finished.
“Mind if I sit?” Steven asked, Eddie’s head shot up, his eyes filled with joy as he didn’t even try fighting back a smile.
“Yeah, no, ‘course you can,” Eddie pointed towards the chair, pushing it out with his foot in order for Steven to feel more welcome and less anxious. He slowly shut his laptop, crossing his arms and leaning against them. Steven took of his jacket and tried to calm himself down before he ended up going off on one. Steven was more worried about Eddie telling him how fucked off he was at Steven going AWOL, at the same time, Eddie was more concerned about Steven breaking things off with him, “Do you want me to get you a tea, or?”
Steven felt confused “Oh, do you want me to join you?” he asked, pointing at the table as he looked around the café.
Eddie thought for a moment, he wasn’t sure why Steven was unsure, they were friends first and foremost, the next thing on that list was checking in with Steven, while asking why he had up-ed and left in the middle of the night, “Well, that is why I said ‘yes’ to you sitting with me,”
“Ah, alright,” Steven played with the cuff of his jumper, “Might as well, it’s bloody freezing out there,” he joked, nodding towards the window they were sat by.
“Be back in a moment then,” Eddie said.
Steven fiddled with the cuff of his sleeves, he wasn’t too sure on what he was supposed to be doing while waiting on Eddie to come back with something to eat and drink, it was awkward just sitting there and not knowing what to do. He looked out the window to see the world traveling past him, sometimes he wishes that he had been normal, that he was never the avatar of Khonshu. It had given him the chance to finally go to Egypt, but at the same time he wishes under better circumstances.
It took Eddie a moment, but he finally came back with something to eat and drink for the both of them, he didn’t look any different, the bags under his eyes were deeper but all the same he made Steven’s heart flutter. Steven accepted the cup of tea and muffin put in front of him, he was massively grateful for this, he hadn’t eaten properly since getting back to his flat, and any food that he could have eaten is in the freezer.
“Cheers,” he mumbles, taking a sip from the mug, feeling a little watched under Eddie’s gaze. He was sat opposite Steven, arms crossed in front of him, he had put his laptop away since and it was just now them and food on the table.
“Are you OK?” Eddie asked, worry etched all along his face, “Because you disappeared for a few days and worried the shit out of me,” Steven placed the mug back down, he was just about to talk and then Eddie continued on, “You don’t have to tell me everything, I know we all have skeletons in out closets, but I just need to know if you are OK,”
“Eddie,” Steven reached out and placed his hand on Eddie’s, pulling him back into reality, “I’m alright, just a little disoriented but that’s besides the point. I want to tell you everything, but, it’s a but weird, and I kinda need time to put it into words, because if I start talking about this it will be so incoherent,”
Nodding his head, Eddie hummed in agreement, he wasn’t going to push Steven on this, “Good, as long as you are OK,” he repeated.
“Yes, I’m fine,” Steven reassured, running this thumb along Eddie’s knuckles, “Are we OK? Like as friends, are we OK?”
“Yes, I think so at least,” Eddie tensed, trying to figure out if he had been friend zoned or not, he wouldn’t put up a fight, Eddie still waned Steven in his life no matter what.
“Would it be too weird if I asked you round to mine for tea?” Steven asked in a small voice.
Eddie moved his hand to intertwine his fingers with Steven’s, “Not at all,”