Makes Me Wanna Lose My Mind
Steven was staying up later than he was expecting to, he had pulled a double shift on top of working inventory towards the end of his evening. It had been a long day, longer than Steven wanted it to be, in the middle of eating some food he had defrosted, sat on the chair mindlessly watching some rerun of Fleabag on the TV. Dressed in his pyjamas, Steven just wanted to waste some time before he would call it a night and go off to bed.
Lost in watching the show, Steven was more than surprised when his phone buzzed from beside him on the sofa, the screen flashing a notification from Eddie. Moving around to place the plate on the coffee table, Steven picked up his phone from next to his leg, unlocking and scrolling through his phone to get to Eddie's text.
Eddie (23:12):
are you around tomorrow???
His heart practically leapt at the question asked, but with the annoying reminder that he still had a job and needed to try and show up all the days he can just incase Marc has to pick up a job outside of the country or get too hurt they'll end up in bed for a couple extra days, last time that happened Steven didn't want to show up knowing he was going to get sacked. Pulling himself together and showed up the first day he got the chance, his boss just asked if he was feeling any better along with asking if he was in good enough shape because of the obvious injuries.
Typing away a response to Eddie's text, Steven couldn't help grow more and more anxious at the thought of what might come out of this conversation. Running his hand through his hair, playing with the cuff of his sleeve with his free hand and he stared at the screen for a moment. He contemplated between sending the text or just simply ignoring it until the next day, either way, he was going to have to face it at one point or another, hitting the send button before he could even register what could happen.
Steven (23:13):
Well, I am working tomorrow, why do you ask?
Steven watched nervously playing with his sleeves, as Eddie tried to send a reply for the next three minutes, he would be typing for a few seconds and then disappear for the next couple just to come back and repeat until he finally typed out a message he was fine to send Steven. Throughout waiting for Eddie to send a text, Steven's chest got tighter and tighter as he thought about the possibilities of why Eddie would be texting him at eleven o'clock a night, none of his thoughts were too positive, he just kept thinking over and over that Eddie was going to say something along the lines of not wanting to see Steven ever again.
So, when Eddie finally sent the message he was painstakingly typing for what felt like eternity, Steven wasn't expecting what he got. He half leapt forward out of curiosity of what had been taking the other so long, hunched over his phone, Steven wasn't sure when he found his way in the position but he ended up sat over his phone.
Eddie (23:16):
just been a long ass couple of weeks.
wanted to spend some time with you, yknow???
There was something Eddie was keeping from Steven, however he just added that to the on going list of things he would ask later the in the future. However, at this point in time, Steven was focusing on the situation at hand, they had both been busy, Steven was working extra shifts and Eddie was working on an article that seemed to go on forever but wasn't leading to anything.
The TV playing softly in the background, Steven tried to pull himself into his surrounding once again, trying to not get so wrapped up in his head. Tapping away once again at his screen, Steven wasn't sure if this was what he was thinking it was going to be. Or if it was simply them going to hang out because Eddie wanted to, either way Steven was in, because if it was one sided, Steven would still hang out with Eddie any day of the week.
Steven (23:17):
I'd like that, where would you want to go?
Eddie (23:17):
you know the area better than me, im gonna trust you on where to go
There were a number of placed that Steven wanted to take Eddie, he had gotten to know the local area pretty well in his seven months of living here but yet he didn't know it well enough to have any confidence to say they would be going to a specific place that night. Steven sent back a possible restaurant for the two of them to eat at and have a few drinks, just a place for the two of them to enjoy being around each other.
Steven looked at himself in the mirror, he had changed something about his outfit god knows how many times, Marc was on the verge of interjecting and telling Steven that he looked fine in everything. But trying to not stress Steven out, he choose to stay out of it and let him have the evening to himself, it was also his way of giving Steven time before he broke the news to him the Marc had gotten a job that would tie them over for the next couple months.
Sighing out of pure defeat, Steven found a jumper and jeans that he could wear out, still feeling like he could put on something else he gave up with trying to change. Shutting the mirror and walking away was his best option, try and get out of his own head and move on to getting some shoes on and knocking on Eddie's door. He and Marc had come to an agreement to let Steven have the night before Marc told him son news that Steven really wasn't looking forward to. He knew Marc was keeping something from him but he couldn't get Marc to tell him what it was exactly, he just got vague answers and shrugs every time he asked Marc.
Knocking on Eddie's front door, he was greeted with the sight of Eddie dressed in a flannel shirt over a faded black t-shirt, jeans that Steven had to pull his eyes away from or else his blush would become more noticeable. Eddie was smiling lightly, he looked so pleased to see Steven and he wasn't used to this much attention and affection from someone, sure he had those memories of his Mum before... before he was shown the truth. A part of him really felt like he was missing out on most life experiences, most of his memories were blurry ones he shared with Marc and the rest were his own but were of him living in London.
Steven was at a loss for words, he had hung out with Eddie most days since he had moved in but now, now things felt different. Something unsaid about what was going to happen, something unsaid about why they were both going out was just there... but no one was paying attention to it. Steven pulled on his sleeve nervously, trying not to hid himself away, repeating over in his head that it was just the two of them hanging out just like normal.
"Are you doing alright there?" Eddie's voice broke through and caused him to fall out of his thoughts, "You seem very in your head right now," he added, locking his door behind himself.
Steven started playing with the cuff of his jumper, "Yeah, no," he shook his head trying to clear his thoughts, "I'm all good, don't worry, just had a long shift," he played off, trying to stop his mind flooding with more thoughts that there should be. If he didn't calm down, Marc would end up having to take over until he stopped feeling so overwhelmed, and at the moment all he wanted to do was go to the pub and have a couple drink with Eddie.
"Well, we have all night if you wanna talk about it," Eddie reminded him sweetly, they both made their way down the hall towards the lift. Standing closer to Eddie than he originally thought in the graffiti covered lift, he knew that maybe it was the best idea to move a couple centimetres to the side, but he was enjoying the close proximity too much.
"Sounds nice," Steven nodded, smiling downwards to the floor.
"So what did you say to him?" Steven finally managed out, he had been laughing too hard at the story Eddie was telling him about his colleague. He felt light off one pint, that was mainly down to him not drinking much at all, but it was also down to Steven finally enjoying himself for the first time in weeks. Him and Eddie were sat on a table in the corner of a pub, people had slowly started flooding in but those two remained unscathed. It was just them in their own little world, they had ordered some food about half an hour ago and were now just talking while Steven nursed his second pint of the evening.
"I told him that if he gave that description to the police, they would take him seriously," Eddie said, Steven nodded along, "He saw at me saying I'm a dumb American or some shit like that, saying I don't know anything about the police system in the UK. But I mean, it doesn't take a Brit to know you can't describe a perp like that," he took a sip of his beer, "Kayla slapped him up the back of his head and told him if he said that to the police, she'd tell everyone about what happened at the Christmas Party a couple years ago. And as soon as she mentioned that he went quiet and let it go,"
Steven placed his hands over his move out of shock, "What happened at the Christmas Do?" he leant in.
"I'll have to ask her next time I see her," Eddie shrugged.
The two chuckled for a few more moments before it died down, "This is fun," Steven said, playing with his sleeves again, his hands on the table by his pint glass, "I've had a lot of fun tonight, always do with you," he wasn't sure where his filter went, but it was gone, most of it was.
Looking up at Eddie, he saw the concern written all over his face, "Why did you say that so sadly?" Steven's head fully shot up without thinking, he wasn't sure how it came across albeit he didn't want it to sound sad.
"Oh, sorry, just ignore me," he shook his head, reaching for his pint again, "Didn't mean for it to sound that way," he laughed nervously however Eddie wasn't convinced, "No, really, just ignore that,"
"Steven, if you wanna tell me something you can," Eddie's voice just a few moments ago was full of life as he told Steven the current situation with Josh, now it was serious and filled with more concern than Steven wanted it to.
"There's nothing really to tell," Steven fibbed, shaking his head again, twisting the cuff of his sleeve even more.
"Steven," Eddie reached over the table, placing his hands over Steven to pull his attention away from whatever he was thinking about, forcing himself to look up at Eddie, "You can tell me anything and I won't judge you, like, just flat out tell me if you want to," he said.
Nodding his head out of understanding, "I know," he replied in a small voice, "Anyways, wanna head out?" Steven asked, something in Eddie's face change for a moment as he said that. It clicked in his head how it sounded, "I mean because we've both got work in the morning,"
Eddie pulled his hands of Steven's, who immediately missed the contact and the warmth, "Right, work, yeah," Eddie muttered, pulled the chair out from behind him and putting his coat back on. Steven followed shortly, putting his own coat on as they both made their way passed the large group of twenty something blokes drunk and louder than anyone in the pub was enjoying.
Shivering as soon as they stepped outside, Eddie rubbed his hands together and placed them in his coat pockets, wrapping it around his even more in an attempt to keep himself warm. Steven noticed this and couldn't help but smirk slightly, he still teased Eddie about how un-used to British weather he was. They started walking down the pavement, talking between each other, bumping shoulder occasionally and laughing between conversations.
Glancing up at the sky, both of them saw the stars, it may have been nearly hitting below freezing but the night sky still managed to look beautiful. Not a cloud in sight, they were close to their apartment complex, meaning the amount of lights was down to a minimum, making the sky more visible than when they were stepping out of the pub. They both stood taking the sky in for a moment, Eddie looked amazed at the sky above them that was littered with stars, it was like he had never seen the sky at all with how he looked up at it all. Steven couldn't help but smile when he saw how lost Eddie was, he had seen the night sky before, of course he had done, he lived in this city.
Once Eddie pulled his gaze away from the sky he locked eyes with Steven, who's face instantly went red, if it wasn't for the dimly lit area he would be embarrassed more than anything. It was just them, them and their eye contact that felt like it was never ending and not ever going to lead to anything, if Steven drank a pint for every time he and Eddie stood and looked at once another like this, he would be in A&E before he drank the amount given. He wasn't complaining, but he also didn't want this to be the only thing going for them.
Eddie was the first to pull his keys out between the two of them, holding the door open for the both of them to walk through into the warmth. By the time they were back up on the fifth floor Steven and Eddie were stood outside of each of their flats, "So, this is me," Eddie joked, pointing at his front door, neither of them were sure on what to do, the only their they were sure on was that they didn't want this night to be over.
"Right, yep," Steven hurried out as he unlocked his own door, "See you when I see you," he smiled at Eddie, pushing his front door open, bidding their goodbyes and parting ways for the evening.
Leaning his back against his door, Steven let out a sigh as he sunk to the ground, he ran his fingers through his hair. He wanted to pull his hair out, mainly out of pure frustration, just as he thinks that things might actually being going his way for once they never do. He hates how he's too socially awkward to kiss someone, not like how they would do in the movies because that's just weird for everyone. Pulling himself up, he can curse at himself later once he got some sleep and the alcohol had worn off.
It was the knock at the door that made him almost fall over again, he almost didn't want to open the door, due to the fact it was going to be has landlord for some unknown and terrifying reason. Or it was going to be Eddie, and Steven really didn't want to know what Eddie had to say nor did he want to find out. Swinging the door open to find Eddie stood there looking half panicked.
"Ok," he cleared his voice, looking Steven up and down, "So, I'm really not sure where I'm going with this," he rambled, "but, you see," Steven found it cute when Eddie did this, "I'm trying to not, y'know, fall back into old patterns. That's why I moved here, try and not be... well me,"
"Eddie, what are you trying to say?" Steven said, cutting off Eddie's rambling into a panic attack.
"Right, sorry," Eddie rubbed his hands together, trying to find the words so than when he started again it wouldn't come out as an excessive ramble, "So, Steven, I just wanted to say that I have feelings for you, like proper feelings that aren't going away anytime soon. And there is something else I need to tell you, and a few other things on top of that, but I guess we can get there eventually when you don't wanna shove me out of your life," any colour drained from his face when realisation his him.
"Oh, no, no, no," Steven launched himself forward, placing his hands on Eddie's shoulders, "I don't wanna ditch you," he reassured, "I fancy you too, like really fancy you," but that was it, neither of them said anything else. It was just them and their never ending eye contact, them and their weird tension that neither of them can deny.
Steven leant forward slightly, it wasn't like there is much space between them anymore not after Steven moved forward placing his hands on Eddie's shoulders. They were both close enough to feel each other's breath, close enough to smell the pints of beer they had drunk that evening. Eddie met him in the middle, it wasn't like whatever gets written in romance novels, or what someone writes in some self-insert fanfic. Neither of them had the feeling of fireworks in their stomach, but despite all of that, it still felt perfect.
Pulling away Steven felt tense, Eddie still looked shocked that Steven had actually kissed him. Eddie placed his hands on Steven's cheeks, dragging Steven back into another kiss, this time with more heat than before and less tension. It was sloppy, the mix of alcohol and neither of them actually believing it is happening. His hands moved from Eddie's shoulders to the collar of his shirt, hauling Eddie into the flat and pressing him up against the door Eddie had shut behind them.
Wrapping his arms around Steven's neck, deepening the kiss while Steven moved his hands from the front of Eddie's shirt to his waist dragging him through the flat. Breaking the kiss every time either of them tripped over one of Steven's books or piece of furniture, they couldn't help but hold back a small laugh whenever they had tripped. Eddie was enjoying this more confident side of Steven, how he was dragging Eddie through the flat until the back of his knees hit the bed.
They ended up on Steven's bed, with Eddie laying on his back and Steven straddling his hips. Eddie ran his hands through Steven's hair, tugging lightly just to see his reaction, which was fairly positive. Steven's hands drifted further down until he his Eddie's waistband of his trousers, hooking his fingers a little bit around the waistband until he was stopped by Eddie who reached down trying to find the words at the same time.
"Um," Eddie laughed nervously, "Do you mind if we don't? Tonight?" he said, waiting anxiously for Steven's response.
"Yeah, no that's all good with me," Steven replied, he straightened up just as he was about to get off Eddie he was pulled back into a rough kiss. Eddie's hands back in his hair and his tounge running along Steven's bottom lip, who couldn't help but moan.
"We can keep doing this, though," Eddie muttered breaking the kiss, "As long as that is good with you?" he asked. Steven couldn't find the words, nodding as he tried to kiss Eddie again, "Come on, sweetheart, use your words,"
This sparked something for Steven that he was going to bottle away for another time, "Yes, this is completely fine," he swallowed.
Waking up with Eddie's head on his chest, arms wrapped around his waist breathing deeply, it was warm and comforting. The rest of the flat was colder than anyone wanted as the temperature hit below freezing, condensation sat on the borders of the windows around the whole flat. They both had fallen asleep around about one in the morning, tangled up between each other, Steven had enjoyed every part of last night and so had Eddie.
Marc slipped out of Eddie's grasp without waking him up, pulling on some of his clothes from the wardrobe and brushing his teeth. It dawned on him the Eddie would be the deepest sleeper he has ever met, but he still made sure he made minimal noise. Picking up the keys Steven left on the side when he had his little break down after him and Eddie had their evening out, shutting the door behind himself as quietly as he could and locking it.
It was only going to take him a day, two days tops, he hadn't told Steven when he had found out about the job, all down to the fact he had gotten it the day before Eddie reached out to go out that evening. Marc leant against the mirror, running his hands through his hair contemplating reaching out to Layla to check in on her. It had been a few months and he missed her more than he was willing to admit.
Moving through the hallway from the lift, Marc pushed against the front door to the complex and walked down the street with his hands in his pockets and his hood pulled high. He was going to try and reach out to Steven when the job was over, and explain why he hadn't told Steven originally about the job before hand, as of this moment he made his way over to the tube to get a train out if London to Birmingham.