Peter was never very sure about how anything happened. The whole day was a sort of haze. He can’t ever seem to piece everything together. Or maybe he just refuses to.
Peter knows nothing was his fault, he also knows how incredibly lucky he was to be a part of that half of the population to survive. Despite this, he can’t help but think the opposite.
For five years he blamed himself for Thanos getting away. He blamed himself for not being able to pull the gauntlet away fast enough. Blamed himself for not being strong enough to pull the gauntlet out of Thanos’ grasp. He never viewed himself as being lucky to survive. How could he? How could he be the lucky one when all his life, he’s been the opposite? This just seems to add to that list.
Nothing went according to plan. He was supposed to go to college with MJ and Ned. He was supposed to go to MIT with them. He was going to come back and visit Aunt May during breaks. He was supposed to get a good job to support her. So she’d never had to struggle for money as she did after his uncle’s passing. He had a plan. He was going to ask MJ out. Hopefully, she’d say yes, and they’d date for the rest of High School and then go to MIT together.
But none of that happened. Instead, he stayed alive. He got to finish high school and got into MIT as planned. Only he was alone. There weren't any tearful goodbyes from his Aunt May as he left for college. He didn’t get to room with Ned at MIT. He didn’t get to ask MJ out. Because he survived. He got lucky, and they didn’t.
Peter wasn’t completely alone though. He, of course, had Mr. Stark, and the rest of the Avengers. At least the ones that lived.
It was hard. And it took a long time for him to recover. He doubts he's even fully recovered, or that he ever will. May was his last living relative. And MJ and Ned were his best friends. How could he possibly live without them?
He did. Barely. But not on his own. The Avengers were somehow able to lessen that ache in his heart. There were two Avengers, aside from Stark, that helped him the most. Those two are none other than Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton. Both lost those in their own family. Clint lost his kids and wife while Natasha lost her sister Yelena (and Clint’s family by extension). They only had each other and had no problem adding Peter to their little duo, making them a trio.
All three lost what was left of their families outside of the Avengers.
Peter did finish school at Midtown High and later went on to attend MIT as he had originally planned. And along every step of the way, Natasha, Clint, and Tony were there. And vice versa.
Peter was there when Pepper gave birth to Morgan. He was there when Tony would panic about being a father. He was there whenever Clint reached an all-time low and unknowingly helped prevent him from ever becoming the Ronin. Peter was there whenever Natasha needed reassurance after a particularly bad nightmare about the Red Room.
The three became close. They trusted one another. Clint and Natasha would do anything for the kid. Just like he would do anything for them.
Which leads to the current issue.
Peter at 21 soon to be 22 has a Bachelor’s degree in Bioengineering and is on his way to getting a Master’s.
He chooses to spend that summer break at Tony’s lake house when Scott (or Ant-Man which was super cool in Peter’s mind) and the other remaining Avengers approached Tony with the idea of time travel.
Tony thought it was crazy, but Peter disagreed. The young adult kept pushing for the older to reconsider. And after a lot of guilt-tripping he did. Tony successfully invented time travel. Now all that was left was to divide everyone into teams to retrieve the Infinity stones.
Of course, Peter chose to go with Clint and Natasha to get the Soul Stone. It did take some convincing for Tony to allow his not son to go with them but he finally relented when the older pair agreed to make sure nothing happened to Peter.
“Finally!! I've been dying to do some Spider-Man stuff for ages! It's not the same in Massachusetts.”
“Yeah? And when you come back, I'm sure New York can't wait for the return of their neighborhood hero.”
This now catches us up to the current, or not so current, point in time.
The trio is now on planet Vormir, in 2014.
“Gotta admit, this might be one of the coolest field trips I've ever been on,” Peter remarks as he, Clint, and Natasha made the hike to the top of the cliffs.
“Better than when we took you to Budapest?” Natasha would never admit it, but she always enjoyed the banter between her and her boys.
Her boys. It's weird to think. Two of her closest friends were a 21-year-old spider vigilante and the world’s best archer who was assigned to kill her.
“Considering that we almost got arrested, yeah. This trip might top Budapest. Besides, look at that view.” Clint added on, waving his hand around for the dramatics. “You two almost got arrested. Not me.” Nat corrected but was smiling nonetheless.
“When we get that rock, we should all get something to eat,” Peter suggested, almost suddenly. “Yeah? Why not? Although should we do that before or after getting the rest of the universe back?” Clint humors with a slight snicker in his tone. Peter just gives his little lopsided grin and continues on the way up the cliff.
The peaceful, joking atmosphere amongst the three was quickly shattered once they came face to face with Red Skull. Suddenly the dinner plans seemed unlikely.
“What you seek lies in front of you. In order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love.”
“An everlasting exchange.”
“A soul, for a soul.”
Thinking back, Peter remembers how Nebula had mentioned something about how Thanos had gotten his soul stone. How he went to Vormir with Nebula’s sister and Star-Lord’s girlfriend Gamora. And how Gamora never came back.
Red Skull’s words sunk in rather quickly for all three heroes.
Peter took a step closer to Natasha and Clint and placed one of his hands on the archer’s shoulder. He then softly rested his cheek on the top of Nat’s head. He has noticeably hit a growth spurt over the years and is easily taller than the pair.
The spies let him, knowing he thrives from physical contact. They in turn reach for each other’s hands and simply just enjoy their presence with one another.
“Maybe this wasn't the best field trip I've been on.” the arachnid muses his words slightly muffled as he half whispers. “The view is still nice,” Clint adds, taking a deep breath.
Peter is surprisingly the first of the three to pull away. He takes a step back from the duo and smiles at them. Peter finally looks up at where Red Skull is floating by the edge of the cliff, waiting for them to make a choice.
He takes a moment to watch Clint and Natasha hold each other’s hands, having a silent conversation with one another. It was then Peter finalized his decision. Although he had always known.
He’d do anything for them. They had saved him. Now he was going to return the favor.
He stepped closer to the pair, finally listening to what they were saying.
“Well, I don't judge people on their worst mistakes,” Natasha says as she and Clint hold an intense staring contest. “Well, maybe you should,” he argues.
“You didn't.” The redhead looks the man up and down, giving him a soft smile. One that's reserved for her archer and her webhead.
Peter in the background softens at her words. Neither of them ever judged one another on the past. They both were more concerned with the present. With the future.
“You’re a pain in my ass, you know that?”
The two let a moment pass before slowly letting their foreheads meet, taking another moment to sit in silence. Clint pulls back first and takes a breath. “Okay. You win.” he relents.
Clint looks over towards Peter and gives him a look, one he understood right away. The archer smiles at the redhead before quickly pinning her to the ground and muttering something that Peter almost didn't catch.
“Tell my family I love them.”
She flips him over, knocking him to the ground in one swift movement. “Tell them yourself.” She then shoots her widow's bites at Clint, sending shocks throughout his body and rendering him temporarily immobile.
Without a second thought, she tries running toward the cliff only for Clint to get the disk off and quickly shoot a low explosive trick arrow in her direction, successfully knocking her off course. The blonde then starts to take off, only for Peter to finally join in on the race to the edge.
Peter pulls out his web-shooters and shoots a web at Clint, pinning the archer’s feet to the ground and making him fall over. Peter then starts to run towards the edge only for Natasha to tackle him to the ground. They roll for a bit with both struggling to be in control. At this point, Clint has already taken out a small pocket knife from who knows where and starts cutting through the webs. By the time he is free, he's already running towards the cliff.
“Clint! Stop!” Peter shouts, still struggling against Natasha’s grip. She gives him a small, almost apologetic look before sending a punch straight for his nose. Despite sensing it coming, Peter couldn't move out of the way to avoid it. Waves of pain went through his nose to the rest of his face. But all he could think about was how Natasha was now off of him and instead running towards Clint.
He ignores how his nose feels like it's on fire and instead quickly jumps to his feet and chases after the two. Natasha jumps at Clint, knocking him to the ground as the two do what Peter and Nat had just done.
He watches as Clint kicks Natasha off of him and continues running towards the edge.
What happens next doesn't quite connect in Peter’s mind. All he knows is one minute he’s watching Clint throw himself off the cliff and the next he is right after the blonde. He in some twist of fate managed to attach a web to one of Clint’s hands with the other end being miraculously caught by Natasha.
Clint’s side collides with the wall of the cliff roughly while Natasha is laying on her stomach, grasping at the web and holding onto it with all her strength. On Clint’s other hand, he somehow caught Peter as he was falling. The older man lets out a breath realizing he did catch Peter and tries to grab on even fighting to the boy’s wrist.
Peter curses himself in his head as he instinctively holds onto the Avenger’s arm. “Damn you, kid!” Clint huffs out as he looks down at Peter and up at the web connected to his hand. Clint glances up at Natasha who is clenching her jaw whilst trying to pull the web towards her in hopes of bringing the two men closer to the top of the cliff.
“What the hell are you doing, Peter?!” Clint shouts as he's trying and failing to pull the younger one up. “Saving both your dumbasses,” Peter remarks with a breathless laugh.
“I can't have two of my favorite people dying,” he adds in a joking tone, that instead of making the two Avengers feel lighter like normal, makes a certain weight settle inside them.
“You need to web your sticky ass back up that cliff,” Clint said, choosing to ignore what the younger had previously said.
Peter lets go of Clint’s forearm causing the latter to grunt as he fruitlessly attempts to grasp at the brunette’s arm trying to hold on. The boy let's a smile grace his face. Despite Peter’s life being at stake he still looks so carefree.
“It's okay. You can let go, man.” Peter reassures. “Clint don't you dare let go of him!” Natasha calls out from the top. “I don't plan on it!” he shouts back.
Peter wiggles in Clint’s hold, trying to break free. “Stop fighting brat! I'm trying to save you!” Clint desperately yells. “Just let go dammit! Why can't you let me do this for you both!” Peter shouts, getting more desperate. He knows that if he doesn't break soon, then Clint will get a better grip and will stop him from jumping.
A breeze settled upon the land, the wind softly brushing against Peter’s skin.
“Clint. It's okay. You can let go.” Peter repeats. Clint shakes his head as tears build in the corner of his eyes. Peter glances up past the man and over to Natasha. He smiles and looks to where Clint is holding onto him. “Like hell, I'm letting go! We promised Tony we'd bring you back safely.” Clint argues, still shaking his head desperately hoping for some entity to help.
“You both have family waiting! It needs to be me! I'm the one that messed everything up. I'm the reason why your family died, Clint!” Peter shouts as tears that he had been trying to hold back are dangerously close to spilling.
Both Clint and Natasha have had the guilt talk with Peter multiple times and yet it still hadn't gotten through to him.
“I’m the reason why Yelena’s dead, Nat! It's my fault. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't good enough! If I had just been-” Peter choked out, trying so hard to justify his reasons.
“You shut your mouth, Peter Benjamin Parker! None of that is your fault! You were a kid! You're still a kid!” Natasha’s voice breaks as she stares down at her boys dangling at the side of a cliff. Her hands ache and burn but she can't seem to care. All she wants is for both of them to come back up and sit beside her. She wants to go to some hole-in-the-wall pizza place and gossip as Peter talks about some drama at MIT. She wants to sit in between the two men and have a Star Wars marathon for the hundredth time as they eat way too many snacks and candies. She wants to see Clint get stuck to a wall or ceiling by Peter’s webs after a prank went wrong. She needs to eat dinner with Peter, Clint, Tony, Pepper, and little Morgan so Peter doesn't feel so alone on his Aunt and Uncle’s birthday. She needs to listen to the college student’s tangents about whatever was on his mind. She needs to hear Clint and Peter argue about which one is better with dogs. She needs to hear Clint and Peter’s laugh as Morgan covers Tony’s face with Pepper’s makeup. She needs to hear them reassure her whether over the phone or in person when she has a nightmare about the red room.
She needs them.
“None of this is your fault, Peter.”
“Clint. Please. You have to let me go.” Peter begs. All three adults are crying, none of them can keep up a brave face.
“You have to be there. For Laura. For Cooper. For Lila. For Nathaniel. For Natasha.” Peter tells Clint as he blinks away tears, trying his best to sound assertive. It was always something he struggled with even after five years of help from the two spies.
He looks back at Natasha and calls out to her, “And you need to be there for Yelena!”
“What about your aunt? Or your friends? Ned? MJ?” the woman calls back. “Are you going to leave them?”
Peter swallows thickly but doesn't provide an answer. He doesn't think he can. It was only then that he realized Clint’s grip was loosening. He had to break free from Clint before he realized. It had to be right then.
Peter takes a moment he knows he really can't afford and takes one final look at his best friends. The adults who got him through the last five years. Who was there for him at times when Tony couldn't fully understand what Peter truly felt. The two that Peter seeked comfort from when he felt guilty about what happened on Titan. The people he went to when he was too ashamed to ask help from anyone else. The two people who somehow knew him better than anyone else ever had.
That breeze was back. The cool crisp feeling it brought as it relieved the burning sensation on his wrist and nose. The breeze made him feel content with what he was about to do.
The wind feels nice as sweat soaks the back of his Quantum suit. The wind feels nice.
“The wind feels nice. Doesn't it?”
And as any words, Natasha or Clint were shouting, pleading, begging for Peter to climb back up, died in their throats. They watched Peter push off the wall of the cliff with as much strength as he had, breaking from Clint’s grasp.
They watched as the kid they befriended and loved for the past five years fell in slow motion. They tried to scream but there was no sound.
There was no sound as Peter made contact with the ground. Just as there was no life left in his once youthful and bright eyes. His hair was slightly covering bits of his face as parts of it were stuck to his skin with sweat.
A bright light flashed and suddenly Natasha and Clint were sitting on their knees in about an inch deep water. There was no Peter anywhere nearby.
There was nothing that even showed he was ever even there. The only proof he went with the two Avengers was the bright, shining orange stone in Clint’s hand. Natasha crawled closer to him and sat down before clinging to his side. They both stared at the stone for a good long while, cursing at every higher power out there.
—— —— —— ——
“Nat, Clint, where’s Peter?”