Chapter 4
Natasha stumbled as she left the cabin, looking out on the familiar decrepit remains of S.H.I.E.L.D's headquarters. She quickly grazed her hand against the now empty seats before sitting down to keep herself from falling. She watched as the civilians from Sokovia were ushered into the large hangar.
Natasha caught a flash of yellow in the corner of her eye, quickly squeezing them shut. She knew the bright yellow was adorned on a stretcher, and while she knew hundreds of other civilians were hurt, she couldn't dare bring herself to check if it had been Yelena. So instead, she dropped her head into her hands, feeling the sting of tears across her face as they breached her eyes.
She was startled by a firm grip on either elbow, though she forced herself to un-tense. She peered through her fingers to find Clint's unusually quiet gaze staring back as he kneeled in front of her. While he was often optimistic and fun, Natasha found that his ability to recognize something serious was one of his most defining qualities. A quality she found herself very grateful for time and time again.
"Tasha, what's going on?" He asked, rubbing tight circles with his thumbs. "What happened in there?"
"I don't know." Natasha tried to steady her voice, but one glance was all it took to know Clint knew she was lying. He remained silent, a tactic Natasha recognized as one that was meant to draw out the truth, and it was working. The silence was suffocating. She threw her hands into her lap, leaning back against the seat. "I can't do this, Clint."
"You're my partner. My best friend. You can tell me anything," Clint tried, but she remained silent. Finally, he placed a hand on her knee. "Is Yelena from The Red Room?"
Natasha swallowed, turning her eyes to the sky. She hadn't realized she had still been crying until she had gone to wipe away the tears. She let out a breathy laugh that slowly turned to a sob. "She was there for so many years, Clint. I left her there for so many years."
She bent back forwards, so her head could once again rest in her hands. She clasped her fingers together, pressing her forehead into them hard enough to leave a mark when she would eventually remove them.
Clint stared with heavy eyes. From his interactions, he could piece together bits about their relationship, but there was so much he didn't know. He wanted to press and learn but knew how that would end. He'd never seen her like this before. He wasn't sure that she had these kinds of emotions until now. It seemed to Clint that Natasha wasn't suppressing everything she felt; she had the emotional comprehension of a child, which is something he thinks he may be well versed in.
"The Maximoff girl. She told Yelena she was in your nightmare," Clint confessed, keeping his grip tight against Natasha's suit. "The way that woman spoke about you. Natasha, there is nothing behind those eyes that blame you for that. Plus, you have a pretty good knack for wiggling into people's hearts. And families, as it annoyingly seems. You and Laura need to stop texting about me; she won't let me look, and it's seriously getting on my nerves."
Natasha gave him a halfhearted smile, which soon fell as she glanced behind him, watching as a familiar face approached them, escorted by a pair of unfamiliar agents.
"НаташаNatasha."
Natasha pulled herself into a standing position, pushing Clint away to fall into Melina's embrace. Natasha felt odd hugging the woman whom she'd never forgiven for her actions, though at the same time, she felt a comfortable wave of safety in the woman's arms. Melina was the only one who would understand how Natashafelt, other than herself. Clint tried his best, and she appreciated him for it, but he didn't know enough to give her what she needed.
“Я больше не могу этого делать. Я не знаю, что делать, я даже не знаю, где они взяли ееI can’t do this anymore. I don't know what to do. I don't even know where they took her."
“Вы будете жить. Твоя боль делает тебя сильнее, даYou will live. Your pain makes you stronger, yes?" Melina pulled away, squeezing her shoulder slightly with a small smile. "I know where she is; they brought me there first, as her mother, of course. We must clean you up first. You are starting to smell like your father."
"Your old quarters should still be available if you're willing to wipe away the dust," Clint muttered, rising from his place on the floor, trying his best to choke down his untimely questions.
-
"How is she doing?" Laura asked as soon as Clint had entered the waiting area, quickly meeting him in the middle. Because they were in a S.H.I.E.L.D. specific hospital, one waiting room wall was made up entirely of windows, giving them a full view of what was happening inside.
"I don't know if I've ever seen her like this before," Clint confided, lowering his voice. He spotted Wanda's eyes widen behind his wife and sighed. "It's really bad, Laura."
"Do you know?"
Clint paused, thinking for a moment at her cryptic question. "I think I know? Someone came for her. I think it was her mother. I didn't even know she had one of those. But I'm pretty sure she said she was Yelena's mother too. So I think they're sisters?"
"I don't think that's what's going on, Sweetie," Laura consoled, rubbing the side of his arm as she spotted a pair of figures entering the room.
Natasha's eyes were trained to the floor, not chancing a glance at any of her companions. Her cheeks and eyes were dark and more concave than they had been less than a day before. She was dressed in an oversized shirt, Yelena's sweatshirt, and shorts, revealing the bullet wound which had miraculously been stitched up. Kate looked up from where she sat in front of the glass, eyeing her carefully.
Natasha could hear tiny feet coming towards her, which soon halted before they could make it very far. Natasha assumed that someone, most likely Laura, had held them back. She let out a large sniffle, shocking a greater portion of the crowd, before rubbing her eyes. She was embarrassed, feeling like a confused puppy dog being led around by Melina. Natasha rested against the wall once they had stopped moving, still unable to put all her weight on the wound for long periods.
Melina knocked loudly on the glass door, which behind it greeted a vaguely annoyed Dr. Cho.
"As many of them could have already told you," Cho made a vague gesture towards the avengers spread about in the various chairs. "Visitors are strictly limited at the moment."
"Then that should be no issues, seeing as I am the mother," Melina replied with a light smile that Natasha knew was fake.
"And her?" Cho asked in regards to Natasha.
"Ah, yes, I believe their relationship is," she paused. "How do you Americans like to say? Undefined."
Natasha's expression hardened, though she kept her gaze steady on a stray speck of dirt on the floor. She could feel the eyes of her coworkers piercing into her, a trend that seemed to be picking up more and more recently. Sometimes, she missed days when no one spared her a second glance.
Cho let out a deep sigh before ushering them in. "She's on a lot of medication for pain management; she should be fairly out of it."
Natasha pushed off the wall, starting in, though she stopped just short of the door. Her eyes had wandered from the floor, landing right over Yelena, who lay on a table in the room. She was on her stomach, a small partition blocking the view of her lower half from the glass. Natasha assumed it was because the woman most likely needed to be undressed. The beeping of machines filled her ears, melting with the sound of her own heartbeat.
Natasha felt Melina's hand on the small of her back, snapping her out of her daze. "Come, come. She hasn't gotten herself killed yet, Natka."
Natasha reluctantly followed, coming into view of a half-naked Yelena. The wound on her lower legs had been cleaned and cleared of debris, making skin repair an easy job. Natasha watched as the device slowly reconstructed the skin over the woman's legs. The process was slow but much faster than any other healing options they had. The process had progressed to around the woman's knees, her calves looking as if nothing ever happened except for one spot.
She stared, reaching out to the healed skin on Yelena's legs. The synthetic skin was pale, much paler than Yelena's skin ever had been. Her face contorted as she ran her thumb over a particular mark, rubbing slightly in an attempt to find a scar that no longer existed on her body.
"It's not the same," she said dully, feeling over the healed patched. She looked to Helen and Melina, who waited expectantly for her to continue. "It feels different; in 02', she was stabbed while on a mission in Berlin. Scar's gone."
"A fortunate downside to the science," Dr. Cho cringed, flipping through something on her tablet.
It was then Natasha remembered Clint's remarkable lip-reading talent. She turned to look at the glass, Clint looking in on the other side as she had expected. She quickly signed him a message made mostly of rude gestures, which the rest of the team could only assume was a threat. He let a smile tease the edge of his lips; happy her old self had begun to poke through once again.
"ТалияTalia," Yelena spoke from her spot on the table, her voice small and sweet. Natasha's eyes widened, freezing momentarily. She watched as Melina pulled up a chair for her next to Yelena's head. She sat wordlessly. "Hey."
Natasha reached out, her fingers hovering over the other woman's hair momentarily before gliding her fingers through it unsteadily. She felt a shakey laugh escape Yelena's lips that Natasha tried her best to brush off. She continued running her hands through Yelena's hair in an attempt to comb through it, pulling out bits of debris as she went.
"кто знал, что все, что нужно для привязанности великой Черной Вдовы, это взорватьсяwho knew that all it would take for the great Black Widow's affection was to get blown up," Yelena muttered under her breath, amusement prominent in her tone, though she refused to meet Natasha's gaze.
Natasha bowed her head, dropping it to rest on the side of Yelena's cheek. "Мне жаль I'm sorry."
Melina made her way around the machine, staring determinately at the exposed circuitry.
"It would go faster if we still had access to the cradle," Helen stated remorsefully. "Unfortunately, I can only assume it's been absolved by rubble."
"I believe the issue lies here," Melina replied, quickly popping two wires out of their place and flipping a knife from her pocket. The machine let off a loud spark, causing Yelena to practically jump into Natasha's lap. She quickly stripped the two wires, connecting them despite Dr. Cho's relentless protests. "Connecting these directly should allow the device to process its requests faster."
"Did you have to fucking do that right now?" Yelena shrieked, gripping tightly around Natasha's neck as the other woman struggled to find a place for her hands around the wounds.
"If you would hang back after this, I'd be very interested in any other thoughts you have." Helen's anger quickly dissipated as the device rebooted and began working overtime, just as Melina had said. "Natasha, If you could keep her there, I need to begin working on her back, and I need her kept as still as possible."
Natasha tensed as she watched Helena pull various equipment out of different cupboards, her jaw clenching harder at each water drip as the woman washed her hands. She knew Yelena could feel her discomfort, though her suspicions were confirmed when the younger woman had begun to twirl stray hairs in her fingertips. Hairs that Melina must have missed when braiding it just moments earlier.
Dr. Cho took a pair of surgical scissors, removing them from their sterile packaging, and began cutting down the sides of Yelena's top. As Helen pulled away the fabric, Yelena's grip tightened, pushing her face further into Natasha's neck. She could hear small whimpers of pain from the woman that made her chest swell.
Can you get clothes from my room? Natasha quickly signed over Yelena's back as Helen disposed of the cloth. Clint gave her a swift nod before making his way out of view.
Natasha brushed away at her nose, the sterile smell finally getting to her. She watched as Helen prepared a small pair of clamps, trying her best to focus on Yelena's labored breathing instead. Yelena gasped as Dr. Cho pulled a large chunk of shrapnel from her back, pulling in to press her chest against Natasha. She faltered slightly at the contact, her breath catching somewhat in the back of her throat, only to be pulled out of her thoughts by the loud clink of the metal hitting the tray.
Natasha stared at the ceiling, her eyes glazing over. The time moved agonizingly slowly; after a while, Natasha was sure she would lose her mind. Finally, she closed her eyes, focusing on the body in her arms. The reality of the situation seemed to set instantaneously, a wave of guilt washing over her. She opened her eyes slightly, peering over the injuries. The injuries she caused. Everything in her body told her to run from this. To run from what she had done and the consequences. She knew that as soon as Yelena could form proper thoughts, the consequences of running from this would resurface, and everything told her that was something she needed to run from too.
Natasha slipped a hand around Yelena's shoulder, holding the top of it rather than her back, to avoid the congealed blood and fluids spreading across her skin. She gripped Yelena tightly, grounding her to where she sat.
After the last clink, Natasha felt Yelena shift in her arms, picking up her head slightly. Yelena's hair grazed her face as the woman turned to look at the tray of gray metal, which was almost completely drowned out by the red.
Natasha quickly whisked her hand to the side of Yelena's head, pulling her face back into her neck. "Мне жаль don't look yet."
Natasha half expected Yelena to put up a fight, but instead, she let out a large sigh, pushing further into Natasha.
"My Yelena is very resistant to these sorts of medications," Melina said, flipping through papers on a clipboard before tapping the tube connected to Yelena's forearm. "You may need to increase these dosages."
Helen quirked her brow, her voice warning. "She's maxed out on the recommended dosage in her weight range. That could be lethal in anyone else."
Melina remained silent, a blank stare across her face. Then, after a moment of eye contact, Dr. Cho seemed to fold, silently increasing the dosage.
After a few moments, Yelena went limp in Natasha's arms. She carefully slid the woman back, fully onto the table. Natasha took a long, shaky breath, her hands balling up at her knees before she stood. She pulled the tie out of her hair, slipping it over her wrist and running her hands through her still damp hair. Natasha carefully brushed through Yelena's hair, dragging her fingers against the woman's scalp as she pulled it into a tight, yet clumsy braid. It would have been fancier had Yelena not been out cold on her stomach, though it was still shockingly beautiful.
"хорошо бы тебе позволить себе хорошее, Наташаyou would do well to allow yourself good things, Natasha," Melina told her, a steady hand on her shoulder. Natasha knew she was speaking from first-hand experience. "не помешало быit would not hurt."
"Меня удерживает то, что я знаю, что так и будетwhat keeps me is I know it will," she replied, tucking one of Yelena's stray hairs behind her ear. “Я бы позволил ей убить меняI would let her kill me.”
“тогда ты умрешь счастливой смертьюthen you would die a happy death.”
Natasha's gaze snapped up as the machine in front of her beeped in rapid succession, signaling the process had been finished. She stared in awe at Yelena's skin which was now entirely healed. Then, she reached out, feathering a finger against Yelena's spine before pulling away.
Natasha slipped from the room briefly to grab the clothes from Clint, giving him a small smile as she did so. She noticed Dr. Cho adding something to Yelena's IV, taking that as her cue to dress the woman before she woke up. Natasha threw the sweatpants to Melina and carefully slipped the shirt over Yelena's head. She smiled to herself, knowing Clint would have had to debate with himself on whether or not he would brave Natasha's underwear drawer. However, it was good he decided against it because Natasha wasn't sure she'd have let him live to tell the tale.
"She will need to be on some heavy antibiotics for a while to fight off any infection," Helen told them, quickly sending out the prescription on her laptop. "And because of the size of the injuries and related trauma, it's very likely that she will experience phantom pains. Unfortunately, nothing I can prescribe her will solve that."
Natasha bit the inside of her cheek, guilt festering under her skin. She held her hands loose in front of her, pulling slightly on her index finger as she waited. After a moment, Yelena's eyes fluttered open, though her eyelids hung low. The woman lay unmoving for longer than anyone would have liked. Natasha held her gaze, though out of the corner of her eyes watched as Dr. Cho began to panic. Finally, after a long moment, Yelena reached out, tapping lightly on the table's plastic coating with her nail.
Natasha knew that Yelena's experience with sedatives is unmatched; it wasn't surprising to see such a tactful reawakening. She reached out with her pointer, rubbing the back of her knuckle against Yelena's outstretched finger as she had done just hours beforehand on the farm. Natasha watched as Yelena moved onto her elbows, wavering slightly. Natasha placed a firm grip on either of her shoulders, steadying her as she sat up.
"осторожныйcareful," Natasha muttered.
Yelena swatted at Natasha's hands, her voice low. "Yes, I know. You're such a mom. The one I have is already insufferable."
"I heard that, Yelena," Melina chastised.
"You were supposed to."
Natasha smiled, ghosting a thumb against Yelena's collarbone as she pulled away. "I'm glad to see you're feeling like your usual self again."
"And what is that?" She tilted her head to the side, a familiar glint in her eyes.
"A huge bitch."
Yelena kept a straight face as though she were glaring Natasha down. "Some day, I will cut off all of your hair while you sleep."
Natasha hummed in response, holding out an arm to slink around Yelena's waist as she stood, holding her steady. Yelena's walk was shaky, though she never once wavered.
"Hi." Kate was the first in line as they pushed out the door, waiting expectantly. "They wouldn't let me in, but, you know, it seemed like everything was covered. I sat with you on the flight here; I don't know if you remember. Sorry, I know I'm rambling, but you scared me, and I-"
"Stop," Yelena grinned, squeezing Natasha's shoulder before detangling herself from her. Yelena reached out, practically falling into Kate's embrace without her previous support. "You are too good to me, Kate Bishop."
"I don't think so," Kate mumbled into her hair, sounding as if she could cry. Yelena kept quiet, wrapping her arms tighter around Kate's neck, smiling lightly to herself.