They won.
They did it.
They destroyed him.
She should be happy, she thinks to herself, they brought Thanos down at last.
But a victory like this doesn’t come without a price to pay.
She wonders if they could’ve done something differently, if this could have gone a different way.
A way where Natasha wouldn’t have had to pay with her life to get that fucking stone.
A way where she could’ve been there seeing Thanos and his army turn to dust.
A way where she would be here with her now, at the hospital, waiting for Tony to wake up.
But Natasha isn’t here. Instead, she’s at the bottom of a fucking cliff on a completely different fucking planet at a completely different fucking time. And Maria is here, standing in front of a slightly smudged mirror in the bathroom of a hospital in New York. She looks at herself and realizes how dirty her face actually is. There’s specks of dried mud and blood all over the right half of her face and neck, dirt is smudged on her cheeks and forehead, her hair is full of dust and the wound on her temple is still bleeding, the blood slowly mixing with the dirt. When she reaches to examine her split lip she remembers why she came to the bathroom in the first place.
She doesn’t know how long the water has been running when she finally begins washing blood and dirt from her hands, her knuckles sore and her palms littered with cuts. When she’s finished with her hands, she takes a wet paper towel, trying to clean up her face, the growing bruise on her right cheekbone sending waves of hot sharp pain into her skull. Natasha would have been careful not to put too much pressure on it and would have brought her an icepack to cool it. Of course not without placing a gentle kiss on the bruise first.
Natasha would’ve done that, if she was here anymore.
But she isn’t, and it makes Maria want to bang her head against the fucking wall.
When she’s stepping out of the bathroom, the first thing she sees is Pepper talking to a young doctor with long blonde hair. The worried look on Pepper’s face is gone, instead she‘s smiling, waving for Maria to join them. It feels like she is walking in slow motion, her footsteps echoing on the cold, sterile looking hospital floor, and when she stands next to Pepper, she hears the words coming out of her mouth but can’t comprehend their meaning. Finally, Pepper stops talking and looks at her with an asking expression.
“M‘Sorry, what?“
“I said, the doctor asked if you needed any patching up, your lip looks like it might need some stitches”
“Oh, no I’m ok”
Like hell she was.
“Well, they still want to do a quick check up, just to be sure, would that be alright dear?”
The last thing Maria wants is for some doctor, for anyone, really, to touch and poke and probe her now, even if it was just a quick check up. But the look on Pepper’s face makes her cave in, after all she only wants the best for her.
“M’kay, but make it quick”
It’s not quick, and eventually Maria feels worse than before. At least her lip isn’t bleeding anymore, and the two jagged slashes on her abdomen are stitched shut as well. Maria had been even more shocked than the doctor when she had lifted her shirt, she hadn’t felt the pain till she saw the wounds. The doctor said it was the adrenaline, but Maria wasn’t so sure about that. Ever since she came back from being turned to fucking dust and heard about Natasha’s death, everything felt so goddamn unreal, a nightmare worse than anything she could’ve ever imagined. She had imagined worst case scenarios, sure, because there really hadn’t been shit else to do while spending five fucking years somewhere that probably shouldn’t even fucking exist. But this is way, way worse.
Most of the time in the soul world she had spent thinking about Natasha. How happy they’d been together, how they had went on missions, how they had cuddled almost every night. She had imagined how wonderful it would be to finally see Natasha again, to kiss her soft lips, to hug her tight and never let go. If she’s honest with herself, these thoughts were the only thing keeping her alive in that damned place, and it makes Maria want to cry just thinking about how she’ll never see the face of the person she loves most ever again.
She tries to keeps her expression neutral upon entering the hospital room, yet she can’t help but smile a little, seeing Morgan sitting by Tony’s side. Tony, who is alive and well, considering the circumstances. And seeing them there, laughing, she wonders how that is fair. The answer is, it fucking isn’t. It’s not fair Tony and Clint got to see their families again and Natasha can’t, because she’s dead, because she sacrificed herself so that Clint didn’t have to, so that they could win this fight, so that they could save everyone else. Everyone but her. Maria feels guilty for thinking this, she knows she should be happy Tony and Clint got to see their families again, but she can’t. Not when the person she loves most is dead.
She doesn’t know how much time has passed, ever since she came back the days are all smudged together. Because of the weird timekeeping in the soul world or because of grief, she doesn’t know. All she knows is that it doesn’t matter anyway.
Most of Natasha’s belongings are at Maria’s place, they had been together for quite some time and eventually Natasha had decided to just haul most of her stuff to Maria’s, including her extensive collection of books in various languages as well as her cat. And even though Maria had never been a big fan of pets, she was immediately fond of Liho, who greets her at the front step when she comes home the first time in five years. Tears welling in her eyes and the cat in her arms she opens the door and when she steps inside, she can’t hold the sobs in anymore. The familiar smells of leather, coffee and Natasha’s favourite perfume hit her like a brick, bringing back so many memories of them sitting on the couch together reading, her cooking in the kitchen while Natasha was drinking wine and dancing to their favourite songs, playing silly board games on their days off and falling asleep on top of each other after exhausting days. She doesn’t know how long she‘s been sitting on the floor sobbing, but eventually she drags herself to bed, almost immediately passing out. The last thing she feels is Liho curling up against her side.
At some point, Maria brings up the energy to go and select a grave stone for Natasha. Not that there is a body to bury, anyway, but she wants something for her to be remembered.
Not long after she has set it up, it’s already littered with plush animals, flowers and candles.
One of the days she visits the grave, she meets Yelena for the first time. And even though she’d rather be alone, they talk. For hours, they tell each other stories, about how they first met Natasha, about sketchy missions and funny moments, and it’s the first time in a long time Maria genuinely smiles.
Not long after, the day comes they have to return the stones. These damn rocks that cost so many people their lives, she thinks to herself. And now, they’ll just be returned, like nothing ever happened, like Natasha didn’t sacrifice her life for one of those fucking rocks.
Everything is set up, the time machine thing is almost ready, Rogers has his space suit on and the rocks are lying on a little tray, ready to be returned. She looks at them, thinking of a thousand things. “A soul for a soul”, it echoes through her mind and she wonders. And suddenly, she doesn’t want to wonder anymore. She peers over to Banner, who has just finished calibrating the machine, and is now talking to Rogers and Bucky, giving last instructions. They’re busy, and so nobody sees her stealthily taking one of the spare spacesuits, activating its nanotechnology to put it on. Nobody sees her taking the capsules of pym particles and nobody sees her taking the soul stone until it’s too late. She hears them call her name, telling her to step down from the platform, to not do something stupid. But she pushes the button anyways, because she doesn’t want to wonder anymore, to wonder if there is something they could have done to save her.
Because why wonder when she can try, and by god, she knows she has to try.
It’s over way faster than she anticipated, and within the blink of an eye she finds herself standing on Vormir, standing on the dull ground of the worst fucking place ever. She looks at her hand clutching the stone. It’s glowing orange, and in the dim light of this nightmare planet it looks almost beautiful. But she can’t let herself be distracted now. And so she begins walking, at some point she starts to pick up pace until she’s full on running and doesn’t stop until she sees the cliff. She looks around, but all she sees are lifeless rocks and dirt, nothing else. And at a loss for a better plan, she shouts as loud as she can.
“HEY!”
No response. Just a faint echo from the rocks.
She tries again, because she still has no better idea. Because what the hell is she even supposed to do in this situation? It’s not like there’s protocol for when you’re on a different planet trying to get an asshole with an ugly skull face to notice you.
“RED SKULL!”
This time, there’s a response.
“Maria Hill, daughter of Ed Vernon, what brings you here?”
The mentioning of her father’s name makes her jump, bad memories of alcohol induced rage flooding her head. But she blocks them out, there’s no time to waste and she can’t get distracted now, not when she’s so close. So instead, she raises her voice again.
“I’ve come to make a trade”
“A trade?”
He moves closer to her. She can now see his red, sunken in face clearly, and she wants nothing more than to break it into pieces.
“What could someone like you possibly offer me?”
His condescending tone only adds to her violent wish.
“How about this”
She holds the stone in the air. His expression changes, as far that is possible for someone with just a skull and skin for a face.
“And what would you want in return for this?”
Even though he tries not to let it, it shines through that he wants the stone, a whole fucking lot.
“I want you to bring her back”
“Bring who back?”
He knows who. He knows it but acts like he doesn’t, and it infuriates her more and more.
“Goddamnit you know exactly who! I want you to bring Natasha back, in exchange you can have the fucking rock!”
“Now, now, watch your language”
She wants to bash his head in.
“I like your offer, I really do, but unfortunately that is not how this works”
She feels the blood draining from her face. This can’t be true. There has to be a way, she didn’t come this far to have that skull-faced asshole tell her that she can’t get Natasha back just because he said so.
“What do you mean, that’s not how it works? That’s the deal, right, a soul for a soul? Someone dies at the bottom of that fucking cliff and someone else gets the fucking stone, why can’t that go the other way around?”
He seems to think about that, for a whole fucking while.
“Because it is simply not possible, that’s why”
Not possible. The hell it isn’t. Her blood is boiling now and at the same time, her body feels cold and heavy. But she’s not giving up now.
“And why isn’t it? Who made that decision, huh? I thought you were the one that makes the rules here, you’re the one that decides. The one who decided someone has to die first before you give the bloody stone away.“
“And thus far, that is all that has ever happened. Someone dies, someone else gets the stone. Nobody has ever wanted to…reverse the deal. Not until now.“
Maria feels her heart drop. Was it all for nothing? Did she come here just to be told that it’s hopeless? She knew her plan was nuts, she knew from the moment the idea had formed in her mind that her chances were slim, but still. She had hoped. Hoped for something that was apparently impossible. Her cheeks burn as her eyes begin to water, not looking up when she hears:
“Why would you want to trade the stone for her?”
The question could be taken as an offense, as if he’s asking why she would want to trade something of such unbelievable worth as the soul stone against some simple, worthless human being, but his tone tells her that he’s genuinely curious. Not the who, but the why interests him.
“Because I love her”
Because she’s everything to me.
Because I haven’t been able to actually sleep since she’s been gone.
Because the house is empty and lifeless without her.
Because my life isn’t worth a damn thing without her.
Because she’s the first person that loved me for who I really am, not for who I could be or could have been.
Because there hasn’t been a day since I met her that I haven’t thought about her.
Because I never got to tell her yes.
She doesn’t say those things, but the four words she does say seem to be enough.
“Alright, then.”
He reaches his hand out in her direction, palm up. She drops the stone in his hand. At this point, she doesn’t even hesitate, she doesn’t care whether or not it will work, but she’s willing to try. And from the looks of it, so is he.
She’s not sure what she’s expected, maybe for him to cast a spell or to pull a wand from his sleeve, but he just tells her to close her eyes. She gives him one last look, one she’s hoping that tells him to not mess shit up, but the way the exhaustion is creeping up her legs and arms, clouding her mind and almost making her stumble she just hopes doesn’t look too pitiful. Her eyes fall to the stone a last time, and she secretly prays to every god she knows to make it work, because if it doesn’t…
She doesn’t have time to think that thought to an end. Her eyes are still closed and for a moment, Maria thinks she must have fallen asleep right there on the cliff. But the ground feels different, she realizes, it’s not the dry dust and stones of the cliff she’s now standing, no, lying on. When did she lie down? Her body feels almost too heavy to sit up, her suit is dripping wet from whatever she is sitting in. Finally, she opens her eyes. The orange glow that seems to be coming from everywhere and nowhere at the same time makes her squint, the light reflecting from the water she’s sitting in. Her eyes drift over the still surface, there’s nothing else besides water as far as her eyes can see. Everything looks so peaceful, and yet Maria feels uneasy, something nagging at the back of her mind, something important, something…
She’s startled when she hears someone cough behind her, all of a sudden the memories from the cliff coming back to her, the stone, the trade, Natasha…
With one swift motion she turns around. She’s not alone, there’s another body lying in the water just a few feet from her.
“Tasha?”
She screams her name, scrambling over to the other person. She doesn’t think, doesn’t consider it could be someone else, fuck being cautious, the only thought on her mind is the woman she loves most, everything else is secondary now.
“Maria?”
Natasha’s voice is hoarse, her body aching. She’s trying to sit up when she feels Maria’s arms wrap around her, holding her close.
“It worked! It worked…”
She hears Maria whispering, she doesn’t understand, but there’s no need to, the only thing that matters now is that Maria’s here, that she’s here and holding her and not letting go. Tears streaming down both their faces they sit there, in the water, somewhere on a different planet, in a different time, but together. When Maria finally breaks the hug to look at Natasha’s face, she can’t stop smiling, neither of them can.
“I missed you so much”
Maria says, pressing a kiss against Natasha’s lips. And so they sit, kissing till they’re both out of breath, smiling and crying at the same time.
Maria doesn’t know how long they’ve been sitting like that when she stands up, pulling Natasha with her. Natasha’s unsteady on her feet, swaying till Maria puts an arm around her waist.
“Let’s get the hell out of here”
The travel back is over in so little time, Maria’s eyes haven’t been closed for more than a moment when she feels a light breeze on her face. There’s no breeze on Vormir, she thinks, and upon opening her eyes, she knows they made it back. They aren’t on Vormir anymore, they’re standing on the same platform Maria used what feels like days ago, but couldn’t have been more than a few seconds. Bruce still stands in the exact same spot as when she left, same as Steve and Bucky. For a small eternity, the three of them just stare at Maria and Natasha in disbelief, but when the realization of who is standing in front of them hits, there’s no holding back. Bruce almost throws them from the platform when he hugs Natasha, Bucky and Steve trying to hold back tears coming to join them. They just stand there like that, the five of them, hugging and crying. They only let go when Natasha tells them jokingly that they’re squeezing her too tight to breathe, but Maria still keeps an arm around her. She knows that she won’t be able to let go of Natasha for a whole while after this, not that that’s a bad thing. She’s just happy to have the love of her life back.
Everything after the hug is a bit of a blur, exhaustion taking over her body as they drive the both of them to a hospital. Nothing’s broken despite her falling from a cliff, just some cracked ribs, a head wound that’s giving her a headache and a whole lot of scratches. But no broken bones. She’s not happy that they wouldn’t let Maria into the room when they examined her, but Natasha knows Maria has to be looked over as well. Nevertheless, she doesn’t like being away from her. Not after she lost her for five years. But Maria’s there when they roll her out of the room in a wheelchair, bandages all over her body and an icepack for her head in her hand. Maria doesn’t look any better than Natasha feels, and yet she’s still the most perfect person Natasha’s ever seen.
It’s a miracle they make it to their shared bed before crashing down, not able to stand upright anymore. Maria can barely kick off her shoes before she has to close her eyes, too exhausted too care that they’re both still wearing their dusty clothes. This time, the last thing she feels is Natasha in her arms, softly whispering.
“I love you so much”
When Maria wakes up, it’s dark outside. She’s in the same position as she was when she fell asleep hours ago. Natasha is still in her arms, her breathing even, quiet. It’s the most comforting and soothing thing Maria has heard in a while. Something moves against her leg, and in the light of a street lantern from outside their bedroom window she can see Liho sprawled over the sheets at the foot of the bed. Slowly, so as to not wake Natasha or the cat, she reaches for the blanket next to her, pulling it over the both of them. Natasha stirs a little, snuggling against Maria’s chest and sighing softly. In the dim light from outside she can see that Natasha’s smiling, an expression she has missed so dearly that now she sees it again, it makes her heart almost explode of joy. She just now feels the pain of the wounds from the battle, the numbness that had been settled deep in her bones gone. She doesn’t wish it back. Because no matter how much it hurts, she wouldn’t want to not feel, not when Natasha’s sheer presence makes her feel a hundred ways of happy.
Her suit is still slightly damp, but she’s still too tired to change into something more comfortable. Instead, she settles into the bed a little deeper, holding Natasha a little closer. She’s the only thought on her mind when Maria falls asleep again.
It hasn’t even been a week, and Tony Stark is already throwing a party. Nothing big, just a little party by the lake, were his exact words. Typical, Natasha had said. He just can’t help it, Maria had thought. Regardless, they showed up at the garden in front of the little cabin just after three, the place already filled with people holding glasses of sparkling beverages, bandages, bruises and scars showing under light spring clothes. Nobody cares. They are all just happy to be here, alive, together. Because everybody knows that this party could very well have been a funeral if it hadn’t been for their incredible luck. And for Maria, Natasha thinks. Maria, who is now handing her a fancy-looking glass with champagne, smiling over both ears. It’s a sight she doesn’t want to forget as long as she lives, her friends, no, her family dancing to the music from the speakers around the provisory dance floor in front of the lake, happily chattering and laughing. All while the person she loves most is standing right next to her. Natasha doesn’t think she’s ever been happier.
She hasn’t even finished drinking when Maria puts both their glasses down on one of the small standing tables, taking her hand and spinning her around in the middle of the dance floor, “Dancing Queen” playing in the background.
Maria doesn’t know how long they were dancing, but she’s pretty sure they danced through the entirety of ABBA’s discography. The sun is already starting to set when she sits down next to Natasha on the dock, letting her feet dangle just a hand’s width over the water. The whole lake looks like it’s glowing, a warm orange reflecting off the surface. It’s different than the lake on Vormir, here she doesn’t have a feeling of constant fear nagging on her mind. Now that Maria thinks about it, she’s not even sure that lake was on Vormir, hell, for all she knows they could have been transported to a whole different galaxy. Maybe she’ll ask Banner about that later. But for now, she doesn’t care. The only important thing is sitting right beside her. A conversation replays in her head. A conversation she had with Natasha, five years ago. A conversation where Natasha had asked her a question she never got to answer.
Natasha gently nudges her side.
“What are you thinking about?”
“What makes you think I’m thinking at all?”
Natasha grins.
“Because you’re making your thinking face”
Now Maria has to grin.
“My thinking face? You’re imagining things.”
“No, no, it’s true. Every time you’re thinking bout something, you get that look on your face. It’s cute”
Maria blushes.
“Okay, well, if you say so”
The music and laughter from the others appears far away when Maria speaks up again.
“Remember what you asked me five years ago?”
Her heart is pounding in her chest. Five years is a long time, maybe long enough to have changed her mind? Natasha turns to look at her.
“I remember”
“Does the offer still stand?”
She looks into Natasha’s eyes. She hasn’t changed her mind. Maria doesn’t know how, but she knows.
“It does”
“Then my answer is yes”
She almost loses her balance when Natasha kisses her, feeling her smile against her lips.
Maria’s never been happier.