Remember Me

The thing about trying to remember somebody you’ve been ‘cursed’ to forget is that you have no idea where to start.

It’s like trying to recall something that’s stuck in the back of your brain. Nothing could get that memory out, not even a photo or a video- because in your mind this person has nothing to do with you. Memories are fickle at the best of times. Involving magic makes it a whole new ball game, and it has begun to really, really, annoy Tony.

Tony takes a deep breath as he wakes up from his first nightmare-free night in a while. Pepper’s still sleeping peacefully beside him, her chest moving slowly up, and down as little noises escape her throat. He wonders what she is dreaming of. Maybe she thinks of the figure too. If Tony knew them so deeply, it is not a dramatic idea to think she did too.

He pushes himself out of bed, throws on the first passable outfit he finds, and makes his way downstairs. Happy’s asleep in his room (he can hear the snoring) and Morgan never wakes up without everyone knowing. So, it’s safe to say he’s the first person to wake.

Tony goes down to his lab and continues some work on his prosthetic. He’s got a physical product as of now. All Tony needs to do is add some tech to make it his. As he works throughout the day, Spider-Man is in the back of his mind. The kid looked terrified of him, as well as scrawny and tired. As per his new role as a consultant, wasn’t it his job to check up on possible recruits? Sam (Cap) had said so himself.

He checked his watch. It was only 10 AM, so Tony had plenty of time to go out, look for Spider-Man, talk to him, and then be back in time for dinner. So, that is what he decided to do.

Dressing in the most inconspicuous outfit so he wasn’t stopped in the street and thanked for saving the universe (he appreciated that people wanted to, but it was every single time he breathed when in public), Tony slipped out of his front door and into one of the cars. He put on the cap and sunglasses and drove to where Spider-Man ‘sightings’ were most often recorded.

Tony walked around for an hour. He walked with his hands in his pockets, his eyes watching the cracks in the street as he took small steps and fell to the back of every crowd. He’d look up at the skyline at times, expecting to see somebody sitting there.

Getting tired, and having no success, Tony sat down on a public bench and sighed. He knew this would be hard (gaining Spider-Man’s trust), but how was he supposed to even start when he didn’t even know where he was? He closed his eyes, rested back against the cold metal, and wished he could find the hero. Not only to say a proper thank you for saving his daughter but to get to know him. Tony felt like they should know each other- even if there was no rhyme or reason to it. He just knew that he had to.

They had worked together before. Spider-Man was on titan. Would he know the figure Tony’s looking for? He was at the final battle against Thanos, and Tony remembered that he was even at the airport during what the media hailed the ‘civil war’. He was on Tony’s side… but looking back he wondered why. Being with Tony meant signing to refuse anonymity- which is something Spider-Man holds close to his chest.

Had they meant more to each other once?

Tony wondered if the stones had screwed up his mind. Apart from the few constants in his life… everything felt wrong. Tony’s life was a huge puzzle piece with one of the most important pieces missing from it. Without it, everything felt strange and as if his reality was distorted. But finding this small piece in the middle of nowhere was like finding a needle in a haystack. He was beginning to think it might be impossible.

People walked past and moved on with their lives. Most had a destination they needed to achieve; the rest were out just trying to get by. Tony watched as people argued, fell in love, spent time with their families, and lived. But there was one kid, who sat alone and didn’t look like he did anything.

He sat with ratted hair that hadn't been looked after in months. His clothes, although small, were too loose on his body. He had curls like the figure in his dreams, but nowhere near as fluffy. His face had scratches all over it too. He kept looking in Tony’s direction, sometimes scooting an inch closer even though they sat about 200 metres apart. It looked like he was trying to psyche himself up.

Tony decided to make that step for him.

Walking over, he took the empty seat next to the kid. Tony knew he was probably older, but from his face alone he looked twelve. Closer up, his eyes were sadder than he had anticipated. Underneath the December breeze, he looked freezing. His hands were turning blue, his lips the same shade. Tony wasn’t sure what to think.

“How are you?” Tony asked, skipping the introduction. Tony was pretty sure the kid had clocked who he was, and he was also sure he wouldn’t want to tell Tony his name either. The kid was silent, blinking up at Tony. If Tony didn’t know any better, he’d think the kid thought he was just a projected image of someone he once held close. The pain in his eyes was similar to that in the eyes of the people he fought alongside. PTSD was, at times, easy to spot. “Not one for words? That’s alright. I can just sit here with you.”

Minutes went by. Birds continued their songs. Vendors continued to shout at people as they crossed the streets. He heard arguing from somewhere, but he also heard the sound of a busker as they sang the most beautiful love songs. He looked over at the kid next to him. The kid took a deep breath before he finally opened his mouth.

“Do- uh- you know me?” he asked.

Tony chuckled. “You know, you’re the second person to ask me that recently. I’m afraid not, kid. Have you met me before?” he asked.

“Uh- yeah- just, you know, conventions and stuff. My uncle paid for us to get a photo together once," he said. Tony wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth, but he didn’t mind. It probably was right; Tony’s mind was just a bit screwed these days and he took a lot of photos with a lot of fans. It was likely this kid was one of them. “It’s no surprise you didn’t remember me. I mean, you must meet fans every day. It is impossible to keep track of who you know and who you don’t.”

“Yeah, it’s difficult,” Tony smiled. He took off his sunglasses and put them in his pocket. “You’ve got a good eye, kid. Not many people recognise me when I go ‘undercover’. It’s weird how just a cap and sunglasses let you go mostly under the radar.” The kid just nodded. “You got a name?” Tony asked, wanting to know so that he didn’t have to keep calling him ‘kid’ in his head or out loud. 

The kid’s face paled. He hesitated before finally answering. “Ben,” he said, softly.

“Last name?”

“Uh… Reilly,” he said like he didn’t really mean it. Tony didn’t think to question it. He didn’t have the time. “My name is Ben Reilly.”

“Okay, Ben Reilly,” Tony said. It didn’t feel right, but why would it? He didn’t know the kid before, and would probably never meet him again, so his name didn’t need to fit in Tony’s head. It wasn’t apart of the long investigation he already had going on right now. “What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be at school?”

“No,” Ben shook his head. “I graduated. I know I have a bit of a baby face but I’m eighteen. Can’t afford college. Mentally or physically, I guess. Just kind of floating by right now. Guess I’m kind of stuck here right, but it’s the only place I know.”

Tony frowned. He didn’t like the sound of that, nor the look of despair on Ben’s face. Even if Tony never met him again, he looked like a good kid. Poor thing had gone through a lot by the looks of it. More like ‘going’ through it, he thought, as he noticed some bruises on his knuckles. Probably fell into the wrong kind of group.

“What school did you go to?” Tony asked, just to make conversation. He didn’t think it would lead anywhere- he just wanted to take Ben’s (and his own) mind away from the pain of their previous conversation.

“Midtown Tech,” he smiled as it brought back many memories he loved.

Ben sighed sadly to himself. Tony’s pretty sure his eyes started to get glossy. He felt bad for pressing if it made him sad but suddenly Tony was on high alert- because Midtown Tech was on the front of that journal he found. ‘Peter Parker's’ journal which was sitting in Tony’s spare room. The second mystery he was in the midst of solving.

“…Do you know a Peter Parker?” Tony asked.

Ben’s jaw dropped and his body language completely changed. Going from shy and upset, he was suddenly shocked and staring at Tony as if he had grown a third eye. His jaw dropped and his eyebrows shot up. Looking down, Tony could see one of his hands shaking. His body even moved back, his shock so gut-wrenching that he couldn’t control himself.

Tony wondered if this ‘Peter’ was a murderer or something from Ben’s dramatic reaction.

Ben composed himself, brushing down his jacket and sitting back up. He removed the hand that had sprung up to his mouth. His eyebrows went back to their normal spot on his face, his jaw moving up. Then, after all of that, he said, “No,” as Tony would believe it.

“Are you sure, kid? Because I mean- wow. You acted like I took your whole family by saying that name.”

“You might as well have,” Ben said. He was fidgeting with a ring on his finger, one that looked like a replica of Tony’s dad's old one. He didn’t pay much attention to that, however. He could think about what that meant later. His back was hunched as he sat, his breath fast as he struggled to keep eye contact. “He- he’s long gone, I – there’s no point in looking for him if you are.”

“He died?”

“Basically,” Ben told him. He looked up at Tony and kept eye contact, as his lip quivered. He tried to hide it, but Tony saw it. He saw that he was hesitating to say something. The noise of his shoes dragging against the stones wasn’t enough to tear Tony’s attention away. Sue him, he was curious. “How do you even know that name?”

“There was this journal at my house,” Tony explained, even though he knew the truth would be hard to believe. “I found it in this spare room that nobody could explain. Midtown’s logo and his name were printed on the front, but there was nothing else inside except a pen smudge. I think he’s the person that I’m looking for that keeps making their way into my dreams.”

“Oh,” Ben said, weirdly agreeable to the weird situation Tony was in now. No normal person would say ‘oh’. They’d say ‘you’re crazy and I’m going to go get you some help’. He looked at the ground. “Look, he moved away. He’s not around anymore and nobody will talk to you about him. So, if I were you, give up.”

Tony was stubborn. If you googled him, the fifth predictive response was ‘Tony Stark stubbornness’. Results of that specific search would get you videos and stories of Tony refusing to give up his suits or refusing to listen to his bodyguards as he signed tens of autographs for fans waiting in the rain. You might see him working on the time machine- never giving up even though the idea of it sounded impossible. You might also get a replica of the snap- and then even him waking up when everyone told him he should’ve died immediately.

But he was also a people pleaser and a liar. Sometimes. So, he said, “Okay, kid. Maybe I’ll have to listen to you, then.”

Ben seemed pleased with that.

“So, you live in Queens. Have you met Spider-Man? I’m trying to find him too,” Tony said after some silence. Ben looked at him with exasperation again. “What? I like finding people.”

That got him a smile which made Tony’s stomach churn. Why did he like that smile so much? And why did he want to see it so badly again? “Yeah, I know,” Ben mumbled, so familiar that it made Tony slightly suspicious. “I know Spider-Man. Why do you wanna know him?”

“Avengers stuff.”

“You’re an avenger again? Isn’t that dangerous? You almost died before.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “God, you sound like my wife.”

“Well, yeah, she usually makes more sense than you do,” Ben laughed. Once again- that familiarity. Tony reckoned most of his ‘private’ life was out there as one of the most influential people on the planet (not to be too egotistical, that was a quote out of People’s magazine), so that’s probably how Ben knew of their dynamic. “Anyway- you- Avengers. It’s happening again?”

“Well, no- I mean, not really,” Tony explained. “I’m like their consultant now. Like a glorified, billionaire, receptionist. I was supposed to do that originally, but I was too cool. Which was good, because they totally would’ve lost without me.”

“Egotistical,” Ben muttered.

Fair, Tony thought. He should’ve been annoyed at the comment, but the way he muttered it made Tony laugh. He had heard it many times spoken to him like that. With a fond, and annoyed, undertone. Everyone he loved said it like that- and normally he loved them too.

“Anyway- I want Spider-Man to join the team. He’s good, as I imagine you know. Talented. He saved my daughter too, but that’s not it. I wanted to get him for the team before that. I guess that I’m worried about him too. He seems lost and there’s something in me that wants to help him. I want to make sure he’s okay.”

Ben looked at him softly. His eyes were still wet with the past tears that never fell. “I can… I can get you his number, maybe,” he said, slowly and with hesitation. “I- I take photos of him sometimes. I work at the Daily Bugle, and they pay me double to get photos of him. Recently, he started to notice I was the only one that got halfway decent photos of him so we kind of set up this deal where he’d pose for me so I could get more money.”

“Really?” Tony smiled. “Yeah, thanks, kid. That’s awesome. Maybe you could take some photos for the Avengers one day.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Ben smiled. But there was a sadness behind it. A deep, internal, sadness that Tony was afraid would never budge. Ben gave him Spider-Man’s number, writing it on Tony’s phone. Tony grinned down at it, knowing he was closer than he thought. When he looked back up to thank Ben, he was already gone.

Weird.

Tony, happy with that day’s progress, walked back to where he parked his car and made his way back home before Pepper yelled at him and accused him of being deeply invested in being a superhero once again. She didn’t yell much, despite what he’s been thinking lately. She just loves him enough to be worried. Tony prefers it that way. He’d rather she loved him desperately than pretend there was nothing to worry about.

Morgan was sitting with her mom on the porch as he pulled up. He walked up and gave her a wide smile, putting a plush on her lap that he brought on his long walk earlier that day. She grinned and cuddled into it, running off to show Happy (who was cooking dinner for them, even if they both told him it wasn’t his job, and he was a guest).

“You look happy,” Pepper says. She pulls out the chair and takes his hand as he sits down. “We missed you this morning. What were you doing?”

“I’m trying to find Spider-Man,” he said, “to thank him and to recruit him to the Avengers. I’m not going to be Iron Man, but I still have to be a part of it, Pep. It’s my job, I want to help. So, I’m doing it behind the scenes now.”

She shakes her head, but this time it’s not with aggravation. A small, trivial, smile plays on her lips. “Oh, Tony,” she sighs. “I knew you could never rest. It’s part of why I love you so much. I just don’t want you to be sucked in again. I want you to be able to live.”

“And I am,” he says. “With you, and with Morgan. With our family. I just still want to help others so they can do the same.”

Pepper leans in and places her head on his shoulder. She lets her eyes flutter and Tony can feel the faint brush of her eyelashes on him like a quaint butterfly landing to pollinate its flower. He puts a hand through her hair and watches as she pushes back against the touch, her lips curling so sweetly that Tony can forget all his worries.

“Just be careful. Please,” she whispers.

He agrees. Because nothing is worth losing a life like this.

Right?

Not even…

“I lost the kid.”

Tony watches himself as he walks off the spaceship. Nebula is behind him, watching. She takes in ‘Midgard’ for the first time. Her eyes are lost. It’s nothing like home. Tony, however, is lost for another reason. He’s watching Steve, his heart broken. He’s got tears in his eyes.

There’s a face on the screen that Tony can’t look away from. He can’t see its eyes or its nose, only the curls and lips he’s come to recognise as the person he misses deeply. He sees himself wince as the photo emerges. He clenches his fists in anger and averts his gaze, desperate to see anything else. His heart aches. Both now and then, he imagines. It’s a loss he’d do anything to fix.

Anything.

That pull on his heart is the same feeling he got when Steve came to the cabin and told him that they found a way. That Scott Lang was stuck for five minutes (or, in the rest of the world’s case, five years) in the quantum realm. They could use it. They could go back and fix this all.

Tony’s too scared to risk it, to do anything that might take his family away from him. But then he sees the photo on his sideboard of a figure that draws so much love from him that it’s insane. It’s the same way he felt whenever Morgan opened her eyes. It’s a different love than he feels for Pepper, of course, but it’s still that strong. Just dispersed differently. It’s there- it hurts- and it’s enough for him to change his mind.

The love he felt for this person was enough to change the world.

“Tony?” Pepper said. She’s now sat upwards, snapping her fingers in his face. Her eyes are struck with worry. She can’t stop looking at his face as she checks his heart is still beating. “Tony, are you okay? We lost you for a second there.”

“I’m fine,” Tony replied. His hand found its way to her cheek. He leaned in and pressed a kiss on her forehead. “Just trust me,” he said. She did, always, but it didn’t alleviate the stress it caused.

Even if his life was upside down recently, that didn’t mean they didn’t have a night routine to follow. Bath time for Morgan, social time for Happy and then skin routine and bedtime for the two adults. As Pepper fell into a deep sleep, Tony decided he’d go down to the lab. He had work to do.

He texted the number. He’d probably be asleep, and Tony didn’t want to piss him off straight away.

TONY 11:20 PM: Hey, Spider-Kid. I got your number from your photographer, Ben. I’d like to talk to you in person if that’s okay. -Tony Stark (yes, the real one).

He waited and waited for a response, using the rest of his time to add the final touches to his prosthetic. He put it on for the first time and fiddled with the controls, making it to his liking. He flexed the fingers, making sure it was all working properly. It felt right, but it also felt weird. He liked it as it helped him with his daily tasks, but it was also overwhelming. Did he think he was better with it on? He wasn’t weak without it, but that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t use it.

Losing his arm in an accident meant he wasn’t used to life without it. Getting used to it meant he went through a lot of struggles and painful nights. He didn’t know how to keep his balance, or how to make a cup of coffee without spilling the hot water over himself. He’d always taken things like that for granted.

He watched other patients like himself become stronger as they changed their lives around to accommodate the new change. They took to it like a fish to water, doing things like walking again after a major accident. They made it look like child’s play. He got there eventually…

He was worried that the prosthetic might cause more pain, but he needed it. Independence was a thing he craved- he couldn’t have someone looking after him twenty-four-seven. If he did, that person would need their carer for how much he’d accidentally/purposely put them through. That was what made this (his new gold and red arm that was a perfect fit to the stump) perfect.

SPIDER-KID 11:33 PM: Hi, Mr Stark. Is there a reason why you’d like it to be in person? Am I trouble?

Tony heard his phone buzzing from the other side of the room. He stopped what he was doing, walking over to his desk where his phone led face down. Picking it up, he checked his messages and immediately started to text back. He wasn’t about to wait.

TONY 11:34 PM: No trouble, kid. Although if that’s the first thing that you jump to then you make it sound suspicious. Just a tip.

TONY 11:34 PM: I want it to be face-to-face as I want to help you. I can’t help you if I can’t even see you, can I? It’ll just be a quick conversation unless you have much to say OR if you take up my offer.

SPIDER-KID 11:40 PM: Offer? What offer?

SPIDER-KID 11:42 PM: Also, you probably could help without seeing me. It’s not that hard to imagine. I know you’re old and a millennial but the internet has some amazing qualities such as online bank transfers. If you’ve heard of it?

Cheeky shit. Tony wasn’t old. Right? He knew how to keep up with the times. He knew some of the latest trends that were important. Memes were a thing. He has known that one for a while. Where he found it out, he couldn’t say. But they were funny. Tony liked-

He never liked the ones Tony liked. He said they were ‘old’ and ‘out of touch’.

Tony narrowed his eyes. Had that been the figure about which he was just thinking of? How much younger was this kid than him?

He tried not to think too hard. He had another text to send.

TONY 11:49 PM: Uh-uh. You can wait until we’re in person to ask questions.

TONY 11:49 PM: And I’m not old! I’m just – well experienced.

SPIDER-KID 11:52 PM: How am I supposed to know if I want to go if you’re being so vague about the reason behind it? I’d like to know if I’m signing up for a cult or going out for coffee. It’s not that hard to explain.

TONY 11:53 PM: Fine. God, you’re sassy.

TONY 11:54 PM: I want to ask if you’d join the Avengers.

SPIDER-KID 01:34 AM: No.