just grab my hand and don’t ever drop it
It’s been two days since they’ve been Avengers. Day one, was the day that Wanda proved just how much of a gay mess she was, not only to herself, but to her brother too. As soon as she had seen Natasha, when they were out of the elevator, she had practically frozen and had an internal gay panic the entire time. She was too nervous and shy to even dare to self-sabotage herself and sit next to Natasha, so she had practically shoved her brother into the seat next to Natasha like an idiot . Then, during the whole game, the moment she had heard even just a small hint that Natasha might like women too, when she had said her “Never Have I Ever” of not ever being asked out by a girl, she had choked. Twice. It was so embarrassing.
And when she caught a sliver of one of Natasha’s thoughts, and it had been about her, she had stared at the spy like a moron, and had to ask about one of Tony’s stupid and unnecessary paintings that probably cost more than the cost of a feast that could feed everyone that had volunteered for Von Strucker’s project. And leaning over her, oh god, that was so embarrassing, she had practically literally thrown herself on Natasha’s lap.
And being so pitiful, when Pietro had caused Natasha to spill some of the liquor onto her and tried to say it was alright— almost really trying to stay in her wet shirt the entire rest of the game. Then, to keep the train wreck going, in the elevator, she lashed out when asked about her eating enough, asked about the spy’s love life, which she didn’t even really have the right to ask about considering she had recently just invaded Natasha’s mind and pulled out her memories—even if she put it back behind her walls so it wouldn’t haunt her in the future, she still did it—and Natasha didn’t have to answer, but she still did. Then she– ugh, she had just been such a damn mess all throughout the entire past evening.
Natasha Romanoff seemed to just have this power over her, to be able to reduce the legendary Scarlet Witch into a mess.
The second day, today, due to habit in her lonely years, living all alone in her cabin before she ruined it, in her use of the spells recorded in the Darkhold, Wanda has gotten up at 5 AM, barely awake, and teleported with a single thought ‘Kitchen’, which of course, took her to the kitchen, but not hers. However, she wouldn’t know this, considering she was going through the motions, her body still heavy with sleep, and eyes closed. She uses her chaos magic to start moving everything, because even with a muddled mind, she knew how to cook breakfast. She had once literally done it in her sleep, after a long night of nightmares, and she had slept on the cold counter, while her magic cooked her breakfast.
A few minutes later, she lifted her tired head from the counter and floated the plate of egg and cheese sandwich towards her, along with the glass of milk, rubbing her eyes to wake up a little more. When she looked up, however, it was to Pietro’s shocked face, reminiscent of his face when he saw her in her Scarlet Witch regalia.
She sighed, nearly crying out in a groan. “Just…” she shook her head, took the plates and glass of milk from the air, and turned back to the elevator. “...I don’t know, wait for later. I will explain when I’m awake.” She went towards the elevator and as the doors opened for her, she saw Steve, open his mouth, his thoughts came before his words, and Wanda was never a morning person, not even in the most beautiful mornings. It wasn’t that she was a grumpy person, it was that she was a brain-missing-until-a-few-more-minutes-of-silence-and-peace person, and she didn’t have the energy nor the mental power to socialize or keep her mental barriers up.
‘Training’ , was all she heard, and it was enough to make her float her glass of milk and plate of egg + cheese sandwich and press a finger to Steve’s lips. “Shhh.” She said, a small smile on her face. “If you don’t speak, you won’t ruin my morning. So, let’s not speak, okay? Just shhhhhh. We’re gonna play the quiet game, and we’re not gonna say a thing. No one is, until I’m back in my room, for my peace and quiet and we’ll all be fine.”
Steve stared at her in stunned silence, and that was enough for her to take her food back from the air and enter the elevator, and let the doors close, while Pietro and Steve stared at them, letting go of her glass of milk and letting her magic carry it, she placed a finger against her own lips— “shhh. Quiet game.” She nodded to them, as the doors closed.
Did it feel painfully reminiscent of her mental breakdown days in WandaVision when the Hex was falling apart, and nothing was going her way and she was half losing her mind? Yeah, yeah it was, but– grief could wait a second. If she didn’t even have the energy to talk to her brother, she didn’t have the energy to put herself through that either right now.
Breakfast and peace first. Angst and the rest of the world later.
⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰
Wanda came down, better rested, better charged, and dressed in Natasha’s sleep shirt, tied at the back, with her red jacket tied around her waist, and the same skirt + thigh-high socks + boots combination, all recently cleaned. Was it practical for practice? No, but Pepper had yet to come back from her vacation and Pepper was the only one who took her dress shopping, so until Pepper came back, her wardrobe would consist of the clothes she had on her back when she came to America + Natasha’s leather jacket, and sleep shirt, which she would take great delight into finding ways into styling later.
The rings and necklaces on her were also probably not very practical for training, but again— Pepper.
“You’re going to fight in that?” Pietro asks her as he approaches from behind.
“If you would like to criticize my fashion choices, perhaps we can argue about the fact that you came to America with basically training clothes, suit for your super speed, and I came here in a dress, and a leather jacket that wasn’t even mine. Then we can start to discuss what I fight in, yes?”
Pietro shut his mouth, and did the zipper motion, throwing away the key. Wanda nodded in approval.
Okay, yes, she was still a bit cranky, but to be fair— well, to be fair, the nightmares had finally caught up with time. She spent the entire night in nightmares about scenarios in which she hadn’t been able to save Pietro, and couldn’t die in Sokovia with him, and had to relive everything as it was all over again, or her old nightmares in the original timeline, and it kept pulling her out of her already horrible sleep, and awake, panting, and then she would see Pietro on the bed beside her, sometimes awake and looking back at her concerned, most times asleep, and she would be soothed with the fact that he was here so she would never again be alone, and would go back to sleep. But then the nightmares would come again. And it would repeat until she decided to avoid sleep. She used to avoid sleep in the original timeline a lot too, but she had wanted to do better in this life, for Pietro. However, it seemed she wouldn’t be able to change her sleep schedule.
She walked out directly to the bench while Pietro ran around, inspecting everything in the training room and trying out some weapons, amazed at everything he found. Wanda laid down on the bench. She closed her eyes, and was just starting to drift off when Steve clapped his hand loudly. ‘ You know what?’ , Wanda thought as she took a deep breath, ‘I'll make sure he doesn’t get the job of putting the stones back. He’s not getting his happy ending life after this.’
She pretends to keep her eyes closed, hoping he will stay quiet if he thinks she is sleeping. She is wrong, he yells at her to wake up instead, tells her it’s early morning, a beautiful morning to say the least and they are going to be training and seeing where everyone is at, fighting-wise. Wanda should have tried to sleep more instead of making breakfast. She swept her soft brown curls back, and walked towards her twin, her feet dragging.
“Uhm,” she starts, as she reaches Steve. “Captain… Steven–”
“--Steve”
“--Steve, that I have exercise induced asthma? Yes, it is very severe and very crippling, and I do not have my inhaler. It got… destroyed in Sokovia. And so, I cannot exercise. It is a very serious medical condition.” She lies shamelessly. Her face straight, she hadn’t been lying to Strange in the past, when she told him that the lying was the hard part of the Hex, but it was hard on her because of the guilt. She was good at lying.
“Didn’t you fight and help us win the Battle of Sokovia? Run around Sokovia in those boots and all that?”
Wanda stays silent for a few minutes. “Look, Captain—Steve—whatever, I didn’t get enough sleep, okay? I am very sleep deprived. I was up all night dre–with nightmares. And so my powers are very haywire, and that is the real reason I can not practice. So… I will be in my room, and I might cook something–”
“Oh, alright.” says Steve. “That’s alright, I’m sorry for that. You know what you should do? It helped me when I woke up in a new time period. You should go and uhm, explore New York. I just wanted to know where you were in terms of fighting, but if you’re tired, then you don’t have to.”
‘Well, I was trained by you, Clint and Natasha, so I’d say pretty damn good.’ , Wanda thinks.
“Oh, and–” Wanda said, wondering about this. “When we were taken here, a SHIELD officer named Jennifer interrog– interviewed us, but– I thought SHIELD was down?”
“Oh, that.” Says Steve. “Some agents still call themselves SHIELD officers, but it’s unofficial now. They’re still trusted and all that, but they don’t really technically have a job at SHIELD. They’re just kind of Avenger’s officers, but not part of the team– does that make sense?”
“Yeah.” Wanda nodded. “Okay, I’ll go and explore now.” She turned to start walking when Steve called out—
“Wait!” She turned back around to face him, with a raised brow. He fished two debit cards from his pocket, given to him by Tony Stark, with money also probably provided by Tony Stark. “Stark recently gave them to me, told me to give them to you. Go on a shopping spree, there’s a lot of money there.”
Hm, maybe not Pepper. Maybe that was just something that happened back then because she refused to come out or something.
Wanda nodded, and used her Chaos Magic to bring them from Steve’s hand to hers. “See you guys.” She walked out the training room, Pietro using his super-speed to cross the distance from the other far end of the room to right behind her in a matter of seconds. His blue blur passed Steve and Vision.
“Where are we going?” He speaks.
“To get something to eat. Explore the city. Buy things.”
“Speaking of eat–”
“Please, Pietro…” She sighs. Her head hurts, the memories of the nightmare won’t leave her. It’s always the nightmares that stay, never the pleasant dreams. She hates that. Just like how she hates that it’s always others’ nightmares she receives if she lets her mental block down during sleep because dreams are too pleasant and quiet, but nightmares are loud and invading. She hates her mind-reading. “Just… not– please.”
Pietro places a hand on her back. “Конечно, нет, сестра. Я не буду заставлять вас делать или объяснять то, чего вы не хотите. В свободное время. Давайте просто пойдем и исследуем, а? (Of course not, Sister. I won’t force you to do or explain something you don’t want. On your own time. Let’s just go out and explore, hm?)”
She nods, forever grateful for her brother’s understandingness. Even when he was impatient, if she wanted time, he would always give it. He was amazing and sweet, and would have lived a far better life than her, if she’d been the one to die in the original timeline. She knew too, that it was taking him a lot to be patient right now.
When she said that she telegraphed her dreams through magic, she meant that when she was in the throes of a nightmare—or dream—her magic made it so that those that touched her got sucked into her nightmare, and though Pietro was the sleep-talker, she did have her moments, in which her mind was calling out so hard, that her body found it near physically impossible to not call out verbally too. She knew he’d heard some of the things she called out, his name, her kids’ name, Vision’s name, and growls of Thanos’, and Agatha’s names. Apologies. Pleadings.
She wouldn’t lie and say that this was the first time that many nightmares hit her in one night, but it wasn’t common. She didn’t expect it. But then again, Fate often had a great time playing with her, and of course, many different nightmares would hit in a new future where things were supposed to be better.
As they walked around the streets of New York, or, Pietro did. He explored the city while Wanda followed, quiet and hoping to get her head out of the darkness that her nightmares had dragged her into. Pietro walked into a McDonalds and looked around, at the long lines, and at the food.
“We’re really in America now.” He said, in awe. “This is a true McDonalds. Is it really as good as they say it is?” He wondered out loud.
Wanda shrugged. “I guess, but you grow tired of it eventually.”
Pietro turned to her; his brows furrowed. “When have you ever gone to McDonalds?”
Wanda froze. “Uh… me to know, you to find out?”
Pietro sighed, in resignation, and followed Wanda as she took a seat, and sat across from her. “What should I order?” he asked, “I don’t really–”
“Just say you want a 20-piece chicken McNugget meal with large fries and Pepsi as a drink. Then order one Junior McChicken Meal with large fries, and an extra unrelated Junior McChicken, along with probably three or four Double Big Macs, and a Quarter Pounder with cheese– and order two hot fudge sundaes too. Oh and a second pepsi.” Wanda told him. Pietro nodded and ran, in a normal speed, towards the line, reciting the order in his mind until it would stick. She laid her head down and astral projected while her external body rested her head on the desk, Wanda meditated in soul form, collecting herself, and forming mental blocks, like a very big closet in her mind to stuff all her nightmares into, so it would stop bothering her for the rest of the day.
By the time Pietro came back with a few trays of food, she had succeeded. She took a Junior McChicken, her large fries, and Pepsi. Pietro took the rest.
“This is so good!!” He said, after finishing his second double big mac. Wanda nodded, as she watched him eat. “I want to go here every day!”
“No, you don’t.” Wanda told him, patting his hand. “And we’re not going to.”
⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰
Near the end of their shopping trip, they were practically relying on Wanda’s magic to carry everything they were carrying, and she was providing. Pietro had the longer set of arms between the two of them, so she gave him the bags, and he carried most of them, and hung the rest of them on his arms, while she supported their weight with her magic, so he was more like just a hanger carrying no weight.
They had bought full wardrobes for Wanda, and Pietro. For all occasions. Mostly casual, and to see what their style was, and clothes that fit their styles, because they didn’t have to steal anymore. Wanda still bought the better amount of clothes because she went overboard, and neither twin was fully lying when they said that Wanda liked clothes more. She got dresses, in many colours but mostly black, same thing for most of her clothes. She got jackets, and shirts, and skirts, jeans, leggings, stockings, thigh-high socks. She got a lot of clothes. Pietro did too, to be fair, because he did care about his appearance, and he did know style, and he knew what he liked. He wasn’t going to look like many of the guys that had passed by them, relying on chains to make their outfits look cool, or wearing just hoodies or shirts with sweatpants, not that they were bad, they had their aesthetic, and he had his. They also bought sports clothes, and workout clothes because…. training.
They had also gotten a phone. Pietro got a Samsung because it was what looked coolest to him, and Wanda followed because Iphones were far more breakable and they were literally superheroes, so… and also a laptop, and an alarm to share between them, and fitbits, because exercise and just why not? Then they both bought rings, Wanda more than Pietro, but he liked the plain steel rings, and the chains, and some plain stud earrings. Wanda had bought some books while Pietro bought an XBox and some Video Games. Then the two decided to also buy card games, board games, and the likes. Then Wanda bought makeup, and sitcom DVDs, while Pietro bought more food—small grocery shopping, really—all for him and movie DVDs, mostly action and some comedies
They also bought a mini-fridge, but that was…not quite yet with them….
Currently, with Pietro and Wanda both carrying the weight of their many shopping bags, they were buying necklaces, and some chokers for Wanda too. When Pietro saw a pretty, wide, black choker with a flower pendant, and turned to her, holding it in his hands with a smile, Wanda nodded, with a similar smile.
They both went to the empty changing rooms, no one else inside the other stalls. The twins entered the biggest stall together, and placed their bags down, they’d already seen how they looked in their outfits in other stores—and had the one who was waiting outside of the stall, rate the others’ outfits, like a mini fashion show, and the montages you see in sitcoms or movies—but they liked the privacy of the changing room stalls when they were trying out anything, even just accessories, and they didn’t see the need to take up two spaces when they could just share one. They rated each others’ necklaces, chokers, rings, and so on.
Then, Pietro stepped behind her and he placed the choker on, the one he had chosen. Wanda didn’t think of the consequences, and her time at the Raft came right for her. The choker tightened and its weight got heavier, until it was taking up most of her sensations, and she felt extremely restricted, and her sight was moving from reality to the sight she had grown accustomed to and she was suddenly not Wanda Maximoff, the Avenger shopping extravagantly with her twin brother, or The Scarlet Witch. She was a monster locked in a cage, a monster who couldn’t dare to move or breathe too heavily lest she be electrocuted for an indefinite period of time.
After some period of time, she didn’t know how long, the view faded from sight, and suddenly, there was Pietro hovering over her, concerned, while she sat curled up in the corner, while Pietro yelled her name, and tried to get her attention, but Wanda noted, his hands were up in the air, like in surrender, and he made sure not to touch her, or let anything, even the bags, touch her.
God, she loved her brother.
“Wanda?” Pietro said, concerned. Fear still laced his words, and his tear-filled eyes emphasized his worry for her. “Are you alright?”
“Y-yeah… Yeah.” She said, unsure if she was lying or not.
“Are you sure– I don’t think you are, sestra. I just saw you go fully unresponsive, curl up against a corner and… are you okay? What are you not telling me? Wands, please, we don’t keep secrets from each other.”
Wanda swallowed and lifted herself up from the floor. “Yeah, I know. But I’m fine. I just… I’m not gonna get the big chokers, I’m gonna stick with the thin lace ones, or just thin black ones.” She nodded, and walked past him before he could say anything, already levitating the shopping bags, and taking some of them for herself.
After a few seconds of silence, he sighed, and started to grab the bags, and followed after her. “Okay.” He said to her, “Keep your secrets, then.” and he walked past her. They returned to the Avengers building in silence. They went inside the building, and up the floors, quiet, and no one bothered them, maybe something in their body language told them not to talk to them. Whatever it was, she was grateful for it.
They placed everything down on their bed, and Pietro sped to connect their alarm, but that was it. Technically, they had two Queen sized beds in the room, but they shared one bed, because they couldn’t sleep unless they were next to each other. The nightmares hit harder when they weren’t around each other, to remind the other they were safe and not alone. To Wanda, the nightmares are still horrible, but they would have been worse had Pietro not been there. To Wanda, she’s experienced a lifetime of nightmares without him, and it’s taking her a while to remind herself she’s safe because he’s here. To Pietro, he hasn’t had a truly terrible nightmare in years, because Wanda’s been there. To Pietro, Wanda and him shared nightmares, or have similar nightmares, enough so that he would know what he would be sucked into if he touched her and entered her nightmares during her sleep. To Pietro, he’s never had to be surprised at what he sees in her nightmares.
To Pietro, Wanda has been his twin sister for all his life. To Wanda, she’s lived a life without him.
They aren’t the same people anymore. Pietro seemed to be starting to understand that, but not quite settling in well with the fact, because she had been the same person just a few days ago and now she was someone else completely.
Wanda turned to him as soon as all the bags were down, but he had turned away, moving over all of the bags containing his clothes, and whatever else he bought. He kept his eyes averted from hers.
“I’ll get all my things done later.” He said, and then began to walk out the room.
Wanda chased after him, but he kept walking, and Wanda had to speed-walk just to catch up with his unrelenting fast pace, though he was just walking. “Pietro! Please, I know– Pietro, please don’t do this.” She called as he walked down the halls, his long legs carrying him faster than hers could. She stopped, while he kept walking. “Pietro! Please!! Talk to me!”
He stopped too, and kept silent, and Wanda worried, but then he turned around and marched back to her. “Why should I talk to you, tell you how I feel, and tell you things when you don’t? You— we do not keep secrets from each other, Wanda. I get it if you just wanted time, but you’re not asking for time, are you? No. No, you are just lying and keeping secrets from me. And we don’t do that to each other. To everyone else? Sure, okay. But to each other? I don’t know this person you are— this person you have become. The Wanda I know does not keep secrets. The Wanda I know would talk to me.”
And he walked away.
Wanda stood at the end of the hall, watching her brother walk away, his words echoing in her mind.
I don’t know this person you have become.
It felt like swords had stabbed into her heart. A few words from her brother had hurt her more than any of the Kamar-Taj soldiers ever did, and some of their attacks on her had been aimed to kill. As his words echoed in her head like a feedback loop from hell, she stumbled, barely able to stand. Felt for the wall, but only managed to grab someone’s hand. She looked up, surprised—
Natasha.
“Uhm-”
“Are you okay?” Natasha asked.
Wanda blinked, uncertain of how to react. Normally, when her emotions were this dark, or when she was this hurt, and low, no one asked her how she was—if she was okay—not even if they were there when the event happened, if they had seen her, and seen the reason why she couldn’t be okay. They just left her alone, ‘gave her space’, (so much space that she didn’t have anyone show concern for her aside from a few pitying looks), or told her they were there for her but never actually showed that they were.
So she lied.
“Yeah,” she looked towards the hall that Pietro had walked off towards, like he would be there, but he wasn’t. “I’m fine.”
Because, apparently, lying was her default now.
Before Natasha could say anything, Wanda rushed back into their room, and sat at a corner, pulling her knees up against her chest, and burying her head in the space between. And finally, after hours, and days, of not being able to, in case she might worry Pietro— she cried. She cried for the Wanda that she used to be, the one that couldn’t even fathom keeping a secret like this from Pietro. The Wanda whose default when she was uncomfortable or uncertain wasn’t lying. The Wanda whose nightmares Pietro knew. The Wanda that Pietro had thought she was. And again, for her kids and all the people she lost.
She cried until she fell asleep.
⊱⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⊰
She woke up, a few hours later, tear streaks still on her face. She hadn’t had any nightmares this time, thankfully. She woke up with a purpose. She may not be the same Wanda that Pietro knew, but she could still be the Wanda that didn’t keep secrets from her brother. She looked towards the alarm clock.
12:54
She stretched her hand out and Natasha’s leather jacket flew from the desk to her hand, carried by scarlet wisps. She put it on as she walked out the hall, resolved to do what she needed to do. While the elevator moved down, she sent out her scarlet wisps to find Pietro for her, so she wouldn’t be searching everywhere in this huge building. He was in the living room. She pressed the ground floor button for the living room, and waited for the elevator to arrive, hoping that in the short span of time from the 5th floor to the 1st, she wouldn’t have talked herself out of it already.
Thankfully, she was still determined by the time the elevator reached the living room. Pietro was sitting on the couch alone, watching some action movie. She walked past the couch, and saw Pietro turn her head to look at her, but he stayed quiet. Then when she reached the stairs, he asked— “Where are you going?”
She stopped. “Midnight walk.” She looked towards his direction, his figure in the darkness, trying to pretend he didn’t care. “Aren’t you coming? You said you wanted an explanation, right?”
Pietro perked up, and ran to her, but Wanda stopped him, with a hand on his chest. “Get a jacket. It’s gonna get cold. And snacks. You’re going to get hungry.” Pietro nodded, and ran up the stairs, instead of taking the elevator, to get his things and came back in under a minute.
They walked downstairs, and out the building. Wanda took a few moments of silence, absorbing the cool, but not too cold, chill air of New York on her skin. A stark contrast to the harsh colds they suffered in Sokovia, and the stilled temperature she lived in in WestView, and in her cabin all alone.
Pietro, God bless him, gave her time, and just walked quietly by her side until she decided to talk of her own free will.
“I’m different.” She said, “We both know this— and I’m not talking about just my powers.”
“Yeah.” Pietro nodded. “I mean you can definitely do more with your powers now, that I can tell, but you’re… you’re a lot different. You’re more aggressive, and wiser, and… you’re just… you’re not the Wanda I knew. And I’m sorry for what I said up there, I didn’t mean all of it, I didn’t–”
“It’s okay.” Wanda reassured him. “I understand.”
Pietro nodded, relief settling in his blue eyes.
Wanda took a deep shaky breath, “I’m… I’ve… I time travelled.” She settles. It’s hard, she doesn’t know where to start. It would sound so crazy to Pietro, who hasn’t been through what she’s been through. Pietro, who thinks that the weirdest thing to ever happen was probably just an alien invasion and super speed and red magic.
“It’s okay.” Pietro says. “Just take your time. I want to hear your story. I won’t judge.”
She laughed, if only he could keep that promise.
“Even if my story’s crazy?” She asked, pursing her lips.
“Even if it is crazier than Twilight.” He replied, taking her hands and kissing the back of them.
“Okay.” Wanda said, making a choice to trust her. “I… in my… in the life before I time travelled. You- you’d– You ddd…” she breathed out. “You died, Pietro. You died, and I couldn’t stop it, because I had no idea what was going to happen. I sent you out, and told you I could protect the core. You joked that you were 12 minutes older, and went anyway. I was doing a good job— and then I felt it. Bullets, not just two, or three, or even just four. So many bullets going through my body, and in a few seconds, our connection. Our bond… it was gone.” Her voice was thick with emotion and a Sokovian accent.
“And we… I never really knew just how much I felt our bond every second, until it was gone. And it just… felt like a big chunk of me—half of me—was missing, and I knew I would never get it back. I knew then that you were… that you were gone.” She swallowed. “And so, I… I was alone. I was taken to America, like we are. Like… now. But, unlike now, I didn’t have you by my side. I really was in shock back then. And the interview, I was angry at them because… because I remember back then, a day after I lost you, they bombarded me with questions. Made me relive everything that happened, asked about you, about us, about everything that… about everything. And I was so uncomfortable and scared and new, but they wouldn’t stop.
“And I just wanted them to stop. To give me a break. But they wouldn’t. They weren’t comfortable, they didn’t feel safe, unless I was retreating into myself. And I was. Their tactic was working. And they tried to do that again this time and I just… I hate them, I still do, for it. I had just lost you and they wouldn’t leave me alone.” She wiped her tears.
Pietro took one of her hands, and squeezed. Anger darkening his blue eyes. His non-verbal way of saying he was there. It gave her strength.
“Anyway, after… months later, I was nearly catatonic. I didn’t leave my room. I was quiet, and reserved, and a shell of myself. I had just lost my other half, and I was in a new country, and even though I had chosen to be an Avengers, for your memory, because I know you would have wanted to be one. Would have wanted to be a hero, and you would have been there by my side. Even though I chose to be an Avenger, I wasn’t really ready for it.
“I spent my nights crying. Or sleeping and having nightmares. Over our parents. Over you. I was completely alone. The Avengers, they tried to help, but I wasn’t easy. So they just gave me space. Vision, though… he was there for me the entire time. He made it better. He made it seem like there would be light at the end of this incredibly dark tunnel I had just been wandering in. I fell in love with him.” Salty tears were on her lip when she licked it. She had cried so much tonight, but that wasn’t new to her.
Pietro’s eyes widened, “That toaster?! You– I’m sorry. Continue on.” He said.
Wanda giggled wetly, and tried to wipe her tears again.
“And we fell in love. And we were… we were close… but then Lagos happened.” Her mind retreated, as she remembered the memory.
“Lagos?” Pietro asked, bringing her back to the present.
“Uh… uh, yeah. Yeah, Lagos.” She fiddled with her rings. “It was a mission gone wrong. It was going decent, and then… there was a name mentioned, and Steve was distracted. Bucky, or Winter Soldier, I think. Or… I don’t know anymore. He was distracted, and there was a bomb. He had a bomb strapped to him, but Steve didn’t see… I did.” Her breathing got heavier.
“I saw the bomb, and so I… I was tired. I- I was… I… I saw the bomb, and I encased it in my magic, and tried to stop it. So it wouldn’t kill Steve, or anyone down there. I lifted him up into the air, I wanted to get him up to the sky, so he could explode without harming anyone. But there was a building right by us. It’s… And I told y– I was tired. And I wasn’t that strong. I struggled, and he was high up, but he was not high enough, and I failed. I… I let him explode. And I killed so many innocent people. I failed them, because I was weak.”
Pietro squeezed her hand, and it took her a few seconds to get out of the memory to look back into his blue eyes. “You are not weak. And you did not fail. You saved so many people. It was not you fault that Steve didn’t see the bomb, or your fault that… It wasn’t your fault, Wanda. You did your best.”
“Yeah, well my best wasn’t enough then, I guess.” She spat, pulling her hands away from his. She averted her eyes. “Steve tried to tell me that too, but the articles and the news… They all blamed me. They knew I was a failure.” She stared at the ground, glaring. Pietro kept silent, but she could hear his wince, when she referred to herself as a failure. Well, he better buckle up, because there was going to be a lot of name-calling in this story.
“They knew I was a failure so much that they tried to make a law or– an Accord. They tried to make Accords for it. The Sokovia Accords. I was their basis. I was uncontrollable, and not… They tried to control us. Steve didn’t like that. There was a battle coming, and we had to choose sides. Sign the Accords, and join Tony… or not, and join Steve, and live on the run. Vision chose to support the Accords, and I… Well, I chose the other side. We had to fight. I won. Then there was a bigger fight later on, and I had to be left behind. Clint, too. He had become something like a father figure to me, since you died. He felt guilty for your death, so he made sure I would never be hurt, in your place.
“They had a bigger goal than protecting me, and we knew not everyone would escape. I chose to stay behind. Vision caught me and… And then we got sent to the Raft, an underwater prison. And everyone was put in nice little cages, like criminals. Neat little cages for them all. But I was on a different floor. I was all alone, and they put me in a straitjacket, and a shock collar. It wasn’t my first time being electrocuted, and restricted, and jailed… but it was my first time doing it without you by my side. I was alone, all over again.
“They didn’t know how my powers worked. That’s why they put the shock collar on me, even though I was already in a straitjacket. And then they realized I was nothing to be afraid of without my powers. So they started taunting me, holding their power over my head. They took it far. But they couldn’t make any bruises where it could be seen, thankfully for them, only my face could be seen because of the straitjacket. Everywhere else was fair game. And if I moved too much, or breathed too heavily, or looked like I was going to fight back even just a little, even if it was just this certain look in my eyes. They would activate the shock collar. Eventually, I learned not to move, and not to respond, even under pain.
That’s what happened at the shop. With the choker. I was sent back to the Raft. To where I had to be catatonic, and learn to dissociate to protect myself. I didn’t mean to keep secrets from you, I just… it’s… it’s hard to talk about. The life without you. Eventually though, Steve came to our rescue and he took us to Wakanda. And there, my electrical burns were healed, and I was allowed to heal, physically and mentally. Clint, and Scott—another hero—they had taken deals. They had families to return to. Don’t worry. Clint did not do a bad thing. I was on a different floor. He didn’t know what they were doing to me.” She told him. He attempted to unclench his jaw, and release his anger. Attempted.
“By the time that passed that I had been better, and more responsive, there was some sort of deal made between Steve and Tony. And Vision could be there for me again. We lived away from the Avengers. We had our own lives, just us. We fell in love even more. And he’d planned our future. A life in retirement. Just us, but forever. But… fate does not like me. An alien mad-man named Thanos came from the universe to our Earth, because of infinity stones. He needed the infinity stones… There are 6 stones, like the one in Vision’s head. Time, Power, Mind, Soul, Reality, and Space. All 6 stones made up the Universe, and could make anything come true, if you had all of it.
“He wanted to collect all the stones, to rid the universe of half of everyone in the entire universe. And Vision was one of the first he targeted. He got stabbed, so I had to defend him. And I almost lost, but then the rest of the Avengers came. Vision had tried to warn me, before they attacked, that he could feel something bad coming. I told him I couldn’t feel anything, when I looked into the Mind Stone. I could just feel him. Fast forward to when all the plans are formed, and information is shared. They took Vision to Wakanda, so they could save whatever was left of him, and take it from the Mind Stone, so that we could destroy the Mind Stone, but keep Vision. I was supposed to stay with him, while he was under, and protect him. But, Natasha and Okoye were in danger, and I had to go down and save them, and I left Vision unprotected.
“They took him off the machine, and fast forward again… the time came, and I had to destroy the Mind Stone before Thanos could get it, but Vision would die… permanently. The Mind Stone was the only thing that kept him alive. He told me that it wasn’t right that I had to be the one to do it, but I was, and that I could never truly hurt him, and all he could feel was me. Thanos was approaching. I had to do it. Others stalled him, while I was destroying the Mind Stone, but they failed, thrown aside like flies. So I had to hold him off with one hand, while I destroyed the man I loved with the other…
“And I did. He died. The stone was destroyed… I had succeeded… until Thanos used the Time Stone, which I would later find out that Stephen Strange—Dr. Strange—gave to Thanos willingly, because of some plan, or something that he wouldn’t say. And with that Time Stone, Thanos rewinded time, to when Vision was alive, and the stone was not destroyed, and killed him himself, taking the stone from his head. And I had to watch. I put a hole in the head of the man I loved, and it meant nothing.” She paused, trapped in the memory, with tears streaming down her face, and her breath catching, and quickening, until it felt like she could barely breathe, much less speak, but Pietro didn’t say anything.
He didn’t try for words, or consolations that would just sound empty, in the face of having to face something like that. And instead, he just squeezed her hand, and pulled her into him, wrapping his arm around her. Reminding her he was here, and she wasn’t alone. Reminding her that she was in a different life, different future. Wanda took solace in his arms, familiar and safe, and loving. She caught her breath, and the tears stopped, she wiped her tear marks… then continued on.
“And so, with the Mind Stone. He had all of the stones. And he snapped his fingers… and he won.” she stared coldly into the glass of the shop. “And half of the universe went away. Including me. I died… but that wasn’t the end. The Avengers, 5 years later, finally had a plan to get us all back. Time Travel. They would go back in time and take the stones, to undo what Thanos did. And they succeeded, even though it led to the death of Natasha, and we were returned mid-battle. Dr. Strange brought us back to the battlefield for a second battle with Thanos, who didn’t even remember what he had done to destro… to win. He didn’t remember killing Vision and taking everything away from me. I was angry, and powerful. And it scared him. He rained down fire on everyone, me, and his army, before I killed him.
“And then we won… Tony used the gauntlet to kill Thanos and his army, but it cost him his life. There was a huge funeral for him, but Natasha was overlooked. Vision was overlooked. It was all… so unfair. Except for Steve, apparently. He had the task of returning all the stones, with Time Travel, and he decided to live a life with the woman he loved, and get his happy ending.” She could feel the tears coming in again, and released a shaky breath. “So I visited the town where Vision bought a plot of land and wanted us to stay in. And I broke down. There was just this… emptiness inside me. Like when I lost you, but worse, because I had lost you and Vision, and Natasha, who was my close friend. And no one checked up on me, and I was all alone, and I was back in the darkness except no one would ever be there for me ever again, no light… ever again.
“And then I did something unspeakable. I didn’t know, back then, but I still did it. I held the whole town hostage, to play out my perfect sitcom life, in WestView. I called it WandaVision, and it changed eras, and I was happy, in that fake reality. Yes, I created a reality. The Hex. I didn’t know I was making everyone suffer my grief, and go through my nightmares so that it wouldn’t be in my head. And I had kids… Vision couldn’t… They were created through magic. My Magic. And they were everything to me… but then there was another witch… sorceress. Agnes— no, Agatha— she hijacked my show. She wanted to know how I created the Hex. She made a fake you, you know, made you… fake you ask about it. All I told her—him—about was the emptiness.” The tears were back.
“Such a strong fake reality, that worked by itself, it intrigued her. So, whilst she held my sons hostage, when she revealed herself. She took me through a tour of most of my worst memories. When that shell hit, when I was mourning you, and… and when I had to see Vision’s body being torn apart and experimented on, and used to form the weapon that he didn’t want to be, and when I tried to look in his head, but felt nothing. Not him. Nothing. And then she figured out her answer, when she saw what I did.
“She… She showed me what my happiness cost. She released people, and they begged me to release them, or release their children, and they begged and begged and… it was so much and I didn’t mean to, I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know my happiness cost theirs. I didn’t know that I couldn’t be happy unless I was in a fake reality that hurt other people… I didn’t know, and I’m still so sorry for it. She also told me who I was, the Scarlet Witch. A being of unfathomable magic. Someone who could rule or destroy the Multiverse. It was prophesied in her book. The Darkhold. The Book of the Damned. I told her I couldn’t be what she told me I was, because I wasn’t a witch. No one taught me anything. I- no one taught me how to use spells.
“There was a fight, after white Vision—SWORD used his real body, and used my magic to revive him, but he was a killing machine, as they intended, and they sent him to kill me, but failed. He wasn’t the Vision I loved, the Vision I created inside the Hex. And then we fought, Agatha and I. She kept trying to steal my powers. And she was succeeding. But then, I used her lesson against her. Her lessons about runes, and that only the witch who cast them could use her magic in the area. And I engraved it into the barriers of my Hex while she was busy siphoning my powers. And then I took hers.
“And I’d won the fight, and I’d trapped her, as the role she chose to play; Agnes, the nosey neighbour. But it didn’t mean I won. It’s like that saying, but I won the battle, not the war. I had to give up my Hex, and happiness, because I was supposed to be a hero and that’s what heroes do… They didn’t hurt people. So, I took it down, and said goodbye to my kids, and to Vision again. And then I was alone again. I lived alone in a cabin, far far away from everyone else.”
Her eyes glowed red, she knew. She could feel it.
She was just… it hurt… but not just hurt. There was no word for the sort of pain she felt in thinking of everything all over again. No matter how many times she could do it, it would always hurt.
“I had to do it all over again. Give all I had, give all I could. Give everything, for the greater good. Lose everything and everyone that made me happy for other people all over again. I gave up my happy ending so that they could have theirs, and I was so tired. I was so tired of losing, of watching everyone be happy but have my happiness be dangled in front of my face. I’ve done it so many times that you think I would be used to it, by then, but all I was, was… was tired of it, of giving everything I have and care for, for the greater good, for everyone else but me. Tired of being selfless and alone.”
She’s aware that’s not something a hero should be saying, especially not a superhero but she was. She was so tired of it, even now. And she just didn’t care about being a superhero anymore. Everyone else could be. They could all give and give and be selfless, but not her. She was done with that.
She was going to be selfish in this life.
(But selfish in a way that wasn’t going to hurt anyone innocent or anything…)
“Then the book that I took from Agatha: The Darkhold—or, the Book of the Damned—and it made me hear my voice screaming for help. And I… I was so alone. It corrupted me. Easily. I wanted my boys back. Because I was so tired of love that wouldn’t last or… or people that I loved, not lasting. It promised me that, in the form of my kids if I did what it told me to do, and I caved. It told me about a girl named America Chavez, who could travel through the multiverses. So I conjured up monsters, and sent them after her.”
She took a deep breath, and prepared for judgement then, because while anything else she had done before might have seemed reasonable, what would happen next was anything but. But Pietro surprises her, instead, he squeezes her hand again, and urges her to continue with a nod. No judgement is in his eyes, like he promised.
She feels the words get stuck in the back of her throat, and a new batch of tears come to her, but not out of sadness this time, just… happiness. She didn’t deserve a brother like Pietro, but she was glad she had him anyway. She fought to keep him, and she was glad she did.
“She was just a kid, barely 15. But I hunted her. Strange asked for my help, but I– I don’t know why, I purposefully slipped up. Used her name, even when he hadn’t said it to me. And uhm… And I became a monster, in my search for them. He armed the entire Kamar-Taj—that’s basically his sorcerer headquarters—and there were hundreds of sorcerers. Barriers up, battle ready. I took down the barrier, by targeting the mind of a certain sorcerer that had a weak mind. He ran. The barrier had a hole, and I entered. I killed them all. All by myself, all those innocent sorcerers. I tried to get them to give me America without a fight, but they chose a fight, and I killed them for it. Like a Monster.
“America travelled universes. I chased after them, through dreamwalking—entering another universe you through sleep or meditation, but the bad thing is you’re asleep and kind of vulnerable, and I guess, probably a little weaker—and the Illuminati, they tried to stop me. The Illuminati were basically the Avengers of that Universe. I killed them all too, anyone who stood in my way, I was horrible.
“They told me Black Bolt could destroy me with a whisper from his mouth, so I removed his mouth, and he tried to speak, and it ended up melting his brain. There was a father in the group, and I shredded him like–hah–blue pasta, I guess? He had the power of elasticity, and so I shredded him. Then I killed a different Captain America with her own vibranium shield, cutting her in half. And then for the other Captain Marvel, I dropped a statue on her. And there was a telepath, he tried to reason with me, and tried to save the me whose body I had been inhabiting. I snapped his neck, in my mind, and that killed him too.”
She didn’t want to look and see the judgement and horrified look on her brother’s face upon hearing of the atrocities that she had committed, so she kept her gaze away.
“Then a sorceress from Kamar-Taj that was left alive destroyed the Darkhold. But I wasn’t free from its whispers, so I asked Wong, the sorcerer supreme. I was sure he knew. He wouldn’t tell me, though. So I… I took up innocent sorcerers that were still alive in the rubble, and tortured them until he caved. He told me about Mount Wundagore, and that the Darkhold was just a copy, and we went there. Found out it wasn’t a tomb for us, it was a throne. For me.”
She closed her eyes, and wished that her story just ended there. That she didn’t do more horrible things after. But it didn’t. And she had more to tell, so she resolved herself to keep telling him until the end.
She looked around to where they were, and realized they were near the Avengers building again, but still far from it that she could talk about the rest without reaching the building and then worrying about others hearing.
“And I kept hunting America down, and Strange too, I guess, because he was protecting her. Covered in oil, and blood, and in mom jeans and a white shirt, and I was coming after them. I got America back, pulled her in by her hair, and got out, Dreamwalked out. America was with me. And I started to drain her. She begged, and then she told me that it’s not what my kids would want, and I knew that, and I couldn’t deny it, so I just told her they would never know. She told me that I would though, and she was right. But then Stephen came in, dreamwalking.
“He was a hypocrite. After all he said to me then about how I shouldn’t dreamwalk and all that, and here he comes, dreamwalking. He didn’t stop me. America did. She got control of her powers, and started punching me with enough force to tear apart star-shaped holes in the universe, to other multiverses. But I was still winning. So, with my hand around her throat, like when Thanos was going to kill Vision, America gave me what I wanted. Transferred me to a universe where my kids were. Right in the living room. They saw me as I was, a monster. A dangerous witch.” She sighed. “Of course they did. I was in their living room in my Scarlet Witch clothing, eyes dark, fingers black, with my hands around a teenager’s throat. I was a monster. I am.”
Pietro huffed, but thought better than to speak. But his grip on her hand was like iron.
“And they ran from me, and ran to their mother, and I got so mad, I told them that I was their mother. But they just got scared. They pleaded with me, told me that… They didn’t want me to hurt them. And I tried to tell them, ‘I would never hurt you.’, that I wouldn’t hurt anyone, because I wasn’t a monster but… but the thing was I was a monster. And I had hurt people.” Her lip trembled as the tears came again, not that they stopped. Remembering everything she had done caused such a tremendous amount of guilt that the tears couldn’t stop coming. “It broke my heart when I realized what I’d become. What a disgusting hypocrite and monster I was, despite… I was… their… I…” She stopped where stood on the street and curled up, hugging her knees close to her chest, adn breaking down into sobs.
She didn’t even expect herself to get through this much, but she had nearly reached the end.
“For the third time in my life, at my lowest, I got down to my knees again. The first time was when I lost you, the second was in WestView when I lost Vision, and the third… Well, I’d just lost my kid. 838 alternate universe Wanda came up to me, still nursing a few cuts from what I’d stolen her body to do, and she told me, ‘Know that they will be loved’, and that was just it, I was so alone that the only person who could comfort me then, was myself. America took me back to my own universe in Mount Wundagore, and I told everyone that I would never again let the Darkhold corrupt anyone.”
She swallowed, and stayed curled up, but Pietro had pulled her aside to sit by the side, so the crowd that was still rushing and walking, even at midnight, wouldn’t have to keep walking around them, and sat on the ground next to her. A hand on her back, soothing her.
“And I took down Mount Wundagore. I destroyed all forms of the Darkhold across the multiverses, and I was thinking of my entire life, and how it all started to go wrong when you died. And I was happy, because after all the fighting and loss I had to go through, I was finally allowed to die. Allowed to rest… and then I woke up, and I was alive. And I was in the past, but I didn’t know it. I thought you were just another nightmare. I didn’t want to fight anymore, but Fate wouldn’t let me be happy.”
Pietro pulled her close and stroked her hair, as she cried into his shirt.
“I’m glad you’re alive.” He said. “And you won’t have to keep fighting and losing anymore, sestra. I’m here now, and I’ll make sure you’ll never be that alone. Ever again. I’m here. And I’m staying.”