I am alone again in this world with no one to support and love me the way Anne did. I find it hard to acknowledge that she has gone. I thought with the doctor’s help she would recover. She didn’t. We would pray constantly. Well, I was the only one praying near the end. It seemed she had given up all chances of ever seeing Shibden again.
I recall the last words she wrote on the morning we left.(Leaving Shibden) We snuck away in the cover of darkness so the tribe wouldn’t know we were gone until it was too late for them. I am grateful to have had six amazing years with Anne. Yes, we argued. I threatened to leave her more times than I can remember. How foolish I was to do that.
If there is anything I regret it is that I didn’t have enough courage to be with Anne sooner than I was. That I allowed the tribe to make me feel less than who I was and to dictate to me. To tell me constantly that Anne wasn’t someone I should associate with when I knew her better than anyone.
Now, I am alone. I have to get her body back home to be buried in the church we worshiped in while she was alive. Although, more often than I thought she would she fell asleep during the minister’s sermons. I giggle now when I think about that because her head would inevitable rest on my shoulder. I loved those moments. It showed how vulnerable Anne was. Well, to me. I doubt if she showed that side of herself to anyone else apart from Aunt Anne.
Aunt Anne, the lady who accepted us. The lady who allowed me to live at Shibden with her niece. I often wonder what we would have done if that acceptance hadn’t been forthcoming. Yes, I can hear what you are saying. You’re right. Anne did inherit Shibden but her father,her Aunt Anne and her sister, Marian were given a right to live there. Weren’t they? So, I don’t think Anne would have gone against their wishes even though she was full of bravado. She wasn’t as tough as some people say she was. I know her better than most people.
I know I will have problems when I return back to the kingdom and back to Shidben hall. I am sure my family with be grinning all the way to the bloody bank because they will know I am weak now that Anne isn’t with me any more. My protector is gone. My love is dead and I don’t know how I will go on without her beside me. Why can’t they just leave me in peace? I wish they would.
I know Elizabeth has supported me in the past but I think he could turn her mind and ensure that I had no support from anyone. I don’t understand why that is how it should be. I think Captain Sutherland just wants to get his hands on all my father’s property so he can do whatever he wishes. If, only Elizabeth was braver than what she is and stand up to his manipulative behaviour. I know that won’t happen because he has control over her half my father’s property. I still don’t understand why she did that. Why she handed over control to him. My sister is smart but when she did this not long after they got married. She seemed silly to me.
Now, here I am heading back home. Who knows what kind of reception I will get. Then I must organise Anne’s funeral. I don’t want to do that but I know if I don’t it will be a shambles of an affair. I don’t want Anne to go to her resting place without a decent send off. She save me from a living hell. I need to see her soul will rest in peace until I see her again. I know that will happen one day.
We are seated in the church. It is packed to capacity and many people are standing. I am sure Anne would be surprised by the turn out to farewell the love of my life. I don’t know how to express my gratitude for the job the minister is doing. I am sure Anne would think it wasn’t necessary to go to such lengths. Yet, here we are and yes, he did. I am so grateful for the support I am getting from Marian. She has offered to stay at Shibden with me for a few days. I declined. She has a life of her own now at Market Weighton and I don’t’ want to be a burden on anyone. I know Anne would agree with that.
Mariana is here somewhere. I will find her and talk to her. I know we haven’t been the best of friends. I think she is still annoyed with Anne for taking the sacrament with me when she did. Yet, that was what Anne and I wanted to do. It wasn’t easy for us to be together and that would often make it impossible for me to decided what I wanted to do because my family would make it hard. Anne made it easier than what I ever imagined. She stuck with me even though I wasn’t always the best companion she could have found someone better. She didn’t want anyone better. I think she thought she could take care of me and that would make me see that what the tribe was saying was ridiculous. Yes, there were times when I was at my best and times when, shall we say, I was annoying. Even I will admit that.
Yet, Anne loved and accepted me more than I will ever imagine. She did that not because I was wealthy. If she stuck around only for my money. Why did she get out vast loans from other sources and not from me? Why did she whisk me away on our last trip together? She could have stayed at home. She might still be alive today. I don’t know how I will live without her but I will do my best. My wife’s life is over and I need to ensure her legacy lives on. Now, is the only chance I will ever get to do that. I love you, Anne, I am in love with you. I always have been, dearest.
Then I hear a voice I haven’t heard since Anne took her last breath. I love you, Adney. You are the best. I felt strong arms wrap around me. ‘I am still here with you, darling. I always will be, Adney.’ I did my best to smile through my tears. I knew then that we would be together again one day because my Anne was waiting for me.