The streets were silent, eerily so in such a way that Peter felt uneasy by it. He couldn't remember the last time that his spidey senses weren't flickering left and right between different levels of threats that villains were causing. To suddenly hear none of the noise, or the usual static that evaded his senses was strange. Too silent in a way. Peter didn't want silence not now.
Crystalline droplets splattered heavily upon lithe shoulders. Clambering against the ribbed material of his suit. As well as soaking his curls until they were thoroughly drenched.
It was safe to say that the temperatures were frigid, to say the least. And yet it barely took an ounce of Peter's already waning self-control to stifle a shudder at the icy liquid. He continued gazing at the cloudy horizon - unblinkingly as Peter launched himself once more into needless thought.
The rain was adamant as it angrily downpoured upon the city below it. Effectively soaking anyone within its wake. He was not an exception to that rule Peter just didn't care.
The sky's wrath however ultimately went unnoticed by Peter. His almond-colored hues stared at the ground beneath him. Unseeingly and unblinking so glazed over that it almost reminded him of Matt's own unresponsive gaze. His legs dangled as the swiveled over the ledge a few stubborn droplets raining from his soaked suit.
He could only assume that his mentor was still out looking for him. Confused and maybe even worried about the reasoning behind why Peter had decided to block and ignore the man.
Deep down Peter knew that his mentor was too stubborn and far too prideful to just accept Peter's absence. And that Daredevil most likely hadn't given up the chase yet. Especially not since Peter hadn't been home in over a week nor had he told his mentor that he'd be gone. He knew that Matt deserved an explanation as to why he'd just up and run away from everything. And better yet why he'd disappeared.
Matt deserved that at the very least. But Peter just wasn't ready to indulge his blind comrade with one. With that thought, it'd probably be a good thing to start getting a move on leaving. Before Matt found him. He tried. Peter did but he was just so, so tired- and even more numb. His limbs alone felt weighted.
So Peter sat eyes as unresponsive as they had been before. So incredibly still that it was unlike him. Barely even shivering against the rain.
It never occurred to him that hours were unknowingly passing by. Leaving him within their wake as they trudged by. Frankly, Peter wasn't even sure if the knowledge would be a big enough factor to change anything.
_____
A cautious yet steady footfall reigned havoc upon the rooftop. Steadily growing closer to him.
''P'ter,''
Ultimately the call of his name went unnoticed. His mind is all too hazy and so overly clouded that he wasn't comprehending. The fact that the statement was directed toward him didn't quite seem to register.
Nonetheless, the person was proven to be stubborn. Footsteps padded closer harshly crunching down onto the slate of the roof in their haste to get to him.
Peter didn't mind. Still too engrossed in his own thoughts to care about them even as they crept closer. The only consolation for his safety was the fact that his spidey senses hadn't flared or alerted him of a threat. So he could only assume that it'd be fine.
''Peter!'' The voice called out once more. Suddenly much louder- more real.
The volume was almost comforting in a sense with it being the only thing able to get through to him. However this time Peter noticed that his name seemed hardened with a sense of urgency. Dawning the absolute need of his attention.
And suddenly the volume didn't feel so comforting anymore.
The urgency was something that he couldn't quite understand although the curiosity and confusion it induced were enough to break Peter away from his stupor. Cocking his head in confusion Peter finally swiveled around.
Only to come face to face with Matt's steely unresponsive gaze. The elder's look was unseeing and reproachful yet it was Matt all the same.
Matt Murdock. Matt had found him. Matt couldn't be here.
His adviser kneeled beside him, Daredevil suit gleaming conspicuously. Even now admist the numbness Peter was all too aware of a number of things. One being the number of tears within the suite. Signaling that Daredevil had been patrolling prior. And two being that Matt was unmasked. The good was off. Thick unkempt and admittedly wild hair instead shun in its place.
The reveal of chocolate brown threads of hair was new. Seeing as Matt never shed the hood so seeing the elder do so was rather abnormal. The more he pondered on it though the more clearer things become. Matt hadn't shed the hood because the man had wanted to. Matt had done so for Peter. Without a doubt, Matt had done so for him - for his comfort.
Matt's face had always relieved him. He'd once told the other as such. Daredevil was a facade- a well-sculpted facade and a hero within Peter's mind. But still a facade all the same.
However, Matt Murdock was different. Matt was real - human in ways that the man's identity never was. Matt Murdock didn't have the luxury of hiding behind a mask and concealing every inch of emotion as Daredevil did.
Concern filtered unmercilessly across Matt's face.
Peter watched wearily as his mentor sighed out in relief only to tactfully begin to approach him. So cautiously that Peter couldn't help but mentally compare the display to how one would approach a wounded animal. Frankly, Peter wasn't sure what to make of the comparison or how he was supposed to feel.
The care within Matt's touch alarmed him.
''Hey- it's me. Just me,'' His mentor soothed. Eventually ditching talking in its whole in favor of brushing calloused fingers against his jawbone. Peter knew it for what it truly was and saw it to be an attempt to keep him grounded in the hollowness of reality. He shuddered against the gentle and nimble fingers suppressing the pang within his gut. Resisting the urge to lean into the touch. Instead choosing to only nod gracelessly before regretfully breaking away from the affection. Immediately Matt's arm dropped bonelessly once he'd separated himself.
A pang of regret struck him afterward at what he'd done. Matt wasn't meant to look that dejected.
For a moment all was quiet uncomfortably silent. Peter despite himself longed to fill it with the usual incessant chatter that he never ran out of. And he tried truly Peter tried. His mouth opened and closed repeatedly as his thin lips screwed up senselessly. Frustratedly enough Peter still couldn't voice any of the words or babble he'd gathered. It was futile.
So he scrutinized the vigilante instead. Peter as attentive as ever studied the elder never missing a beat of movement or concealed expression. Because here Matt was clad within the murky crimson of the Daredevil suit. Here his mentor was unmasked before him- for him. The man's face was more unsure and earnest than he'd ever seen it. Devoted and earnest within the elders haste to help but bordering a slight timidness at not knowing how to.
For what it was worth Peter understood. Matt hadn't exactly signed up for this and all the baggage that undeniably came with Peter when the man had met him. And Matthew Murdock didn't do feelings. It wasn't that the man didn't try it was just obvious that his mentor wasn't exactly in tune with them.
But Matt was trying. The Devil Of Hell's Kitchen was actually trying to be of use in comforting him and Peter couldn't even try to ease the edge of the elder's discomfort. Matt blew out a breath exhaling softly. Peter searched the man's chiseled face as the other grew an ounce of composure.
He wasn't sure how to help. Wasn't sure if he could at least not with how emotionally spent Peter was as it were.
So he just mindlessly stayed there. Frozen next to Matt. Matt who seemed to be the absolute epitome of uncertainness seeping blandlessly with insecurity. He waited with a bated breath for something to unfold or for the other to say something - anything.
All that happened was his mentor seemed to revert back to how Matt usually was. Launching them back into their usual ways. Matt had never been one to initiate touch. Peter has scarcely seen Murdock initiate any affection with anyone so not only was this new to him but it was new to Matt.
It was also all too much. All at once. And he could only hope that the other hadn't taken his actions as outward rejection.
Peter swallowed once, twice, thrice against the guilt that bubbled. Before chalking up any thoughts or feelings and shoving them down. Ignoring them.
Then he stood, turning around and taking his leave. He couldn't be here not around Matt. Not when Peter Parker only hurt people. And he couldn't - wouldn't be the reason for Matt's downfall.
Matt decisively didn't care. Hopping up and following. Entirely and wholeheartedly clueless to anything on Peter's mind. Swimming in blissful ignorance that he longed so dearly - but could not have.
The man lurched forward with swift senses only to clasp a hand around Peter's wrist.
''No, don't leave. Why don't you stay a bit and talk with me?''
It wasn't a suggestion at least not really. Peter didn't think the word 'suggestion' was even in Matt's vocabulary. This was an order. Which made it easier to follow in Peter's book. He was used to commands.
Minutely Peter stilled signaling that he understood, causing Matt to slacken the hold.
''Would you like to talk here or at home?''
The ultimatum slightly caught Peter off guard. His back was still turned to the man. It was still debatable on whether or not that happened to be a good or a bad thing.
''I-uhm. Here,'' Peter choked out. Conjuring up what charismaticness he had left. It sadly all faded the moment he turned to the other. His antiques fell short, and felt cheap. And his voice grew quieter. ''Hi, Mr. Murdock.''
Amusement sparked across Matt's face dancing against the man's lips. Before they stretched into a wry smile. The man vaguely gestured an outstretched hand toward where they'd been moments before. Peter blinked. Eventually understanding as he reluctantly followed the other. They sat beside one another.
It wasn't like he'd had much of a choice in avoiding Matt's confrontation anyway. Not when Peter knew the man would just follow him anyway. Let it be said that no one avoided Matt Murdock.
''Hello,'' Matt replied. ''We've talked about this kid. You're hardly a stranger. So it's Matt, not Murdock, and definitely not Mr. Murdock.''
''But-''
''Matt,'' Matt affirmed. Tone drenched with finality.
''Okay, okay,'' Peter proclaimed meekly. ''Thanks, Mr-''
Murdock merely facepalmed. Choosing to interrupt right then and there.
''We can touch on this later but kid?''
Matt began. Readying the pointed question that Peter would be just fine without.
''Where have you been lately? I've been looking for you.''
Peter winced. Suddenly finding interest elsewhere as he began fiddling with his web shooters all too eager to just swing away.
Unfortunately, the blind man's attention still hadn't left him.
''Oh, y'know I've just- well I've been around,'' Peter said cheekily. ''Doing friendly neighborhood spiderman stuff.''
Peter knew his mentor enough to know that the lawyer wasn't impressed.
''Ah, something about that seems hard to believe,'' Matt countered. ''So then what has Peter Parker been doing lately?''
''Huh?''
''Well since Spiderman's apparently sticking with friendly neighborhood things I've got to ask what Peter Parker's been up to,'' Matt clarified.''Well don't keep me waiting I'm curious.''
''I've just been,'' He can't help but pause. What? What had he been doing? Matt's eyebrow raises and Peter flippantly bites out an answer. ''Busy.''
''Busy? Considerably so,'' His mentor chided. Thick brows furrowing. ''Mind explaining something else for me?''
Actually yes. Yes, he very much did mind.
''Maybe later,'' Peter snickered nervously. Sheepishly carding a hand through his wet curls. ''I actually have a few criminals webbed up that I should go check on. So-''
''I can tell when you're lying. Not that your that great at it either,'' Well shit. ''Anyway, there's also the fact that I'm rather curious about why you've been avoiding me. As well as why you've blocked me.''
Oh, Peter simply thought. Well, he'd much rather ignore the second half of the question. Maybe save it for a better day which hopefully would be never.
''I'm not bad at lying!'' Peter cried out indignantly.
Might as well salvage what was left of his already wounded pride. Matt only grinned.
''Bad is an understatement. I'd like to think that terrible is more of the word,'' Matt smirked smugly. Peter glares. ''But that's beside the point.''
''You don't understand,'' Peter finally burst out. Limbs flailing around exaggeratedly in exasperation catching Matt by surprise.
''I had to!''
''What am I not understanding? Help me understand Peter, make me see what I'm missing here.''
''Blocking you, avoiding you,'' Peter explained. ''It was the only way I could keep you safe.''
''Yeah, no I don't like that answer,'' Matt glowered. ''Listen I've known you long enough to tell when somethings wrong Pete, so don’t try to pull this shit on me. Don't shut me out,''
''Leave it alone,'' Peter couldn't help but insist. Nearing tears. ''Please.''
''I can't do that,'' Matt confesses. Not even seeming the least bit apologetic.''You know that I can't do that. Not if you're at risk. So I'm asking again Is someone hurting you? Or threatening you? Did someone -''
Matt's eyes lit up in realization before softening.
''Peter did someone find out?'' Matt questioned lightly. ''Because if anyone did it's fixable, it's fine. I can handle myself, Peter. I can handle the truth.”
''No,''
''No?''
Peter can't help the laugh that forces its way out of him. The sound it emits is hardly humorous it's pained, choked, and bordering hysteria. Matt's hardened resolve threatens to crumple with it. As Matt stiffens at the sound alone.
And Peter? Peter only wishes that the problem was as minuscule as what his mentor is suggesting. It's not.
It never is.
''No, you don't get it! It's not anyone else it's no one else,'' Peter pauses. ''I'm not being threatened, hurt, and nobody found out.''
''Then-''
''It's none of that,'' Peter cuts in. ''It's - it's me. I'm a poison. I'm dangerous to everyone around me.''
''That's what you think?'' Matt echoes incredulously. Crestfallen and disgruntled as the man sags at the implications. ''How did an idea like that get in your head?''
How could it not? Peter stares dubiously at Matt. As though the blind man will take notice of the action. Knowing Matt the man probably does or at least takes notice of it.
''I'll get you killed. I only get people killed it's not just an idea if it's true,'' Peter Parker was nothing more than a plague. One that only succeeded in ruining lives, causing disaster, and getting people killed. Peter sniveled. ''Uncle Ben, Mr. Stark, Au' -Aunt May they've all died because of me. They are gone now because I couldn't stop it from happening- I couldn't save them.''
Peter watches taking in the moment that Matt sucks in a breath tersely. Mouth agape and face blanche. Fully astounded at what Peter had just said. Silence resounds.
''I can't let anyone else get hurt because of me. Getting attached to me isn't worth it Mr. Murdock..I can't do that to you. Not you.''
Not Matt. Never Matt- please.
''And if it's my choice?'' Matt fired back, tone anguished yet unrelenting. And crap, was he really about to argue with The Devil Of Hells Kitchen?
Yes, yes he was.
And what about it?
''It's not,''
''It is,''
''It's not your choice.''
Silence.
Peter feels like Mr. Stark at the moment. Finds himself reflecting back on a time before he'd grown close with Matt where there'd been Tony. Mr. Stark who still holds a piece of his heart that he'll never get back.
He tries to understand why the tone- and overall statement sounds so familiar. And then Peter understands as the breath is gutted from him.
No, this is where you zip it the adult is talking Tony had once said.
And Peter realizes so suddenly why his previous mentor had appeared in his mind. Becomes aware of how Tony's statement blurs with his own. And how similar what he'd said to Matt is to something Tony would say.
''Peter, look at me,'' Matt murmured. Voice rough and firm despite the pleading undertone. Matt's voice had always been the one thing that Peter believed in. That gave him strength now it seemed to do the opposite ''You don't get to do this, I'm not letting you do this. I understand where you're coming from okay I do. Truly I do. You're pushing people away hoping that it'll be enough to get them to leave you so that they don't get hurt. I've been there and I've done that. You're hurting and that's okay- but shutting everyone out isn't. When you have no one it's an entirely different concept. You don't just hurt it leaves you numb.''
''It's safer.''
It is. It's hardly a lie.
Being alone will never not be safer in Peter's mind. Heatedly he glances at Matt almost daring the other to challenge him. Matt only sighs.
''Sure,'' Matt relents. ''That's what you want to believe at first. Because it makes it easier. You wanna know something though? The people I pushed away got hurt regardless. Maybe even more because I pushed them away. ''
''Don't,'' Peter cried out vehemently. ''Don't do this to me.''
''People get hurt. It happens it's terrible, and extremely unfortunate. It never makes it any easier. But some people are worth getting hurt for.''
No.
''And you? You're more than worth it. You will never not be worth it, kid. Foggy adores you, Karen loves having you around,'' A fond smile perches itself on Matt's face. It takes everything Peter has to not melt. ''And to me? Well, your my kid. You will never be a poison or a liability. You give me strength more than anything.''
Yeah- no, rewind that Peter found himself thinking in awe. Matt- cared about him like that? Matt thought of Peter as a son?
''So,'' Matt grunts out fiercely. ''I'm not abandoning you. Nor am I going to continue letting you tear yourself apart like this. I'm staying, whether you like it or not, and that's a promise.''
''Matt,''
''A promise is a promise, Peter.''
''But,'' But what? What more did he have tosay? ''But Ben, Aunt May, Mr..-Mr. Stark, Ned, and MJ-''
''Are not your fault,'' Matt admonishes gently. ''They love you. They do and whether or not you're friends remember that love doesn't mean that it's not there. But you punishing yourself like this? That's not what anyone would have wanted.''
Tony and Aunt May. MJ and Ned would they have wanted this? Would anyone of wanted to see Peter succumb into whatever this was?
''And fuck,'' Matt curses breathlessly. Features troubled and wild, profanities dripping senselessly. A wounded noise escapes Peter's lips. That's all it takes for his mentor to continue once more. ''Pete, it about kills me.''
No. No, they wouldn't have.
Matt doesn't want this either Peter he's hurting Matt. Admitting as such is all it takes for him to let out a cry -
And for Matt to take control. Matt deftly tugs Peter into an embrace. Tender yet powerful in every aspect. Matt's hand seamlessly threads itself within the back of Peter's curls. Offering support and acting as an anchor. Tears stream, cascading down Peter's shame-flushed cheeks. The damn is broken and it's all it takes for what little resolve Peter has left to crumple. He sobs, whimpering out heartbreaking apologies while burying his head into the crook of Matt's shoulder.
His mentor's grip tightens protectively. Whispered reassurances piecing together.
Peter's almond-colored eyes widen with the unfamiliar notion that he couldn’t push everyone away. That he couldn’t lose everyone a second time.
The downpour of rain continues coating evreything within it. And yet it's different than it had been before. It's comforting, Matt is safe, the droplets that fall no longer signal the overwhelming loneliness that he felt.
If anything it signals a new beginning. Peter feels hope- more hope than he had felt since the blip.
''So,'' Matt drawls out. ''Home, a huge heaping pile of blankets and hot chocolate. Whaddya' say, kid?''
He knows what Matts doing. Knows that it's Matt's way of getting him to come home- to forget that any of this ever occurred. Peter also sees the interaction for what it's worth.
An invite.
Matt is rarely inviting or so open. So Peter well he takes it.
''Yeah,'' Peter says tentatively. ''Yeah, okay.''
The smile Matt gives him is blinding.