Peter was all alone. He sat in his empty apartment, which he could barely afford the rent for, staring longingly at the mask in his hands. The red and blue mask that gives hope to the citizens of New York. But now when Peter looks at it all he sees is failure and sorrow. Memories flashed through his head. Memories of the worst times in his life. All times related to Spider-Man.
The night he decided to use his powers for good was also just about the worst night of his life, at least at that point. He didn’t remember his parents' deaths as he wasn’t there when it happened and he was really young, but he remembered his uncle’s death. That night will forever be burned into his mind as the biggest regret of his life and the night Spider-Man was born.
Ben was lying on the pavement after being shot by the robber Peter failed to go after. Ben was on his back, a puddle of ruby red growing and spreading around him. Peter knelt by his side, hands hovering having no idea what to do, having no idea how to save the man he knew better than his own father.
He had gotten mad at Ben earlier that day, said things he didn’t mean, and now he wanted to take it all back. He wanted Ben to know that he loved him. He wanted to beg the man not to leave him, but his voice caught in his throat. He was screaming the words in his head, but his mouth stayed unmoving except for a tremble as he cried. Ben was trying to speak, but like Peter he was having trouble, for different reasons of course. “P-Pet-Peter, l-listen to m-m-me.” Peter leaned forward to get closer tears dropping onto his uncle from the angle he was at, “You have s-so m-much potential to be s-so powerful, but” he took a raspy breath that came out more as a wheeze. “With great power comes great responsibility.” The last word came out more of a whispered sigh.
Ben doesn't know about the powers he had just recently obtained, but he knew what the man was saying. Not only was Ben giving him important life advice, basically the most important advice he will ever hear. Words that he will live his life by. Ben was also giving his last words of wisdom, last words on this earth. After they left his mouth he let out a final breath, and he was gone. Peter knew from that moment on he would make his uncle proud. He would use his powers for good and carry the weight of those last words on his shoulders as a reminder of what and who he was fighting for.
One horrific memory turned to another. Honestly they all blurred together at this point. There were so many of them.
____
“I’m down here, I-I’m down here! I’m Stuck! I can’t move!!” The weight of the warehouse on his back was crushing. Breathing was hard and his breaths came out in short huffs. His lungs getting crushed along with the rest of him. No one was coming for him, he was alone in the dark, the weight of the world on his shoulders.
He looked up to see the mask he had torn off and thrown now in a puddle. His own reflection staring back at him. Mr. Stark's words echoing in his head: If you’re nothing without the suit then you shouldn't have it.
Was he nothing? He felt inconsequential in the moment, like a bug squashed under someone's boot. Or a worm in the mouth of a bird or in this case a vulture.
No he was someone, he was Peter Parker. “Come on Peter.” He was Spider-Man, “Come on Spider-Man, come on Spider-Man, come on Spider-Man” he said over and over as he started to lift the pieces of concrete off of him. His arms shaking with every movement, his joints creaking at the pressure. But slowly he lifted it, standing and pushing the building up and back until it tipped and fell, freeing Peter.
____
“I don’t feel so good.” Peter was getting dizzy as he looked at his mentor. Everyone other than them and Nebula had already vanished, nothing left but dust in the wind.
Mr. Stark tried to comfort him, “You’re alright.” He looked at the boy with understanding and dread about what was about to happen.
“I don’t- I don’t know what’s happening,” Peter staggered over to Tony falling into his arms “I don’t-” he cut himself off as his breathing became hard. “I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go sir please.” He cried. Peter's legs buckled and Tony went with him to the ground, laying Peter down. He kept one hand on the kid’s shoulder as he looked down at the frightened boy who had never looked so smaller. “Please, I don't want to go. I don’t want to go.” Peter begged the man even though he knew there was nothing he could do. Tony looked on with sorrow, regret filled eyes, speechless.
Peter knew he was leaving Mr. Stark alone, knew he didn’t have much time left, so he uttered his final two words, “I’m sorry” and then his skin turned to flecks of dust that blew away into nothing.
____
“We won Mr. Stark.” Tears started to well up in Peter’s eyes as Tony stared right through him, his eyes empty and hollow. His face ghostly pale, much of his hair burnt off on one side. The whole side of his face is left charred and raw. His right arm was nothing but metal fused to burnt charred flesh. “We won, you did it sir, you did it.” His voice shakes as salt water floods over his cheeks, “I’m sorry, Tony” His words are just a whimper. He tries to keep a hold on the man, but Pepper pulls him away and hands him to Rhodey.
As soon as Tony takes his last breath Peter falls to his knees in anguish. Others take a knee around him, but he doesn't pay attention. His eyes focused on the man that saved his life, save the universe. The man that made him believe in himself. The man that took him under his wing. The man who he thought would become a father figure to him. The man who was now gone forever.
____
“You have power, and with great power there must also come great responsibility.” May’s words echoed Ben’s. They stood together in the middle of the wreck lobby. “Now let get the heck out of here.” May said in a breathless fantic voice. But just as he turned to leave she stopped him, “Just need to-” she was looking at her hand, “Just need to catch my breath,” and then she dropped. Peter caught her before she could hit her head on the concrete slab under her.
“What happened? Are you ok?” Peter said looking down at his aunt in concern as he brushed some hair from her face. She gave a slight nod. “Yeah you’re ok, what happened?” He asked again, his voice starting to tremble.
She smiled at him. Her chest heaving, “Just have to…catch my breath.”
“Ok, catch your breath, I’m right here.” Peter’s voice was high, scared like a small child’s. “We’re going to take our time. You catch your breath and we’ll take you to a doctor okay?” He pet her hair as a way to calm her and himself.
He moved and noticed something under her. He put his hand right next to where she was laying and pulled it away to see red covering his glove. He looked at her in shock and worry.
She saw this and was suddenly scared…for him. “Are you okay?”
He knew the police were hunting him down, but right now he didn’t care. All he cared about was May. He shouted out to them, “Somebody help! I need an ambulance please, somebody-” His words cut off in a silent sob. He had to be strong for May.
May looked up confused, “What happened?”
“Nothing, you-” he choked on his words, “You’re okay…you’re okay, you’re okay.” he said it like a mantra. If he said it enough maybe it would become true.
“I just…” her words were getting quieter by the second, “need… to catch my breath”
Peter looked around frantically while also trying not to take his eyes off his aunt. He kept a hand on her face and one on her hair, “I’m right here.” he whispered. “You’re okay.” his words thick as he forced out the lie. “It’s just me and you.” He whispered to her.
May stopped moving, her eyes staring off into nothing. The realization hit Peter slowly, like he was trying not to believe what was right in front of his eyes. “May” he whispered. His eyebrows furrowed as he stared at May’s still face, her eyes open and unblinking, “May?” Tears that had welled up in his eyes slowly started to fall, “Will you look at me May, please?” He shook his head when she didn’t answer, begging for this not to be real. “May” he said a little louder as he sniffed. “May” he said again as he shook her gently. Tears were now steadily sliding down his cheeks. “What are you doing May? Please will you just wake up and talk to me? Please.” His last word was quiet as his breath hitched.
Just then Happy pulled up right outside. Peter looked at the man and back at May twice, and Happy understood. He stared on with disbelieving sad eyes. May was gone. He was taken out of the car and shoved on the hood as they placed handcuffs on him. Happy shouted to Peter. “Peter, run-”
Peter was still whispering to May, his words coming out shaky and almost unrecognizable “It’s just me and you ok? It’s just me and yo-” He cut off his own words, because it wasn’t just her and him anymore. It was just him, she was gone. The last member of his family was gone. He leaned forward frantically and whispered shakily, “I’m sorry” as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’m so sorry. I’m so so so sorry.” He was looking at her, not wanting to leave her, but then they opened fired and he was shot. The shot sent him back, away from May. He took off knowing he would never see his aunt again.
____
And now here he is staring at the piece of fabric that encompassed everything good that was left of himself as well as everything bad that has happened to him in the last few years. He stares at it like it’s his only tether to this world and his life but also like it’s the thing that tore everything good he has ever had away from him. The tears he cried in every event he just remembered now resurfaced and fell down his face landing on the homemade mask in his hands.
He was no one. He had no one. He has lost everyone, even those who are still alive as they don’t know who he is. He is all alone. He hugs the mask close as it is a reminder of everything he wished he could have held on to. Everything he wished he still had and he sobbed. He sobbed to the point he felt he would pass out. He cried out in agony sobbing for every single thing he has lost, every single person he has let down. He sobbed and sobbed and-
___
“Bambino wake up, it’s not real!”
“Sweetie you're safe, you're okay, please wake up.”
“Petey what’s wrong?”
Peter woke up shaking with tears dying on his face, his chest heaving from the sobs. He opened his water-filled eyes to see three sets of concerned eyes staring down at him. To his right sitting on the edge of his bed was Tony, his dad. To his left in the same position mirroring Tony was Pepper, his mom. And in the middle sitting on the bed by his curled-up legs was Morgan, his sister.
Peter sat up his back against the headboard. Tears still falling, Pepper reached out and wiped them away, “It was just a nightmare Peter, you’re okay.” She said in a soft loving tone.
“It felt so real,” he whimpered and Tony couldn’t take it anymore he wrapped his son in a tight hug. Pepper followed and then Morgan crawled up and squeezed herself in the middle so Tony and Pepper’s arms were around both their kids.
“Do you want to talk about it kiddo?” Tony said not pulling back from the embrace.
“I-I was all alone,” he whispered as his parents tightened their hug. “I was staring at my Spider-Man mask reliving memories from my past, but they weren't my memories.” Tony’s eyebrows furrowed, but he said nothing letting Peter continue. “A man was shot, I think he was supposed to be my uncle, and he bled out in my arms.” Pepper took a small gasp in. “Then I was calling for help. I was underneath a collapsed warehouse and I couldn't move, I couldn’t breathe.” His breath started to pick up just thinking about it.
“Take a deep breath sweetheart, you’re okay.” Pepper said into his curls. He took a deep breath and calmed down a bit, but then the breath got caught in his throat as he thought about the next memory from his dream.
“I died,” He whispered, his words so quiet.
“What?” Pepper said in alarm.
“You're not dead Petey, you're right here!” Morgan poked his stomach and giggled. He would have laughed with her if he wasn’t remembering himself turning to dust dying before his father’s eyes.
“In my dream, I died. I turned to dust in dad’s arms.” Tony’s breath was the one to hitch now. Just the thought of his son dying, worse in his arms, made him want to cry. He couldn’t fathom a world without his firstborn. He couldn’t fathom a world without either of his kids. As Peter sat, still intertwined in his family's arms, he thought about himself dying in his dad’s arms, his breath started to pick up again because that “fake” memory led into the next that hurt Peter more than the rest. It was his dad, his actual father dying. “Dad!” He sobbed loudly. Pepper and Morgan startled back, letting go as Peter tried to turn to Tony.
“Peter calm down, what’s happening?” Tony said, forgetting his train of thought to comfort his son, as he pulled back and put one hand on each of the boy’s shoulders looking into his tear glazed eyes.
“You died in front of me!” He sobbed.
“What?” Tony was taken aback.
“There was this evil titan that wiped out half the universe. Everyone came back, but you faced him and defeated him, but you died! You died right in front of me!!” Tears were once agin spilling from his eyes.
Tony pulled Peter back into a tight hug, his son’s head on his chest. “Shhhh, Bambino, it was just a dream, I’m right here. I’m okay and so are you.” he said, rocking them both side to side as one hand was on Peter’s back and one was tangled in his curls. “I got you,” he whispered.
Once Peter was calmer he continued, not taking his head off his dad’s chest. “I saw a woman die in front of me as well.” He whispered. Tony tightened his hold and Pepper rubbed a hand on his back. “I think she was supposed to be my aunt. She died right in front of me,” he said again. “Uncle Happy was there.” That surprised Tony. “I think he loved her too.” He took a breath. “I had to leave her there. Happy told me to run and the police opened fire on me. One hit me in the shoulder and I ran.” Tony couldn't believe what he was hearing. His son just had a nightmare where three people died in front of him, Peter himself died, a building crushed him, and he was shot. How awful can a dream get? “When the memories, of which I have never had, faded it was just me again, all alone. No one knew me, Peter Parker didn’t exist. Ned and MJ were still alive, but they didn’t know who I was. I was all alone in an empty apartment sobbing.”
Pepper and Morgan once again joined the hug, Morgan crawling into Peter’s lap. “It’s over now sweetie. We’re all here and we’re all safe. We won’t let anything hurt you.” his mom promised as she held him.
“I’ll keep you safe Petey,” Morgan added and that brought a smile to his face. The first smile that night.
“We’re here for you and love you, everything will be okay,” Tony said softly. “It was just a dream, it wasn’t real, you're safe with us Pete.” They stayed in the hug for a long time and then all went to Tony and Pepper’s room and cuddled up together for the rest of the night.
Tony was partly right. It wasn’t real for this Peter, this Peter Parker was safe and loved. And it was just a dream, but dreams are just glimpses into other universes. Somewhere out there, there is still a Peter Parker sobbing in his empty apartment clutching his mask to his chest. A Peter Parker who went through everything this Peter dreamed about. A Peter Parker who has lost everything.