Akumas & Yōkai

The school year finished in a blur. The Mother and Yoshi agreed that it would be detrimental to Matt’s education for him to transfer to a new school again when there was only two months left in the school year. So, despite not longer being a resident of the orphanage, he finished up at the Cathedral; much to the turtles dismay.

Mikey had latched onto Matt so quickly it had given the older boy whiplash. He wanted to do everything with Matt. He wanted to dress like him, read the same books as him — despite not knowing how to read — he even wanted to attend school with Matt. Which was a problem for a multitude of reasons. It had taken much persuasion and bribery from both Matt and Yoshi, but a compromise was eventually met. Matt would go to school for the eight required hours and afterwards he would teach Mikey everything he had learned.

It was a pretty decent system. Mikey would sit and listen, as well as any two year old could, before deciding that it was enough learning for the day and wander off. About a week into this routine the other three joined in and it became an impromptu study session for Matt.

Each of the brothers seemed to cling onto a different subject, which made explaining them that much more fun. Donetello, despite his young age, was fascinated with science and would ask questions that Matt didn’t have the answers to. Leo loved the subject of English and sat with the older boy when he listened to the audio book of his required reading for the semester. By the time Leo had joined him, he was almost done with the book, but started it over just for the four year old. Raph enjoyed social studies and had Matt tell him in great detail the material he was learning. Mikey seemed to just like listening to whatever Matt had to share. By the time the school year was coming to a close each of the turtles could rattle off random facts that they had learned from Matt.

Even though Matt was excited for summer he knew that as soon as the last day of school was finished he would have to say goodbye to the Cathedral forever. Forever was an awfully long time, in Matt’s opinion. And he hated goodbyes, he decided, they were bitter and cold. Nothing a child should ever have to do.

Yoshi enjoyed the study sessions too, seeming to be stressed out by the prospect of being a home school teacher himself. Matt felt bad for the older man who was simply doing his best with the resources he had. He wanted to get to know the man more, but he had separated himself from everything that made him him. Lou Jitsu was just a celebrity in their home and Yoshi became a forgotten memory.

”Matthew,” Yoshi said one night when the other four had already gone to bed, “may I ask something of you.”

”Totally.” Matt stopped reading his book in braille and turned his body to face the man. He seemed sad, from the way he was holding himself, and Matt knew whatever the man wished to discuss it was important.

Yoshi sat down across from him, proving distance, and began playing with the half empty salt shaker mindlessly. He was forming a thought and Matt didn’t wish to interrupt, so he just sat there waiting for the older man to continue. “You call me Yoshi because I asked you too,” he said plainly, “and I thank you for that. I-” he paused, swallowing hard, “I no longer feel like Lou Jitsu. He was a man of great stature and of mild importance. So I thought that I would be Hamato Yoshi again and honor my family. However,” another pause.

He was having a hard time expressing his feelings to the preteen, stumbling over words he seemed to have practiced in his head at least a dozen times before approaching Matt. This was a difficult moment for him and Matt felt he was ruining it with his presence alone. “However,” he tried again, “I no longer feel like that man. I do not look like Hamato Yoshi. I feel as though I am a slither of who I was. A splinter from the stick that was Yoshi. Do you understand.”

Matt shook his head slowly, “I-I don’t. I’m sorry.”

”Please,” he begged, reaching across the table and grabbing Matt’s hand, “do not refer to me as Yoshi anymore. Yoshi is gone. I am what remains.”

”A splinter?”

”Splinter. I like that name more,” he decided, “would you…”

”Of course, Splinter,” he said with a small smile, “whatever you need.”

”Thank you, Matthew.”

Splinter continued to be a great dad to the boys, none of them noticing, or at least commenting on, the slight change in their father. The way he held himself or the way he dressed. He had changed into a completely different person as if overnight and it only felt right to try and get an answer to a question that had been plaguing the back of Matt’s mind since the first day he met the older man.

How did he know Jack Murdock?

“Can you tell me a story about my dad?” Matt asked over dinner. Splinter was quiet, he was often quiet, letting his sons do whatever they wanted to do, only enterveening when one of them accidentally put themselves or others in harm's way. He wasn’t absent, but Matt could tell that fatherhood was taking a toll on him.

Matt didn’t know much of how Splinter ended up where he was. From a famous movie star to a man seemingly trapped in his own body, mourning. In the few months he had been living with the strange family Splinter had shrunk significantly as well as grew more rat-like with each passing day. The older man had explained that he had been exposed to the same green ooze that Matt and the turtles had which had changed his physical appearance. Though Splinter didn’t outright say it, Matt knew what the story had meant. The ooze may have blinded Matt, but Matt had never been forced out of society by it. There was an underlying jealousy over the circumstances of chance that would never fade.

A jealousy he never expressed, but it still must’ve hurt.

The question, however, seemed to catch the man off guard. He choked on his undercooked pasta — Matt was also under the impression that Lou Jitsu never had to cook a day in his life. “A story about Jack?”

“If that’s okay…” Matt blushed, “I just…he never talked about you. Not that he talked to me about his friends a lot.”

Splinter stilled, tapping his fingers on the table in anguish. There were little things, little ticks, that everyday people never picked up on. The way someone holds themselves when they lie or how they tap their foot every time they’re excited about something but waiting for the perfect time to share it. Splinter was the same. When he was uncomfortable he tapped his fingers, as if he was trying to push all the nervous energy out through the small gesture. 

“You don’t have to,” Matt quickly said, “it was just an idea.”

Matt was also under the impression that Yoshi was embarrassed by his past. He showed the turtles his old Lou Jitsu movies but never made any commentary regarding his origin. Matt was sure he was the only one who knew that Hamato Yoshi and Lou Jitsu were one in the same. Perfectly imperfect, like every person Matt met.

“No, I just,” Splinter cleared his throat. He inadvertently had the whole table’s attention and it seemed, to Matt at least, that Hamato Yoshi wasn’t a fan of unwarranted attention. The man’s heart rate sped up and the light stench of sweat made Matt scrunch his nose.

Over the last two months he had gotten quite talented at reading their heart beats as emotions versus facial expressions. Most people mask their emotions, but it was harder to mask your heart.

Splinter’s body betrayed him constantly. He was worried. Worried he wasn’t a good enough dad. Worried he was failing his kids. Worried that he was losing himself.

Matt respected Splinter greatly due to this. He sacrificed so much for his boys. His lifestyle. His fame and fortune. Himself. But Matt didn’t know how to tell him that, or how to express his awe for the man. And apparently asking about a time before he became a father wasn’t the right answer.

“Jack was my best friend,” Splinter cleared his throat. “He was my only friend after I left home.”

“I have a best friend!” Raph interrupted excitedly, slamming his hands onto the table. “It’s my teddy bear. Let me go get him.”

The little boy climbed off of his chair in an awkward fashion before racing towards his room. 

The topic of conversation shifted to toys and games after that. Matt didn’t press when he was alone with Splinter in the kitchen, helping the older man clean up. He kept the conversation light and asked questions about anything but Lou Jitsu and Jack Murdock. 

That night, however, as he laid in his room — which had inevitability became everyone’s room as by the end of the night all the turtles were squeezed into the twin bed — he couldn’t sleep. He thought about his dad and the way he held himself. The way he would smile and ruffle Matt’s hair whenever a fight didn’t go the way he wanted.

The way he would sometimes throw fights to put food on the table or push himself to his breaking point to buy Matt new clothes. After the incident Jack Murdock threw himself into his work and Matt was convinced that’s what got him killed.

He never told anyone that before. The guilt he carried for his dad’s murder. It was just a secret he kept close to his heart.

Thinking about his dad made his heart ache. Splinter had been right when he had told Matt that his own heartbeat would always be the loudest thing he heard. He hated it.

And so he focused on the world outside himself. He listened to the way Leo breathed through his nose and out of his mouth. The light snoring Raph did when he fell deeper into sleep. And then he listened for Splinter’s sleeping.

Except the man wasn’t asleep. He was wide awake like Matt was, pacing his room and muttering to himself. The preteen didn’t mean to eavesdrop and tried to focus his hearing on something else, but with no success he listened to how Splinter mourned his past life.

He spoke sadly to himself in a language Matt didn’t recognize. But a phrase he repeated over and over again was gomen nasai. Each time he said it he sounded more sorrowful before, finally, he broke down into quiet sobs. 

Matt wished he could turn his hearing off. Turn off the world the same way someone would turn off a light. Instant. 

He reached across Donatello — who had practically his entire fist in his mouth as he slept pressed against Matt — for the Walkman that his dad had given him for his eleventh birthday almost a year ago. He put the small headset on and played the cassette that he hadn’t been changed out in months. Matt drifted off to sleep listening to The Smiths, trying to erase the sound of Splinter’s cries from his mind and not compare them to his dad’s.

“I want to go exploring,” Leo decided about two weeks into Matt’s summer vacation. “But not down here.”

Matt had been practicing his meditation when Leo slid into the room. Matt kept his eyes closed, though it didn’t matter, and steadied his breath. “Where would you like to go?” Matt asked, although he already knew the answer.

“Top side!” The four year old announced, falling into Matt’s lap. “I want to see Big Ben!”

Matt chuckled to himself, knowing exactly where he got the idea from. They had watched some animated film recently that had taken place in the heart of London and the whole world was just outside the sewer, according to Leo.

“Big Ben isn’t in New York,” Matt smiled, giving up on meditating. “But there are other tourist sights.”

Leo deflated, “like what?”

“Well,” Matt thought, “there’s the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, the library-”

“There’s a library?” Leo sat up, placing his hand on Matt’s cheeks.

Matt reached up and grabbed the boy's wrists softly and pulled his hands away, laughing, “yeah. It’s the second largest public library in America and my dad said it's the fourth in the world.”

Matt knew that the boy was giving him a wide eyed stare of astonishment because he actually stilled in his grip. “Can we go?”

The preteen thought for a moment; Leo, along with his twin brother, had actually begun to enjoy reading. Sometimes Leo sat with Matt when he was practicing braille and asked for Matt to read to him. It felt like he was back at home with Jack Murdock encouraging him. Leo and Donnie, of course, didn’t know how to read yet and Raph could read some books, so it was mainly Matt and Splinter who read to the turtle tots.

“Sure,” Matt smiled, “I don’t see why not.”

“Today?”

Matt bit his lip. “Um, ask your dad?”

Leo scattered away, most likely to find Splinter and beg him to allow them to go where they weren’t usually allowed. So far the only times the turtles went above the sewer line was to drop Matt off at school, but with summer in full swing they hardly ever left. Matt watched over them when Splinter went grocery shopping, or sometimes Splinter sent Matt and he watched the turtles. 

But the boys hardly went up and Splint had begun to go less and less. 

“He said yes!” Leo jumped onto Matt’s back, “we just have to be back before the sun goes down!”

Matt frowned, “is he not coming?”

Leo shook his head into the back of Matt’s neck, “no. He said that you’d watch over us.”

Matt stood up, careful to position the four year old onto his back as he did so, and walked to the main room. “This library is pretty big,” he told Leo, “if we’re going to go then you can’t run off.”

Leo made a noise, “I never run off.”

The older boy sighed, already predicting the future. “Hey guys,” Matt called to the other three who were playing a made up game involving most of the spoons from the kitchen and one of Splinter’s many robes. “Leo and I are going to head off to the library, did any of you want to come?”

One by one their heads popped up from their game. There was a sense of intrigue and excitement from the three that matched their brother. And then for the one who was usually quiet and clung to Matt whenever they went anywhere new, his heart pitter pattered in a sense that fear and confusion.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Matt tried in a way not to single Donettello out.

“I wanna go,” Raph beamed.

“Me too!” Mikey jumped up, as if he had springs on the soles of his feet. 

Leo leapt off of Matt and raced to his room to change, with the other two in tow. Donnie remained on the ground, his knees pulled to his chest.

“Hey, ‘Otello,” Matt started, lowering himself to the ground. He didn’t try to touch him or pull him from his self made ball.

“Hiya, Matt,” Donnie's voice came out muffled and small. Matt was convinced that if he didn’t have superheating he wouldn't have heard him at all.

They sat there in silence, neither of them acknowledging more than the presence of the other. “I’m scared,” he finally said.

“Of what?” Matt asked softly.

“What if something happens? What if we get lost or what if we get separated or what if—”

This is when Matt reached forward. Not quickly, but a slow approach, laying a soft hand upon the four year old’s knee. Donnie tended to spiral when given the chance. Thinking up every worse case scenario, despite its lack of plausibility. “I won’t let that happen,” he promised, “I’ll watch over you. In my own special way.”

Matt knew that the boy wanted to go but his excitement was fighting with his fear and his fear was winning. “You know,” Matt started, “they used to call my dad ‘the man without fear’, which he thought was dumb.”

Donnie lifted his head slowly, intrigued. “Why?”

“Why’d they call him that or why did he think it was dumb?”

The boy thought for a moment before deciding on both.

“Well, he used to jump into the ring with guys four times his size and he wouldn’t tap out. At the beginning of his career he’d always get back up no matter what, even when he should’ve stayed down. So the news began calling him ‘Jack Murdock: The Man Without Fear’.

“But he thought that was dumb because no one can be without fear. For example, I bet everyone you meet is afraid of something.”

“Oh yeah?” Donnie challenged. “Even you?”

“Especially me,” Matt smiled wide, “I’m afraid of so many things.”

“Like what?”

“Like,” he thought for a moment, “like I’m afraid one day your dad’s gonna give us food poisoning.” He laughed, placing his hand on Donnie’s head and giving it a firm rub. The small boy joined in, finally emerging from his arms.

“You don’t have to go, Donnie,” Matt reminded him, “but I wouldn't mind it if you did.”

The boy slowly nodded before stretching out, “and you’ll watch over us?” He asked once more.

“Always.”

That was apparently all the boy needed to hear because he raced off before shooting back and patted Matt’s head in thanks. Matt stayed there focusing on his breathing. He hadn’t been completely honest with the boy regarding his own fear, but he didn’t see what help the truth would have actually been. That he was terrified he’d wake up one day and his powers would be gone. That the world would be silent and he’d truly be lost.

Would Splinter still want him if he didn’t have this semi echolocation? Would the boys still want to play with him? He’d be alone. Forever and simply alone.

“Matty! Carry! Carry!” Mikey commanded him and he wrapped his arms around his neck. Matt could feel the clothes that covered the toddler’s shell and the heavy shoes that kicked Matt’s thigh. He had been the one to take the boys to the mall and try on clothes with them. He couldn’t quite tell them how they looked, per say, but none of them seemed to mind. 

He did, however, almost have a breakdown when Raph kept talking about getting an orange beanie and if that would look good on him. He couldn’t remember what orange looked like and it was terrifying.

He told Splinter such when they returned. The older man had been silent and didn’t do much to help Matt — not that he could. But a few weeks later Matt realized that he had begun replacing the nicknames he originally had for his sons with different colors.

Raph was now Red; vibrant and bright, yet powerful and full of force. Leo had become Blue; cool and light, yet quick and smooth. Donnie became Purple; intelligent and ambition, yet peace and magic. Mikey was Orange; energy and youthfulness, yet passionate and positivity.

Splinter had even forgone calling Matt by his Christian given name and resorted to a color as well. Yellow.

’I have never,’ Splinter said when Matt had inquired about the change, ‘seen anything sad be yellow. Yellow is full of light and wonder. It is bright. Right now you may not feel yellow, but I promise you, you are.’ 

Matt had a pretty good grasp on directions despite the lack of sight and help from the other four. If he listened closely enough he could hear the subway announcement and know exactly where he had to go. They traveled to the nearest station and climbed through the small doorway for workers and entered in on an old unused track. The boys were good at climbing, especially Leo who seemed to enjoy ascending to scary heights. Splinter, on the other hand, almost had a heart attack the first time Leo decided to try his luck at parkouring around in the rafters.

They explored the platform for a few more minutes, trying their best to be as inconspicuous as possible, before they squeezed onto one of the subway trains and headed down to 5th avenue. The walk wasn’t too bad after that, especially once Leo caught sight of the large building. “Nardo,” Matt warned when the child’s heart beat began to race.

“But I see it.”

“I know, but remember our deal?”

“It’s pretty!” Raph said in awe when they arrived at the steps. Matt had only been to the New York Public Library once in his life, with his school on a fieldtrip. He had been one of the only kids who actually thought it was amazing and begged his dad to take him back.

They never got the chance.

He pushed the wave of nausea down and focused on the squirming child in his arms. 

“Okay, ground rules, team,” Matt got down to one knee, “we stay together, the place is pretty big and I can’t focus on all four of you at once if you’re running off in different directions. We got a few hours before your dad wants us back home so we don’t need to rush. Also, we can only whisper. Okay?”

“Okay!” Raph and Leo yelled, defeating the purpose immediately. Donnie gave a slight nod, understanding the assignment while Mikey stared off into space. “Angelo?” He didn’t know where the abbreviated nicknames came from but none of the boys had complained yet.

“Lion.”

Matt had a brief flashbulb moment of seeing two statues of perfectly poised lions at the entrance and becoming just as enchanted as Mikey seemed to now. “Do you want to—?” But before he could say anything else Mikey wiggled out of his grasp and raced towards them.

“I’ll get him!” Raph announced, taking off after the young boy before getting any permission. 

“I’ll help!” Leo laughed, following suit.

“No!” Matt tried to no avail before sitting back on the steps in defeat. 

“I didn’t run,” Donnie whispered. 

“Thank you,” Matt sighed.

They sat in silence, Donnie leaning against Matt basking in the warmth. “Why do you say ‘your dad’?”

The question caught Matt off guard and he flinched slightly, “what?”

“You call Papa not Papa. He’s Papa.”

“Oh,” Matt’s heart fell, “Um, well, he’s not really my dad.”

“Yes he is,” he argued back with a slight tint of anger.

“But he’s not,” the boy tried again, keeping his tone light. It wasn’t as if Splinter was cruel or a bad parent, it was just that both of them knew that Splinter wasn’t trying to replace Jack. That Matt had already had a dad and he was gone. Splinter didn’t expect Matt to call him dad and Matt didn’t expect the older man to refer to Matthew as his son.

“He is.”

The boy’s anger had brought him to the verge of tears and Matt felt terrible. “Donetello, Yoshi…Splinter, he’s your dad. But my dad is,” he swallowed, “was Jack Murdock. Splinter took me in because…”

Actually he wasn’t sure why the man had taken him in. There was a small part of him that told him the reason was because he was affected by the ooze. Because he was like them. Different. 

And then a larger part, the part that controlled his heart, believed it was because Splinter was a good man. A man who was trying to do right by them. A man who felt like he owed Jack Murdock something.

“Because he’s your dad,” Donnie finished for him, sounding quite proud of himself. Matt sighed in defeat just as the other three returned. 

“We can go in now,” Raph told him, holding Mikey like a giant teddy bear. Matt took Donnie’s offered hand and stood up.

“Lead the way.”

Matt was aware of the looks the five of them were getting. Whether it was the bulky size of the four boys or his blindness, people stared. Not in ways that were super obvious — New Yorkers didn’t stare unless they wanted to start something, and who wanted to start something in the public library? No, they would tilt their head up at them as they walked by and whisper to fellow patrons. They would question it but didn’t dare to approach. A protectiveness washed over Matt and he reached out and placed a solid hand on Raph’s back.

“Okay, where do you want to go first?”

Translation: what books did you want me to read to you?

“What are those?” Raph asked pointing at something that Matt couldn’t see. It happened often enough that Matt would just turn to Splinter who would answer for him, but without Splinter there to decipher he was lost.

“You’re gonna have to describe them, bud.”

And so he did, in great detail.

“Oh, Jupiter Jim comics. Yeah, it's a comic series that's based on an old movie franchise from the 80s. The movies were okay—”

“Who’s that?” Raph interrupted, “the red little guy?”

Matt rifled through his memories. He hadn’t been the biggest fan of the franchise — especially since there were so many — but he had watched enough to be able to answer, “Red Fox. She’s Jupiter Jim’s sidekick. I think her tail allowed her to fly and it also stretched.”

“She’s just like me,” Raph smiled wide. This confused the older boy somewhat, not sure exactly what the five year old meant by that, but didn’t press. 

“We can check it out if you want,” he offered, “I have a library card.”

“I want a card,” Leo told him, yanking on his shirt.

“You,” Matt turned and bopped where his nose should’ve been, “are too young. You have to be at least ten.”

From that point they explored as much of the library as they could, collecting books left and right. Donnie enjoyed the ‘how to’ section while Mikey collected books that were bright and colorful from the children’s area. Raph grabbed every Jupiter Jim comic they could find and Leo grabbed a few from the classics. By the end, Matt was checking out at least thirty odd books.

“You boys must like to read,” she smiled softly as she scanned each individual book. “Did you see our braille section, young man?”

He nodded, it wasn’t much and none of the titles stood out to him. People forgot that kids could be blind too, and thus they didn’t stock libraries with those kinds of books.

“You know,” a voice came from behind them, “there’s a library about a block or two west of here full of braille books.”

Matt turned slightly to partially face the girl who had spoken. From what he could gather she was roughly the same height as him. Her hair was tied up in a tight pony and she stood painfully straight.

“Um,” Matt started, unsure how he was supposed to respond. 

“Oh!” Raph shook Matt’s arm, “can we go? Then we can get books that you can read to us!”

“Yay!” Leo cheered, “more books!”

“Um,” he said again.

“Is that all you know how to say?” The girl asked, her vowels were round and polished. Not like the standard New Yorkers accent.

“No, I—” he flushed, “I know how to speak.”

“Good. I was taught that a good education is key.”

She sounded smart, someone that his dad would’ve pointed out and said that they worked tooth and nail to get to where they’re at.

“What books did you get?” Mikey asked, once again rushing forward out of Matt’s grip.

“Books on war,” she told him with a hint of amusement. She reminded Matt of a blade; polished and clean, yet sharp to the touch.

“That’s cool,” the toddler told her, not taking in what she had actually said. “Matty is getting me Dr. Seuss.”

“Matty?” She laughed slightly, “is that your name?”

“Its…it’s short for Matthew.”

“Well, Matthew,” she said his name the same way someone would say sacred. It sent a shiver down his spine. “You have good taste.”

“Oh, um, thank you?”

“You’re very welcome. Work on your vocabulary,” she told him as she handed her own books to the librarian to check out, “people tend to walk over those who cannot advocate for themselves.”

He was about to respond when the girl took her card back and turned away. 

“Wait,” Matt said, practically tripping over his words. She was already a few steps down and it took a second for Matt to catch up. “What’s your name?”

She turned, only slightly, enough for the side of her face to give him a nice silhouette, “Elektra.”

Elektra.

“She was nice,” Raph commented after they checked out of the braille library, which was exactly where she said it would be. 

“She has such a cool name too!” Leo cried, “What’s cool about Leo? ”

The four chatted amongst themselves, shifting large bags of books between each other, but Matt didn’t interject. All he could think of the way she had said his name. And the way his head wouldn’t stop spinning.

Summer seemed to pass by in a blur. In late June they celebrated twin’s birthday — Matt insisted that they bought a cake instead of subjecting themselves to Splinter’s cooking. They explored deeper into the sewers, collecting scraps and treasures that they found. Matt read aloud the braille books they had gotten and Raph, with the help of Splinter, told the other four about Jupiter Jim. The boys were kind and considerate about explaining, in great detail, the different comic panels. Though often times their explanations made little to no sense. They also, of course, went back to the library several times and often enough they’d run into Elektra.

“Do you come here alone?”

“My sensi knows where I am,” she said a-matter-of-factly, as if she was constantly challenging Matt to object. “Why would it matter anyways? You come here alone.”

She had him there. “Yeah, well, at least I have—”

“Your brothers?” She filled in for him. “They are quite odd.”

Matt’s face heated up at that comment, “So?” He asked angrily. There was a protective fury embedded in the Murdock boys. It often came out when someone had said something in regards to his father’s boxing or income level; now it mainly came out for the boys.

“I didn’t say it was wrong, Matthew,” she said just as cooly, “I just pointed out something you already know. I’m odd too.”

“Are you from New York?” He asked, changing the topic of conversation. He felt shame for behaving in such a way around her. She felt polished and refined while he was jagged and sharp. Like he’d cut you if you got too close.

“No. Greece.”

“Do you miss it?”

“I miss the cleanliness.”

“New York isn’t that bad,” he frowned, though he hadn’t really been anywhere else.

“It’s bad, Matthew,” she laughed. It was these moments when she broke character and gave him soft smiles; when she acted her age, that Matt liked her the most.

He didn’t have many friends, he realized after he began talking to her. He hadn’t kept in contact with any of his friends from Hell’s Kitchen or the Cathedral. He had visited once since summer began only to find out that Sister Maggie had moved to a different part of New York altogether.

“So you have a Sensi?”

”I do. He took me in when I had nothing. He’s training me for the war.”

She said it so casually that Matt felt dumb not knowing the context. “I didn’t know there was a war going on,” Matt said truthfully, “why is he training you?”

She turned her head towards him and lowered her chin. It was her way of raising her eyebrow to him. “Is it because I’m a girl?”

He flushed, “No! I wasn’t saying anything about you being a girl, honest, I-” She began laughing and Matt frowned, realizing that she had been joshing with him. “You’re just young,” he said lamely.

Elektra stopped laughing at once and fell still. “War does not care for age, Matthew,” she said softly, “it will come swiftly and without warning for all. My sensi is preparing me to be ready for when it does come.”

Matt bit the inside of his cheek. Neither of them brought it up again.

The boys also liked Elektra, which was a plus. Raph seemed to like her the most, admiring her poise and cool anger. She seemed like a puzzle, with just enough pieces missing that you could sorta make out what the picture was but contained just as much mystery to keep you on your toes.

Towards the middle of summer they had retired from the library and began to meet more out in public. The park was the boys’ favorite place. They could run, jump, and play with other kids their age. They could also eat at the park and be as loud as they wanted.

Matt had bought them all ice cream bars and they sat sprawled out under the shade of an oak tree enjoying them. Elektra had behaved the most kid-like that Matt had ever seen her in the month of knowing her as she ate her bar. She behaved like a child who hadn’t been burned at such a young age. She giggled and made jokes, which made Matt’s own heart soar.

In-between meetings Matt would pace around the sewer tunnels and scheme on how to turn Elektra more childlike. She seemed happier when she acted her own age. Raph suggested reading Jupiter Jim comics with her while Leo made her climb trees with him.

He also wanted to meet her halfway.

”Splinter?” Matt asked after an outing in the park where Elektra and demonstrated some of her training to him.

”Yes, Yellow?”

”Would you…could you…I know you don’t do it much anymore but,” he stumbled over his words, feeling awkward for even suggesting it. “Would you teach me jujitsu?”

Splinter, despite his height, seemed to take up the whole room. He walked around Matt, evaluating him. “Why do you want to learn this?”

”I just think it would be fun?” He tried, embarrassed by his hidden truth.

Splinter shook his head, “not a good answer. Learning to fight is a form of protection of others. Of yourself. Do you think your father learned to fight because he thought it was cool?”

The question caught Matt off guard and his mouth went dry in response.

“No, he learned to fight to protect. Boxing for sport was a side effect of his devotion.”

”And you?” Matt asked, knowing he was toeing a dangerous line. “Why did you learn to fight?”

The air seemed to shift, “it was forced upon me. No. I will not succumb you to such methods.”

”But, Splinter—”

”No. You are a child, I expect you to act like one. Act yellow. You are not darkness. You are a light.”

”I want to protect,” Matt whined, “I don’t want to be weak.”

”Matthew,” Splinter said softly, picking up on what Matt’s words actually meant.

”I mean, if I could just fight then maybe he would’ve been okay. Maybe I could’ve done something!”

”What could you have done?”

”I don’t know!” He yelled as tears spilled over. He had been holding in all of the guilt and anger he had for himself for months. Blaming himself for losing his sight. For his dad practically killing himself every night to make ends meet. For him being shot most likely over unpaid loans. “Something! Anything!”

He felt the embrace of the hug before it registered in his brain. They sat together as silent tears continued to stream down his face. After a few minutes Splinter whispered, loud enough for only Matt’s enhanced hearing to pick up, “okay. I will train you.”

The next week Matt had been so exited to tell Elektra that he would be learning too, that he almost forgot her gift. He had made her a friendship bracelet which he had crafted out of his saved wrapper from the ice cream bar that they had had a few weeks prior. She was quiet after he offered it, holding the bracelet as if it were a baby bird in which she had no idea what to do with. 

“Oh, Matthew,” she whispered in a voice that was so sad he was sure he had offended her. They sat there in a cursed silence. Matt listened to her heart as it beat loudly within her chest. “This won’t work, will it?”

“What?” He felt like someone who had been going one hundred miles per hour for hours and then was forced to a grinding halt. His head spun, trying to make sense of what she had just said. Of what it meant for the two of them.

But before he could say anything else or piece anything together, she had gotten up from their seat on the bench overlooking the park and walked away without saying another word. Matt was too dumbstruck to move or even think about running after her. He just listened. Listened as she crossed across the vast park and approached a car. Listened as she said, “he’s not who we thought he was,” before she climbed into the car and left.

“Where’s Ellie?” Raph asked when they had noticed Matt sitting alone on the bench wringing his hand together. He wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting there after she left, only that his eyes wouldn’t stop stinging.

“She,” he swallowed, “had to go home. Family stuff.” It was easy to lie when he was the great lie detector. It seemed to roll off of his tongue like butter.

“Will she be back?” Donnie asked, taking her seat.

“I dunno,” he lied again, “sounded important.”

“You can play with us then,” Leo decided, trying to pull Matt off of the bench, “we’ll teach you. It’s easy.”

Matt replayed the last conversation with her over and over again in his mind, trying to decipher what he had done wrong. He thought he was being clever, like she always was, by recycling New York trash into New York treasure. He thought he was being a good friend by making a keepsake of her happiest day with them. He thought he was onto something.

But apparently he wasn’t who she thought he was. He was an imposter, Matt just didn't know how. 

The rest of summer seemed to drag on from that point. They continued to go to the library and checked out books that Splinter and Matt took turns to read aloud. The boys grew a riveting fascination with the Jupiter Jim comics, especially Leo, and made Matt go out and rent the movies for them to watch.

For the older films that didn’t have voice descriptions as an option, each of the brothers took turns acting it out verbatim until Matt got the point.

They also returned to the park several times. But, even though she seemed to have been a staple at these places, he never saw Elektra again. Never heard her distinct heartbeat. She was gone, like a phantom in the night. He missed his friend. Missed how she made him feel both normal and extraordinary all in the same breath. He missed the way she easily reprimanded him and praised his intellect, despite saying the wrong thing. She had called him brave and the feeling had stuck.

But he had freaked her out. He had pushed her away, involuntarily. So when Elektra didn’t come back he moved forward. Matt played with the boys until his skin prickled from the warmth of the sun. He learned to copy the moves that Leo did when he mimicked Jupiter Jim. He learned how to protect himself from Splinter and how to control his sense. By the end of the summer, Matt felt more alive then he ever had living topside.