Hazy chocolate brown hues glanced at his iridescent phone screen. Eyes slightly narrowed due to the intensity of the light as it illuminated his face and the visible tear tracks. His vision seemed to be growing more obscured by the second as tears incessantly streamed down Peter's rather soft features. Only for them to eventually cease as the droplets splattered onto the screen causing more tears to end up welling up within their place. Frustration ebbed within Peter at the display of emotion as he harshly rubbed at the liquid dotting his cheeks and the lone tears that trickled along the bridge of his nose.
Sniffling Peter continued scrutinizing the message's head growing more downcast the more that he read. Shame colored his cheeks in embarrassment as he registered something. They were all from him Peter thought and not a single one of them had received a reply within months.
__________
Frankly, he'd never quite felt so low but above all Peter Parker had never felt more alone than he did now. He scrolled through the messages continuously growing more dysphoric the more that he reread. They aren't obligated to answer you Peter he reminded himself none too pleasantly. Truly it wasn't as though Peter were blind to the fact either. He was more than aware of the fact that Happy and Mr. Stark were their own people. Adults with rather busy and hectic lives of their own free will. To put it simply Happy and Mr. Stark made their own choices.
And if one of those choices happened to be not answering or replying to Peter's messages then so be it.
Peter just wished he could understand and wished so dearly for a reason why he was being ignored. Did Happy truly not like him? Were all of the gruff man's grumbling and chides not just for show? Peter reeled at the thought. It made sense, Happy Hogan not liking him.
For all of Happy's remarks couldn't hide how the man felt about Peter. It was clear now. Happy didn't like him and maybe never even had. To Happy, Peter Parker was just some annoying kid who had tagged along and pestered the man. Which okay that was fair.
It's just that sometimes Happy's remarks cut deep- deeper than he'd like to admit. They could be downright excessive and hateful.
Did Peter even have a right to feel this way? So alone, abandoned, and hurt? Probably not. But that didn't stop him from feeling that way or sulking in his own self-pity. Peter was practically wallowing in it.
Honestly, he didn't quite understand his own emotions. Because beyond Happy's outward distaste for Peter, there was Mr. Stark. Tony Stark who had a family. Mr. Stark who was happy, and very much not obligated to care.
His mentor had a wife, and friends- a team. And if the missed messages were anything to go by his mentor hardly had the time for tag-along children. All Peter did was cause trouble. Created messes that therefore needed to be cleaned up later on.
That's all Peter was to Tony, after all, some annoying teenager that got in more trouble than he was worth. It made sense.
Problematic children that caused more trouble than they were worth didn't have anyone to care for or fuss over them. And that's what Peter was. Maybe Tony had seen that from the beginning. Maybe that's why Tony had dragged him into the war with reckless abandon for Peter's life.
A pitiful sob wrenched its way from Peter's body. Another, and another until tears were streaming incessantly down his cheeks. His vocal cords working on their own accord.
Peter had to wonder if that's all he was to Tony, after all, some annoying teenager that got in more trouble than he was worth.
_________
''Emotional distress detected,'' Karen's amiable voice pierced the thick silence. Just as it always seemed to. ''Peter, would you like me to call Mr. Stark?''
Definitely not.
''No,'' Peter replied softly. ''No, that's okay, Karen,''
''Okay,''
He let out a breath that Peter hadn't even known he'd been holding. Only to almost choke as Karen spoke once more.
''Protocol now commenced, contacting Tony Stark,''
What? That's not-
That couldn't be right.
Chocolate brown eyes widened in disdain.
No- please not Mr. Stark. He hadn't wanted for Karen to call the elder. In fact, Peter had explicitly stated not to.
''What?'' Peter spluttered ''No, no, - that's really not necessary, I promise,''
Silence. How was he being ignored by his own suit now? Really-
''Please, Karen, I'm fine, no, I'm great even. So really there's no need to trouble him,'' Karen merely ignored his panicking. ''Can we just leave it?''
Couldn't they? Ignore it like everything else. And just leave it as it was?
''Tony Stark has now been notified,'' Karen revealed. Effectively crushing and hopes Peter had. ''It is advised that you sit here and wait for him to arrive. Which will be shortly. In approximately-''
''Of course he has,'' Peter replied thickly. Vaguely putting forth a halfhearted attempt at wiping his face before Mr. Stark arrived.
_____
Peter's feet dangled over the edge kicking softly within the air. He could only imagine what they must look like for anyone below. A random pair of legs swiveling about clad in navy blue and crimson. Shadowing the ground below.
The signature iron suites thrusters met Peter's finely tuned senses suddenly. The noise reverberated around him. Peter tensed curling further in on himself.
''Hey kid,'' Tony greeted. ''Long time no see,''
The statement was poised and clipped. Purposeful in a way that had Peter knowing that his mentor expected an answer for his absence. The question was readied and meant to ensure a response. But In truth, Peter wasn't quite sure that he could provide one.
So he deflected.
''Hey Mr. Stark,'' Peter replied quietly unable to keep the weariness from bleeding into his words. The exhaustion that he felt at the moment withered its way into his tone seamlessly ebbing its way in. The elder seemed to notice immediately. As Mr. Stark glanced at him dubiously the man seemed to be as skeptical as ever.
Tony took notice of the diverted question as well as Peter's apparent hesitance. And immediately stored it away to touch on later.
''What's wrong?'' The noirette questioned. The Iron-Man suit ascended from the clouded depths of the sky before landing gracefully on the rooftop.
Silence. Until Tony broke it by stepping out of the suite and striding over to the kid. The mechanical whirring teased at Peter's ears. As did the surprise he felt at seeing the elder.
He'd been so sure that Tony hadn't come. That'd it'd just been another empty suite, more absences and even more hollow promises of Tony's. Ones that Peter had long since gotten used to. The suites were always sent to do damage control so why had-
''Underoos,'' Tony began. Settling on sitting beside Peter. ''No, that's what we aren't about to do. You can't just avoid the question. So, I'll ask it again what's going on?''
What was going on? Was there even a way to decipher that? Much less a way to explain it to Mr. Stark? No, no there wasn't at least not one that the philanthropist would want to hear.
''Nothing, nothing's going on,'' Peter insisted only earning a raised brow from the Avenger. ''Everything's fine and I'm alright, really,''
Tony however didn't seem the slightest bit convinced and if anything only appeared more suspicious. Inducing Peter to continue explaining.
''I tried to tell Karen that there was no need to call,'' Peter confessed only for it to go ultimately unnoticed as Mr. Started steered the conversation towards unexplored territory.
''I haven't heard from you in a while,'' Mr. Stark muttered decisively.
Isn't that what Mr. Stark had wanted?
''Yeah-''
''Since you declined my offer for the Avengers to be exact,'' Tony continued with ease. ''Mind telling me why?''
''I know,'' Peter lamented before sighing. Placing a flimsy smile overtop to conceal his distress and appease the elder. ''I'm sorry,''
The genius's shoulder knocked against Peters in response. It was blatantly obvious that it was intentional. Peter always knew his mentor to be better with body language and touch than the man was with words. And Peter saw this for what it was which happened to be a ploy to get Peter's attention Tony smirked in triumph as Peter finally gazed towards the man. Meeting the man's warm eyes for the first time that night. Mr. Stark seemingly took it as a queue to speak.
''You don't need to apologize I just want to know why. I want to understand,'' Tony admitted. ''I'll admit It's weird having you avoid me kid and it's not the good kind of weird. I miss your chatter. Don't tell Happy that I told you because heaven knows he'll deny it. But even he seems to miss you. So why don't you just come clean about what's happening? Because I'm a little confused as to what's going on,''
''Happy misses me?'' Peter couldn't help but ask. Disbelief mottling his features. Tony eyed him carefully.
''Yes he does,'' Tony conceded. ''But kid you've gotta work with me on this. Did I do something, The Avengers offer- was it too overwhelming, unexpected, or was it just too much?''
''No,'' Peter blurted before he could stop himself. Is that really what his mentor had thought? That he'd been avoiding the elder because of Mr. Stark's offer? ''No Mr. Stark that's not it! I'm beyond grateful that you offered. It's - it's none of that and you haven't done anything wrong.''
''Okay, then something else I'd like to know is why wouldn't there be any need to call me? You've obviously been crying so somethings up,'' At Tony's pointed look Peter visibly slumped. ''And that something is more than enough of a reason to call me,''
''Mr. Stark this is- this is different,'' Peter murmurs. ''There was no reason to call you,''
''And why is that?'' Tony countered.
''Because this wasn't spiderman related,''
Peter had expected - something. To be frank he didn't know how he'd expected his mentor to react to the statement. All Peter knew was that he hadn't been prepared for this.
Almost instantaneously the billionaire froze at the simple remark. Eyes narrowing before sparking in something akin to realization.
Peter couldn't help but gulp at the intensity of the genius's gaze. Hesitantly looking away as chestnut brown curls shielded his vision.
''So,'' Tony's voice sparked dangerously.
''Let me just get this straight just because it didn't have to do with spiderman you assumed that it'd be any less important to me?''
Yes.
''Well, I..-''
''Peter,'' Tony interrupted sharply. Eyes a lit and brazen. ''Is that what you thought, yes or no?''
''I don't- I don't know,'' Peter said quietly. Backtracking in confusion. He didn'tunderstand why Mr. Stark seemed so upsetsuddenly. ''It's just that I get it,''
''Get what? Kid, you're going to have to be a bit more specific. I'm not really understanding here,''
The utter confusion in Tony's voice surprised him. And was entirely unexpected if Peter were being honest.
''I mean that I understand. You recruited Spiderman, not me, not Peter. So you didn't really sign up for anything Peter-related,'' Peter bleated. ''So there was no reason to call you because it wasn't Spidey-related,''
There was a moment that Tony didn't seem to process anything that he'd said. Eventually, the man did and Peter could tell the very second his mentor had by the change in the man's posture.
''Pete,'' Tony finally murmured breathlessly. Before an uncharismatic hesitance edged Tony's voice. ''Kid..that's not-''
But Peter wasn't listening. Hadn't been for a while no Peter was far too delved into his own thoughts.
He didn't need excuses, didn't want this- didn't entertain the false care that everyone always seemed to offer with confrontation. Wincing Peter finally voiced his thoughts.
''Sorry,'' Peter burst out. Unintentionally cutting off his mentor. ''I'm sorry, It's just a bit of a rough day.''
Mr. Stark only nodded. Not even taking notice of the excuse. Peter winced as the man's neck creaked. Tony's movements suddenly seemed too stiff and far too choppy to be normal.
''What did you mean?''
''When?'' Peter questioned.
''What'd you mean by me not signing up for anything Peter related?'' Tony's composure lapsed at having to repeat Peter's words. Peter for the life of him couldn't understand why. ''Is that what you think, that I didn't sign up for you?''
Chocolate-colored hues met umber. Almost immediately Tony's eyes dulled in sadness as the man seemed to wilt.
''Fuck Peter,'' Tony muttered obscenely. ''Bambino, you really think that I only keep you around because you're spider boy?''
''Spiderman,'' Peter corrected.
''Yeah, yeah,'' Tony said briskly. Although the faintest hint of a smirk was beginning to form. ''I'll start calling you that when you aren't fifteen,''
Now that was unfair. He was turning sixteen within a few months after all. So technically in his mind at least it was hardly fair to still claim Peter to be fifteen.
Mr. Stark was ageist.
''Hey!'' Peter cried out indignantly
''So you think it's true then,'' Tony urged. Repeating the prior question. However, the billionaire's bout of amusement is no more.
''Well,'' Peter couldn't help but avert his gaze from the norinette. Any mirth his features had held prior seemed to slip from his face. ''Isn't it?''
''God, no, of course it isn't! Damn it, whatever made you think that?''
''It doesn't matter,'' Peter exclaimed. Tony however protested immediately.
''It does matter,'' Tony argued stubbornly. ''So why don't you tell me so I can fix it?''
Was there any chance at making amends? At fixing this? Could Mr. Stark even fix this - was this even worthwhile?
Peter didn't know. So instead he screwed his eyes shut and thought of the right words to convey an ounce of what he was feeling.
''As Spiderman, I feel connected with everyone and we're- we're close. You look out for me on the field and I have your back. It's great, youcare,'' Peter confessed. ''But as Peter Parker it's different.''
''Different how?'' Tony pressed. Lips set into a grim line, expression mangled and unreadable. Interchangeable and undeniably demolished.
''When I'm not Spiderman it just isn't the same. As Peter, I don't feel connected with anyone. I feel avoided or like a nuisance to you and Happy. It never matters if I try to reach out or call and text either of you because I know it'll just get ignored. Or I'll get brushed off because you're busy. Which I completely understand Mr. Stark, I do!'' Peter spluttered.
He never wanted the elder to think that he wasn't anything other than grateful. Because Peter was incredibly so. It's just that-
''Sometimes it hurts. And I love helping and contributing in any way I can. Sometimes it just feels like the only value I have is as Spiderman. And when you took the suite away it-...'' Peter paused. Voice falling short as he struggled admist himself. Yet somehow Peter was under the suspicion that he didn't need to provide any further explanation.
''Felt like I was abandoning you,'' Tony finished growing incredibly pale at the realization.
''Yeah, I guess,'' Peter divulged. ''A little.''
Peter's eyes searched the man's face. Attempting to trace any signs of anger, sadness, or- anything. Panic invaded him at having found nothing. There were no telltale signs of any emotions on Tony's face. The elder's face was just- blank. Extremely impassive.
And Tony? Tony was struggling. The man had never wanted Peter to feel like this way. Especially at the Billionaires' own hand. Tony wished for the umpteenth time since the revelation that the man could do something- anything to take away Peter's hurt.
''Okay well that's - that's a lot kiddo,'' Tony exhaled heavily. Looking emotionally spent before continuing. ''Okay, Pete things are about to get heavy. And I don't exactly do feelings so you should feel honored. So before I start I wanna know that you're listening before I just pour my heart out,''
He couldn't help but grin at his mentor's lighthearted words. The elder's antics provide comfort just as they always do.
''It's okay,'' Peter quickly avows. Desperate for things to just be over with. So that he can hopefully just forget about how much he'd just shared with his mentor.
''You don't need to,''
''Oh, but I do,'' Tony retorted. ''First off I want to say that I wish I could've gone about this differently. Been better, and I'm sorry that I've ever made you feel this way. I gave you the wrong impression and made you believe that Spiderling is all that mattered. That's on me fully on me. It's also entirely untrue. So I'd like to make it clear to you that you are worth so much more than the suite or the mantle. ''
He was worth more than the mantle? Worth more than Spiderman to Mr. Stark?
''But-''
How could that be when Spiderman made up who he was? When it was the costume that gave him a sense of purpose of identity. Made him special.
Without it, Peter was nothing more than an awkward kid from Queens.
''Nah uh,'' Tony let out in dismissal. Glossing over Peter's thoughts. ''The adult is talking kid,''
Right. Okay, he could do that. After all, the only thing that Peter was worthy of producing right now was mindless babble.
''Anyway, I chose you and only you. Not because of any attributes or powers you had as Spiderman but because of who you are as Peter Parker. I grew fond of Peter and I grew to care deeply for you, not Spiderman. I guess I didn't express that as well as I thought I had,''
Mr. Stark was fond of him- cared for him. Was he imagining things? Daydreaming perhaps?
''Frankly, I'm only telling you this because you deserve an explanation. But I never had the best relationship with my father. And it's shaped me more than I'd like to admit I thought you'd deserved better than that. So I tried to deny myself from getting attached to you. Didn't exactly work though,'' Tony muttered bluntly. ''Point is Happy and I? We care about you kid we care a whole deal about you. Happy as much as he pretends to not like you positively adores you. So much that you couldn't even fathom it. He's grumbly and grouchy at times because that's just Happy, Pete. And Peter?''
''Y-yeah Mr. Stark?''
''If you've ever wondered what I think of you or what you mean to me it's fairly simple. You're my kid. And that means that you will never be seen as a nuisance and never viewed as a burden. I don't ignore your messages I read them all, every single one. I'm new to this. Bad at it and I never know how to respond. It doesn't mean that I don't want to,'' The elder pulled the teenager close. Gripping Peter within a tight embrace.
''There's no door this time,''
''Yeah,'' Tony affirmed, snickering in gaiety. ''There's no door because I'm hugging you.''
Oh, oh okay. This was- this was nice Peter couldn't help but think. Melting into the hug as any of his doubts or worries were squashed.