He muttered under his breath, which created a cloud of fog since the air was so cold. If he wasn’t Jotunn he would be freezing his ass off right about now. He hit the device against his palm one more time. Praying for it to jolt to life again, but it remained dead and dull. The screen was gray instead of its vibrant orange glow. He had known it was dying for a while now, but he thought he would have a little more time.
He was stranded.
He knew it would happen eventually, but it didn’t make it any easier.
He cursed under his breath, his grip tightening around the device.
“Fuck!” He screamed, throwing the device against the brick wall on the other side of the alley. It shattered, the pieces he didn’t even know it had, crumbled and scattered within the nasty snow. “Fuck,” He hissed under his breath as he shuffled back a couple of steps, his back hitting the wall. He slid down, ignoring the wetness from the snow and ground as he pulled his knees into his chest.
He was so tired.
He knew he should get up, keep moving. He couldn’t stay in the same place for long, he didn’t know how long it would take for them to catch up with him. Before it was easy staying ahead, he would just jump again using the tem-pad. Hide behind another apocalypse, not drawing attention to himself, not creating branches.
He glanced across the alley to the broken pieces.
Now, he was stuck. He didn’t have a quick exit. He didn’t even know where he was- when he was. The tem-pad had been malfunctioning, it spit him out here, wherever this was. Some shitty back alley of who knows what planet. Knowing his luck they were probably all cannibals, because why the hell not? His life couldn’t get any fucking worse.
He dragged a hand down his face.
He was so tired.
He wondered where everyone else was, he wondered about Mobius- His- Mobius, not whoever that was back there. He had been trying to get back to him, he had been trying so hard. But nothing he did worked, he had been through just about every multiverse imaginable, every timeline, every dimension. He couldn’t get home.
Home- He laughed.
Was the TVA really his home? Of course not, Mobius was though.
He knew he should just face it. This was it- This was the end for him. He had been fighting against it pretty hard, and for a long time too. He didn’t know how long it had been, he had lost all concept of time when he was first arrested. It’s not like it mattered anyways.
He was so fucking tired.
He felt his eyes begin to close, his head began to tilt. As his shoulders slumped and he felt every muscle loosen, he would almost admit that he felt relaxed.
But that didn’t last very long.
His eyes shot open, but it was already too late. Something had wrapped around his ankle and began dragging him down the alley. He tried lifting his head up to see what the hell was happening, but the back of his head kept bouncing off of the cement. His vision was blurry, the back of his skull was pounding. His leg felt as if it was being ripped off. As soon as he realized he wasn’t being dragged anymore, he lifted his head up, but it didn’t do much good. Both ankles were quickly being pulled in opposite directions, along with his wrists. He groaned with the initial pull, it took him by surprise.
This didn’t seem like the TVA. They were dicks but they wouldn’t rip him apart in the middle of an alley.
No, this- This seemed more like….
His breath hitched as he tried to look around. But nothing, he saw nothing. It was dark, but not dark enough to hide figures completely. His wrists and ankles were being pulled by some imaginary force- or something. He tried fighting, he tried pulling, wiggling, straining, all that he could, but nothing helped. His chest was growing tighter, he was starting to panic.
His heart stopped as he heard the screech of a blade being scraped across the cement. His eyes were wide as he watched the figure emerge from the darkness.
His eyes trialing over him, trying to recognise him- but nothing.
The other being looked just as confused, his brows pinching as he studied in return.
“You’re supposed to be dead.” He said, before the God could question him further, the man shrugged and held his sword up.
“No!” He screamed but the tip of the blade was brought down to his chest, barely piercing the skin. The creature walked closer, still pressing the blade into the center of his chest. He knelt down, his long nails scraping against the man’s face.
“Loki.” He said distastefully, “I’ve heard of you. I’m on my way to kill your brother next, I’ll send him your wishes.” He brought the sword down deeper into Loki’s chest, the god let out a scream, but it turned into a growl once the creature yet again stopped the blade. He stared at Loki’s chest with a confused look. Loki couldn’t hold his head up high enough to see what he was looking at, well, other than the sword currently stuck into his chest. His head still felt like it was being held down by weights.
“Hmm.” He heard the creature hum, Loki opened his mouth to ask a question, but was quickly interrupted as the sword was promptly removed from his chest. Loki groaned, trying to catch his breath. The creature climbed on top of him, and Loki began to fight harder. The creature's weight on his hips was unsettling, especially having to look at its dark eyes so close to his own. He brought the tip of the blade to Loki’s cheek, Loki squirmed, turning away. His face was quickly grabbed, his nails digging into Loki’s chin as he held his face in place. Loki kept his eyes on the blade as it was dragged across his face, blood trickling out.
“Huh.” The creature said, as if he was surprised. He still held Loki’s chin, “I guess you’re really not a God.” He tapped Loki’s cheek with his hand before smiling, which made Loki sick. He stood up and Loki immediately felt released. His ankles and wrists falling onto the cold cement, no longer being restrained. He sat up as quickly as he could, but the man was already gone.
Loki looked around fearfully, but he was alone.
He stayed sitting, his hand slowly reaching to his chest where there was a small whole in his shirt, a small pool of blood beginning to form. His hands were trembling, he didn’t notice until he brought them up to feel his face. The cut was deep, he would definitely need stitches. He stared at his fingertips, painted with his dark blood.
He looked up into the darkness, suddenly realizing all of what the creature had said.
You’re supposed to be dead
He was confused at first, but then he realized. He was supposed to be dead. Thanos was supposed to kill him, that’s why he was arrested by the TVA in the first place, because he didn’t make it to his nexus event.
I’m on my way to kill your brother next
Loki’s eyes widened. There were thousands of Thor’s all across the multiverse, Loki hadn’t actually made contact with any of them, he was trying to avoid that if at all possible. But- Thor is still his brother. No matter the universe. Loki couldn’t just let him die.
But how was he supposed to find him? He didn’t have the first idea of where he was, let alone his brother’s location. Loki huffed, standing up. His head hurt like a motherfucker, not to mention the stab wound in his chest.
He had to try.
Loki took a few shuffled steps down the alley, his blood dripping from his fingertips, leaving red droplets in the snow as he walked.
***
Thor closed the door behind him as he stepped out onto the porch.
“Alright, you be good for Auntie Val, okay, Love?” He said as the small child hopped off of the porch and into the arms of the warrior.
“Ah- He’s got nothing to worry about, right?” Val said as she spun Love around. “We’re going to have so much fun!”
Thor smiled warmly, his arms crossed over his chest as he stood and watched. “We’ll see you later, Uncle Thor!” Love said, Thor waved back to her.
Valkyrie sat her down, she knelt to her height and told her something that Thor couldn’t hear. Love nodded and took off towards the ready-to-go ship. Valkyrie stood up slowly, Thor watched as her expression completely changed. Her smile dropped, and she looked like she was about to deliver awful news. Thor felt his chest grow tight, his stomach dropped.
“What?” Thor’s arms fell to his sides as he stepped down off of the porch, “What is it?”
Valkyrie looked over her shoulder, they were so close they were whispering now. “There’s something you might want to see.”
***
Thor stood, his fists clenched at his sides. He hadn’t been breathing for a solid two minutes, he couldn’t. His lungs just refused to work.
“How-” He stuttered.
“I don’t know. I noticed him this morning, when I was walking to your house. I was hoping he would still be here.” She said, as their gaze was set at the bottom of the clearing.
“You didn’t speak to him?” He asked, his voice shaking.
She shook her head. “I thought you should be the one to have the first words.” Valkyrie took a step back, beginning to turn. Thor’s hand quickly grabbed her arm. He was nervous, she could tell. “It’s alright, Thor. It doesn’t have to turn into a fight.”
“It almost always does with him.”
“Just talk. Get him to explain- He owes you that much.” She told him. He reluctantly released his grip, letting her go. As she left, his eyes turned back towards the man who had his back facing him. He was a good distance away, but Thor could recognize his brother no matter what.
He was able to get his stiff legs to move, he shuffled down the hill. As he got closer, he walked towards his brother, viewing his side profile. He looked thin, pale, his clothes were unusual, at least to Thor they were. He never would have imagined his brother in a button up anyways. His clothes were dirty, and torn in places. His hair was curly, different from when he last saw him though, it was shorter. Thor’s breath was caught in the back of his throat, he didn’t think he had been breathing since Valkyrie led him to the top of the hill. His eyes drifted, noticing the blood on the center of his chest, the gash on his face that hadn’t been cleaned or tended to.
He opened his mouth to speak, although he said nothing. Loki hadn’t so much as glanced in his direction, and hadn't acknowledged his existence in the slightest until he finally spoke.
“I’m sorry about Jane.” He said, his eyes still transfixed on the statue he stood at the feet of. Thor felt a shiver go down his spin as he heard his brother’s voice. He didn’t think he would ever forget it- But maybe he had. It felt so forgein.
“I really liked her,” Loki added, his voice soft.
“Where have you been-” Thor didn’t mean for it to fall out of his mouth so wetly. He gasped, fighting back the tears that were already coming. Loki looked at him, but quickly turned away.
“I had to make sure you were alright.” Thor’s brows pinched, “That the God Butcher or whoever hadn’t killed you.” Loki explained, his hands sliding into his pockets.
“That was weeks ago.” Thor said, suddenly feeling his anger creep back in. Loki nodded, “I know.” His eyes fixated on the ground, “I didn’t know where you were, and I didn’t really have a way to find you.” He spoke softly.
Thor looked around, a hand dragging down his face, “What do you mean you didn’t know where I was? I’ve been here! I’ve been here the whole damn time! Waiting-” A sob from the back of his throat cut him off. Loki winced, closing his eyes as he looked away. “No.” Thor growled, “Look at me.” He ordered, but Loki shook his head, “Look at me and explain why- Why you left- Why you lied to me- Just make me understand- Tell me you had a good fucking reason!” Loki kept his head down and away from his brother, “You are a coward, you know that?” He heard Thor hiss.
Loki turned quickly, “It’s hard to explain, Thor!” He cried, his eyes just as watery as his brother’s. “You wouldn’t understand-”
“Then make me-”
“I don’t know how!” His voice growled against the back of his throat as he screamed, his knees buckled underneath his weight and he knelt on the ground. A hand coming up to grab his ribs where the sharp pain was residing. Thor took a quick step forward as Loki fell to his knees, a hand reaching for his brother worriedly. Loki had his eyes closed, they were scrunched together tightly as he tried to breathe through the pain. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he opened his eyes to be met with Thor kneeling in front of him.
“Make me understand, Loki.” He said calmly after a moment of silence. Loki chewed his lip, his eyes darting across his brother’s face. It was the real first time he had looked at him. He looked so much older than Loki remembered, his hair was still long and blonde, pulled back out of his face. He had a scar across his eye, which was a different color. There were more creases in his forehead, more lines on his face that made him look older than he should. Loki doubted he looked any better himself, he knew he looked like shit these days.
“I don’t know how,” Loki answered softly, all Thor said in response was, “Try.”
Loki took a deep breath, well as deep as he could manage, his ribs still stinging his side, “I’m not your brother.” He probably shouldn’t have started with that, given the confused look on Thor’s face, that was quickly replaced by anger. Or how Thor’s hand retracted from Loki’s shoulder almost immediately.
“Loki-”
“I mean-” Loki hissed, “I-” He sighed, “Your brother’s dead.” He stared deeply at Thor, his eyes never leaving his own, “I’m not him, specifically. Thanos didn’t kill me, but he did… him.” Loki gestured to himself as he spoke, waiting for a reaction from his brother that never came. Thor continued to stare at him. “Your time heist- When you and everyone else went back in time for the stones- I was in New York. I stole the tesseract from your Stark.” Loki bit on his tongue as the pain in his side suddenly stabbed at him again, “I wasn’t supposed to do that, Thor. I was supposed to be arrested, taken to Asgard, be tossed in the dungeons, and then murdered by Thanos.” He watched his brother cringe at the harshness of his words, “But I didn’t. I stole the tesseract and I escaped.”
“But- your…” Thor tried to piece everything together in his head, “Then why…” He trailed off, a hand pinching his forehead.
“I- I was arrested.” Loki continued, gaining his brother’s attention again, “By these people called the TVA- Time Variance Authority- They control the timelines, they keep things from branching off. When I stole the tesseract I created a branch on the timeline, something that wasn’t supposed to happen.” Loki glanced down at where Thor reached for his jacket, his thumb brushing over the big orange letters on his chest.
“Do you work for them now? Are you a prisoner?” Thor questioned.
“Sort of both, I guess.” Loki chuckled, “I used to anyway.” He cleared his throat. “I don’t have anywhere to go back to, they deleted my timeline, reset it to what was supposed to happen.” Loki spoke softly, his eyes trailing the ground now. They were both still kneeling, Loki didn’t think he could get up without doubling over from the pain, and since Loki stayed, so did Thor.
“But-” Loki looked up at him, “You’re still my brother.”
“Thor, I-”
“Up until New York.” Thor finished, “Everything before is still the same?”
“Yes, I suppose.” Loki coughed, nodding.
It was quiet for a moment, Loki was waiting on Thor to say something else, or maybe Thor was waiting on Loki. Eventually, Thor stood, holding his hand out for his brother.
“Come on, you need to get cleaned up.”
Loki shook his head, “I can’t stay, Thor. I need to leave.”
“Like hell-”
“They’ll come after me, Thor. I’m surprised they haven’t already- It’s been weeks- I can’t stay-” Loki heard Thor begin to argue, but he didn’t necessarily hear him over the heat building up in his face, clogging his ears. He tried to stand, he was good for a second, before everything went black and it felt like the world was spinning.
***
Loki woke up with a gasp. His lungs were on fire, he felt like he could barely breathe.
His fists gripped the pillow tightly, as he stared straight ahead at the dark wall. He laid there awhile, waiting for the pain to subside. As it became manageable, he tried to sit up. He winced, scooting back against the headboard to make things easier. His hand resting across his torso, he looked around the room. It was a bedroom, but it didn’t look lived in. It was quite empty, aside from the bed and dust covered dresser. The curtains were drawn, so the room was dark, but Loki could tell by the small peaks of light that the sun hadn’t completely gone down yet. He swept his legs to the side of the bed, sitting on the edge as he glanced down at himself. His clothes had been changed, and by the looks of his arms and hands he looked cleaner too.
He was able to make it across the room, his entire body ached, and the pain in his chest and side wasn’t leaving anytime soon. The door creaked when he opened it, he stuck his head out into the hall. The home was small, the walls wood, the carpet stained and worn. Loki shuffled down the hall, his hand sliding against the wall. He walked into the living room, noticing toys in the corner, a pair of childs boots by the door. Loki’s eyes scanned the room, not noticing Thor had stepped into the doorway that was shared with the kitchen.
“You’re finally awake.” Loki jumped at the sound of his voice, he looked in his direction. “You’ve been in and out all day.”
Loki nodded, his hand gripping the back of the couch. “Where are my clothes?”
“I burned them.”
“Thor-”
“They were disgusting, Loki. Honestly, when was the last time you had showered? Or ate- Slept? Taken care of yourself at all!” Thor asked, taking a loud step into the living room. Loki quickly looked away, his teeth finding his already busted lip.
“I was on the run, that stuff wasn’t important.” Loki mumbled.
Thor looked like he wanted to say more, but he only nodded. Loki could hear the anger leave through his nostrils as he breathed.
“Your wounds were infected.” Thor said, walking back into the kitchen, Loki followed. “I was able to clean them up, stitch them.” Loki’s hand brushed over his cheek, feeling the stitches in his skin.
“Oh,” He said softly, “Thank you.”
Thor glanced over his shoulder at where he stood at the stove, “Your ribs are broken too. I think you might have a punctured lung or something, that’s why you’re breathing horribly.” Thor told him, Loki nodded, taking a seat at the table. “What the hell happened, anyways?”
“I uh- Ran into some trouble on my way here,” Loki winced, his hand grazing over his side, “Turns out people weren’t as excited to see me as I thought they would be.” He chuckled lightly, but his smile faded quickly. Thor watched it fall from his lips almost as fast as it appeared. Thor pressed his brows together as he turned back to the soup on the stove. He stirred it a couple of more times, before pouring a bowl. He sat it in front of his brother, before taking a seat across from him. Loki stared at it for a solid minute, Thor finally huffed, “Loki, eat it, dammit.”
Loki shifted in his seat uncomfortable, finally picking up the spoon. Thor crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair as his brother took a few bites.
“How did you know I was in trouble?” He finally asked. Loki looked up at him, his curls slightly in his face.
“Because that guy told me. Said he was on his way to kill you.” Loki said casually, taking another bite.
Thor sat there a minute, “How did he not kill you?”
Loki went quiet, his hand freezing above his bowl. “I uh- I’m not a God.” He shrugged, going back to eating.
Thor chuckled, “What are you talking about?” But his smile dropped when he saw his brother wasn’t joking.
“He cut me, Thor. Saw my blood- Told me I wasn’t worth it, that I’m not a God.” Loki huffed, he could already feel his eyes beginning to sting, “It doesn't matter.” He shook his head. He shoved the spoon in his mouth before he could start crying. Loki could tell Thor wanted to say more, he was waiting for him to do so. But Thor stayed quiet, Loki slowly lowered his spoon back down to the table. He swallowed thickly, his eyes staying tranced on the table.
“It’s kind of funny, if you think about it.” He said in a low tone. Thor gave him a questioning look. Loki glanced towards him, “My last- dying- words, and it turns out, I’ll never be a God either.” Loki chuckled, but Thor watched with a grimace as his brother’s face quickly folded as he started to cry. Thor stood, crossing to the other side of the table as fast as he could. Loki already burying his face behind his hands. Thor’s hand hovered an inch above Loki’s bony trembling shoulders.
“Loki-” Thor said desperately as his brother’s crying began to turn into strangled sobs. “Loki, please-”
Thor knelt down, a hand resting on his little brother’s back. He rubbed it gently as he stayed there, for what felt like hours. He didn’t say anything, just a few whispered words here and there. He mainly waited for Loki to calm down on his own, which eventually, he did. His quick gasps were starting to become short breaths, and so on. A little while later, Loki slowly raised his head up. Thor’s heart began to ache as he saw the tear stained trails running down his brother’s flushed face. His eyes swollen and bloodshot, and his nose runny with snot. He sniffled, wiping his nose and cheeks with the sleeves of his oversized shirt.
“I’m sorry,” He mumbled, his cheeks burning with embarrassment.
“Loki, don’t fucking apologize.” Loki’s eyes snapped up at Thor’s harsh voice, a little wide with not so much fear, but surprise. Loki nodded quickly, but that’s not how Thor intended it. The older one sighed, standing up, not wanting to admit out loud how bad his knees were starting to ache from kneeling for so long. He leaned on the table, still at his brother’s side.
“You were right.” Loki looked up at him, his eyebrows pressed, “It doesn’t matter.” Thor repeated his words from earlier. Loki deflated, “Thor, my entire life- It’s just been one fucking lie after another-”
“And you got through those, didn’t you?” Loki’s mouth hung open for a second. Thor crossed his arms, “You found out you were adopted- Does that matter?”
“Well-”
“You found out you’re not Asgardian- Was that the end of the world?”
“Kind of-”
“So, what if you’re not a God- If you were, he could have slit your throat right then and there!” Thor stared at Loki for a second, until his arms finally fell back to his sides with a sigh, “I know you’re upset. I understand, Loki, you have a right to be. But I think you are looking at this wrong.”
“How?” Loki scoffed, “How could I possibly be- What? You want me to think positively? Thor, I just keep getting knocked down the latter- I’m nothing-”
“You’re alive.” Thor growled. Loki’s voice got caught in his throat, he seemed to sink further back in his chair as he saw the anger on his brother’s face. It took a moment before Thor composed himself. He shook his head, “That is all that matters, Loki. I know you may not think that, but I do.” His voice broke slightly at the end, he looked away quickly towards the table, but Loki didn’t miss the tears beginning to build on the rim of his blue eyes.
“I know, Thor.” He said quietly, “I’m sorry- about the past few years. I know they weren’t easy for you.” Loki kept his head down, swirling his spoon mindlessly in the bowl. Thor didn’t respond, but Loki could tell he nodded. He also guessed that Thor was too busy trying not to cry to actually speak a reply, but Loki didn’t bring that up either.
Some time passed, Thor eventually joined his brother with eating a bowl of soup. He made his own when Loki asked for seconds, which Thor was never going to deny. They ate in silence, Loki keeping his head down, while Thor stared at him from across the table.
“You still look tired.” Thor said, grabbing Loki’s attention. Thor’s attention on the heavy bags resting under his brother’s eyes.
“I’m fine.” Loki mumbled, shaking his head.
“You can sleep as long as you want, Loki. Whenever you want. That room back there is yours.” Thor said, eating his own soup. Loki looked at him for a second.
“What about your daughter? I thought-”
“Hmm? Oh- No, no,” Thor laughed, “She’s not my daughter. I’m just looking after her for now, until I can find a better home for her. She has her own room at the end of the hall. No,” He trailed off. “That’s your room.” Thor cleared his throat, he went quiet after that for a minute. Loki watched him with a worried glance.
“I didn’t think you were actually-” Thor swallowed thickly, looking away. “I didn’t think you were really gone.” His voice breaking again, but he sniffled, sitting up straight. Loki’s gut twisted, and he chewed on his lip. “So, I built an extra room, you know….for when you came back.”
Loki nodded, biting down on his tongue. His nails digging into his knees underneath the table.
“You know, I always-” He shook his head, “He- He always loved you. Through all of it. He just never said it- Because he didn’t know how.” Loki scooted his chair out slightly, watching Thor crumble the rest of the way, He had been holding it in for hours.
Loki stood awkwardly, he wasn’t as good at this as his brother was. Thor’s shoulders shook, and his hands shielded his face. Loki hesitantly reached his arms out, but he didn’t touch him until Thor leaned towards him. He buried his face into Loki’s (well, Thor’s) shirt, his arms wrapping around his brother’s thin waist, his hands gripping at the material of his back. Loki’s arms fell on to Thor, he pulled him closer, his hands squeezing tightly.
Loki closed his eyes, and he didn’t know when the TVA would come for him. It could be in a matter of seconds, or maybe even a few more weeks. He didn’t know when it would be, but he knew they would probably prune him when they found him.
Even still, Loki will hold on to this moment even into the void.