2024/2017
2024
“Hey, babe, what do you want to do for Christmas? Do you want to have everyone over here again?” Lee asks Steve from across the living room as she does some tidying up while Steve plays with Lily on the floor in the soft glow of the lights on the tree.
“Yeah, I think that will work. Maybe I’ll get the turkey right this year…” Steve grimaces, remembering last year’s fiasco of the first Christmas in their new home that required a last-minute trip to the store, only to find vegan options and ground beef remaining resulting in an unconventional meal of tofurky and cheeseburgers paired with the traditional side dishes.
“I’ll invite Pepper and Morgan, see what their plans are. Can you let Bucky know?”
“Sure, honey! What about your family?”
“They know we want to do our own thing for Christmas, and we just saw them at Thanksgiving.”
With Steve not having any living relatives, the two of them keep in touch with their found family of the remaining Avengers crowd whenever they can. Pepper and Morgan don’t live that far away in upstate, Bucky is just a quick trip into the city, and Sam stops by whenever he’s around. Lee and Bucky have lunch sometimes when she’s in the city for work and he’s not on a mission with Sam, the new Captain America. Occasionally, Steve will go to Brooklyn to see Bucky but they both usually prefer for Bucky to go upstate so that he gets some peace and quiet and a little time back in nature out of the hustle and bustle of the city.
Lee had heard a lot about Bucky from Steve over the years but didn’t get to meet him until a little over a year ago in the aftermath of the Avengers’ final fight to defeat Thanos. When she did, she embraced him like a long-lost brother, feeling like she already knew him. Steve had told Bucky a little bit about her before he went into cryostasis again in Wakanda, but a lot had happened to him since then and they both needed to get to know him all over again. Bucky also needed a fresh start and tried not to rely too much on Steve to ground him in the past. Steve wished Bucky would let him help more, talk to him more, but Bucky didn’t want his struggles to disrupt Steve’s new life with Lee, and Lily once she was born. Both Steve and Lee did everything they could to insist they wanted Bucky in their lives as part of their family and tried their best to stay connected with him and make him feel welcome in their home any time.
He eventually came around more and started letting them both into his new life bit by bit after he went through some personal transformation during his time helping Sam on his journey to becoming Cap. Bucky understood and supported Steve’s decision to retire but he wasn’t so thrilled with Sam and the government’s handling of the shield at first. He even snapped at Steve a few times for not stepping in to remedy the situation. Steve didn’t want to force anything on Sam that he wasn’t comfortable with but did try to encourage him that he was the best man for the role. Steve living just outside New York City is somewhat of an open secret that no one really acknowledges out of respect for his retirement status. For all intents and purposes, he might as well be on the moon as far as the rest of the world is concerned.
Lee once felt like Steve truly was as far away as the moon back in the aftermath of the Accords and the fight between the Avengers. Half of the team came back to the States in wreckage, both physical and emotional. There was bad news all around with Rhodey’s injury and the other half of the team being locked up on The Raft. When Tony informed Lee that Steve was gone with Bucky, she was heartbroken but not surprised. She knew he would do anything for his best and oldest friend after the way he spoke about him and their connection in their youth, stories from the war, and his more recent run-ins with a barely-there Bucky behind the brainwashed Winter Soldier. Seeing Bucky like that had crushed Steve and awoke the love for his dearest friend he thought was gone forever.
All Lee could do was hope the political and legal issues would be resolved quickly so Steve could return home to her with Bucky in tow. As time went on with no sign of his return, Lee started to lose hope and threw herself into her studies and helping Tony with the Foundation as a distraction from the missing part of her life. Steve and Lee may have only known each other for a short time in the grand scheme of things, but he had become the other half of her heart. Having him gone and so suddenly was a shock to her system. She was stuck in limbo not knowing if or when she’d see him again or if he was okay. Even Tony, who’s not exactly the king of handling emotions, noticed her struggling behind her dedicated smile. Her difficulty coping prompted Tony to finally share something Steve sent to Lee that he’d been keeping a secret for months.
2017
Lee was working in the office at the Compound late one evening, subconsciously avoiding going back to her apartment in the city alone. Most days she was holding it together but today was an especially bad day. She had found one of Steve’s drawing pencils under her couch while cleaning and that tiny piece of who he was when he was around her caused memories to come flooding back of them lounging on her couch or his couch or on a blanket in the park while he sketched and she read for school. After composing herself following a minor tear-filled breakdown, she fled to the Compound to occupy herself with work. Tony was walking down the hall and noticed the lights were still on, frowning as he expected everyone to be gone given the hour.
He entered the room to find Lee slumped over her laptop, barley awake staring at the screen like a zombie, “Hey, kid… what are you still doing here?”
Lee blinked a few times before looking up at him, “Had some work to do, thought I’d focus better here…”
She glanced at the time in the corner of her screen, seeing how late it was.
She got up quickly and started gathering her things, “Shoot. I didn’t realize that it’d gotten this late… I’m sorry, Tony, I’ll get out of your hair.”
Tony put a hand up to settle her, “Hey, hey, slow down, Lee, it’s okay. You know I burn the midnight oil myself and that you can stay as long as you want.”
“No, I really should go,” she said as a yawn took over her phrase.
“I don’t think you’re going anywhere at this hour… you should sleep in the guest room tonight and head back to the city in the morning.”
Lee tried to protest but seeing Tony’s stern look, she gave in with a small nod and a ‘thank you’ smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
Tony motioned for them to take a seat on the couch she had been occupying, “Now, I know I’m not one to talk… but you seem to be overextending yourself… ever since Steve left…”
Lee’s head shot up at the mention of her love and tears started to pool at the corners of her eyes.
She hung her head as Tony continued, “As much as I hate him right now, I know that you miss him and I’m sorry you are hurting.”
Lee sniffled, “Thank you, Tony. And just so you know, I don’t blame you for any of this. St-Steve’s actions aren’t your fault. You both were trying to do what you thought was right.”
Tony thought about her words silently for a few moments as he remembered the events of the past months.
“Lee, there’s something I need to tell you…” Tony said softly with a grimace, sounding suspiciously guilty.
The confused and desperate expression on her face made his heart hurt for her.
“Steve sent me something a while ago… and it contained a note to you. I wasn’t sure it would be best to let you read it. I was afraid hearing from him might make things worse. But, seeing how much you’re struggling, perhaps a piece of him will help. He’s not dead and will come back to you… probably… so I don’t want you to lose him entirely in his absence,” Tony told her, leaving out the detail that what Steve sent him was a phone to call him on in case of emergency.
Lee could barely breathe. This was the most she’d spoken of Steve with anyone in months and was trying to process that he had sent her something and Tony had kept it from her.
“You… you kept something from me?!” anger now lacing itself into her pain and confusion.
“I’m sorry, kid, I thought it was for the best… but I’m seeing I might have been wrong. Hold tight and I’ll get it for you,” Tony said apologetically, getting up and running away quickly to get the letter.
Thoughts of what Steve could have sent her raced through her brain but before she could land on anything conclusive Tony was back and placed a sealed envelope into her hands.
“You didn’t open it,” relief and hesitation mixing in her mind and heart as she took it.
“No... it’s clearly addressed to you.”
Sure enough, her name was written on the front in Steve’s script writing.
“I’ll give you some privacy to read that. Can I show you to the guest room?”
Lee nodded, grasping at her emotions just as tightly as the letter in her hand to prevent them from spilling over further in front of Tony.
Once at the door to the guest room, Tony spoke, “If you need anything, just ask FRIDAY and she’ll take care of you. I’ll see you in the morning, kid. I’m sorry. Goodnight.”
“Night, Tony,” Lee whispered as she closed the door letting out a breath she’d been holding since getting the letter.
She looked around the room to get her bearings before sitting on the bed and stilling herself in preparation to open the letter. She was both excited and afraid of what might be inside, unsure if Steve’s words would crush what was remaining of her heart or start to mend some of the fragmented pieces back together with stitches of hope for the future. She had to remind herself that this situation was bigger than her, bigger than Steve even, and to some extent was out of their control. He did what he had to do, and she knew he meant her no harm in the process.
The letter said just that. He was incredibly sorry for the position he put her in and apologized for not contacting her sooner or more directly. He was afraid for her safety and didn’t want her to get in trouble for being in contact with a known fugitive; he didn’t want to jeopardize her legal career, knowing how hard she works and how much passion she has for her dream. He went on to say that he’d left Bucky in the good hands of people who could help him not be the Winter Soldier anymore. Sam and Nat were with Steve, wherever he was. They were all safe at the time of the letter and working to find a way to return home without facing imprisonment.
Steve closed his note with love and a small sketch of a bench under a tree in a park they used to frequent on their walks in the city. Upon finishing the letter, Lee let her tears slip from her eyes as sobs coursed over her body knowing Steve was safe and not alone. Teardrops hit the page before Lee could move it out of the way; they started smudging the words as the ink ran from the wetness. She gasped out a ‘no’ and reached for a tissue from the bedside table to dab the spots, saving as much of the writing as she could. Once safely dry, Lee folded the letter and clutched it to her chest, laying down on the bed as her body continued to heave, head so full of thoughts of Steve that she was unable to process that she ought to change into one of the many pairs of pajamas Tony had in the closet for any guest in need. Too exhausted to play goldilocks with clothes, Lee was coaxed into sleep by the rhythm of her sobs, on top of the covers with the letter in her hands.
~~~
The next morning Lee reluctantly unfurled herself from atop the bed as sunlight woke her up, looking down at the letter still in her hand before carefully placing it on the bedside table. Shivering from sleeping outside of the covers, she trudged over to bathroom in the guest room to take a hot shower. Once she was as presentable as possible in her clothing from the day prior, she went to the kitchen in search of some coffee. Tony was sitting at the table finishing his breakfast.
“Hey, kid, how’d you sleep?” Tony asked.
“Like a rock,” she replied dully, leaving out the fact that she had cried herself to sleep and failed to even make it properly under the covers.
“Do you... want to talk about it?” Tony said hesitantly.
Lee didn’t respond for a moment, focusing on pouring herself a large mug of piping hot coffee and considering his prompt and wondering how much she should disclose to him.
“Steve is safe. Sam and Nat are with him,” she decided to share.
Tony stiffened at the mention of Natasha being with Steve after she switched sides to help him mid-battle in Berlin.
“And good ole ‘no-more metal-arm’ man?” Tony quipped before hiding his face behind his coffee mug, making Lee scowl at the reminder that Tony was responsible for ripping off Bucky’s prosthetic in Siberia.
“Bucky is also safe. Not with Steve, but with some people who are going to help him not be the Winter Soldier anymore.”
“And where is that… hmm? Who’s helping him?” Tony growled, starting to grow angry at the information in the letter.
“Didn’t say,” Lee replied sharply. “And by the way, you know Bucky isn’t at fault here, right? He had no choice but to comply when those monsters turned him into that,” Lee replied defensively, feeling the tension start to build in the room.
Tony saw the pleading look on Lee’s face and barely managed to keep himself from snapping at her.
“He deserves a second chance, same as many people who’ve passed through these halls. Same as Nat, Bruce, Wanda… you,” Lee said pointedly.
The last comment grabbed his attention, making him snap his head up to look at her.
“Tony, when someone has a good heart deep down, they deserve that. Bucky deserves a chance to not be that controlled weapon anymore and to just be a human being again. I’ve never met him, but I trust Steve, and I trust that he believes this to be true about Bucky. If he thought Bucky wasn’t redeemable, we wouldn’t be in this mess. Steve’s risking his own safety and freedom, and that’s not something he would do without reason,” Lee started choking up talking about Steve and Bucky, heart aching out of love and admiration for the goodness of Steve and sadness at his absence.
Tony sipped his coffee avoiding admitting to himself that Lee was right, keeping his eyes averted from her anguished expression.
“I still can’t forgive him for what he did,” Tony finally replied with a stoic face.
“You don’t have to. You just need to let him have his second chance. I do hope you can forgive Steve though, whenever he returns.”
Lee finished off the remains of her coffee and set the mug down in the sink.
“Thank you for letting me stay the night, Tony. I really do appreciate it.”
He nodded, still not looking at her as she moved to stand in his line of sight again.
“I understand that you thought you were protecting me, but I’m glad you finally gave me the letter. I’m going to go home now. I’ll be back in a couple of days to finish up some Foundation work.”
He nodded again, this time looking up at her with a tight smile, “See you then, kid.”
She returned the gesture before heading out the door.