Chapter 6
Yelena watched from the safety of the porch as the girls slowly trickled into her backyard. She leaned against the railing as Natasha stepped up to lean next to her, ensuring that she shook the snow from herself before draping an arm over Yelena’s shoulders. Yelena leaned into the warmth, silently pleased that all of her girls were closer to her.
The girls wasted no time in building another snowman, this time much straighter than before. Viktoria picked up the last ball of snow to place it on the top but she slipped on a patch of ice and dropped it. It exploded as it hit the ground and Yelena saw the way all of her girls stiffened.
The ability to make things and having the liberty to be creative was still a new thing for the girls. Breaking, destroying, or simply providing imperfect products stressed them out. Viktoria loved creating art but if it was anything less than perfect then she got upset. Yelena had coached her through many meltdowns and fits of anger where she would attempt to destroy whatever she created to erase any evidence of her failing. Yelena once pinned a piece of artwork that Viktoria hated to the fridge for others to see, to display what her daughter thought of as inadequate and show her that it was alright to fail.
“C’mon,” Phoebe moved before Yelena could, grabbing Mischa’s shoulder before bumping a shoulder against Varvara’s. “We’ll make an even better one this time. Maybe it won’t be so lumpy.”
Max started to gather up snow first so the others quickly followed. The new head was placed with no problems and turned out even better than the first.
As time slowly trickled by, Yelena could see that the girls were starting to get very cold. Their cheeks were rosy red and they were bumping into each other just to give them an excuse to soak up all the warmth they could get. Phoebe even draped herself over Mischa to press their cheeks together.
“I’m gonna make some warm drinks,” Yelena finally told Natasha and her sister nodded at her. Yelena peeled away from her and ducked inside the house to start making some cocoa. She tried to contain her frantic heartbeat and squashed down the panic of seeing her girls so cold out in the snow.
The milk was heating up on the stove when Yelena was interrupted by the back door banging open sharply, a small gasping noise coming from the girl that barreled through. “Mom!”
Yelena twisted to see Mischa still covered in snow, eyes blown wide with panic. Yelena was immediately at her side and as soon as Mischa saw her, she threw her arms around Yelena, snow still clinging to her jacket as she pressed her cold nose into the crook of Yelena’s throat.
“What’s wrong Mimi?” Yelena questioned softly, brushing leftover snow off of her before tugging the hat from her head and combing her fingers through Mischa’s hair.
Mischa took a few moments to press into Yelena, not making any noise as Yelena unzipped her coat and slid it off of her. When Mischa seemed to catch her breath, she spoke. “I didn’t see you outside anymore,” Mischa mumbled into Yelena’s shoulder. “And… I panicked.”
Guilt settled into Yelena’s stomach as she wrapped Mischa up in her arms and kissed the side of her head. “I’m right here. I’m just making some warm drinks. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
Mischa sank into her arms with a small sigh of relief. “Good.”
The door opened once again and Phoebe entered the house with considerably less snow on her, closing the door behind her. Yelena doesn’t think twice about offering her an arm out as if she was one of her own girls, pleased when Phoebe barely hesitated before stepping into the hug.
Natasha could try to steal Phoebe all she liked. Yelena had seen them connect instantly but Yelena got dibs. Natasha told her not to spontaneously adopt any more young Widows but the joke was on her because Phoebe wasn’t a Widow, she was just Mischa’s girlfriend. But she was still Yelena’s in the ways that counted.
Mischa eventually hoisted herself up to sit on the counter next to the stove to watch the pot of milk, Phoebe moving between her legs to cuddle into her. Yelena glanced back outside just in time to see Varvara wipe out in the snow after attempting to show off to Max while in her snow gear. Varvara lay in the snow as if she was knocked out and Yelena’s heart caught in her throat. She was pulling open the door before she could think twice and stepping off of the porch into the snow.
Yelena tugged Varvara to sit up, the teenager slightly dazed as if she had forgotten where she was. She looked down at the snow under her hands and she suddenly tried to squirm away from it. Yelena was thankful that she could still carry her little ones for a bit and scooped her up the best she could while she was bundled in her snow gear. Yelena made the retreat back to the porch and set her down, brushing the snow off of her before gently cradling her face in her hands.
“You okay, Vars?” Yelena questioned. The girl blinked up at her before she nodded.
“Yeah…” She sounded breathless. “Just… made a stupid choice.” She gave Yelena a sheepish smile because she had let her impulsivity guide her actions again. “I forgot where I was for a second. There was snow in my face and…” She shrugged.
Daria appeared quickly to check on her sister, tugging her gloves off with her teeth before signing to Varvara with stiff fingers to ask if she was alright.
“Milk is nearly done heating up,” Phoebe poked her head outside before she frowned slightly. “Want me to get you a towel, Yelena?”
Yelena, in her haste to get to her kid, had gone out without shoes and the knees of her pants had gotten soaked with slush when she kneeled. “No…” Yelena was suddenly aware of the stinging of icy cold on her legs. “I’m… I’m okay.” She focused her attention back on Varvara. “Are you going back out?”
Varvara glanced back out where the others were still playing although they were sending her a concerned glance every few moments. “Yeah. Just need to catch my breath. I’m good, Ma.”
Natasha was suddenly there from where she had been helping the other girls fetch sticks for the snowman's arms. “Hey, are you okay?”
Varvara nodded, getting flustered at the attention. “I’m fine.”
Yelena knew that her girl was tough and went back inside to finish up making the warm drinks.
She got to watch through the back window above the kitchen sink as Max started to scoop snow up and pack it into a ball. Yelena had to look away when Max weaponized know and taught her girls how to throw it at each other. Yelena couldn’t watch them throw things at each other. The girls like to wrestle around and everyone was quick to get serious if they accidentally pushed too far, but throwing anything that was not obviously soft such as a pillow or a stuffed toy was pretty much a rule, even if it wasn’t on the fridge.
Varvara had one thrown a fruit roll-up at Daria. Daria had toppled over from how hard she tried to get away from the unexpected projectile. Yelena had to sneak a glance out the window to check on the pair, surprised to see them huddled up with Max and very much enjoying themselves.
When Yelena finished the drinks, she invited the girls inside, even Max. They were covered in snow and Yelena had to brush the snow off of them as they shed boots, coats, hats, and mittens by the back door.
“Woah, your house is so cool!” Max exclaimed with a mug of cocoa clasped in her hands. “Very colorful.”
Max had made a mention of a movie related to snow and Yelena’s girls end up piled in the living room to watch Frosty the Snowman on the television. Nearly every blanket in the house was wrapped around them as they bundled up to get warm.
Some would say that eleven girls were far too many to cram into a single room but Yelena’s girls were cuddle bugs and squished together to share body heat. Yelena ended up with Alice, the resident snuggle buddy, on one side, and Natasha on the other. Viktoria was laying across Alice and Yelena’s laps, effectively trapping Yelena where she was.
Yelena was content to focus on her girls. They were looking the most content and relaxed since the cold weather had started. Yelena had all of her girls, including Phoebe, and she had her sister there with her. There was really nothing more that she could want at the moment.
When the movie ended, the girls seemed to try and debate what they were going to do next. None of them were sure if they wanted to bundle back up to go back outside or stay inside.
That was when Natasha broke out the bottles of maple syrup and popsicle sticks.
Yelena’s girls were immediately enraptured with Natasha’s new knowledge. They huddled around her as she boiled the syrup on the stove and told them of Maria. Natasha was very patient as she walked them through how to make maple taffy, something that not even Phoebe or Max had heard of.
Natasha had the right idea when she bought so many bottles of syrup. Despite their bellies of cocoa, the treat was an instant hit and everyone wanted seconds and thirds. Yelena stood outside without a coat as her girls filed in and out of the house as Natasha helped them make the maple taffy and tell a few stories about her time coming to learn about how cold weather and snow weren’t that bad. Yelena liked listening to Natasha talk about Maria, someone she didn’t even know existed a few days ago. She hadn’t realized that she didn’t know much about Natasha outside of being an Avenger so hearing those small snippets were nice.
Max’s father came to pick her up not too long after that. Daria thanked Yelena for letting her come over and Yelena wrapped her up in her arms.
“Anything for you, little one,” Yelena hummed. She would do anything for her girls.
She shouldn’t have been surprised when Ksenia snuck into her bed that night, wiggling her way between where she and Natasha were sleeping so that she could cuddle into Yelena. “Mama?”
“Yes?” Yelena ran a hand over her hair, exhausted from the long day.
“When do you think you’ll be ready to go outside in the snow?” Ksenia asked, never one to shy away from hard-hitting questions.
“I don’t know,” Yelena murmured, pressing her nose against the top of Ksenia’s head.
“You don’t?” Ksenia sounded genuinely baffled as if Yelena had a date where she would suddenly one day not be afraid of the snow.
“No. It doesn't work like that,” Yelena was reminded that despite her age, Ksenia and her sisters really were just a bunch of kids at times. “You know how on your red days your mind is very loud and you keep thinking about bad things from the Red Room?”
Ksenia gave a small flinch at the mention of where they had grown up but nodded her head slightly.
“I suppose you could say that cold weather and snow days can make me have red days,” Yelena tried to put it into simpler terms. She could see the way that Natasha shifted and knew that she was awake and listening.
Ksenia let out a small hum as she thought, her face scrunched up slightly. “I didn’t think you got red days.”
“Everybody gets red days,” Yelena brushed her fingers over the bridge of Ksenia’s nose to get her to stop screwing her face up. “Even me. Just because I’m your mom doesn’t mean that I don’t get scared.”
“You’re never scared,” Ksenia told her like Yelena was an invincible superhero to look up to.
“Of course I am,” Yelena swallowed hard, forcing herself to take a deep breath. “I was scared the day that I met you. I was scared when Daria had her first allergic reaction. I was scared when I had that big fight with Melina.” Yelena rolled onto her back to stare at the ceiling, Ksenia following her to rest her head on Yelena’s chest. “Fear can be good if you use it right.”
“How?” Ksenia’s fingers drew nonsensical squiggles on Yelena’s shirt.
“Fear keeps us alive. It keeps us safe. But it can also trick us into believing that we are in danger when we are not,” Yelena remembered reading about that somewhere. “The Red Room taught me that snow was something to be feared. So when I see snow now, I’m scared of it, even if I know it won’t hurt me anymore.”
“Why are you scared if you know it won’t hurt you?” Ksenia let out a small yawn, curling into Yelena.
“Because our minds are foolish sometimes,” Yelena smoothed Ksenia’s hair back. “So I don’t know when I will be able to go out into the snow. I would really like to one day so that I can play with you and your sisters. But right now I’m just not ready.”
“It’s okay to never be ready,” Ksenia mumbled, squishing her cheek against Yelena’s collar. “You taught us that.”
“Yeah…” Yelena turned her head and her eyes met with Natasha’s, her sister having focused in on the conversation. “We’ll take it slow.”
Yelena was not yet ready to go out into the snow with her girls to play. That was okay. And if she was never ready… that would be okay too. She had to extend herself the same kindness that she gave her girls.