Chapter 3
Despite Natasha sharing her bed, Yelena had another nightmare that night.
She dreamt that she had been stepping out into the snow again with her sister. But this time her sister was moving too quickly and slipped through Yelena’s grasp, laughing as she turned around to beckon Yelena to follow her.
Yelena had tried but each step had her foot sinking deeper and deeper into the snow until eventually her foot was stuck and she couldn’t pull it back out. She had tried to call out for her sister, to beg her for help but Natasha just kept moving along, humming the stupid song as Yelena slowly sank deeper and deeper into the snow, the bitter chill seeping into her clothes and biting her skin.
Yelena cried out for Natasha just before the snow swallowed her whole.
She woke up feeling unbearably hot, the sound of whispers to the right side of her where Natasha was.
“--and he yelped when I shoved a wad of snow down his shirt and I thought that I hurt him for a moment, that maybe I had gone too far,” Natasha’s voice was soft and Yelena could only assume that one of her girls had crawled into bed with them. “But then Clint turned to glare at me before he pouted and told me that I was a meanie and that he wanted extra cocoa.”
“You’re not a meanie,” Ksenia’s tiny voice pipes up and Yelena could hear her big sister’s low chuckle.
“No. But Clint got me back. He stuffed snow down the back of my shirt and Laura told him it was his own fault when I startled and broke his nose,” Natasha continued and Yelena rolled over on her side, peeling her eyes open to look at her sister and daughter.
“Hi, Mama,” Ksenia immediately moved to crawl over Natasha and into Yelena’s arms. Yelena sat up a little, tucking Ksenia against her chest as she tried to calm her racing heart.
“Hi, baby,” Yelena mumbled, taking a moment to feel the warmth of her daughter pressed against her. “Are you okay?”
“Mhmm,” Ksenia hummed, snuggling against her as she settled down. “Just got cold.”
Yelena frowned slightly. “You’re sharing a bed with your sisters, are you not?” She questioned, tapping Ksenia’s nose. “Don’t lie to me.”
Ksenia huffed slightly, rubbing at her nose with her hand. She looked down at her lap, thinking quietly about what to say. “It’s not the kinda cold that goes away with snuggles…” she mumbled, twisting her pajama shirt with her fingers. “It’s just… cold…”
Yelena pulled Ksenia close and kissed the side of her head, snuggling her close anyway. “I know. Where’s your blankie?”
“Irina fell asleep on it,” Ksenia grumbled slightly, pouting up at Yelena. “I couldn’t get it out without waking her up.”
Yelena knew that Ksenia crawling out of bed would have woken her sisters up anyway but it was the thought that counted. “Think you can go back to bed, Nia?”
Ksenia shook her head, wrapping her arms around Yelena’s neck. “No.” She whispered.
Yelena glanced over at her big sister who was watching them. “Come on then. Let’s get something warm to drink.” She urged her daughter. Ksenia perks up slightly at the promise of hot cocoa and reluctantly slides out of her mother’s lap so that Yelena could get up as well.
Yelena doesn’t mention when Natasha gets out of bed as well to follow them. Through the back door in the kitchen, Yelena spots snow coming down in a gentle flurry, leaving a path of untouched snow and covering up the footsteps that she had left yesterday. Yelena had been so busy getting the right things out for hot chocolate that she didn’t realize her sister had gone to go get her boots until she heard the back door being unlocked. Her head snapped to peer at her. “What are you doing?”
“Going outside,” Natasha replied. “Untouched snow is the best, especially when it’s snowing at night.”
Yelena immediately abandoned the ingredients to move toward her sister, grabbing the door before Natasha could open it. “Are you sure?”
Natasha softened some, glancing at her niece nearby that was watching. “I’m sure. Would either of you like to come out with me?”
Ksenia seized up immediately, shaking her head and backing away from the door. Yelena hesitated because she didn’t want to go out but she also didn’t want Natasha to go out into the snow alone. “Okay…”
“Go get your shoes. We won’t be more than a few minutes so we don’t need coats if you don’t want one,” Natasha said. Yelena reluctantly left to get her shoes.
When she returned, Ksenia was snuggled against her Aunt Nat, her eyes closed as Natasha stroked her hair. Ksenia opened her eyes and left Natasha’s arms to wrap around her mother instead. Yelena kissed the top of her head, cupping her face to soothe her. “I’ll be only a few moments, okay?”
Ksenia nodded her head and reluctantly pulled away. Yelena watched Natasha step outside first and waited until her big sister had extended her hand out for her to take.
It was even colder than the previous day because the sun had yet to rise. Yelena could see her breath and she shivered slightly, pressing herself closer to her sister. Natasha tucks her against her side, taking a few steps out until they were standing under the soft flurries of snow.
Yelena locked up immediately at the feeling of the snow on her face. She could feel her heart start to pound as her breathing picked up.
“Hey, stay with me,” Natasha gently cupped her face. “It’s only water, remember? You’re in control, you’re okay. You’re safe with me.”
Yelena tried to focus on the warm hands on her face and the reassuring touch of her big sister. “I’m safe,” she repeated with a breath.
Natasha started to hum just as she did the previous day, swaying slightly in place and gently nudging Yelena’s body to join her. Yelena’s joints were stiff and she couldn’t quite get her body to move, much less get into the right rhythm.
As her fingers started to get cold, Yelena started to slip into her head. She clung to her sister, trying to stay in the present; she even wanted to tell her that she wanted to go back inside but she couldn’t get her lips to move to form the words.
She thought about being hunched up with a few other girls with blue lips and numb fingers, feeling so cold that she was warm, one of the stages of hyperthermia.
Reality started to blur, her backyard started to seem more and more like the forest she had been abandoned in for survival, and Natasha started to seem more like one of the older Widows that Yelena had shared body warmth with once.
She doesn’t remember how she got back inside but the smell of chocolate and the sound of Elvis shocked her senses back to the present. She was sitting on the couch, Ksenia curled up against her quietly as the television played her favorite movie: Lilo and Stitch.
She pretended that she didn’t hear Ksenia’s soft sigh of relief when Yelena moved to kiss the side of her head. “Where’s your Aunt Nat, hmm?”
“Making cocoa,” Ksenia mumbled, craning her head up to peer at Yelena. “You okay, Mama?”
“Yeah… I just got trapped inside my head like you do sometimes,” Yelena shifted on the couch to stretch out, opening her arms so that Ksenia could crawl into her lap. “Did I frighten you?”
“No,” Ksenia replied before folding quickly under her mother’s gaze and she looked away as she fidgeted slightly. “Maybe a little…” She admitted.
Yelena cuddled her daughter closer, trying to squish down the guilt that welled up at the statement. “I didn’t mean to frighten you, baby.”
“I know,” Ksenia huffed before perking up to peer over Yelena’s shoulder. Yelena turned to look at Mischa and Phoebe stumbled sleepily into the living room with them.
“Hi, Mom,” Mischa yawned, tugging Phoebe over to the couch.
“Everything okay?” Yelena watched them as they flop onto the couch close together.
“Yeah,” Mischa hummed out as Phoebe rested her head on her shoulder. “Just smelled cocoa.” She grinned slightly.
“Better go make sure your Aunt Nat makes more,” Yelena encourages them, and Ksenia wiggles off of her lap to go inform her. “Are you two warm enough?”
“Yeah…” Mischa snuggled closer to Phoebe. Phoebe was already starting to fall back asleep, not used to staying up at odd hours of the night. Mischa smiled down at her, running a hand over her hair and kissing her forehead. Yelena loved that Mischa had a companion to love and hold close to her. She deserved it.
Ksenia appeared with two mugs only moments later, moving carefully as she headed toward the duo on the couch. “Here.” She held them out.
Mischa and Phoebe take the warm mugs and Ksenia darted back into the kitchen.
Ksenia reappeared with two more mugs a little while later, climbing back into Yelena’s lap, careful not to slosh cocoa over the rim. Natasha then appeared with her own mug and settled on the couch, pulling Yelena’s feet into her lap.
Yelena had accepted one of the mugs from Ksenia, taking a few moments to just soak up the warmth that seeped into her fingers. She doesn’t understand how Natasha could simply go outside without panicking. Yelena didn’t feel like she’d ever be able to go outside during the snow.
But she had learned to do it with rain. She taught her girls to do the same thing. Rain was just water. Snow was just water as well but it was cold and dangerous.
The next morning found Yelena standing in the kitchen and staring out the back door at the footprints barely visible in the yard. She could see her staggering footsteps from where Natasha had presumably dragged her back inside.
“You’ll get there,” Natasha commented as she passed by. “I’m going out today to pick something up from the store. Do you want to come with me?”
Yelena eyed her. She was definitely not going to drive in the snow but she supposed it wouldn’t hurt to tag along. “Sure.”
“We can bring a few girls if they’d like to come,” Natasha said and Yelena glanced over at her. “Or it could just be the two of us.”
“Daria will want to come,” Yelena knew that Daria had really bad separation anxiety. She was Yelena’s little shopping buddy. If Yelena was going out and Daria was allowed to tag along, she would. “And with Daria comes Varvara. Alice might want to join us as well. I’ll see. What are you looking for at the store anyway?”
Natasha turned to grin at her and Yelena raised an eyebrow. “I am looking for maple syrup and popsicle sticks.”
Yelena recalled the story that Natasha had told her and was unable to stop the smile that crossed her face.