Chapter 6
Golden leaves litter the cobbled path, crunching beneath my boots as I walk with heavy steps. The ice cold wind leaves my cheeks numb, like pins pricking at the bare skin. My jeans do a good enough job at keeping my legs warm, along with the scarf around my neck, and the long duster coat that reaches my calves. Dressed for an English winter.
There’s a familiar figure not too far ahead of me, the one I’ve been searching for. Six foot two, dark clothing drapes over his broad shoulders, and a hood covers his head. He’s facing away from me, but I know it’s him, I’ve been watching him for hours.
I reach under my coat, feeling for the weapon resting in the small of my back, tucked into my waistband. My feet carry me forwards, down the winding path, towards the quiet road at the end of it, despite my inner thoughts screaming for me to turn back. This is the closest I’ve been to him in years, and I’m surprised he hasn’t noticed me yet. He takes a left at the end of the pathway, towards a fairly new BMW parked on the adjoining street. The car beeps as he reaches it, and he opens the door, but before he can drive away, I call his name, feeling like I’m going to throw up.
“Ward.”
His body turns rigid, turning around painfully slowly, wondering how anyone could know that he was here. My hands shake at my sides, wondering if he knows that it’s me that calls him, if he recognises my voice. I can see the shadow of his face, hidden by the hood over his head. As if he can read my mind, which I’d often thought that he could, he reaches a hand towards his head, carefully pushing the hood back.
Reaching the other side of the road, I stop, taking in his new appearance. His dark hair is buzzed, and he’s letting his beard grow. The dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep don’t suit him, or not the man I once knew, anyway. I swallow as he stares at me, hands at his sides, with the open car door behind him.
He sighs, bowing his head. Not in shame, no, but what seems like remorse.
“Of all people, why did they have to send you?”
He reaches into the car, pulling out a pistol, which is level with his belt, concealing the weapon from any potential onlookers, aiming it at my torso. My heart sinks, knowing I didn’t think to wrap my fingers around the handle of my own.
“They don’t know I’m here, Grant.” I shake my head, tears brimming in my eyes as the lump in my throat grows larger.
“Why are you here?” He asks, his voice making me feel nauseous. He has this… look in his eyes, like a glimmer of hope, thinking maybe, just maybe, Garrett had brainwashed me enough so that he could win me over, poach me from SHIELD, helping to feed Hydra’s dreams of world domination. Would he really think that little of me?
“News reports are painting you as a monster. I wanted to see for myself.”
“And?” He asks, keeping his face straight. “What do you see?”
“You were no good for me, Grant. I was blind to that for a long time, but that was our problem, nobody else's. Not for a second would I have pinned you as a Hydra rat.”
He shook his head, still pointing his gun towards me. “You’ll never understand.”
“They say you tried to drown two young agents in the ocean.” I swallow the bile that rises in my throat, the image in my head almost too much to bear. “How can you even begin to try and justify that?”
I look at my past lover, seeing his hard gaze falter at the statement. He looks sad, genuinely sad.
He sighs, like this is such an inconvenience for him, like he’s tried to explain this at least once before. “I gave them a chance to survive, and they took it. I’m not completely heartless.”
“If you need to be so cruel, take your gun, stick it in Garrett’s mouth, and blow his fucking brains out.” I spit, starting to see red.
“I owe him my life.” Ward says.
“You don’t owe him shit. You’ve never had a single thought of your own, he’s pulled all the strings this whole time. You left our apartment in the middle of the night, no explanation, and I think you realised that whilst you were loyal to Garrett, you couldn’t be loyal to me.” My voice cracks at the end of my sentence, and the tears have become an unstoppable force.
Grant Ward is rendered speechless, his mouth trembling, afraid of the truth. About himself, about us. But due to the dedication he has to his superior, I’m certain that change will never come.
“Be your own person, just for once, and wake the fuck up!”
I open my eyes, greeted by monotonous beeping, awakened by the sound of my own voice. I look down, seeing a white and blue speckled gown, and multiple wires attached to both of my hands. Great. Hospital.
That dream is a recurring one, but also not so much a dream, but a glimpse of a memory, a very real one.
In reality, Grant Ward spoke no more, lowering his weapon, shutting himself in the car as the engine kicked in, taking off down the street. We spared each other any more heartache - I said what I needed to say, posing no threat to him. In turn, he listened, and let me live.
My knuckles are bruised, but not sore compared to the needles in my hands. My torso aches, and I start to remember what happened to me before I fell asleep. For someone who has spent a lot of time in and out of consciousness the past couple of days, I don’t feel like I’ve slept at all.
I groan, from both minor pain and annoyance. I’m annoyed I got my ass handed to me, and I’m annoyed I’m in a hospital bed, rendered useless. I begin to close my eyes again, still feeling lethargic, but the door to my room makes a creak, and they remain open.
“Ah! You’re awake, good.” A young woman chirps as she enters the room. She’s pretty. Her dark hair is parted down the middle, slicked back behind her ears into a tidy ponytail. “I’m Doctor Cho, I’ve been overseeing your recovery. How are you feeling?”
“Pretty sore. But better, thank you.” I croak, my throat painfully dry. She reaches to my bedside, passing a cup of water to me. I take it, sipping the contents slowly.
“You had three fractured ribs, and most likely a concussion. Everything else was minor. Scrapes, bruising, that sort of thing. Our tech allows us to progress the healing process faster, so you should be able to leave in a couple of days.”
I smile weakly, placing the cup back on the table. “Thanks, Doc.”
“My pleasure.” She nods, hugging her clipboard to her chest. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll go and let Sergeant Barnes know you’re awake.”
“What?”
I croak, finding the controls at the side of my bed, pushing several buttons until I find myself sitting at a slight angle, brow furrowed in confusion.
“Sergeant Barnes is here?”
“Yes, ma’am.“ Says the doctor, with a smile on her face. “He hasn’t left since he brought you in.” With that, she slips through the door, moments later, a much taller, broader figure taking her place.
“Hey.” I greet him with my terrible sounding voice. God, he looks tired. “What are you doing here?”
He frowns back at me, rubbing his hands over his eyes. Doctor Cho has definitely just woken him up.
“I’m here because you are. I wanted to… make sure you’re alright.”
I sigh, smiling weakly due to my lack of energy. “I’m fine, Bucky. You don’t need to worry.” He pulls a chair over to my bedside, lowering himself down to sit next to me.
“Of course I do. Hell, I was worrying the moment you walked away from me.” He leans forward, resting his elbow on the bed, leaning to face me, the mattress dipping slightly. “I can’t apologise enough for pressuring you into doing that. I would never mean to-”
“Bucky, you were right to. Besides, it’s my job. Field or not, I was in the position to help.” My last words were a struggle, scratching my throat as I spoke. I start to cough as I reach for the water, Bucky getting there first. The coughing hurts my ribs, and I wince as I take a sip, the pain subsiding as the coughing stops. Bucky takes the cup away from me, placing it back on the table.
“You’re stubborn. It’s dangerous.”
“I know.”
He sighs, sliding his hand under mine, curling his fingers, careful not to touch the IV poking into my skin. His hand is warm in comparison to mine, it’s comforting, and I don’t dare tell him to move.
“I meant what I said the other day.” He hums, shuffling to the edge of his seat. “That I missed you while I was gone.”
My cheeks burn as I close my eyes, flustered by his comment. “You mean you missed the sex.” I say, a smile creeping its way onto my face.
He chuckles, bowing his head as I open my eyes. “Well, I can’t deny that. But that’s not what I meant.” He looks back at me, his eyes a beautiful mixture of grey and blue. “Yeah I missed sneaking around, and all. But no, I missed you. Your laugh, your smile, the way you walk into that damn meeting room like you own the place.” I gaze at him with content, and my heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest at any second. What is he trying to say?
“Call me soppy, or tell me to get the hell out, I wouldn’t blame you. But it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t tell you where my heart is.”
I don’t know the right thing to say, I’m already struggling for words. I could tell him everything that’s on my mind, that sometimes, I think I feel the same, but that he’s also a pain in my ass. I could pour my heart out to him, as he wears his on his sleeve, but I can’t. Not now. I cant open myself up like that, leave myself so vulnerable. Something simple would have to suffice, so I turn my head in his direction, leaning on my ear, smiling.
“I don’t want you to leave.”
And he smiles back, with a nod of understanding, tickling the palm of my hand in affection.
After sitting in comfortable silence, the odd word here and there, the door handle interrupts us. Bucky removes his hand and leans back into his chair, but I don’t like the absence. I wasn’t sad that he didn’t want to be seen together in this way, because I’m not ready for that either. That’s how it’s always been between us, and it could take some time to work out.
I look towards the door, to see my friend enter sheepishly, hands behind her back.
“Hey, stranger.” Claire, with a saddened look on her face, greets me, pulling a gift bag from behind her back, along with a small arrangement of flowers.
“Claire, hey.” I smile, my eyes wandering back to Bucky as she sees him sitting next to me.
“Hi again, Sergeant Barnes. Thanks for getting her back in once piece, just about.”
“Hi, Claire.” He responds with a slight wave of his hand. “Please, call me Bucky.” He reminds her, and she apologies briefly. He hates the formalities, which is one reason why I do it sometimes, an easy way to get on his nerves. He grins, pushing himself out of the chair. “I’ll, uh, leave you guys to it. See you later, soldier.” He nods towards me, leaving the room, Claire taking his place in the chair beside me, placing the flowers on the side, raising an eyebrow, but I elect to ignore it.
“You didn’t have to do all this.” I say, moving my head to face her properly.
“Of course I did, what kind of friend would I be?” She frowns, setting the gift bag on her lap, tilting it to show me. It’s filled with an assortment of snacks and drinks. “I brought your favourites.”
I chuckle at Claire’s sweetness. “Thank you.”
She pauses for a moment, setting the bag at her feet. Her expression changes momentarily, her eyes trailing to my throat. “What the hell happened to you?” She whispers. “Your neck, it’s…”
I bring my hand to my throat. It’s sore to the touch, and I assume that’s from the hands wrapped around it, trying to stop the air from reaching my lungs.
“Uh, some guy tried to kill me.”
“Yeah, I can see that.” She visibly cringes, tilting her head as she inspects the injury. “He really did a number on you, huh?”
“I would’ve been fine if I wasn’t drugged.” I mumble, and Claire’s mouth drops.
“They drugged you?”
“Yup.” I close my eyes to rest them, as my eyelids grow heavy again. “Real classy.”
Claire sighs, and I feel her hand rest briefly above my knee, before the chair creaks. I open my eyes to the sight of her standing.
“I’m just glad you’re okay. I’ll let you get some rest… and I’ll ask someone to put those in water.” She gestures to the flowers, and I thank her once more.
I don’t want to spend any more time alone. I know that I need rest, but I feel like all I’ve been doing is resting. I feel useless, but it’s not really like I can move. So, I do the only thing I can, which to my reluctance, is to sleep again.
~
A couple of days and a couple of visits later, I can finally go home. Doctor Cho has been more than helpful, I can see why she’s trusted to work in this compound, she really is the best of the best.
“Are you ready, Agent?” Doctor Cho asks me, and I nod, carefully putting on the jacket that Bucky collected from my apartment, along with the other clothes that I already changed into. He offered to help, and it’s not like any of my family are near, so I gave him the keys so he could ride over to collect some things for me.
“More than ready.” I reply to the doctor, and she nods, making her way to the door.
“You’re recovering well. Just three more weeks off work and you will be good to go. But remember, rest.”
“Thanks, Doc. You’ve been amazing.”
“I do try my best. How are you getting home?”
“Oh, Claire is taking me home, she said she was coming straight from work.”
“I’m surprised Sergeant Barnes hasn’t made the offer.” Doctor Cho says, as we walk into the corridor, turning a corner towards the elevator.
“I don’t think a motorcycle would have been the best mode of transport in this situation.”
“Ah.” She sounds in realisation, and I nod.
It’s pretty quiet between us as we travel to the lobby, and I can see Claire in the distance, sitting in the waiting area for me.
“He’s keen on you, Agent.” Doctor Cho voices, and I turn to her, not needing to ask who she was talking about. “He’s not really a people person.”
I nod, trying not to bring too much attention to the subject. “He’s selective, but I think that’s a trust thing.”
“He’s a good person to have on your side. Don’t take that for granted.”
I pause for a moment, looking to the doctor before starting to make my way over to Claire. She’s right. I can count on one hand the people who Bucky has decided to let in, and I believe that I am one of them. If he feels like that he can put his trust in me, after everything that he’s been through, I should remember that. I shake my head softly, with a smile on my face.
“Never.”