Conundrum

The sound of her office door opening and closing caused Maria to tear her eyes away from the profile on her screen and minimise it with a click. Tiredly she asked, “Nick, what shitty news do you have for me this evening?”

“Not everything is bad news. Give me some credit.” He quipped, with that penetrating stare of his.

She rolled her eyes. “Sure. That’s why you came into my office instead of summoning me to yours. What do you want, boss?”

“Rockwell is demanding Romanoff on Hoffman’s security detail.”

“I didn’t realise that he cared so much about him.” She said, meeting Nick’s eye.

Sometimes shit stank too much to be ignored.

“He doesn’t. Humour the man and get her to see what he’s up to.” Fury said, agreeing with her train of thought.

Maria nodded, “I’ll have her briefed and ready to depart within the next two days.”

The man raised a brow at the timeline, no doubt wondering about the delay. Yet, he decided to stay silent. She, too, offered no more information on it as she pulled up the file on the Hoffman case to update herself.

Nick let out a sigh, “It’s true; no news, really is good news.”

“Which is why I hate seeing your face all the time.”

*

Maria checked the time on her watch. 04:00. Only essential personnel to keep the Helicarrier running along with the chefs would be up at this hour.

Perfect.

She made her way to the Living Quarters Wing and let her credentials allow her access to a few quarters that weren’t her own. Each occupant was sleeping and none the wiser as she let herself in. Maria only entered those she knew didn’t have any family. She didn’t stop to assess how well kept or cluttered the spaces were, anymore than she stopped to see what items were on display; she only stayed long enough to place a small package with a simple note that simply said ‘Enjoy.’ on each of their desks, then observed the sleeping occupant for no more than a few seconds before walking out.

Coulson, Carter, Barton and a few of the rookies who were sometimes given a hard time.

She checked her watch again as she stood outside the final door and clenched her jaw before allowing herself through the last door on her list. The occupant had moved their desk so that when they sat down at it, they were facing the doorway.

She placed the rectangular box slightly different from the previous ones, onto the desk and then left the note on top. The note though, did not simply say ‘Enjoy.’ It was a little more personalised in order not to hide who the gift was from - ‘Not required to share.’ Then just like with all the other rooms she’d done, she turned around to look at the sleeping figure before going to leave.

Rather than leaving she refrained from leaving she almost jumped in surprise, “Christ, Romanoff. Why aren’t you sleeping?”

Though it was dark, she could see the whites of Natasha’s eyes. The assassin was laying in her bed, looking directly at her. “I think the better question is, why are you sneaking around in my room? If you wanted a late night visit all you had to do was ask. I would have been more than happy to accommodate.”

She frowned at the way the sentence was spoken. The tone made the jest fall flat.

“I was leaving you something.”

“Does this have to do with tomorrow?” The agent asked with that same kind of dullness.

“Maybe.” Maria was thankful for the cover of darkness as she shifted her weight slightly in discomfort. One because of being called out and two because of the growing concern she felt at how off the woman seemed. “...Yes.”

“I didn’t take you for the Valentine type.”

“I’m not. Hence my creepy sneaking around in the middle of the night.”

Romanoff let out a hollow chuckle. “It’s your worst kept secret. Coulson warned me to expect a gift when the morning came.”

“Phil’s an ass.” She muttered with thinly veiled affection, reaching out with one hand she turned on the light and with the other reaching into her pocket to retrieve the last box she was planning on saving for herself and offering it out.

Thankfully the Russian was dressed, even if it was only a thin shirt and underwear. What drew Maria’s attention was how pale and tired she looked.

“These better not be any kind of gross chocolate covered beans or some shit.” Natasha grumbled, moving to sit up.

Maria sat down on the edge of the bed and considered her options. “No, they’re just coated hazelnuts actually - My own personal stash. Are you ok?”

“Can’t sleep.” It was a simple and evasive reply.

She nodded, considering the next course of action and gazed at a random spot on the wall as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. 

“If something were wrong and you wanted to get it out there, I might normally recommend arranging an appointment with one of our specialists; but given that you’re a shit and I’m already here now…” She let the sentence trail off, not particularly believing the words that left her mouth. 

She was well aware of her own lacking social skills. It was why she didn’t have any friends outside of Coulson and Fury. That’s not even to mention she was the furthest thing from a therapist.

Natasha tilted her head as her lips widened to a grin. “Are you trying to be my friend, Commander Hill?”

No, she was just trying to be… Better?

“You wish.” Maria replied dryly.

Romanoff’s grin slid off her face to be replaced with a more contemplative expression. “Tell me about him, your dad.”

Maria froze. 

She didn’t expect the agent to actually want to take her on her offer, but she definitely should have expected the offer to be turned around.

“Why?”

“Fine, don’t.” The Russian replied, casually as if she never asked in the first place.

“Does this have something to do with why you can’t sleep?”

“Maybe.”

She huffed in amusement, and shifted in order to get a bit more comfortable. “What do you want to know?”

“When you talked about him before, it was simple and glossed over. But what was he really like?” 

Memories and lessons stacked on top of more memories and lessons filled Maria’s mind.

“The Captain was a hard and intolerant man. He did his best. I wouldn’t say he was kind or fun. But that didn’t mean he didn’t try or care. He believed in justice, commitment, serving and community.”

“Serving. Sounds about right for a soldier.” The redhead snorted.

“No,” Maria said softly as memories continued to take over. “Commitment and serving weren’t just about following orders or being in the military. He believed in commitment in doing the right thing to the best of your ability. He believed in committing to the people, to the community, and therefore serving them and by extension yourself. He believed in setting the example. It was his way of life and he was intolerant of those who didn’t follow suit.”

“What was he like with you?” 

Maria shook her head, trying to clear her mind and turned her gaze back to Romanoff and thought about his final words to her. “Invested.”

“I asked Barton the same question. He didn’t say much, just that it was his fault his ma’ wasn’t around.” The spy seemed to catch on that the moment was lost, and Maria couldn’t tell if the woman was now bullshitting her or not.

“Not that I can tell you what happened, but it was never his fault.” She scowled.

“I got that impression. That’s why I was asking you. Figured you would have had a more standard upbringing.” The agent popped a couple of nuts into her mouth.

She could see the writing on the wall now. “I don’t think anyone of any significant standing within S.H.I.E.L.D could say they had a standard upbringing. Barton’s probably the most normal of them all, even in spite of his upbringing.”

“The Red Room wanted leverage and complete obedience. They always made sure to have both - without any parenting involved. Which has made me wonder about you.”

“I do enjoy being your pick of the day.” She drawled back, not quite sure what was happening.

“Fury and Barton said it was your call not to execute me, even though that was the original intention.” Romanoff said bluntly, now staring her down. “So what do you want?”

“What do I want?” Maria echoed in confusion.

“People don’t do what you do, to people like me unless you want something.”

“People like you?”

The reformed agent narrowed her eyes. “Yes. People like me. You’ve fed me, you’ve come to save me, you treated my injuries, and you come and give me gifts. But you won’t take me to your bed and you don’t use anything I do, or have done against me. So what is it that tickles the Deputy Commander’s feathers?”

“Don’t insult my intelligence. We’ve worked together for a while now. I know you’ve figured me out by now. Admit it, your shenanigans is just to fuck with me.” 

A thought occurred to her as she continued to gaze at Natasha who now sported a ghost of a smile on her lips. 

For the first time Maria didn’t see a lone wolf with their hackles raised, but rather something much more… misunderstood. Someone misunderstood who might also be searching for something… to latch onto? 

She licked her lips, “There’s an agent with us who you know. We recruited them after their buddy held Fury hostage and then shot him.”

“You’re shitting me, right?”

“No. Nor am I exaggerating.” Maria paused for a moment, contemplating her reasons for sparing her, “When I saw you again, I recognised you from the first time we met. Both times, you struck me as… Unhappy - for lack of a better word. I believed in your desire to get out of your situation. Hence, the mission to terminate being re-adjusted to recruiting you.”

Natasha got off the bed and took slow but sure steps to the box Maria placed on it earlier. The agent read the note and tossed the box at her. “I don’t share food because sometimes they took it from us for days. But maybe I wouldn’t mind sharing this with you.”

There’s nothing like a little repression along with bittersweet dreaming of grasping for something more. 

Not that Maria would know of course.

“Maybe I don’t mind those shenanigans you pull on me. It certainly forces me to change my tactics and learn more about dealing with people.” She replied in an attempt to offer some kind of olive branch.

“How pragmatic.” The Russian muttered, averting her own gaze and stifling a yawn.

It prompted Maria to glance at her watch. 04:30. She then got up, stretching a little. “I need to recharge my batteries.”

“No one would think to look for you here if you stayed.” Romanoff pointed out with a smirk. “Come on, I bet you want to avoid all that personal and positive energy that’s going to be reeking when everyone gets up.”

It really was tempting when the agent put it that way. But still… There were too many reasons not to.

“I’m not going to start the rumour mill spinning again, agent.”

It was bad enough already.

She felt Natsha’s eyes on her as she leaned over to take a few coated nuts and slide them into her mouth. “What? I told you these were from my own personal stash, and they’re my favourites.”

“Nothing,” The redhead swallowed, “I thought you were joking.”

Maria gave a terse shake of her head and activated the door to leave.

“Running away already, boss?” Natasha goaded her.

And goaded she was. 

With a tired sigh, she pulled out the chair that was tucked under the desk and flopped herself into it. “I suppose that while I'm here I can brief you for your upcoming deployment.”

*

Needless to say, against her original intentions and against her own will, Maria did fall asleep in the chair, right there in Romanoff’s quarters with the redhead nowhere in sight.

So much for not helping the observant big mouths of S.H.I.E.L.D. with generating misguided entertainment.

There was a blanket half haphazardly thrown on her, and she proceeded to fold it and leave it on the bed not two metres away from the chair she’d been occupying. She redid her hair and attempted to smooth out her clothes before making her exit. 

The first place Maria headed to was the mess hall due to the growling of her stomach. She stabbed at her food while observing the few people in the room. Their tables filled with plates, cups and various chocolates, some flowers and other small signs of Valentine’s Day. To her dismay, a few eyed her with barely hidden interest, no doubt caused by a redheaded certain agent who was lounging around in the corner with Barton and Coulson.

Phil had the gall to give her a mischievous grin and a less than subtle thumbs up.

Embarrassment was hardly an emotion Maria was accustomed to. She glared at them in response and found herself on her feet, stalking over to them with an impulsive but decisive purpose.

“Agents,” She greeted.

“Commander Hill,” Phil answered easily.

Romanoff’s response was a wide knowing smile. 

It irritated her less than normal.

“Maria?” Barton greeted, before recognising his error, “Uh, Commander?”

The brunette ignored him and looked back at Coulson then flicked her eyes away. Message received, he stood and left with the flimsy excuse of having to check on something he’d forgotten. 

She took the very chair he’d been using. “I’m moving up your deployment time, Barton, that includes you as well. We’ll be leaving in an hour and a half.

“We?” Romanoff enquired, with a raised brow.

“We,” She confirmed, turning her attention to Romanoff. “As you already know, this is primarily infiltration reconnaissance under the guise of babysitting. Barton will be your shadow and I’ll be monitoring your position on the ground with a team on standby. Just so you know, I wasn’t entirely forthcoming about how much bullshit this mission reeks of. We need to go over the history and details of the would-be-victim during the way down so you know what you’ll possibly be up against.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Barton acknowledged, “I’ll go get ready.”

Maria nodded at him, but continued to look at the Russian who was also half raised from her chair to do the same. “Sit, Romanoff.”

The agent shot her a quizzical look as the request was obeyed. “Yes, ma’am?”

“Formality doesn’t suit you, don’t mock me with it.”

The quizzical expression Nat had previously shot at her, relaxed into an easy, amused one. Brows had relaxed and her curled lips softened. It was a look that Maria was only familiar with from Coulson or Fury. 

“I must be dreaming. You held me back for another social call. Are you softening up on me, Hill?”

Maria narrowed her eyes, lowered her voice urgently. “Cut the shit, I just finished saying this mission is dubious at best. You’re smart enough to figure out a few things. One, Hoffman is not the real target-”

“- No, I am.” A statement punctuated with a nonchalant shrug.

God this woman is reckless.

“So take this seriously. Your self-exploration and desire to turn a new page won’t continue if you’re too careless with yourself.”

“Keep this up, Commander and I’ll start thinking you like me. You know - with you being my security detail on this.”

“It’ll be more than dislike, if I personally have to dig a six-foot hole for you.” She muttered, pushing out her chair and rising to her feet.

“You?” Romanoff laughed, “Digging a hole for a little old me?”

Maria glared, before spinning around and stalking towards her quarters. After all, she had some last preparations to attend to.

And she had little no time to play with the Agent Natasha Romanoff.