Conundrum

Maria’s father was not a kind or gentle man. He never sang or read to her as he informed her it was bedtime. He didn’t shower her with praises, express his pride or love in any kind of way. He was a hardened soldier with very cynical view points and a solid set of values and ideals.

He was a good man though.

The Captain raised her the same way the military trained him - With a strong authoritarian style and strict discipline.

While Maria would never claim they were close, she recognised his dedication to her. She was the centre of Edward Hill’s world whenever he returned from duty. He taught her everything he knew in an effort to have her avoid the painful hard lessons he learned.

She didn’t grow up playing games with the other military brats on base, instead she was given activities that taught her to keep fit, critically think and plan ahead. The Captain often ran drills with her and made sure to provide her with a chess set and puzzles to solve such as sudoku. 

The girl grew to appreciate the mental stimulation that these games provided and within just a few years of playing there were few people around who could beat her.

He also passed down the biggest rule in which to live by. To live with: Integrity. 

“Do the right thing because it’s the right thing, no matter who disagrees with you; and to do it to the best of your ability.” Ed would explain gruffly, as he inspected how well she had polished his shoes. “Because your character is all you have in this world that’s worth anything. Do that and you’ll become indispensable.”

Little Maria shifted her weight from foot to foot, waiting for his judgement. She understood little of the meaning behind her father’s words. She just wanted to play - and there would be no playing unless he deemed her chore finished properly.

“A good effort,” He murmured, and then pointed to a scuff mark she overlooked, then handed the shoe back to her. “But not good enough. Do it again. I’ll set up the chessboard while you finish.”

She whined as she took the shoe from him and received a smack over the back of her head for her attitude.

*

As she grew older, the tasks and lessons became bigger and more time consuming. What activities used to take up her time with mentally challenging aspects were replaced with volunteering with the cooks and cleaners for the on base mess hall. 

Maria wasn’t paid for the work, and she never complained. The Captain didn’t tolerate insubordination from her of any kind, and was especially fond of using a baton on her backside should she decide to show some open rebellion.

Having a headache or migraine was also no excuse to get out of work, unless she was at risk of making personnel around her ill, Maria’s father made sure she arrived to do her time and do it all with a smile on her face.

“Everyone here helps each other in some way.” He would lecture, “From the soldiers who train and get deployed so you can have your freedoms, to their spouses who go through the heartache of supporting them through their injuries, to the lowly cleaner who prevents trips and falls. There’s no reason you can’t ease some of their workload. Every little thing matters, Maria. It all adds up. Earn your place in this world, because nothing comes freely.” 

*

There was an unintended side effect to her father’s lectures and expectations. Maria developed a need to fulfil not only her father’s expectations, but everyone she came in contact with. 

With that motivation came it’s grievances.

At school, children could be mean. They were jealous that Maria was the star student who never got into any trouble. Jealous that their parents compared them to her because of all of the volunteering around the base her father made her do.

She was alienated. Not quite one of her peers, and yet not an adult to be treated like an equal by anybody. 

So Maria decided to reduce her misery by skipping class for a few days. She would walk out of the house to go to school, climb a tree and then re-entered her home when she observed The Captain pulling out of the drive-way.

She learned that the school communicated her absences to her father.

He was unsympathetic to her explanations, and took the baton to her backside again with another one of his lectures. “Don’t run away from your problems, Maria. If they want to start fights, then you better well finish them. Going to school is your job. It’s your responsibility to yourself to get an education and learn to be and do better. By running away, you let them win.”

Despite receiving a beating and chastising, her father began to train her in close quarters combat. 

There were few words to describe the relief she felt at being able to act upon and expel her frustrations. The activity was both therapeutic and empowering.

The second most important lesson The Captain taught her was self-respect, self-esteem and patience.

Maria’s bullies at school never let up. But she bided her time as she learned how to fight. She wasn’t the biggest kid around, nor was she anywhere near as aggressive as most of them. But she was observant and a fast learner. 

One afternoon on her way home from school, they confronted her again. They mistook her hesitation as fear. In a sense they were right. She was afraid - just not of them. Maria was afraid of her father’s judgement. Just how much force was ‘excessive’ force? (Which she was lectured on not to use). When the ringleader pushed her and followed it up with a small kick to her side while she was down, Maria lashed out.

She was tired of them, tired of being called names, of being pushed over and of being laughed at. 

She kicked with her feet, knocking him to the ground with her and then straddled him. Maria punched him over and over until he was a mess of snot and tears. She got off of him, and let his friends help him up.

She ran away from the scene, feeling shaken. Maria didn’t talk much as she helped the cooks in the mess hall. Her side hurt, and she was afraid of the repercussions from The Captain. The cooks took pity on her unusual mood and let her go home.

Her fathers car was in the drive-way. There was another vehicle parked there too. Maria briefly considered delaying the inevitable by not going into the house. The thought was dismissed just as quickly. The discipline would only be harsher if she avoided responsibility.

The Captain sat in the living room with another man she’d never met before.

“I’ll deal with my daughter appropriately, you can leave now.” He said in his gruff and concise way, to their visitor.

“My son has a concussion,” The other man growled back, “Just what exactly do you think you can do, to undo that?”

“I give you my word.” The Captain stated.

Her bully’s father left without another word.

Maria stood to attention, staring resignedly at a blank spot on the wall.

“Did he start it?”

“Yes, sir.” She answered, still not daring to make eye contact with him. “And I finished it.”

“Go look at yourself carefully in the mirror.”

She bit her tongue to refrain from asking why and did as he ordered. She had expected the baton. She had expected a lecture or some kind of new job to do as retribution.

Usually Maria used the mirror to make sure her hair was done properly. Her hair was not neat and tidy the way she had done it in the morning. Locks of her dark hair had escaped her hair tie. Her mouth was pressed grimly together and there was tension around her brows. There was a new addition to her face though. 

There was swelling and redness on the side of her jaw. She didn’t remember getting hit in the face. 

She stared hard at the mark.

“Why did you do it?” The Captain asked from the bathroom doorway.

“Because he pushed me, and then kicked me.”

“Is that all?”

“Because he and his friends always pick on me. I wanted to make him stop.”

Her father’s image in the mirror came up behind her own. Maria didn’t understand the expression on his usually stoic face. “Does he do this to other kids?”

“Not always, sometimes. It’s usually me.”

His dark eyes met hers in the mirror. “And now you’ve put him out of commission for the next day or two. Do you feel bad about that?”

Maria squirmed at the question. She didn’t know what the right answer was. No, she didn’t regret doing it. She did regret disappointing her father though.

“Do you?” He prompted, demanding an answer.

She broke their eye contact, and refused to answer. “I’ll go get the baton, sir.”

The Captain’s hand being planted firmly on her shoulder, caused Maria to look back up at him.

“He’s not better than you. He’s not better than anyone he treats like crap Maria. Look in the mirror at yourself and feel proud. You stopped a bully today, and you’ve stopped him from tormenting other people for at least a couple of more days.”

“But it’s only for a few days.” She partially echoed his words back to him, in an almost questionable manner.

“For a few days you and other kids will get a break from his shit. You did it to defend yourself, but you ended up protecting them just for a little while too. That’s always worth something. Look in the mirror every day and know your character, know you’re growing into someone to be proud of.” He explained, with that same low tone he always used. “Now go set up the chessboard. I believe I have a loss to make up for.”

She made sure that the bully never had an opportunity again to make someone else's life miserable.

*

When Maria entered her late teenage years, her father reinforced all of his lessons in one final and painful event. 

The Captain was getting ready to depart for deployment, pack was by the door and he gazed at her with an uncharacteristic smile on his face. “I’m sorry I won’t be here for your birthday. Time passes by damn quickly. You’ll be an adult, Maria.”

“I understand, sir.” And she did now. A few short years ago Edward missing her birthday would have made Maria struggle to shake off a feeling of rejection. But now, she was proud of her father. Proud that he continued to serve and protect regardless of the sacrifices.

“I expect you to not be here when I return,” He continued gruffly. “It’s time to make your own mark on the world.”

Her throat tightened at the implication.

She nodded her head, “Yes, sir.”

His dark eyes gazed thoughtfully at her. “You’ve grown into a fine person, Maria. There’s no one better I could wish for, to carry on my legacy. You’ve made me proud. Now go out there and make yourself proud.”

Her father then stood to attention and raised one hand to salute her.

Maria was overwhelmed by both his words and his actions. She ran and jumped on him, and for the first time his arms wrapped around her in a tight hug.

“I love you, dad.” She said into his shoulder.

He hesitated, and then roughly let out. “I love you too, kid. Keep in touch.”

She didn’t know that would be the last time she’d see him.

During that deployment, Edward Hill was captured by enemy troops and then executed in a needless display of defiance after attempts at negotiations had failed.

No, Maria and her father were never what people would consider to be close. But he was a good man; loyal to doing what he thought was right, and dedicated to protecting and helping those who couldn’t do it for themselves. 

And Maria Hill wanted to be just like him.

An indispensable, loyal person dedicated to a cause larger than just herself.