Lucky
The snap put the world on hold. Half of the universe had vanished, and the other half was left to mourn their loss. What happens when the entire world collectively goes into mourning? They were still trying to figure that out. It had been months since the snap, and things finally felt like they were getting back to some kind of normalcy. The biggest thing that Tony noticed when he walked around New York City now, was how quiet it was. Even with half of the population gone it should still be full of people, but there was almost no one outside. One of the biggest cities in the world had become a ghost town. They were grieving, just like everyone else. Those people he did pass hurried by, not making eye contact. They were probably looters, taking belongings from the houses of people who had been snapped away. That was supposed to be illegal, but no one really cared. When he went to the Parkers’ old apartment, he found it empty, with a sign on the door saying “For Lease”. Tony sighed. He didn’t know if he was relieved, or heartbroken. He wouldn’t have to explain to May that he had let Peter get killed, but at the same time, he wished that he wouldn’t have to be the only one keeping his memory alive. After the disheartening trip to Queens, Tony went back to the Avengers compound. It wasn’t really the Avengers’ anymore, it was just Tony, Nat, Bruce, and Pepper there at the moment. Thor was in Norway, rebuilding his own people and no one knew where Barton was. Steve had his own place in New York City, but Tony didn’t really care enough to check up on him. “How’d it go?” Pepper asked when he walked inside their apartment. Tony shook his head. “She’s gone, Thanos got her too.” “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be. Where’s Bruce?” “In the lab, I think. Tony maybe you should take a break, relax a little.” “I can’t, too busy.” He and Bruce had been working for a while, trying to figure out why the Hulk hadn’t been coming out. It was hard, they hadn’t had a breakthrough in a while, but it helped to get his mind off of everything. That was all Tony knew how to do, work, build things, don’t think about the world falling apart around him. Bruce was at a lab table, writing down equations, his hair sticking in all directions. “Anything new?” Tony asked, already knowing the answer. “Nothing.” Bruce looked up. “How did it go?” “You know, I’ve been getting that a lot recently. Maybe I should have a shirt printed that says ‘It went horribly’, that way I can use it any time, and it will still be accurate.” “That bad huh? What did she do?” “She wasn’t there. Turned to dust, just like everybody else.” “Not everybody.” Bruce said. “Half.” “Is that supposed to make me feel better? ‘Cause it’s not working. And for the record, it’s more than half. In addition to everyone whose plane crashed because their pilot vanished, or who died in a car accident, the suicide rates have gone way up. So yeah, it’s definitely more than half the world that he’s killed.” “I’m just trying to look on the bright side. We got lucky, relatively speaking.” “Excuse me?” Tony stared at Bruce. “That’s not what I meant-” “No! What did you mean? Are you seriously telling me to look on the bright side right now? That I’m lucky.” he spat the word. “You think I’m lucky to watch my kid die, to be left alone on a dead planet because I failed. Because I let the entire universe down. Because that’s what happened to me!” He lowered his voice to a near whisper. “And you have the audacity to call me lucky.” “Tony, I’m sorry.” “I think you should leave.” “Yeah.” Bruce quickly ran out of the lab, leaving Tony alone. He stood there for a second, then he grabbed an empty beaker from the table and threw it against the wall, where it shattered. He grabbed another one, then another. He threw everything in reach that was breakable, yelling with each one. He seized a test tube and it broke in his hand, slicing his palm. He grabbed it with his good hand, cursing. “Do you require assistance?” FRIDAY asked. “No, I’m fine.” he grunted. He walked over to the drawer where he kept the first aid kit and opened it. Balling his injured fist tightly, he sifted through the drawer with his good hand. The first aid kit was at the bottom, and there was months of detritus on top of it. One such object was a photograph. It was of him and Peter, they had taken it right after the airport battle, at the kid’s insistence, proof of his “internship”. They were both giving each other bunny ears, he hadn’t noticed that before. He hadn’t thought about that picture since he had shoved it in that drawer, but now it made him tear up. Tony slid to the floor, photo in one hand, choking back sobs. “FRIDAY, lock the door,” he said. He let himself cry now, his whole body shaking with huge, choking sobs. He hadn’t really cried in years, but now he was making up for that. He was crying for Peter, for the Guardians, for everyone who had died in Sokovia, in New York, he cried for every person he had been unable to save. Like he had said to Steve, they were the Avengers, and you could only avenge someone after they had died. After he had finished crying, he felt worn out. He went over to the sink and washed his face and hands, then wrapped a bandage around his hurt hand. He’d send someone to clean up the glass later. For now he had to apologize to Bruce. When he got upstairs Pepper was sitting on the couch, reading. “Do you know where Bruce is? I need to talk to him.” his voice was still wavering. “He left,” she put down her book. “Left, left where?” “I don’t know where he’s gone, but he’s not in the compound. What’s that?” She looked at the picture that was still in Tony’s left hand. “Oh,” he said, just realizing that he still had it. “It’s...it’s a picture of me and the kid. I thought it would be nice to frame it, put it up somewhere.” “I think that’s a good idea.” she got up from the couch, and took his hand in hers. “We’ll get through this.” she whispered. “It’ll take a while, but you’re not alone, you don’t have to be.”