Missing
Unbeknownst to everybody, Dores Sousa, Ermen’s mother, knew her daughter was planning to run away and quietly supported her. She wanted her children to live a different life from the prison she was living in. It was something she never admitted but when she was so young, she was forced by her abusive father to marry her husband and have his children. She was a sheltered, stunted child and could not say no. The traumatic memories of lying to her parish priest at the canonical interview on the question if she was marrying her fiancé out of her own free will, the wedding ceremony where she stared begging at her father to call it off and the wedding night where she submitted to him out of fear and terror were weapons to her.
When her father Antonio returned home after a long day of working at the Pharmacy, he didn’t notice at first she wasn’t around. As always, he assumed she was busy cooking in the kitchen and helping her mother. It was during dinner where he noticed she was absent. Immediately, he screamed out loud for her then stomped to her room while taking off his belt when she didn’t answer. The room was noticeably unlocked, bare and with no sign of Ermen except a small note on her desk.
It read:
”Mamãe e papai, sinto muito, mas tive que ir embora. Isso não é o que eu quero. Não vou voltar.” (Mom and Dad, I'm sorry but I had to leave. This isn't what I want. I won’t come back.)
He was filled with rage and cursed Ermen under his breath. He then shouted for his wife who read the note. On the other hand, she was filled with worry and could only say over and over again:
“Meu Deus, meu Deus. Não. Não. Por favor.” (My God, My God. No. No. Please.)
That very night, they went to the police station to file a missing person report. On the way there, Antonio kept berating his daughter and his wife as a mother. He kept calling her a prostitute, a loose woman, an undutiful daughter, a witch and a whore. He then proceeded to insinuate everything was Dores’ fault, she was a bad, lazy and a useless mother and regretted letting them be a part of his life. She did not speak in terror of him.
At the police station, they were told that as their daughter was of age, there was nothing they could do to bring her back. They said that adults, like her, had a right in the eyes of the state to determine for themselves where they stay and whose company they keep. Her mother was quietly relieved. The thought of what he would do to her if they found her made her shudder. On the other hand, he was fuming; if they can’t find her tonight, he would disown her.
The very next day during breakfast, he announced that Ermen was no longer part of the family and that her name was never to be spoken again.
June 1945, New York
Daniel walked as fast as he could to the door of his family home as soon as he saw it. This was done with great difficulty as he was using a crutch and a wooden leg that he wasn’t used to yet. Once he knocked on the door, his mother answered and started to scream “Graças a Deus!” (Thanks be to God!) over and over again once she recognized him. He could only smile sadly while his other family members began to congregate to the door except Ermen which he immediately noticed. During the war, no one bothered to tell him what happened to her.
As it was almost lunchtime when he arrived, Dores brewed him and the rest of the family Coffee while she and her other daughters would make a very special lunch in celebration of his return. Almost all of them had questions on his wartime experience and although his PTSD made it very difficult, he answered them to the best of his abilities. He was trying to locate his sister but it was in vain most especially when his father returned. He was too happy to speak and could only sip his coffee while listening to him talk about combat. Daniel’s thoughts was all about his sister and his worry for her.
During lunch, he spoke:
“Pai, onde está Ermen?” (Dad, where is Ermen?)
Suddenly, the whole table grew silent. His heart beat faster than normal and he started to sweat buckets. Did something bad happen to her while he was away? Why didn’t they tell him? He analyzed the faces of his siblings and mother and he couldn’t tell what their reactions meant. His father replied:
“Nunca mais fale dela. Ela não faz mais parte desta família.” (Never speak of her again. She is no longer a part of this family.)
“O que aconteceu?” (What happened?)
”Ela traiu a família.” (She has betrayed the family.)
”Como?” (How?)
”Ela nos deixou.” (She left us.)
“Por que ela foi embora?” (Why did she leave?) asked Daniel. Nobody answered him.
“Eu disse ‘Por que ela foi embora?’” (I said ‘Why did she leave?’) His father answered:
“A família está proibida de discutir o assunto.” (The family is prohibited from discussing the matter.)
”Porque?”(Why?)
”Porque eu disse.” (Because I said so.)
Daniel then asked: “Você a expulsou?” (Did you drive her out?) Silence ensued and his father gave him an angry stare. He repeated the question.
”Eu disse que a família está proibida de discutir o assunto.” (I said that the family is prohibited from discussing the matter.)
”Então você a expulsou? Diga-me, você fez isso porque ela fez planos para si mesma e você não pode aceitar?” (So you kicked her out? Tell me, did you do it because she made plans for herself and you can't accept it?) His father kept shooting him an angry glare.
”Você tem algum respeito pelo seu pai? Onde você aprendeu isso?” (Do you have any respect for your father? Where did you learn this?) This was his angry reply to Daniel.
”O que você vai fazer? Me renegou como renegou Ermen?” (What will you do? Disown me like you disowned Ermen?) He suddenly left the dining table.