You are enough, he said.
Tony said it all the time. When Peter would make a snide comment about himself when he put the wrong screw in or wrote a line of code wrong, Tony would take him to the side and shake his head. He’d frown and place his hand on Peter’s shoulder and look him in the eye and tell him he is wonderful and that a simple mistake does not define our worth.
When Peter would come home exhausted from a patrol and think to himself that he wasn’t good enough for all of this – there was always something welcoming him to perk him up. Tony would send him a message every night like he knew how Peter would be feeling. Something like ‘good job, kid’ or ‘you’re doing great’.
Constant affirmation and praise were like taking drugs – not that he’d know, of course. But he knows what they do to your brain and he suspects it was a lot like having Tony Stark be proud of you. He could survive on those words alone. He’s sure of it.
Peter personally thought he wasn’t as great as Tony said he was. Tony liked him. He was proud of him because they were friends. Sometimes love and friendship can blind our views and make us unable to see the bigger picture. It was like he was constantly wearing a pair of rose-tinted glasses and the rest of the world saw through them.
There were times he deliberately tried to smash those glasses.
When he was frustrated that Tony refused to yell at him for struggling to save someone – he’d go out and rebel like... well – like a teenager. Which he was. Like a normal, ‘screw the system’ kind of kid. But that wasn’t him.
So when he’d go out and sip a drink at a senior’s party (which he especially knew Tony didn’t want him to do given his bad past with alcohol), he’d come crawling back into Tony’s arms with tears and apologies. Tony – bless his heart – would welcome him with nothing but soft words and a big hug telling him that it’ll be okay because he’s pure of heart and Tony knows his future is one brighter than any star in the sky.
He'd tell him that he could ditch Spider-Man and create a company that saved lives without putting his own on the line. But they both knew that was a non-starter. Peter had all these abilities so he had to use them. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be as ‘golden’ as Tony said he was. He’d begin to rust from all the guilt eating him inside. Tony said he didn’t have to use his powers – but he was wrong.
With great power comes great responsibility, of course.
Tony told him that he loved him. He said his father never said it enough and that he wanted to end the ‘cycle’. Peter would remind him that he wasn’t Tony’s son but at that point, he’d be lying. Losing Ben and his biological father meant Peter was scared to make that relationship with someone else ... but Tony was patient and never overbearing and he was there which made it so incredibly easy.
Morgan was born on a windy afternoon – it was like she controlled it and told the world that she was here and she’d make a massive impact just by existing. She quite literally took the world by storm. She was born crying and screaming and so beautiful. Peter took one look at her and he understood why someone would want to give everything they had to protect another person.
Tony said that he’d never be replaced and that was true.
They say love does not halve when you have another child, it simply doubles. It grows and grabs both children by the arms and holds them closer. It feels so much more powerful but at the same time, it’s more vulnerable.
Tony ... said he’d always be around.
He said he’d be there to be his best man. He said he’d be there to tie his tie on the day he married MJ – because even though they were so young, he told Peter that he knew they were meant to be. Peter didn’t tell MJ that. He didn’t want to scare her and he couldn’t explain that he thought the same thing.
Tony said that he could always rely on him if he had a problem. He said that if it was as small as a sting of a nettle or as big as the end of the world – all he had to do was call him and he’d be there. There was nothing too big nor too small that he’d not do for him and Peter believed his every word.
But – after all of that – one day... Peter found it all was a lie.
Because Tony died on a random afternoon. Not from a ‘big bad’ or a mission gone wrong. It was not from a heart attack – they thought – or a gunshot. He didn't fall in the lab and hit his head.
He passed in his sleep from ‘unknown causes’.
Peter was the one that found him.
Peter sobbed more than he ever had before when they had to pry him off his body. Steve was the one that held him – the only one strong enough to hold him back. He sobbed and cried until Steve’s t-shirt had more wet marks on it than dry. He didn’t know how to feel or how to cope and the one person he’d go to to find out was gone.
He wasn’t enough to keep Tony alive.
And Tony wasn’t there for him.
He never would be again and that broke Peter’s heart.
But Pepper said that they’d keep him alive by keeping his legacy.
So he tried his best.
One day when Morgan came up to him – now ten years old. She said that someone in her class told her she’d never be as good as her daddy and that he never loved her. They said – even though they were so young – that she wasn’t good enough.
Peter held her so tight and said that she was the best – that nobody in this world could ever tell her otherwise and that if her dad was here, he’d say the same.
He told her:
“You are enough. You are loved. You will never – ever – be replaced. And that even if I am gone – I will always be here for you. Just like our dad was for us. Even if dad is gone and he cannot say it directly to you, know that his love is so big for us that it lives through the stars and in the air that we breathe. If you look around – he is there. And he always will be.”