In another time

You looked at your fiance with wide eyes and your mouth slightly opened. Anger was rising in your chest and you wanted to punch him so hard that he would not be able to get up anymore. You had known that it would happen sooner than later, but it still hurt. You knew it was not his fault, you knew that Bucky was only doing the right thing and it was his duty to his country, to your country. He was a good man and you knew that war might not be for good men, but he would make a difference.

„James…“ his smile faded, you never called him James unless it was serious. The only time you had called him James before had been the day you had told him that your father disapproved of your engagement. „I thought that there would still be enough time for us to get married.“ your voice was weak. It was true, you had wanted to get married before he would be deployed, he had promised it and now here he was, telling you that he would be leaving New York by the end of the week.

„We could still get married…“ he smiled one of his charming crooked smiles that had made you fall for him. His eyes were sparkling and he looked so happy that he had come up with this idea. „Steve could be my best man and your sister could be your maid of honor. Or we could just go and get it officiated now, there is no one stopping us.“ he laughed softly.

You felt a heavy weight settling on your shoulders. It was pressing down on you and you wanted nothing more than to tell him to stay home, however you also knew that you would not let him be declared a deserter.

„No, let‘s wait until this war is over. Then we can have a proper wedding. With Rebecca as the flower girl, our parents there, Steve can still be your best man and my sister can still be the maid of honor, but maybe then we can have it in peace as well.“ You whispered. Bucky wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to him.

„Where we first met?“ he asked, a grin spreading on his face, knowing fully well that where you both first met no wedding could be held. He had met you when he had tried to get Steve, a common friend of yours, out of trouble. It had all happened in an alleyway where you had been trying to keep the attacker off of Steve, but had not succeeded.

„No, in the nice chapel down on seventh.“ You nuzzled your face into his uniform and swayed with him. You had a feeling that this would not come true, you glanced over to the dress hanging from your shelf. It was supposed to be your wedding dress, your mother had handmade it for you and you had wanted to wear it, but things had now taken a different turn.

„Oh, that is a good idea. I really like the ceiling there, it looks very nice.“

You laughed at his comment and took a deep breath of his scent, trying to burn it into your mind, trying to force it to stay there until you would be able to see him again. Luckily you would still be able to tell him goodbye when he would leave at the end of the week, but it still hurt, knowing that you might never see him again after that.

The wind was blowing the salty air in your direction, tears were running down your cheeks as you let go of Bucky. Carefully you grabbed his face and pressed your forehead against his. A single tear was sliding down his cheek and it made your heart ache.

„Remember, I will follow you to the ends of this world and I will travel even further just to keep you safe.“ you whispered with teary eyes.
Bucky laughed, his laugh was a lot more watery than it was probably supposed to be.

„I think I should be the one saying this…“ he smiled softly.

„No, it is alright. You will not have to protect me, but rather help protect this world. Please come back to me in one piece.“ you laughed and kissed him.

„I promise.“ he answered breathlessly.
Your heart ached as you watched how he was walking away and onto the ship that was waiting for the soldiers. One last time he turned around and waved you goodbye.
You waved as well, the light blue dress you were wearing billowed in the wind that came from the sea.

You whispered to yourself, so silently that you were not sure if you actually said it or just thought:“ Don‘t go where I can‘t follow, James Buchanan Barnes.“

You sat in the back of one of the jeeps as you were making your way to the hilltop. Your hands were covered in blood and freezing cold. A soldier was laying at your feet, shaking from his injuries and the cold. You had already given him your jacket and tried to keep him as warm as possible while you were making your way up the hill. The team of nurses you had been working with had found the men among some other injured soldiers at a battlefield that seemed to be littered with bodies. You had tried to save these men and were now transporting most of them back up to the nearest camp of the allies.

„Is someone waiting for you at home?“ the soldier asked, his face was pale and his hand was cramped up around the bullet wound that went straight through his shoulder.

„No…he is out here somewhere…“ you answered him with a kind smile. „Well, my parents are home and they are waiting for me.“

He smiled and pulled out a picture of a girl from his pocket. „Please I want to sit up.“ he croaked out. You bent down and hauled him up so that he was sitting by your feet. „Thank you.“ he whispered. „See she is waiting for me at home. Her name is Mary and our son should be born in a few months.“ He smiled softly and pressed the picture to his chest, a faint smile on his pale lips. „We got married a few months before I had to leave…“ he spoke softly and it almost broke her heart. The wound to his shoulder was not fatal, but she was not sure which other injuries he had suffered from that were internal.

„Will I see her again?“ he asked, tears streaming down his face as he grabbed your hand tightly. „Will I see my Mary and my son again?“ he was crying and you had to hold back not to cry as well.

„Yes, Soldier. You will see them again. Just hang in there. We will be at the camp in a few moments, then everything will turn out fine.“

You looked up and could see the camp getting closer. The jeep was going faster now since it was not going uphill anymore. Shouting was coming from the camp and it seemed as if there was already some sort of issue at hand that they tried to deal with.

„Everything will be alright, Soldier.“ you got up from your seat and held on as tight as possible to the sides of the jeep and made your way over to a man that had sustained an injury to his eye and was probably going to lose said eye. He was staring into the void and you got ready to get him off the jeep.
The jeep stopped and a group of soldiers opened the back of it. Their faces looked sad as if they had just been told of a great loss, but you just pulled the man over your shoulder and heaved him off the jeep.

„Give him some clean bandages to put on his eye and tell your stationed nurses to not let him scratch it. If he does not touch it there might still be a chance to save the eye. Bathe the bullet wound in alcohol, whatever you have.“ you handed the man over to the soldier that looked a little bit flabbergasted to be ordered around by a nurse, but he just obliged. The other nurses had been spread on the other jeeps and there were about three wounded soldiers per jeep. However, the biggest issue was that some of the nurses belonging to your group had been killed in an ambush two weeks ago and there had not been sent reinforcements, which meant that there were less nurses and more injured soldiers.

„Can you walk?“ you asked the man you had just been speaking to. He just nodded and started to slide off the jeep, slowly wobbling after the soldier that was carrying the other man to one of the tents.

The last man that was in the jeep was unconscious and was running colder and colder by the minute. With shaking hands you pulled him closer to you and hauled him over your back and your shoulders. Suddenly you realized something, you had gotten stronger over the last months. Carrying equipment and injured men daily had made you stronger and you knew that it would come in handy sooner or later.

As you carried the man towards the tent you caught a part of the conversation two men had. Only two words and your heart almost jumped out of your throat. ‚Sergeant Barnes‘, Bucky was maybe here.

After you had put the man on one of the cots and the nurses that had been stationed there told you to rest a little since to put it in her words:‘ looked a little bit pale, hungry and shaken.‘ Slowly you made your way out of the tent and started to look for a place to wash your hands. You found a bucket filled with some dirty and grimy looking water, sighing you started to wash your hands, scrubbing hard and trying to get away the dried blood.

„(Y/N)?“ The voice was confused and happy at the same time. You recognized it right away and spun around with a bright smile on your face. It was the first time in what felt like months that you were truly glad to see someone. Steve stood there, the blue and white and red suit looked worn and dirty and so did he. There was something sad about his expression, that you could not quite place. His usually bright eyes looked glossy and sunken into his skull.

„Steve!“ You cried out and laughed. You had heard of the Howling commandos and had also heard that Steve and Bucky were part of it. Meaning that wherever Steve was Bucky was nearby.

„Steve! I am so glad to see you and I do not want to seem impolite, but where is Bucky?“ excitement filled your voice. You had been longing to see him for ages and you knew that he would be glad to see you as well.

Steve‘s expression seemed rather neutral, but sad. He turned his head away from you and looked at the ground.

„Steve?“ you asked. A feeling settling in your stomach that this could not mean something good, not even remotely so. Your heart clenched and you reached out to grab his shoulder.

„Steve?“ you repeat yourself, knowing fully well that the answer is going to be heart shattering.

„I am sorry…(Y/N)…Bucky is…he is gone.“ he whispered.

Knowing it was different from hearing it from another person. A sob left your gut and you started crying. Big, ugly tears were running down your cheeks as you looked at Steve. Sob after sob was wrecking your body, it was a miracle that you did not scream. It was a miracle that you did not try to charge at Steve. It was a miracle that you did not let yourself fall to the ground and never get up again. You just swallowed hard and let the sobs wreck through your body as Steve pulled you into a tight hug.

He knew what you were feeling. He had loved Bucky, maybe not the same way you had loved him, but he had loved Bucky and he had lost a good friend. Steve tried to soothe you and only succeeded partially. After he let you go you swore to everything that was dear to you that you would make H.Y.D.R.A pay for what they did. You did not care how long it took or what measures were required, the only thing that you wanted at that moment was vengeance.

The war was over and you had finally been able to return home. However, home was not the same anymore without Bucky. Your apartment felt empty, the dress was still hanging on your shelf where you had left it and it would continue to hang there for the years to come, never touched, only dusted.

Your friends were dead and the only person you had was the widow of the man you had promised to bring home. Mary was a good woman and needed help after losing her husband to the war. The two of you worked together and helped each other to come to terms with the loss. Mary made you the Godmother of her son who she had named Christopher. When you were not with Mary you were out and about. Trying to help as many people as possible, that‘s how you ended up working for Howard Stark and the SSR. However your time away from work and from Mary you spent the same.

Every night you would go to his grave, an empty grave, cleaning it and lighting the candles. They had never found his body, never brought him home. Every night, shortly before you would leave you would repeat the same thing over and over again. „Maybe in another time we will meet again, maybe in another life.“