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That night her kiss told me it was over
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This trip feels off in a concerning way.
You’re at Sasha’s, enjoying what was supposed to be a very sunny Spring Break at her family’s lakeside house. When all of you arrived it started raining, but you can’t hear it anymore, the sound fading into the music.
The welcome party started off fun, but it very quickly became uncomfortable. Everyone keeps looking at you, steering clear of you, and you don’t like it.
“Mika, can we please go to bed? I don’t like how everyone keeps staring and avoiding me. Sasha looks uncomfortable, and I know that if she didn’t want me here, she’d have told me.”
Mikasa sighs, pulling me to Sasha’s room. When she closes the door, she backs you against it, kissing you. You can’t decipher why she seems so eager, can’t tell why she’s so insistent, but it doesn’t bother you at the moment. You pull back from the kiss and see Mikasa crying. You try to bring a hand to her cheek to wipe away the tears, but she pulls away and looks to the side.
“I was hoping they could let me wait to do this, but I guess not.”
“Do what?”
“Jean and I are going to start dating again. I was hoping to tell you after the trip was over, so we could have more good memories together. I told the others to leave you alone, but I think they took it too literally.”
“Y-you’re what ? Mika, he ditched you.”
“Y/N, tread carefully. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
“You told me you loved me, Mikasa! You said I was your first love, that he abandoned you!”
At that, her eyes glass over, you can’t even tell what she’s feeling. When she speaks, it’s with a cold voice, wobbling slightly.
“Y/N, you were a distraction. I tried telling you that you were only ever going to last until he came back. Now, let’s get back to the party.”
You scoff, “Fine, you wanna shut me out? I’m gonna get some air. I can’t stand being here with you.”
Her eyes widen before you turn away, and it seems for a second like she’s going to try and stop you. You hope she does.
————
I went out late into the dark, the misty gloom seemed to soak up my sorrows
————
You leave the room, head back down to everyone else, grab a drink from a very terrified Connie, and go outside. The rain must have stopped a while ago, because the landscape has a thick layer of fog coating it. You see the pier that Sasha’s family set up and go sit on the edge of it, taking a drink every now and then as you try and calm yourself down.
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The further I went on, I felt a spreading calm
————
As you sit, you reflect on what you and Mikasa had been through together. The sleepless nights when Eren went to juvie for beating up Jean in your sophomore year, when she’d get jealous because she thought Hitch, Pieck, or Annie were getting too close to you for her liking. She’d helped you through your trust issues after Reiner, Annie, and Bertholdt moved when all of you graduated, gone without a word. As an ingrained part of their small group, you’d felt so betrayed, but now you just hope they’re okay.
You think back to the inciting incident that led to your relationship, her getting left by Jean. She was so hurt, and while you’d had a crush on her for a while before then, you didn’t expect anything from her. She’d said that’s what drew her to you, that you didn’t feel entitled to her attention or love. It could be that you’re still raw, but the sentiment leaves you bitter.
You thought of how you’d held her after the death of her parents, having to move in with Levi. God, what was this gonna do to your relationship with him ? He was like a big brother to you. The same with Eren and Armin, they followed her like puppies, and you feared she’d tell them to leave you alone.
You hear footsteps behind you, and turn quickly to see who’s approaching. If it’s her you might decide to take a late night swim to avoid her.
————
Then suddenly my eyes were bathed in light, and the lovely lady in white stood by my side
————
A light flashes at you, and you quickly cover your eyes. You hear a muttered sorry, and when the light turns off it takes you a second for your eyes to readjust. When they do, your eyes widen at the sight of Annie Leonhardt not even two or three feet away. She raises one of her brows at you.
“ I see you’d like to be alone. ” As she turns to leave, you reach out, tugging the sleeve of her white hoodie lightly.
“ Could you please stay? ”
She huffs, and sits down next to you.
————
She said, “Like me I see you’re waking alone, won’t you please stay?”
————
“I had come here to say sorry we left, though I’ve heard that’s the least of the problems on your mind tonight.”
You give her a warning look, “Annie.”
She shrugs, “I’m just saying, you dodged a bullet. If she’s willing to get back with horseface after what he pulled with Eren, then she doesn’t deserve you.” You scoff.
“And what, you do?”
“Frankly, no. I don’t think any of us would, besides Historia or Sasha…if they weren’t taken.”
You look at her side profile, how she looks in the moonlight. She looks ethereal, and you almost laugh when you remember how many times she’d called herself ugly because of her nose. Almost, because you can’t find it in yourself to distract her from whatever she’s looking at in the stars. Almost, because for the thousandth time since you’d met her, you’d seen how gorgeous she is.
————
I couldn’t look away
————
“ I love the night. ”
“Huh?”
She doesn’t turn to you, “The day’s okay, but the night’s so much calmer, like a held breath’s been let out. It’s beautiful, to me at least.”
Though corny, you can’t make yourself look away from her, “Yeah, it is.”
When she turns slightly to look at you, you see the blush on her face.
“Listen, I know tonight has been horrible, and that you won’t be okay for a long time.”
“Right…?”
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There’s so much I can show and give to you, if you will welcome me tonight
————
“I want to help you through it, but you have to know this first.”
You tilt your head, looking at her curiously. She takes in a deep breath, sighing it out.
“I’ve wanted to be with you for a very long time, and sometimes I’ve thought you did too. I want you to know this so that you’re fully aware of where I’m coming from. I want you to know…so you don’t feel pressured to reciprocate my feelings.”
Your eyes widen, and you feel your pulse quicken.
She continues, “If that’s alright with you, I’d like to kiss you. If we do kiss, though, I don’t want to be a rebound. I don’t want to be your distraction, or your way to get back at her.”
When you continue staring, she leans close to you.
“If at any point you want me to stop, then tell me to stop, okay?”
When you nod, she presses her lips to yours, and it’s like the whole world pauses around you. It feels urgent and eager like the last kiss you’d shared with Mikasa, but it feels more caring. In comparison it feels less like she’s pulling from you, like Mikasa had been, and more like she’s giving to you. As though she’s breathing new life into your heart after it’d been broken.
You pull back for air, and your eyes and heart soften when Annie looks panicking for a second. You cup her cheek before she can start apologizing. You look at her sadly.
“Annie, I’d love to give you a chance, but I don’t know if we can survive the distance, you going to Marley and all.” At that she laughs, and the sound makes your heart swell. When she starts speaking again, it’s with a deep blush that goes down her neck.
“Y/N, this is gonna sound really desperate, but I tried my hardest to graduate early so I could spend more time here, with you.”
“Oh Annie, that’s so romantic.”
She hides her face in her hoodie, “Shut up.”
You move your hand to grasp hers, doing the same with your other hand.
“Annie, if you’d be willing to let me sulk for a few weeks, I’d be more than happy to go on a date with you.” She looks at you, a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.
“I’m not gonna waste this, Y/N. I promise.”
————
You think of Mikasa, and what she meant to you. You wonder what you meant to her, because she was always hard to read, her eyes betraying nothing but in rare instances.
You look at the usually stoic Annie Leonhardt. Tears pouring, with a smile bright enough to rival the sun itself even in the cold, dark night. You can see how she looks at you.
You see the love in her eyes, and it makes you smile back.