Guarded Heart

"She's awake and asking for you"

Bucky felt his stomach drop at the thought of talking to Y/N right now. After the anger that washed over him as he found his room empty when she ran away to confront Zemo, then seeing her weak and barely coherent before she collapsed when Zemo was shot, Bucky wasn't sure he could keep himself from yelling or crying, either seemed likely but he-

He looked up as Y/N's mother interrupted his internal dialog, looking at him sternly. "Don't you go upsetting her, James. Stress will only extend her recovery time."

Bucky looked at the floor like a kid being chastised by their mother "Yes ma'am. I'll be good."

"You'd better. If you hurt her you'll see what a mobsters wife can do."

Bucky looked over at his own mother who was looking at him, arms crossed over her chest, nodding.

He headed up the stairs, anxiety racing through him.

When he arrived at his room he could hear singing, weak and off key but it was a song he recognized.

"Countryyyyy roooooads, taaake me hooooome, to the plaaaaace I belooohoong. West-"

She looked up at him, standing in the doorway with a goofy look on his face, and stopped singing.

Reaching her hand out for him she smiled, looking every bit as drugged up as she was "Jamie! Come sit with me."

How could he refuse an invitation like that. He sat on his bed, facing her and gently took her hand trying not to mess with her IV. "How are you feeling, doll?"

Her smile grew and she squeezed his hand "Awesome. Best I've been since the hospital."

Bucky smirked "Helen must have given you the good drugs."

Her eyes grew wide "Oh no, no, Jamie. I don't do drugs." She whispered loudly "Am I gonna get in trouble?"

He chuckled "Don't worry sweetheart, I'll keep your secret."

She looked at him shyly "Could you just hold me for a little bit?"

Bucky smiled "Of course, sweetheart." And pulled her into him.

"I'm gonna rest right now but we still need to talk" she slurred her words a bit as she curled into him and fell asleep. He relaxed and enjoyed her warmth next to him before dozing off himself.

Within a few days she no longer needed strong pain meds and was recovering well.

Bucky brought her some lunch "How are you feeling today? You look much better." He smiled warmly at her.

She shrugged "Improving, I guess. Getting bored of the same view. A little stir crazy."

They sat quietly for a moment before he spoke "You know, Y/N, you scared the Hell outta me. I wish you wouldn't rush into dangerous situations without thinking things thru."

She bristled "I wish you would listen to me and treat me as an equal. It wouldn't have been so dangerous if you hadn't blown me off."

Bucky felt his temper rising and tried to push it back down "You were in no condition to deal with Zemo. You had barely slept or eaten since your father died and you haven't taken proper care of your wounds since you lost your arm. What kind of fiance would I be if I just let you rush into a very dangerous situation like you did?"

She scoffed "Let me? If you let me? What are you my master? It's not your place to let me do anything, we're supposed to be partners and this won't work if you can't accept that. Besides, it wouldn't have been so dangerous if you had listened to me and backed me in the first place." She concentrated on her breathing to try and calm down.

Bucky sighed "Your father made me swear to protect you. I was trying to do the right thing, finally."

She shook her head "Is this some sort of sporadic protection based on your moods?"

Bucky shook his head "No, dammit Y/N I-" he took a deep breath and let it out slowly "I'm sorry. I don't know how to convince you of my sincerity. I'm trying to do better and I was worried about you. Which is why you will be under my personal care until Helen clears you.

She sat back and tried to relax again for a moment before her eyes filled with tears

"I'm sorry, Jamie. I know you didn't want me to go but I had to deal with Zemo myself. He's stalked me ever since I left him and I needed to see him go down." She looked around nervously

"He is gone, right? I don't really remember much after sneaking out."

Bucky considered telling her he was dead but there had been enough deceit since they agreed to marry so he stuck with the truth

"Zemo isn't dead but he was injured. Loki has him. He wants to make sure there aren't any other plots in the works. Zemo won't be getting anywhere near you again."

She nodded and visibly relaxed, then giggled "Good. Loki will take care of him." She squeezed his hand "Are we going to be ok? You sure you still want to marry me?" She paused "I mean knowing that I expect an equal partner?"

Bucky nodded and smiled softly at her "We're alright. I'd rather have a strong partner than some meek little wife. You scared the Hell outta me and I won't pretend I wasn't pissed but it's done now." He looked at her earnestly "Just please don't go off half cocked and throw yourself into trouble again."

She grinned at him "I can't promise I'll try but I'll try to try."

Bucky chuckled "Did you just quote Bart Simpson at me?"

She shrugged and smirked at him.

He ran a hand thru his hair "This is non negotiable. You're going to stay here and heal. Stop fighting me when I want to take care of you."

She huffed "Fine" leaned back and winced "Ugh, my whole body aches." then looked around "When can I get out of here?"

Bucky shook his head "Not any time soon. You're on bed rest until Helen says otherwise. I'll chain you to the bed this time if I have to, so be good."

She stuck her tongue out "I'm so much more fun when I'm bad."

He laughed again "I have no doubt, doll but being bad will have to wait until you are better."

"Do you think we should delay the wedding?" She looked around his room and smirked at him "I don't think we can fit everyone in here."

He shook his head at her, smiling "We'd better wait. I'm not marrying you until we can consummate the marriage." And winked at her.

She felt her face heat up and looked at her own hands, trying to ignore the heat in her core.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next 3 months Y/N followed Helen Cho's instructions to the letter. Including physical therapy to adjust to life with only one arm.

She was able to spend some time with her horses and did some riding with her mother leading her around the arena on Daisy. She had some challenges getting her balance but they took their time, a couple of days a week, and slowly she regained her seat.

Y/N and Bucky went on a number of dates, getting to know each other. Mostly staying in at her parents house which had a gourmet kitchen, formal dining room, screening room, music room, library, pool and tennis court. Not to mention the backyard with its plush lawn, pond/waterfall and gazebo decorated with fairy lights.

She introduced him to her horses and promised to teach him how to ride after the wedding.

They both felt the same pull to the other but were hesitant after everything that they had been through.

After a number of their dates they were both feeling more relaxed together, sitting together on the swing next to the pond when Bucky turned to face Y/N and reached for her hand "Y/N, doll. I'm so glad that you gave me another chance. I've really enjoyed getting to know you and feel like I'm falling deeper in love with you every day." He looked in her eyes hopefully "Can I kiss you?"

Y/N felt her whole body heat up and nodded "Yes, please. I thought you'd never-"

Bucky leaned forward silencing her with his lips firmly on hers, his right hand gently cupping her cheek, his left hand around her back pulling her closer to him. She tried to hold back a moan but it came out and he used the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth. She opened up for him and felt his moan when their tongues met, fighting for dominance until she softened up for him. He pulled her into his lap where she could feel the beginning of his arousal and wiggled against him which caused Bucky to groan deep in his chest and pull away, hands gripping her hips to hold her still.

"Y/N honey you can't do that. Don't tease, I might burst. I want you so bad, doll." He leaned his forehead against hers, trying to catch his breath.

She smiled and tried to move again then whispered in his ear "You have me, Jamie."

His hands tightened on her hips "I thought we agreed to wait until the wedding. We can't-"

She kissed him again, more passionately, running her hand through his hair then pulling, hard, exposing his neck to her. She gave him a look and nipped at his neck before pulling back.

"We did and we will. I just don't want you to forget what you are waiting for. In case your mind wanders or someone else catches your eye. Can't have you straying."

Bucky looked at her in shock before kissing her again "Are you kidding? How could I forget?" His voice lowered "I still remember how sweet your pussy tastes, how tightly she gripped my fingers. I wouldn't dare risk losing you again and for so much more than your sweet, tight-"

She pushed him away after a chill ran through her "Ok I get it."

"Doll, no one could ever compare to you and you always keep me on my toes. I'm all yours until you get sick of me."

She smirked at him "I guess you need to learn how to keep me on my toes then, Jamie."

Not long after that nite, Helen and the physical therapist gave the ok to start working on her prosthetic. This involved time in Tony's lab which would have been more interesting if he didn't insist that she touch nothing.

After a few meetings Tony almost had it ready and Y/N was getting bored sitting in his lab. "Tones! What are you doing? I didn't know this was going to take all day."

Tony rolled his eyes "Well, it's not like a new pair of shoes, you know. A prosthetic has to be fitted and attached properly, especially one like this."

He walked over to her with her new arm. It was a soft ashy grey with threads of gold like Bucky's. 

"It's physically almost identical to your arm. Obviously the color doesn't match but I thought the softer color would be nice.  It was tough getting the fingers as slender as yours but I think we did a decent job." He fussed with the piece on her shoulder for a minute before attaching the prosthetic.

She smiled "It's beautiful." She paused, surprised "I can feel you touching it, not just the pressure but the warmth of your hand." Her smile grew as did her eyes, which were leaking a bit "Tony, how did you do that?"

Tony smirked at her "I'm a genius, that's how." Then he mumbled "And Princess Shuri of Wakanda helped."

"I'll have to send her a thank you card, or a diamond necklace or something." She was looking her new arm over when something glinted in the light

"What's this?" She muttered as she stared, then looked up at Tony questioningly.

Tony grinned "Barnes brought it over a few weeks ago. I think the diamond goes well with the vibranium, don't you?" He looked scared when she didn't respond right away "Shit. You did want it, right? I mean you are still marrying him right?"

"I love it, Tony. All of it." Y/N hugged him until he was rasping for her to stop. She pulled away, looked down at her new arm "Yeah, so I guess I need to learn my strength. Sorry Tones"

They spent the afternoon going over the arms features, attaching and detaching, learning all the details.

Tony sighed "You still need to have physical therapy to teach your brain how to regulate your touch, it'll take time but you'll get there."

She looked at him seriously "Will three months be good?"

He nodded "As long as you keep up with the physical therapist and work on it, that should be enough time but this will be a lifelong deal since there will be updates.

Why? What's in three months?"

"We haven't sent the invites out yet but the wedding is in three months. I need to ask a favor."

Tony looked shocked "Another favor? Do you know what went into creating this arm? How much time I-"

She giggled "Of course I know but this is very important and I don't think anyone else can help me."

Tony sighed "Alright, lay it on me."

Y/N looked at him earnestly and whispered "Would you give me away?" Her voice cracking on the words.

His eyes grew wide "Me? Are you sure? I'm just-."

"Just my godfather and one of the few people I know I can trust and depend on. Please Tony?"

He hugged her "Of course, sweetheart. You know I'm here for you, always."

After her talk with Tony, Y/N went to his penthouse to find Pepper and Morgan, they had plans for lunch and dress shopping.

Since she knew it would take time for Y/N to adjust to her new arm Pepper ordered in and had one of her favorite designers bring in their latest wedding fashion.

When they couldn't find anything Y/N liked they all sat down and tossed ideas around until the designer produced an old sketch of a dress that Y/N loved. They made a few changes until it was perfect, then took her measurements and left with an appointment for a fitting in 3 weeks.

Y/N sat back on the sofa and looked at Pepper "I guess we're off." She forced a small smile "I'm really doing this."

Pepper took her hands "Hey, if you need to take more time or just cancel the whole thing-"

Y/N shook her head "No. No, I'm alright. The last year has just been a lot." She smiled a real smile and told herself and Pepper "It's gonna be good. I'll be good."