Memories resurfacing
Part 1
Bucky was in the computer room, looking through the plans for the cloning lab. He was just curious about something. Muzzy was with him, on the other monitor, playing a video game to improve his hand-eye coordination.
Bucky had just found a folder entitled: “Barnes plus panther: Genetic makeup.”
“Muzz.”
“Hmmm?”
“Where is everyone, right now?”
Muzz flicked his ears, tilted his head. “Zemo is showing Jamie how to make croissants, Sebastián and Daniil are having slow lovey-dovey sex in Daniil’s shower. Why?”
“No reason. How’s your game? Are you winning?”
“Of course. Now shhhh. I’m concentrating.”
“Yes, sir,” said Bucky, grinning.
Muzzy laughed silently and turned back to his game.
Bucky opened the file. And then another detailing “Zemo plus caracal/ocelot.”
Hmmmm. Thought so. JJ has Supersoldier serum running through him. So has Muzz.
He read on. If I had kids, they would have Supersoldier serum running through them, and be able to pass it on to their kids. If I ever had kids. Hang on… Does that mean Muzz and JJ would have HybridSupersoldier kids? Whoa.
He didn’t need to look at the files to know that Sebastián had serum in his DNA, but he checked anyway. Yep. But what about Daniil? He clicked on his file. Oh. Oh well.
Holy cow. That means everyone has serum running through them except for Hel and Dani. Hmmmm. Interesting.
*
Part 2
Bucky and Sebastián had just finished 500 laps in the indoor heated Olympic sized swimming pool. It was a dead heat. They were now lounging on the daybeds, just in their trunks, sipping ice cold frappuccinos.
Sebastián: “I keep getting flashes of my time in Wakanda, but I was never really there, was I?”
Bucky: “Sorry, bud, no.”
“I thought as much.”
“Talk to Zemo about it. He knows all the technical stuff.”
*
Part 3
Zemo and Daniil were in Zemo’s rooms. Daniil had his head on Zemo’s chest, one arm over his belly. Their breathing was getting back to normal, and Daniil was feeling pensive. He laid his right arm next to Zemo’s right arm.
“Thought so.”
“Hmmm, my love?” asked Zemo, idly trailing the fingertips of his other hand up Daniil’s side.
Daniil. “I remember having this scar here on my forearm, but I don’t actually have it, look.”
Zemo. “Naturally, dearest. Only I do. You were lab grown. No scars.”
Daniil laid his cheek on Zemo’s torso, and Zemo felt him shudder. Felt a wetness on his skin. Dani had started crying softly into Zemo’s chest.
“Daniil? Dear heart?”
“It just hits me every now and then,” mumbled Dani into Zemo’s skin. “I get flashes of stuff - Heike and Carl, our family, that holiday in Greece.” He paused. Gulped. Brought his head up to look at Zemo. “But I never really had them, did I?”
“Oh, my love,” said Zemo, hugging him. Daniil put his head back on Zemo’s chest, grounded himself in Zemo’s living, breathing warmth, silently weeping, trying to get it under control.
Zemo took a breath, looked up at the ceiling as he spoke, his arm still around Daniil’s listening form.
“My love. This is your new reality.“ His voice was soft, gentle, understanding. “People spout platitudes because they know not what else to say. But the reality is that the loss of your family is a gaping wound in your life. It will never heal. Never go away. One day, you’re fine; the next, you’re awash with grief.”
“You sound so calm. How do you do it?” Daniil asked softly, wonderingly, snaking his hand over Zemo’s stomach. Taking comfort in the nearness of him, wishing to take some of that calm into himself.
“I’m not, darling. Far from it. The difference is, I have had the physical time to go through this. You have not. You just have a patchwork memory of my process. Bits of your memory are still missing for you. They will resurface in time… And, even though they are false memories, they are very real to you, and you need to take the time to process them: firstly, to acknowledge them; secondly, to bear them; thirdly, to forgive. Remember, dear one, that I am here for you. I’ll always be here. James also, when your memories of the Winter Soldier program and our time in Riga or Madripoor start resurfacing. And you may get flashbacks of a lot of things: the Raft, my family, even our childhood. Please don’t think you would be a burden for wanting to talk about it. Or that you would bring up bad memories for me.” He paused for a long moment.
“It’s all in the past, Daniil. We move forward. We try not to dwell, and we try to fill our lives with whatever joy we can. Like being here, with you, my love.” He hugged Daniil to him, felt him shiver.
Zemo continued “If you wish, we could set a time aside each week to talk any of this through. Only if you wish. You don’t need to answer yet. It took me a long time to even start to talk about this. Years, in fact. So, please think about it, do. I will ask you again next week sometime, so you don’t have to come and find me.” He smiled softly. “One less hurdle.”
Dani nodded into his chest.
Zemo continued. “This must be happening to Sebastián also. I will go and speak with him this afternoon. Now, though, what do you want to do? What do you need? Would you prefer to be alone with your thoughts? Would you like me to just lie here with you? Do you want something to eat? Or shall I provide a distraction?”
Dani sniffed, rubbed his eyes. Looked up at Zemo. Searched his face. Thought for a bit. Zemo waited with him. Calm and unhurried. They looked into each other’s eyes for a long moment, seeing the reflection of themselves in the other.
“I prefer not to wallow,” Dani said with a note of finality. “As you say, these thoughts will always catch me, won’t they, and I will take the time to be with them when they do. For now, my sweet kind mirror, please distract me.”
“Gladly. How may I best do that?”
“Would it be too much to ask you to just fuck me senseless for a while?”
‘“Not at all, dear one. Not at all.”
And Zemo took him into his arms and made him forget the world for a while.
*
“It feels weird calling you Helmut, or Zemo.” Daniil said, wrapped around Zemo again, lying over his torso, and feeling slightly better.
“Yes. I can see that.” Zemo said, running his fingers through Dani’s long hair. “But do you like being called Daniil? Would you want us to continue with that name?”
“Yes, I think I do. It helps.”
“Jamie calls me Mo.”
“Mo. Hmmm. No.”
“James calls me Hel.”
“Hmmm. We never really got called diminutives as a child, did we?”
“We? I like this. But, no, you are correct. It was always Helmut.”
“What about Helm?”
“Helm. Mmmmm. Yes. I think I could get used to that.”
Daniil frowned and sighed.
Zemo rubbed his chin against Dani’s head. “What else are you thinking of, my dove?”
“I was thinking about Jamie and Muzzy? Why are they not plagued with false memories, like Sebastián and I?”
Zemo answered him thoughtfully. “Fortunately, my Wakandan cloning technicians were exemplary. They selected the appropriate memories quite successfully. It seems that Philby’s new lab in the Alps was not as adept at this, because Philby and Florian could not tempt the Wakandan geneticists to come with them. Consequently, you contain all of my memories, and Sebastián contains all of James’. They were simply suppressed. And suppressed again many times over by the Countess Brigadier. Jamie and Muzzy were spliced with great cats, remember. They were never given James’ or my background memories.”
Zemo sighed heavily. “I will be forever shamed that this has happened to you, dear one, but also forever grateful that you have come into our lives.”
“Helm?”
“Oh, I think I do like this. Yes, my sweet?”
Dani kissed Zemo’s chest and clambered up. He threw one long leg over Zemo’s body and straddled him. He smiled softly, and Zemo smiled back, placing his hands on Dani’s hips.
“I’m ready to go again.”
“Again?”
“I feel insatiable at the moment,” said Dani, wiggling his bum against Zemo’s dick. “Do you think you could help?”
“I’ll certainly try,” said Zemo, angling Dani towards him slightly.
*
A little while later.
“Helm?”
“Again? Dear heart, I love you but I don’t think I can.”
“No,” Dani smiled. “Not that.”
Zemo turned to face him, expectant, smiling. “That’s a relief. Although, we could call James or Sebastián, if you really do need more.”
“No, I was just thinking.”
“Hmmm?”
“Is it wrong of me to want to make love to a woman who looks like Heike?”
Zemo answered without missing a beat. Understanding. Sympathetic. “Not at all, dear heart. There is no shame. Never think that. It can be arranged.“ He smiled. “In fact, I know a little place, and can invite some discreet ladies over. We could all make a night of it. Jamie and Muzzy have never had sex with women. They might like the experience. I will chat to them later.”
*
Much later, Zemo called on each of the members of the house, and asked their views on this new development. Everyone was in agreement about it being a good plan. In fact, no one was against the idea, even though some thought it might be too soon for Daniil. They were loathe to forbid anything, realising that different people have different responses, and were quite prepared to deal with any fall out, should it arise.
Jamie and Muzzy went off on their own to have a quiet conversation, just the two of them. Jamie came padding back to talk to Zemo.
“I’m curious, definitely. It sounds like it will be fun. But…will you tell me how to do it, Mo. Is it very different?”
“Hmmm?”
“Having sex with a girl?”
“Ah, I see. Not so very different at all, sweetheart. I will gladly explain, although I think it would be better if you spoke to James and Sebastián about it further. Their anatomy is a match to yours, they can best advise you how you can pleasure a woman, and be pleasured by her. Daniil and I will educate Muzzy on how best to use his physiology, show him the techniques that we have found pleasing…
…Afterwards, if either of you have any questions, I will be happy to answer all of them, however silly you think they may be, because, I guarantee, they won’t be silly at all. This is quite new to you, beloved. There’s no rush. No pressure.” He paused. “You know, you don’t have to take part if you’d prefer not to.”
“Oh no, Mo. I want to. So does Muzz.”
*
Later that evening, they were gathered in the computer room, looking at pictures on three separate computer monitors. Zemo had pulled up profiles from a very discreet website that he had used before. Zemo sat with Daniil, while Bucky and Muzzy shared a monitor, as did Jamie and Sebastián.
“That one, I think. She looks just like Heike,” said Daniil, trying hard to keep his composure.
“Yes, I think so too,” said Zemo, laying a hand on his arm.
Bucky looked over at Zemo and shook his head imperceptibly. He had already told Zemo that he didn’t think Daniil would go through with it. And Zemo had responded that he didn’t have to go through with anything. It might just be enough for him to sit and talk. To look. To hug. You never knew what people needed.
BuckyCat shook his head also, but for a different reason. “There’s too much choice, Mo. It’s overwhelming. Will you choose for me?”
“Me too?” said Muzz.
“Of course, my loves. Any preferences?”
“Nope.” BuckyCat stood and stretched, revealing a strip of tummy. “I’m off, then. Muzz, fancy a swim?”
Muzz stood. “Good idea. Race you to the pool?”
“Yip.” BuckyCat took off his top and threw it over his chair. “Go!” he said, and ran out of the room.
“Oi!” said Muzzy, racing after him.
*
The morning after the night before.
The six visiting women had been chauffeured back in extravagant luxury very early this morning. Oeznik had served them a just-after-3am early breakfast as they gathered in the downstairs reception room, one by one. All of the ladies had discreetly, separately, indicated to Oeznik that they would be quite happy to return, whenever required. Quite happy. When they were all together, dressed and fed, he had called the limo.
Bucky had watched the car go down the driveway through the morning mist, leaning one arm casually on his window frame. He had listened until he could hear it no longer, and then watched the sun rise, filling the orchard with pink and gold. He climbed back onto his rumpled bed, and dozed.
A few hours later, he woke up, hearing movements through the house. He looked at the time. He must have slept like a log. He rose from the bed and wrapped an ankle-length sarong around his hips. He realised that he was finding it much better to sleep these days. He liked the familiar routines he and the others had fallen into. He stretched lazily and scratched his belly. He was feeling good. And also quite virtuous. He had been careful not to listen in on anyone’s shenanigans last night… well, to be quite honest, he had been distracted by the lovely Anoushka, and had probably made quite a bit of noise himself. His thoughts moved on to Dani. He wondered how his night had been.
He strolled down the hallway to his room. About halfway down, Sebastián and Muzzy emerged from their respective rooms, washed and dressed. Sebastián threw a thumbs-up at Bucky, who returned it, and Muzzy subvocalised ‘Are you going to check on Daniil?’
Bucky nodded.
‘We’ll meet you downstairs in a bit.’ Sebastián.
‘Save me some toast.’ Bucky.
‘I’m making pancakes.’ Muzzy.
‘Great idea. See you down there.’
Bucky watched them saunter down the staircase, chatting about their respective nights. It seemed they had both had a very good time. He went up to Dani’s door and knocked softly, hearing a throaty “Come in.” God, but he sounded so much like Hel. Even after knowing him this long, he still did a double take if he just heard him, rather than saw him as well.
He opened the door and just stuck his head through.
“You okay? How’d it go?”
Dani was washed and dressed, just finishing buttoning up his waistcoat.
“Come in, please,” he said, gesturing at one of his chairs. “Sit.”
“Okay, but just for a minute,’ said Bucky, stepping through and perching on the overstuffed chair.
Dani looked damn fine. Calm. Bucky watched him move to his dresser and take up a small expensive bottle of beard oil. Dani looked at Bucky through the mirror.
“Ach, don’t look at me like that,” he admonished gently. “I chickened out, alright. We just talked.” He groomed his beard, affecting nonchalance.
“I didn’t hear anything,” said Bucky. “I didn’t want to pry.”
Dani nodded. “Well, now you know.” He paused, checked himself in the mirror. “How was your night?”
“Fine,” said Bucky. “I’m not judging you, you know.” He pushed his fingers through his hair. “Like, it must be awful for you, replaying memories of times you never had.” He looked up at Dani, his eyes big and blue.
Dani stopped dead, hands still in his beard.
Bucky continued, softly. “At least my memories are actually mine.” He stood, adjusted his sarong, shrugged his shoulders. “I’m sorry that I don’t have the right words. I wish I was more like Zemo. He always knows the right thing to say.”
Dani wiped his hands and turned to Bucky.
“Thank you, James,” he said, smiling softly. “I am very lucky to have you in my life. And I think you do know the right words to say.” He walked up to him and placed a hand on his cheek, leaned in to kiss the other. His hand lingered on Bucky’s face, his warm caramel eyes searching Bucky’s own. He smiled and tilted his head - oh, so like Zemo - dropping his hand to Bucky’s chest, bringing his other hand up to match it. “Now, go and get dressed, and I will meet you downstairs for breakfast.” He grinned, and turned Bucky’s torso. “You must be starving.”
Bucky let himself be pushed out of the door.
*
BuckyCat ran into Zemo’s room while he was dressing. BuckyCat was fresh from the shower and only wearing a towel, low slung on his hips. He threw himself backwards onto Zemo’s bed, arms behind his head, wet hair already soaking into Zemo’s Egyptian cotton pillowcases. He was grinning from ear to ear.
Zemo turned from his contemplation of two patterned shirts, both still in his hands as he faced Jamie. He smiled a slow lazy smile, just looking at his beloved’s happy little face.
“Well, my darkling. How was your evening. Did you have fun?”
“Oh, yes, Mo. Me and Muzz liked it very much.” He turned on his side to face Zemo. “I like boobs.”
Zemo chortled.
“And Valerie was telling me that she can have different types of orgasm depending upon how she is stimulated. It was fascinating. I want to do it again.” He paused. Looked at Zemo thoughtfully, and said “The blue one.”
Zemo nodded and put away the other shirt.
“Can we make it a regular thing, Mo? Can we? Pleeeease? We can call it Female Friday… or Sexy Saturday… or Weekly Orgy Orgasms… or something…”
“Weekly? I’d probably die from sheer exhaustion, my love.” Zemo smirked, putting on the shirt and buttoning it up. “I might have to instigate No Sex Sunday, just to give myself time to recover.”
“You wouldn’t!”
“No, of course not, my darling.”
“How about fortnightly?” Jamie asked hopefully.
“Maybe monthly,” countered Zemo, grinning wickedly, and moving onto the bed to embrace a giggling BuckyCat.
***