The Exam
It didn’t take long after hearing the news that Cal had died for Skye to cry herself back to sleep, wrapped in Coulson’s arms. After a while Coulson carefully extracted himself from Skye and returned to the chair beside her bed to let her sleep comfortably. Neither he nor May said anything to each other, both just watching her sleep, their hearts breaking as the tear tracks dried on Skye’s cheeks. At least her sleep seems to be peaceful. Her face and body seem calm and she is still out cold when a soft knock comes at the door around 6am. Bruce peers his head in cautiously.
“Hey, I don’t mean to disturb you guys but I was hoping to check Skye over and administer some more pain meds.” Bruce says in a hushed voice. May gestures him into the room and Bruce carefully shuts the door behind him.
“Of course. It’s been almost 12 hours since her last dose so I’m sure she is going to be in pain next time she wakes. Simmons went to bed probably 6 hours ago and hasn’t been back since. I was starting to think about waking her up but since you’re here we can let her get some more sleep.” Coulson says as Bruce pulls gloves out of his lab coat pocket and slides his glasses on. The three fall into a comfortable silence while Bruce gets to work.
First, he checks the computer data monitoring Skye’s vitals then he very carefully examines her arms as best as he can with the casts that she is wearing. Next, he pulls down the blankets and lifts Skye’s shirt up enough to gently peel the bandage away from her stomach. The second Bruce’s fingers touch Skye’s stomach her entire body violently flinches away from him, her eyes flying open and frantically scanning the entire room.
May and Coulson are immediately on their feet as Bruce takes a step back with his arms up. May tries to touch Skye’s face but Skye flinches away from her just as violently as she had Bruce. May raises her hands and backs away from her.
“Skye, its ok. You’re safe. This is Bruce he is just checking your incisions.” May speaks calmly trying to get Skye to focus on her but Skye’s eyes are laser focused on Bruce. Without shifting her gaze off of him Skye stiffly lays back down and slowly raises both of her hands up on either side of her head then turns her unseeing eyes to stare at the ceiling.
The three standing around her bed watch in confusion. No one moves or says anything as Skye settles back onto the bed, her entire body taut like a wire. After a moment May and Coulson share a look, trying to decide how to snap her out of the flashback. Coulson steps closer.
“Skye, hey, can you hear me?” Coulson questions, not getting any response from her.
“Skye, it’s Coulson, you’re safe. No one is going to hurt you.” As he speaks Coulson reaches out and lays a tentative hand on Skye’s arm. Her whole body shudders causing Coulson to pull his hand back. He looks up to her face to find her eyes squeezed tightly shut and her jaw firmly clenched. She looks like she is in pain, her whole body clenched down.
“Skye, what’s happening sweetheart? Let us help you.” May says seeing the pained look on Skye’s face, still Skye doesn’t say or do anything. Instead, the bed begins to shake, slightly at first. Then the shaking starts to spread, the whole room joining in.
“Skye, it’s ok. You aren’t in any danger, we are here. Please Skye, try to reign it in if you can.” Coulson says as the shaking keeps growing. A part of him wants to tell her its ok to let it out, that the tower can withstand it but at the same time he is worried about the damage she is causing to herself. He looks at May and knows she is thinking the same thing, they need to get Skye to stop.
“Skye, you need to try to stop it. You are going to hurt yourself. Come on Skye, you can do it.” May says, her voice nearly pleading. Finally, Skye’s eyes snap open, finding May’s. She locks onto May and keeps staring at her, copying May’s breathing as she tries to reign in her emotions. Slowly but surely the shaking lessens until eventually it stops altogether. The group remains quiet for a while longer until eventually Skye breaks eye contact with May, her eyes slipping closed as she takes a deep, cleansing breath. While her eyes are shut Bruce sends a meaningful glance to May and Coulson and excuses himself from the room thankful that he didn’t have to sedate the poor girl again.
“Skye, how are you feeling?” Coulson says when Skye has reopened her eyes and is back to staring at the ceiling, this time in a dejected sort of way that has both of her pseudo parents concerned.
“Tired. I’m… I’m sorry that that happened. I didn’t mean to use my powers. It won’t happen again.” Skye says so quietly that the two have to struggle to hear her.
“Hey, you don’t have to apologize for that.” May says, gently reaching out and taking Skye’s hand and to her relief she doesn’t flinch or pull away this time.
“Do you think you could tell us what you were seeing? What triggered that?” Coulson asks tentatively. As much as he and May don’t want to push Skye to talk about anything before she is ready they also know that the longer Skye bottles it up and avoids things entirely the worse it will be. After several long slow breaths Skye opens her mouth, though she keeps her eyes firmly fixed on the ceiling.
“I think it was the lab coat. After Whitehall… after what he did to me a doctor would come into my cell every day to examine my stomach. He always wore a lab coat like that. When Bruce touched my stomach and I opened my eyes and saw a man in a lab coat and two other figures in the room I was just right back there.” Skye says, her tone distant. May and Coulson are quiet, letting the information sink in.
“Who were the other two figures in the room?” May asks, fearing the answer and knowing she won’t like it.
“Guards. They held me at gunpoint while the doctor did his exam. One time, soon after the surgery when the incisions still hurt a lot, the doctor pressed really hard on one of them and my powers escaped out of me before I could stop them. I didn’t mean to, I really didn’t.” Skye looks at May like she’s begging her to believe her, like she needs May to know that it was an accident. May just leans in and lays her hand on Skye’s cheek as the tears brimming in Skye’s eyes finally spill over.
“When they felt my powers come out the guards aimed their guns at my head and yelled at me to make it stop. I couldn’t make it stop so one of the guards hit me hard in the head with the butt of his gun. I think the doctor finished his exam after that but all I remember feeling was the barrel of his gun pressed into my head until they left. I passed out after that.” Skye takes another deep breath and closes her eyes, letting May gently stroke her face and wipe her tears away while she tries to calm down. When Skye has calmed down enough she speaks again.
“After that, whenever they came in to examine me, I just laid down and lifted my hands and tried to go somewhere else in my head. I guess when I saw Bruce and you guys that’s where I went.” Skye finishes, looking utterly spent by the admission and letting her eyes fall to look at the sheets.
After no one has said anything for a long time Skye finally decides to look up at May, afraid of the fear or disappointment she would see on her face. Instead, all she sees is a soft smile as tears roll down her cheeks. Skye turns confused eyes over to look at Coulson but he also has tears running off of his face as he looks back at her with sad eyes. Skye was sure that they would be upset with her for how little she had fought back against Hydra, or at least be scared of her powers and how dangerous she is since she has so little control over them. That is not what she sees on their faces though.
“I’m so sorry Skye. We should have gotten you out of there sooner.” Coulson says when he can longer stand to look into her confused face anymore. He looks down at the floor as his shame and guilt overtake him. He knows that if he looked into her eyes any longer he would breakdown into sobs and that is the last thing Skye needs right now.
“What do you mean AC? You came and got me as soon as you could. It’s not your fault.” That was the last straw for Coulson, hearing Skye try to comfort him, assuage his guilt for not saving her, he falls to pieces. Coulson grabs onto Skye’s hand with both of his, holding it like a lifeline while he falls apart. Skye finds herself crying just as hard, pulling at Coulson’s hand until he allows her to tug him up onto the bed with her and he wraps both of his arms around her while the two cry together.
May watches them both with her own tears falling. The two people she loves most in the world and they are both in so much pain, yet there is nothing she can do for them. She just sits and waits for calm to come before trying to speak again. After a while Coulson’s sobs have subsided and he is just holding Skye close, resting his chin on the top of her head and gently rubbing his hand up and down her back while Skye leans against him. May leans forward getting both of their attention.
“We are so proud of you Skye. You have been so brave, so strong through everything. And I am so proud of you for telling us about some of what you are dealing with. I know it is incredibly difficult to open up about these things, but it is truly the only way to move forward.” May says, hoping that Skye will believe her words but knowing it will not be so easy.
Skye’s subtle nod against Coulson’s chest was enough to let May know that she didn’t believe her. It would take more than one well intentioned discussion for them to get through all of the negative self-talk in Skye’s head, but it was a start. May gave Skye a smile which she returned. She knew that would be the end of the sharing for now as Skye closed her eyes and buried her face in Coulson so May could no longer see her. May met Coulson’s watery eyes over Skye’s head and they shared one of their silent conversations. She knew he still had a lot of guilt to move through as did she but this had been a start for all of them.
Line Break
About 20 minutes later the three were still in the same positions as before when May decided they should probably let Bruce finish his exam. She was just hoping that Skye would be up for it.
“Hey Skye, if it’s alright with you, Bruce would probably really like to finish his exam.” May watches Skye closely to see her reaction. She blinks a few times and looks deep in thought. Neither May nor Coulson rush her, letting her take her time before coming to a decision.
“Can Jemma not do it?” Skye asks quietly.
“She can if you would prefer, last I heard she had not woken up yet but I would be happy to go get her if you would be more comfortable.” May says in response.
“No, no it’s ok. She should sleep, I’m sure she needs it.” Skye says back.
“Are you sure? You know Jemma wouldn’t mind being woken up if that is what you want.” Coulson says wanting to make sure Skye is not feeling forced to do something she isn’t ready for.
“Yeah, I’m sure. Bruce can come in. Just… will you guys stay for the exam?” Skye asks hesitantly. Her pseudo parents smile at her.
“We aren’t going anywhere.” May smiles back. Skye nods and sits forward a bit so Coulson can climb out from behind her and get out of the bed.
“I will go get Bruce and be right back ok?” Coulson asks. Skye nods and Coulson turns and leaves the room, stopping at the restroom to rub some cold water on his face to relieve the redness that is there from his breakdown earlier before going off in search of the doctor. He finds Bruce in the common area on his tablet while Steve and Clint are once again in the kitchen cooking up a storm, though this one appears to be breakfast based.
“Bruce, if you wanted to come back in and finish your exam Skye is ready.” Coulson says as Bruce and the men in the kitchen turn to look at him. Bruce immediately puts his tablet down and follows Coulson down the hallway while Steve and Clint share a look before returning to their cooking. Bruce had told them Skye was having another flashback after they had felt the shaking so they were both relieved that it seemed she was alright now.
Coulson stops with Bruce outside the door to the medical area to brief him on a few things.
“She told us that after her surgery a Hydra doctor and two guards would come into her cell every day to examine her. When she woke up and saw three figures in the room, one with a lab coat on, she was right back there. She is better now, but since she has never met you before just… please be gentle with her.” Coulson says. He doesn’t want to offend Bruce and imply that he wouldn’t be gentle but this is his girl, he needs to make sure she is getting the treatment she needs and deserves. Bruce just softly smiles back at him.
“Of course, Coulson. I left my coat in the common room, I suspected that wasn’t helping things. I will go as slow as she needs.” Bruce says and Coulson takes a calming breath.
“Thanks. Alright, let’s go.” He says and opens the door walking in with Bruce right behind him. Skye is on the bed sitting up rather straight, her body is not entirely tense but her eyes are definitely on alert. She is tightly clutching May’s hand in one of hers, or at least as much as she can with a cast on. She watches Bruce intently.
“Skye, this is Bruce.” Coulson says as he moves over to Skye’s other side.
“Hi Skye. Is it alright if I come in.” Even knowing that she had told Coulson to bring him in Bruce was going to be careful to let Skye know that she could say no to his presence. Instead, Skye nods her head and looks like she is trying to force her body to relax.
“I was mostly finished with my exam before you woke up but I would like to recheck your arms and the stitches on your torso if that is ok with you. Then I will be out of your hair.” Bruce says with a reassuring smile as he slowly walks closer to the bed. Skye gives another nod as she forces herself to draw in a deep breath. May gives her hand a squeeze before letting go and pushing her chair back so Bruce can have access to Skye’s arms.
Skye lays back on the bed and maintains eye contact with either Coulson or May the entire time Bruce is checking her arms. He is slow and methodical, explaining what he is doing and warning Skye every time he is about to touch her which she greatly appreciates. Still, when it comes time to check on her stomach Skye tenses. All three of the observers see it. Skye’s eyes go back to the ceiling and her body goes rigid like it had been before. May steps in as Bruce steps back.
“Skye, hey look at me. Just breathe.” May gently lays her hand on Skye’s shoulder and though she shudders slightly Skye doesn’t pull away, instead closing her eyes before looking at May. May just takes several slow, deep breaths allowing Skye to copy her before speaking.
“If this is too much we can go get Jemma. Just tell me what you need sweetheart.” May is ready to kick Bruce out herself. She likes the guy, really she does, but when his presence is making Skye this upset she is barely able to control herself. Instead, she reminds herself that this all has to be Skye’s decision. Skye has not been in control of any of her life for more than a month and they are going to make damn sure that everything from here on out is her decision.
“No it’s just…” Skye trails off, her eyes locked on May’s while she tries to keep the tears at bay. She has cried too much already today. Skye lets her eyes slip over to Bruce’s. He is looking back at her, completely unguarded and open encouraging Skye to saw what she needs to.
“I know you aren’t Hydra, I know you wouldn’t hurt me. I mean you’re an Avenger for god’s sake. It’s just… I don’t know you. And every time you touch me-“ Skye’s voice cuts off as she shudders. Bruce nods sympathetically and takes a tentative step forward.
“Skye, you do not need to explain yourself to me. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone in this tower. We have all experienced things that have changed us, gone through things that made us question our safety and ability to trust. I want you to know that I would never hurt you, never do anything to you that you are not ok with. If there is anything that I do that makes you uncomfortable all you have to do is tell me to stop and I will, no questions asked. If you need to take a break just say so and we will. If this boundary is too much to let a stranger cross today then that is ok, we can try again another time and Dr. Simmons can finish your exam today.” Bruce finishes. Leaving all the power with Skye.
Skye just stares at him. So many thoughts and emotions are running through her mind. She looks at him, standing at the foot of her bed, and a part of her sees an Avenger, one of the people she has looked up to for so many years, but this new irrational part of her is telling her that he is a dangerous stranger, someone who can and will hurt her. Still Skye focuses on his words and allows the trusting part of her brain to win out. She lays back down and retakes May’s hand. After a moment Bruce slowly returns to the bed.
Just as with her arms Bruce is slow with the exam of Skye’s stomach incisions. He tells her everything he is doing, why he is doing it, and he warns her before he touches her every time. She does have to take a break once, when the anxiety becomes too much and she fears she will lose control of her powers. It happens when unbeknownst to the others in the room Bruce begins to palpate around the incision the Hydra goons kicked at the most when they wanted to force her to use her powers for them. True to his word though Bruce backs off as soon as she asks him to and doesn’t resume until she tells him she is ok with it.
Finally, Bruce has finished his exam. He informs Skye and the others that she is healing incredibly well thanks to Dr. Cho’s cradle healing her old scar tissue. Then Bruce leaves the room after he administers some more pain meds and antibiotics. Since her pain is much less than before the dose wasn’t as high and Skye didn’t immediately fall asleep this time.
“You did so well sweetheart.” May says as Skye leans back against the pillows she is propped up against. Skye gives a shy smile and looks down at her hands, not entirely comfortable with being praised for making it through a doctor’s exam without freaking out. Coulson senses this and decides to give her an out.
“Skye, how would you feel about eating something? Bruce and Simmons said that we should start you off with some light foods. Maybe some broth, jello, applesauce?” Coulson asks. Skye is a bit surprised by the suggestion for a second. Like her pain, her hunger has been pushed to the back of her mind for a long time so she isn’t really sure what she is feeling. When she thinks about it for a second though that hunger comes rushing forward and her stomach lets out a massive growl causing all three of them to laugh.
“Yeah, I guess I could eat. Maybe some applesauce if that’s ok?” Skye says.
“You got it. Be right back.” Coulson says as he leaves the room.
“You doing alright?” May asks when the two of them are alone in the room.
“Yeah… I think so.” Skye says as she offers a smile which May happily returns. She knows that the feeling is probably temporary but right now, Skye actually is ok. After telling May and Coulson about her flashback this morning she really does feel just a bit lighter. Maybe May is right that talking about it can be good. That doesn’t mean that Skye is ready to tell them everything… but maybe she will get there.