Spending lunch breaks alone in high school wasn't nearly as easy as it sounded and it was even harder in your first year. It wasn't just that everybody stared at you, it was that you seemed to be the center of everything, being all quiet and eating your lunch on a bench in the middle of the schoolyard while everyone else threw disgusted looks at you that made your food taste bitter. It was that you were the dare in people's truth or dare games, that they came up to you every now and then, being shoved in front of you, forced to say something weird like 'Peter Parker, I'm in love with you!', then ran away quickly. And it was even worse when the girl saying so was rather attractive.
One way or the other Peter absolutely hated lunch breaks and hated being alone and being looked at and secretely judged. Even by the teachers who walked by.
But today - today was a good day. Peter was still alone but May had gifted him a new comic so after eating his lunch on a wet bench again, Peter pulled out his brandnew Captain America comic from his schoolbag, smiling and looking forward to having a distraction for the next twenty minutes or so before he had to rush off to his Spanish class. First and foremost he was glad, he didn't have to look at the ground or the sky or the trees and have his neck go stiff for the rest of the break.
Still smiling, Peter began reading his comic and for the first time in what felt like forever, couldn't care less about all the other students surrounding him.
Then the Stark Internship happened. Well, it was more like he was about to get a degree on brewing coffee because hell, did Tony Stark drink many of those in one day. And after a few times or days he really got the hang of it. Of making coffee, cleaning empty rooms, sorting papers, then getting to hear Pepper Potts herself complain to Tony Stark himself on why he let a poor little boy clean up his desk and paperwork, then went on cleaning rooms and tools.
Tony always changed how many times a week he had to work or for how many hours just so that he met no other Avenger than Iron Man, just so that he didn't see too much or didn't get too distracted. And boy was he exhausted after only about two hours of cleaning.
Eventually, Tony sent him home with a 'catch some sleep, you look like shit, kiddo', then went on tinkering on his suits as Peter took the elevator down and tried to calm his mind. Just another week of school. Just another week of hell and he'd be over with it. For two weeks. But still. Autumn break was better than no break at all. And he had already read his Captain America comic for the third time. And tomorrow he'd have a long lunch break again.
Fuck.
"Hey, Peter, do you like uh-...Captain A-...America?", the tall student smirked, reading the name from the cover of his comic and proceeded to stare at Peter who couldn't get out a word at the question. The teenager didn't like to be approached like this. It made him nervous. More than that. So he decided to dip his head down into the comic again, hoping to appear too boring to tease. "Isn't the bench wet as fuck why are you reading here?" Peter's hands gripped the pages a little tighter, the words getting stuck in his throat. That was a normal question, Peter, why didn't you answer? Instead he bit his lower lip, looking at the speech bubbles instead of reading them, as the way taller one wiped a finger over the wet wooden bench, then went on to showing it to Peter. "See how dirty it is?" He looked up a little, feeling the gentle breeze tug on his hair. "Why are you always alone?"
Why are you always alone, Peter?
What did you do wrong?
Why are you always alone?
"Pete? Are you feeling alright? Maybe you should call this Tony Stark and tell him you need a day off, don't you think?"
"What? No, I'm good, May. I promise, I'm good it's just- just school n'stuff, you know? I have a chemistry test and a quiz next week, guess I'm just nervous."
Peter was poking the food with his fork a little, then actually started to eat after a few minutes of just staring at his noodles.
"Aww, Peter.", May ran a playful hand through his hair, "You're gonna do amazing, just as always. And if you don't, honestly, who cares? I never liked chemistry." Smiling at her, Peter kept eating, thinking about how to survive.
It wasn't like he was being bullied. Or was he? No one ever touched or hurt him physically. He just got stared at a lot, people whispered things about him, he was alone and people toyed around with him. Was that bullying? It couldn't be, right? If he didn't get hurt it couldn't be that bad. But then why was he still feeling down? And lonely? And wrong? Why did he always spend so much time in his head? Debating about things with himself, asking himself questions or asking himself what to do once he got home or when to ask May for a new comic? Why did he still feel hurt if he wasn't being touched? Why did no one just come up to him and ask-
"Hey, are you alright?"
But then all Peter could do was to stare back, watch as the elevator closed before his eyes and the ground under his feet started moving upward. What the hell just happened? Was that guy with the manly frame, with those wide shoulders and strong legs, with those concerned, deep-blue eyes, that guy with the shirt a size too small and that guy who- well, was that guy talking to...him?
"Part-time job, what do you say?"
Tony Stark's words managed to snap him back into reality, into a room full of moving robots, Queen playing over the speakers and a talking AI.
Peter caught himself shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
"I-uh, thanks Mr.Stark but I-I can't accept that."
"You can't, what do you mean you can't?"
"I...I still go to highschool.", he told the man in the thin sweater with rolled up sleeves, who turned to look at him, an awaiting look in his eyes. "And-and homework and stuff."
"And homework and stuff."
"Yeah.", he replied awkwardly, thinking about why in the world...
"Alright, worth a try. I know you kids these days are busy. If you change your mind I'll be here. Can you do me a little favor though?" Tony turned around to pick something up, a huge (well, for Peter it was) shield he knew all too well. "Mind bringing this to Cap? He's been waiting for me to fix this all week, you should find him...I dunno, somewhere. Just don't get lost please." And although this thing was way heavier than it looked and Peter had to carry it with both hands, he nodded, glad to be able not to brew coffe first thing in the afternoon. Even though he didn't have a great sense of orientation and already got lost on his first day of highschool back then, something gave Peter the feeling that he was still there. Waiting. Knowing.
Eventually his shoulders started hurting. And he just made it to the elevator where he carefully set the shield down, then selected the right level and was brought back down to where everything had started. His arms felt tired and so did his whole body to be honest. Especially his head. It seemed to be filled with all kinds of useless information, just too much of everything. Too much of those mocking students. Too much of their questions. Too much of his made up chemistry test next week. In all honestly Peter kind of expected him to be gone now, so he had to embarass himself and run around the whole tower with Cap's shield. Maybe he'd just rest it against a wall.
With a tiny 'ding!' the elevator opened again and his arms burned as he lifted the heavy shield back up (wasn't vibranium supposed to be super light? Or did that just count for super soldiers?), almost fell backwards and tripped when a steady hand came to lift the shield up for him. "Let me take that for you. Stark finally fixed it and sent his new intern to deliver it, huh?"
Peter looked up shyly to meet those blue eyes, his gaze soft, so gentle it almost hurt. And it was unfair. It was unfair how small and vulnerable Captain America made Peter feel in reality when all the comics did was make him feel empowered and confident. Alright maybe not confident, that'd take more than a few speech bubbles and a 'what would Captain America do?' on page 45.
Steve smiled at how hooked the smaller one seemed as he finally managed to carry his body out of the elevator. It was also unfair how concerned Steve seemed and how that look seemed to make him melt. "I think I saw you earlier, you seemed pretty exhausted. Is Tony making you work too hard?" This was the most attention he'd received in weeks. Good attention. Personal attention.
"Uh-N-No, I'm good, Sir."
"Sir? Wow, didn't know you were British." Peter's head snapped up, then his eyes spotted another one of his heroes, Bucky Barnes himself, looking as harmless as ever. Like...Like a gentle giant or something. Did that make sense?
"Cut it, Buck. The kid's nervous." Even that demand came out way too soft, way too gentle and not rude at all. He leaned down a bit, hands on his muscular thighs. "You look a little pale, buddy. Did you come here alone? Or is someone waiting for you outside?"
Why are you always alone?
Why are you always alone, Peter?
"I-A-alone..."
Steve looked like he was considering his options for a few seconds before standing back up. "Go sit with Bucky for a minute, I'll get you a glass of water." Peter just stood there for a second, clueless and feeling small, unsure of what to do until his legs carried him to the chairs next to the entrance without even asking for his brain's permission to do so. 'Chairs' as in exactly two chairs but hey, at least they had cushioning and looked pretty comfy. His legs came to halt next to the still empty chair, his arms came up to hug himself, fingers buried into his waist, looking down at the floor while his brain just started screaming something like:
Please don't look at me please don't talk to me please let him be back with the water fast please please please don't talk to me
Just like in school. Just like each time he waited for the teacher to unlock their classroom and Peter was standing there all alone while groups of friends were forming around him and pushing him away.
"I don't bite, promise.", Bucky stated simply, knowing he made a rather intimidating impression on most people. He knew that his raven black, rather long hair and dark clothes scared them. That was okay. Sort of. He got used to it, at least. Start a conversation, he learned, make them see you mean no harm, Buck. That's what Steve told him. The younger one nodded, mumbled something like a little 'thank you', then actually sat down, looking as stiff as a piece of wood. Like he thought about how to properly sit next to someone who saved the world once or twice.
All Peter really thought about was how damn useless he felt next to a person as well-trained, as smart and tall and even good-looking as the ones he just met. About how Peter was the kid who got teased in school, still lived with his aunt and had no friends while Captain fucking America had to bring him a glass of water now. About how he didn't even know what to do after highschool, about how everyone was talking about college while that was just nothing at all for a person like him. A person like him that did homework and slept his loneliness away while the Avengers had fun together, had friends and freedoms and saved everyone. Again.
"Here you go, kid."
His body shrieked up a little, getting Bucky's attention, too while accepting gratefully. "Thank you, uh..."
"Steve is fine. Sir or Mister Rogers
just...It makes me feel old."
Even Peter smiled a tiny bit now, his lips shaking with the effort, but knowing exactly that Steve was older than some of the Avengers together. "Whatever you say, old man.", Bucky teased, drawing a little giggle from him. "Yeah, yeah, I know, that's very funny."
And if anything he didn't expect Steve and Bucky to be so...Easy-going.
So easy-going that they casually started asking him about school while Steve suddenly carried another chair into the entrance hall to sit in front of them. Peter drank a small sip of water that tasted really expensive. That didn't make any sense either, did it?
"So. Highschool, huh?", Steve started, smiling a little, drawing a nod from the teenager who held onto his glass with both hands. "Is it manageable? I feel like they put too much pressure on teenagers these days." And again Peter looked up into two eyes, which appeared to be saying something like 'Let it out, kid. I know it's tough but you can talk to me.' He didn't like that look. It was that look that always made him open up to people way too easily. Fingers tapping the glass nervously Peter nodded first. "Yeah, I-I mean it's tough but if... you pay attention in class and...and if you have people to support you that makes it easier."
"Do you have people to support you, Peter?"
Okay first of all, why did Steve know his name? Second of all, no, that was rude. It was rude of him to sit there, legs spread wide, ellbows on his knees, looking up at Peter with that inviting gaze, so compassionate and soothing it made him wanna spill everything right here right now in front of two complete strangers while Tony was probably waiting for his intern to make him some coffee. Sort of. And the thing that was even more rude was that Bucky was sitting next to him in almost the exact same way, curiosity written across his face.
"I uh- I-I live with my aunt, she does everything she can to-"
"I mean friends, kid."
Peter grew more confused by the second, he knew he wasn't gonna cry now because his tears didn't really come easy but he didn't exactly like looking directly into Steve's eyes anyway.
"I know a tired person when I see one."
And Bucky just let him talk, just let Steve do his thing.
"I was tired, too. Back then, you know. Tired of life. I was fed up with everything. With how I constantly got sick and had asthma attacks and how people used me as their punching bag. I was sick of it. I looked in the mirror and- I had it all written across my face. How done I was." Steve leaned back in his chair, legs still in the same position. "That look on your face when it's all getting too much.", he explained further, falling silent after that.
Peter just managed to nod a tiny bit, looking down at his reflection on the water surface. He had never really liked mirrors much. "I-I'm sorry to hear that.", he got out, his voice hoarse and somewhat broken. Steve was right, it was all too much. And in all honesty Peter didn't even see what he went to highschool for if he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. Or if he didn't have anyone except May. The tears really didn't come easy but what did come was that the teenager fell silent, too, listening to the voice in his head rather than the two literal superheroes right next to him.
"I'm hungry", Bucky announced, gaining the young man's attention. Another thing Steve taught him. Saying what's on your mind out loud rather than keeping it to yourself if it's about simple things.
Peter had always looked up to them but right now...Why didn't he feel better? More excited instead of worthless next to them? He should go now anyway because the Avengers were gonna have an ultra-expensive lunch. Probably. "I'm really sorry for bothering you. I didn't mean to take that long, Mr. Stark is-"
"Do you want a hug?"
His eyes lit up at Bucky's question.
"What?"
"A hug. I thought you'd like some company. Hugs always made Steve feel better when...you know."
"I...I don't-" understand. That's what he wanted to say. He didn't understand. Any of this. Not at all. Not why they cared or why they wanted to listen to his story or why in the goddamn world Bucky Barnes wanted to give him a hug. Like...Physical affection. What the actual hell?
Then again, who would he be to decline? "A...Uhm..." They waited patiently, not at all wanting to be scary or creepy but just...your friendly neighborhood heroes that had a rough past. "A hug would be...nice, I guess." Did his voice normally sound so...thin? Even sort of feminine?
Neither of them seemed to mind though as Steve got up first, pulled Peter up and out of his chair in one fluid movement, then close to his body. And being held so firmly, a strong hand on his low back, another one on the back of his head did feel like a dream. A way too good one that made Peter widen his eyes at the feeling, then just rest his head on Steve's broad chest, a place where he felt oddly safe and like everything was okay. The strong arms wrapping around him and the scent surrounding him now made him inhale deeply, then exhale slowly, going limp against his strong body.
"You don't have to hug me back, it's okay." Peter was too overwhelmed to even move his arms.
"It's okay, it's okay...", the supersoldier repeated quietly, beginning to cradle the back of the teenager's head, which almost made him moan in pure pleasure and pure 'I didn't know I needed someone to hold me like this so bad'. Eventually there was another strong, tall body to wrap its arms around both of them from the side, a soft hand on Peter's waist that he leaned into. "You're a good kid, Peter. You just need a little love, don't you?" It wasn't like he could help whimpering softly in response. "I know, buddy. I know what that feels like. Just relax..." His body felt extremely heavy and light at the same time, like he could just collapse into the embrace and melt right into it.
"Ever got a back rub?"
"Mh-mh"
His tense back was rubbed carefully and Peter could swear he heard Steve smiling sweetly.
"Do you want to stay for lunch? Friday is Family Pizza day."
Oh my God were the Avengers cool.
-------------------------
Steve stepped out of the elevator, smiling not only because he did something good today but also because he knew exactly why Tony procrastinated with his shield until now.
"You fix him?"
The supersoldier smiled at Tony.
"Not quite. But we got the ball rolling, I think."
"He just seemed out of it since a few weeks, can't have that happen to my best intern so I figured he might need some super-soldier-...whatever you did down there for-" Tony looked at his watch. "An hour. Wow."
"Yeah. He stays for lunch, by the way."
"Little too good, aren't you, Cap?"
"Why, because it's your money or you need to leave a slice for him?"
Suddenly the music was blasted across the room again, making Steve cringe at the sudden change and shake his head at the guy who was mouthing an 'I can't hear you', while pointing at his ears now. The Avengers were definetely cool.