superposition

there's nothing to fill this void
start turning this sorrows
so I lay here soaking, the sand in my bed
what a day to regret

If there was one thing in life that Peter Parker would never get used to feeling, it would be helplessness. 

He had been helpless when he was six years old and could do nothing but watch as his parents’ coffins were lowered into the ground. 

He had been helpless when he was thirteen and trying to keep pressure on the fatal gunshot wound that his Uncle Ben had taken for him after they had gotten into a screaming match over something he could never remember. 

He had been helpless when he was fifteen and sitting in the backseat with his homecoming date and her criminal father behind the wheel, and again when he was sixteen and that first snap that led to nothing but ash and destruction, and again when that second snap left him in a world without Iron Man and five years into the future. 

He had been helpless when Mysterio told the world who Spider-Man really was and accused him of murder and he was nothing but helpless as Aunt May bled out in his arms, the last thing on her mind being Peter even when Peter had ruined her life. 

So, succinct to say, helplessness was not something he took lightly. It weighed on his shoulders because no matter what he tried to do, when it came down to it, he could do nothing.

And that’s what he felt right now, at eighteen and standing in the middle of his apartment at 2:30 in the morning, staring at the wall in front of him. He had gotten back only ten minutes earlier and had yet to move since crawling in through his window, not even to change out of his suit. 

Fish slept peacefully, curled up in his normal spot under Peter’s blankets, blissfully unaware of the emotional storm brewing within his owner’s mind. Good for him. 

Peter had readily agreed to take Emir’s 5-am shift, both for the money and the opportunity to escape the safehouse. The universe had at least done one thing right by having the older man call him at the right time, not that Peter was necessarily happy that Emir’s daughter was down with a cold. Still, it provided him an out. 

Because what the fuck. 

The night itself had already taken a turn when his universe’s version of Doc Ock had made itself known, but that was something that Peter could take in stride. Considering the similarities that he, Two, and Three already had, a common villain was bound to make an appearance. 

When they had made it to the safehouse, Peter knew that Kate had been curious as to how he had recognized the rogue so quickly but like usual, she kept herself from prying. That’s why he appreciated her, she knew his boundaries and never pushed. (It’s also why he found himself feeling so guilty about keeping so much from her.) 

Now, there were only five people who knew how to get into this particular safehouse and there was something of a “secret code” that any of them would use to announce their arrival when it was obvious that someone else was occupying the space. So when he heard the mechanical locks turn and the doorknob turn with no warning, he and Kate were immediately in motion.

The first thing that bothered him was the fact that their security had been easily bypassed to the point where none of their alarms went off. The second thing that really bothered Peter was the lack of anything from his spider-sense. It was completely silent even as he was flinging his wrist out at the unknown assailants before the lights were turned back on and the only thing he could really do was stare. 

Because in front of him was a living, breathing Tony Stark. 

He really didn’t need for him or any of the other resurrected Avengers in the room to plead their case to convince him that they were who they said they were, Peter knew it from the moment he saw them. Natasha, Steve, Tony. Their hearts beat the same, there truly was no question about it. 

His question was how? Why now? 

It had been two years since Peter had begged Tony not to leave him on that battlefield, two years since he had sobbed as he was held back by War Machine. Two years since he had been helpless as he listened to Tony take his last breath. 

So when he heard the man’s heart beat again and saw life in his warm brown eyes, Peter couldn’t help but hear the way his heart had once stuttered to a stop or see the way life had once left those same eyes. 

He supposed it was silly of him to hope that the excuse of work would get him out of whatever conversation Tony was trying to have with him, especially not when the man was looking at him with that expression on his face. An expression filled with…well, Peter didn’t want to think about how much it had made him think about May and Happy and before Parker Luck became the Parker Curse. 

Regardless, somehow, someway, Peter had found himself committed to going to the fucking Avengers Tower later this afternoon and his chest felt tight at the realization that all three of them- Tony, Steve, Natasha- remembered him. You would think it would come as a relief but all he could feel was dread.

He took a shuddery breath, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes to stave off the burning pressure. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

Before he could spiral anymore, Peter did what he did best; bottle up everything he was feeling and stashed it away for another time. Another long long time from now. Preferably never. 

Besides, it’s not like he even had time to work through what he was feeling and find a healthy way to cope, he had a shift at the docks in an hour and a half. 

With that in mind, Peter rolled back his shoulders, took in a deep breath and went about his morning routine.

Take off the suit. Shower. Get dressed. Standard hygiene practices. Make sure Fish has enough food and water and scratch him behind the ears to apologize for not being home the night before. Fill his thermos with his protein shake (whoever decided to make Fruity Pebbles flavored protein powder, Peter hoped they didn’t die a virgin.) Eat only God knows how many Eggo waffles. And ignore the fact that he was going into the day with no sleep. 

He would be fine.

-

Despite what he had said the night before, if Peter was anything, it most definitely was not punctual. Chronically late was more likely.

It helped that his job had a seven-minute policy that allowed for some leeway, but college classes were a whole different beast. Last semester, Peter had a little more wiggle room when it came to his attendance; both because most of his first semester classes were the mandatory freshman credits and the professors didn’t count attendance as a part of the grade and because he had drummed up a little sympathy because of what the university referred to as his “accident.” 

Today, however, was the first day of his second semester and Peter had made a point to at least be present the first week of classes. If anything, it was to get a feel of what his professors would be like this term and to see if he could play hooky the same way he had in the past.

He had received a stern look when he walked in Orgo Chem II fifteen minutes late after having only twenty minutes to stop at his apartment to change after his shift ended, but honestly, Peter counted fifteen minutes as a win. He had originally thought he’d miss the class completely. 

On Mondays and Wednesdays, he only had one class and his work study, Tuesdays and Thursdays were where the bulk of his credits fell with Fridays being free. It wasn’t awful, it was definitely something that he could work with. 

With the way his first two classes fell back to back, it was enough to keep his mind from wandering too far but even with the way Peter compartmentalized his emotions, it was impossible to keep himself from thinking about his afternoon obligations. 

What the hell was he going to do? 

He bit back a groan, sliding into the empty table at the back of his work study lab. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he mentally thanked whoever was listening for the momentary distraction. 

f.h (11:56 am): i hope ur day is going as bad mine is

He couldn’t help the snort at the text. 

p.p (11:56 am): how’d u jnow

f.h (11:56 am): call it a lucky guess

f.h (11:57 am): coffee and complain?

It was tempting. It would be so easy to just blow off going to the Tower but even as much as he didn’t want to, there was a small part of him that did want to see Tony again. Even as much as it hurt.

p.p (11:57 am): can’t

p.p (11:58 am): unfortuwntley i have plans

f.h (11:58 am): u suck

f.h (11:58 am): at least tell me ur going out tn

f.h (11:58 am): there’s a kegger w ur name on it 

f.h (11:59 am): yk u want to

p.p (12:00 pm): …ill lyk

Running a hand through his hair, he turned his focus onto the white board at the front of the room and took a long sip of his energy drink; SYSTEMATIC PROJECTS FOR HIGH-LEVEL ENGINEERING AND REAL-WORLD ENGINEERING

This was the only part of his day he could honestly say that he was looking forward to, both because of its practicality and the resources it gave him access to. The work study was basically just an internship that would work towards the part of Peter’s tuition that his scholarship didn’t cover. 

Best part? After sylly-week, it went fully remote, which meant one less work-around for Peter’s schedule. It was fantastic.

“Hello everyone,” The instructor, a kind-looking man with greying hair and a full beard, began, catching the attention of the small, sixteen-person audience and letting the small chatter die out. “Welcome to SPHERE, I’m Dr. Raymond Warren and I’m very pleased to put names to faces today.” The man paused, looking around the room with a small smile on his face. 

“SPHERE is a program I keep close to my heart and I personally vet out the applications and decide who will be accepted. This program is designed to foster innovation and practical application in the fields of both advanced engineering and computational technology. Now, this is a semester intensive with the intention of each of you joining the program for the rest of your time here and completing a senior CAPSTONE when the time comes.”

Peter’s brows furrowed slightly as Dr. Warren continued, the man’s words washing over him. This didn’t sound like the work study that he and his advisor had discussed. Was he in the right room?

“SPHERE emphasizes a hands-on, project-driven approach, pushing students to not only design innovative systems but also to thoroughly evaluate their real-world applicability. Now, myself and my graduate assistant, Sasha Apte,” He gestured to his right where a young woman sat, “have paired you all up based on what we believe to be complementary skill sets and you will be tasked with finding a project that entails creating real-world solutions to complex challenges. You will spend your class-time researching and developing your respective projects, with all the program’s resources at your disposal.  In just a moment, Miss Apte will hand out the syllabi and inform you all who your partners will be. In the meantime, I’m going to give her a chance to introduce herself.” 

With that, Dr. Warren stepped away from the whiteboard and Sasha took his place, shining a bright grin to the room as she began to speak. Peter, as rude as it may sound, was unable to pay attention as he realized that this absolutely was not the same study that he had chosen when he had his meeting with his academic advisor in December. 

The course description for that study certainly did not include any partner work and most importantly, it was supposed to be remote.  

“Mr. Parker,” His head snapped to the side to find Dr. Warren standing beside him, the older man moving to take the empty seat beside the teen. 

“Oh, Dr. Warren,” Peter began, “I was actually just about to leave. I think I may have gone to the wrong lab.” 

The scientist held up a hand, shaking his head slightly, “No, you’re in the right place. I apologize for not discussing this with you beforehand, however I saw your application for the Software Development program and I couldn’t help but see how better suited you are for this program compared to that one.” 

Peter opened his mouth to refute but the man was not deterred, “Your coursework last semester was exemplary, even with your, for lack of better word, questionable attendance. You’re a very bright young man, Mr. Parker, and it would be foolish of me to let you slip by. Now, this particular course is typically an entryway into the program for sophomores so you could consider it an honor to have been handpicked for this as the only freshman since this program began.”

The teen chewed the inside of his cheek, taking the weight of the man’s words. The program itself did sound interesting and he was sure that it would look nice on his resume when he had to get a real job after he graduated. But the three-hour in-person commitment to the class every Monday and Wednesday cut into his ability to work his other jobs, not to mention Spider-Manning.

“It does also count as part of the work study parameters.” Dr. Warren added, putting a hand on Peter’s shoulder even as he tensed slightly at the contact. “I think you have a very bright future ahead of you, Peter. Don’t let that potential go to waste.” 

All Peter could offer was a stiff nod, still biting at his cheek. With those last words, the instructor returned to the front of the room where Sasha had finished her introduction and had moved onto other things. He wasn’t paying attention though, his mind racing. This was a really, really good opportunity and Peter would be an idiot to pass it up but on the other hand, his responsibilities needed to come first. Rent, specifically. Spider-Man, especially. 

With a heavy sigh, he dropped his head onto the table. Just what he needed, another problem. 

Beside him, he could hear the chair scrape against the floor once more but Peter didn’t pay it much attention, too busy in his pity party. However, he was quickly brought out of it as the person beside him began speaking. 

“Look dude,” He looked up, meeting blue eyes and an intense expression, “I get that you’re this, I dunno, wonder-boy-genius who likes to work alone or whatever but we did get paired up together for this semester and I really care about being a part of this program. I’m not sayin’ you’re not gonna do your fair share of the work, trust me, I’ve heard all about you so I know that you’re not just gonna leave me with all the work but I don’ want to be the only one comin’ to class, man. I may not be as smart as you are but I earned my place here and I’m really lookin’ forward to this project so I jus’ want to make sure you’re gonna be a team player.” 

During the other boy’s speech, Peter couldn’t help the way that his face screwed up in confusion. It was obviously planned and the look on the boy’s face was dead serious so there was no indication that he was joking. Still, Peter had no fucking clue what he was talking about. “Uh,” He started, “Dude, I’m sorry but what?” 

The intensity seemed to slide off the other guy’s face, forehead creasing, “What do you mean “what”?” 

“Exactly what I said? I mean, great speech and all, amazing delivery but like, why?” 

It was the other guy’s turn to look confused, “Why?” He parroted, “I’m no mind reader but it doesn’t take one to see that you’re not happy about being paired up with me an’ I’ve heard all about the kid who never showed up to the lecture but always passed the exams.” 

Peter couldn’t help it, he laughed. “Oh my god,” He shook his head, running a hand down his face. “Dude, no. That’s not…that’s not it at all. One, I didn’t even hear Sasha announce who everyone’s partners were. Two, genuinely I’m not like…I dunno, I don’t skip class for fun or anything. I have to, for work.” And Spider-Man, liar. “And I’m not even upset, I just…this was supposed to be for my work study but the one I was supposed to be in was remote and this one isn’t and I have two other jobs so now if I want to stay in this program- which I actually do want to- I gotta figure out how to move things around. So I swear, not you.” 

He took a swig of his Reign, ignoring the way he felt slightly embarrassed over his short ramble. He couldn’t help the need to explain himself, he really didn’t want the other boy to think that Peter held himself on some high horse above everyone else. If anything, that couldn’t have been further from the truth. 

The older boy blinked, “Fuck.” He whispered. “Dude, I’m such an asshole.”

Peter smiled, “Nah, don’t worry about it, man.”

“No, that was super shitty of me, I’m sorry,” He sighed, “I just-I mean it when I said I really care about this program and I am happy that we got paired up together but then I saw the look on your face and I remembered what I heard about you an’ I just assumed. I didn’t even give you a chance and I completely understand the whole job thing, dude, I’m sorry.”

“It’s cool, we’re cool. I swear.” The other boy still looked embarrassed, which Peter definitely understood but he had his own fair share of going in guns-blazin so it would be hypocritical of him to hold a grudge, “Let’s just start over. I’m Peter Parker.” 

His extended hand was accepted, “Harley Keener,” The teen responded, an easy smile taking over the pursed lips, “Nice to meet you, Peter Parker.”

-

If Tony showed up to the Avengers Tower an hour early, that was his business and his business only. 

He needed to allot at least thirty minutes of anxious pacing and he couldn’t help but be grateful that Morgan had school today and Pepper had to work, the excuse that her husband was miraculously alive not really something she could use to get out of her responsibilities as CEO of Stark Industries. 

After the…conversation with Kate and Peter the night before, he had been informed that the Tower went relatively unused, usually only equipment and when heroes needed an easy place to stay. So really, it was an easy and discreet place for them to meet and it seemed to be one that Peter had been most comfortable with when Kate had suggested it. 

Nat sat on the other side of the room, having arrived alongside Tony. She hadn’t commented on his early arrival or his anxiety, he would even go as far to say she seemed to be a little anxious herself. He couldn’t be surprised by that, the whole situation with Peter was unnerving. 

The same question stuck to the front of his mind; why did no one know who Peter Parker was?

It could have been a one-off, if maybe, just maybe Peter’s identity hadn’t been revealed to the team in this universe, but following the Blip, Tony knew he had been honest with Pepper as to why he had been so grief-stricken after Titan. On top of that, it didn’t make any sense that Happy didn’t make the connection between May Parker and Peter Parker. 

There was something very, very wrong here. 

The sound of the elevator caught his attention and he checked his watch, it was only 3:40. It couldn’t be Peter, right? They had agreed to meet at 4 but he couldn’t help the flurry of hope that maybe the kid would be early. 

That hope extinguished quickly when the doors opened to reveal both Steve and Clint and subsequently, Bucky, Sam, and surprisingly, Rhodey. He used ‘surprisingly’ lightly, because the sight of all three of them was surprising. 

“Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong,” He started, “but I don’t seem to remember seeing your RSVP to this party.” 

“Tony,” Steve said, his tone apologetic. 

Clint let out a tired sigh, “All I can say is I tried.” 

“Not that I’m disappointed to see any of you,” Natasha appeared by Tony’s side, “but I don’t think this is a meeting that concerns any of you three.” 

Sam, to his credit, didn’t look offended by the comment, though when he spoke, it was with a tone of authority that only those that held the title of Captain America spoke with, “Considering that it deals with Spider-Man and Avengers business, I would say that it does concern us.” 

Tony raised an eyebrow, “Avengers business? What, pray tell, are you referring to?” 

Rhodey sighed, “According to you, we should know who Spider-Man is, and you three do. If there actually is history with Spider-Man that none of us can recall, then that is a breach of security and there is no saying how much classified information that he knows.” 

“Not to mention, the Statue of Liberty.” Sam added. 

“This meeting wasn’t for you guys to interrogate him,” Everyone’s attention moved to the door that led to the stairwell where an irritated Kate Bishop stood, a cardboard tray with two coffees in her hands, “This meeting wasn’t for you guys at all.” 

“Kate, how di-”

“Of course you all would forget that I’m the one who bought back this building,” The young woman rolling her eyes, “And it’s my company that provides the surveillance and security for this place. Of course I would see who comes in here. How else did you think those three would manage to get in without anyone realizing they were here, let alone alive?” She waved one hand, gesturing to Tony, Natasha, and Steve respectfully. 

Her company? Tony filed that information away for later, along with the fact that she apparently was the one who now owned the Avengers Tower. It did put some pieces together, considering the way she had suggested it last night and how it seemed to ease some of the tension in Peter’s shoulders. 

“You knew who Spider-Man was all this time and you didn’t say anything?” Sam questioned. 

“Seriously, that’s what you took from what I just said?” She scoffed, “He’s an ally, dude, I still don’t get the issue that you guys have with him but me, Yelena, and Clint don’t seem to have an issue working with him.”

The way that she spoke seemed to hint that this conversation was a source of conflict between them even before the multiversal travel and Tony could already feel the headache forming in his temples. This whole thing was going to be ruined before it even started. 

Both Bucky and Sam opened their mouths to respond, but were quickly cut off by Rhodey, who held both his arms up in what looked like a placating motion. “We’ll be civil, right?” He looked between the three, “All of us.” 

Kate’s blue eyes looked intensely between everyone, narrowing them slightly before she gave a curt nod. “Fine, but if he has every right to leave because you guys decided to show up unannounced.” With that, the occupants of the elevator headed towards the large conference room down the hall, though Steve stopped to put his hand on Tony’s shoulder in some offer of apology. 

Fuck, he didn’t even consider Peter leaving at the sight of the three Avengers. He pinched the bridge of his nose, the headache was coming faster and he still had no answers. Wonderful.

“Tony,” Nat said softly. At her voice, he opened one eye to look sideways at her. “I’ll go yell at them.” The edges of his lips twitched at her words as the redhead turned to follow the men into the conference room. He could trust the spy to keep them in check. 

He rolled his shoulders, straightening back up and meeting Kate’s stare. From his first meeting with her and hearing her over the comms, it was obvious she was both capable and bold. It was no wonder that she got along well with Peter and he was happy to see that he had someone in his corner. 

“Tony Stark,” She nodded at him, her tone much lighter, “Did you know we met once?” 

He tilted his head slightly in curiosity, “We have?” Looking back at her face, he felt a little guilty that he couldn’t place it. 

She left her stance by the door, crossing over to where the armchairs of the lobby sat and he followed suit. “Don’t worry, it’s okay if you don’t remember. It was a long time ago and a lot has happened since then,” She gave a soft laugh, settling the tray of coffees in her lap. “I was six and I went to one of your galas with my parents but even then, I hated those things so I decided to explore instead. I don’t even remember where the thing was, but I ended up getting lost and I panicked. I think you were a little drunk when you found me, but you were so nice and made me feel better before you helped me find my parents.” 

Tony’s own smile turned into a grin as she told the story and he could vaguely recall the gala. The memory was a blur, he had definitely been drunk but if he tried hard enough, he could remember the black-haired little girl he had found crying in one of the many hallways the venue had. “That was you?” He chuckled, “Hmph, small world.” 

She rolled her eyes, though it wasn’t the same way she had earlier. “Oh thank god, I was worried that didn’t happen in your universe and I was going to be so embarrassed.” 

He snorted, “Nope, it definitely did. Bishop Security, right?” It was easy to connect the dots now, especially considering that he had already known her last name. They settled in a comfortable silence after she nodded her confirmation, though Tony was left to wonder about the circumstances over her comment “my company.” 

His heart rate spiked as the elevator dinged again and the doors opened to reveal Peter. In the three times he had seen his kid in person, it was like he was seeing a different iteration of him every time. The first was some stoner, college-party going Peter Parker. The second was a defensive, wary Peter Parker following what seemed to be a less-than-fun patrol. And this third time, was what Tony could only assume was everyday Peter Parker. His hair was absent of hair gel, the curls still running wild in the way they fell against his forehead and just past his ears. He was adorning a faded, baggy pair of jeans and a worn looking Columbia University crewneck underneath a thicker coat, skateboard tucked underneath one arm and large thermos held in the other. 

Tony couldn’t help but let his eyes scan over the scar on Peter’s face, another thing he had added to his list of things to be worried about. 

“Peter,” Kate stood up, meeting him halfway. “Only three minutes late, dude, you’re basically early.” 

Peter’s eyes flickered from Kate to Tony and back before he scowled at the girl, “Don’t start with me, Katherine.” 

“Yikes, government name. That’s low, even for you.” Kate said. “Whatcha got there?”

“If I say coffee are you gonna tell me that one of those aren’t for me?” 

“Maybe.” 

“Then it’s a protein shake.” 

The ease of which Peter spoke with Kate compared to the rigid way he talked to Tony the night before, almost like it hurt him to even meet the man’s eyes, struck something in the engineer’s heart. The gap that these two years (and his death) had evidently made was feeling wider and wider by the minute. 

With that in mind, he stood up, with the intent to not keep any secrets from the kid. “Hey Peter,” He gave a soft smile as he garnered the teenager’s attention, though the amusement he had previously looked at Kate with melted away into something more melancholic. “I appreciate you coming. Before we head in there, I wanted to make you aware of something-”

Tony didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence before Peter’s face morphed into a darker expression, which to him, seemed out of place on the teen’s face. With the way his head turned just slightly towards the conference room, it was obvious that he had picked up on something with that enhanced hearing of his. Whether it was the extra heartbeats or the voices, it didn’t matter. 

“Are you serious?” Peter said bitterly, actually meeting Tony’s eyes this time, anger flaring in his own. “So we’re just telling everybody now?” 

“I didn’t tell them anything.” The engineer was quick to say. He didn’t want his chance to reconnect with Peter to be ruined over miscommunication. 

Peter flared his nostrils and he could see the way his grip on the coffee cup tightened, the lid threatening to pop off. The thermos had been abandoned on one of the side tables.

“This was a mistake.” He said, shaking his head. “I didn’t agree to this.” 

“Pete, hold on, let me-”

“Don’t force him to stay-”

Both the rushed responses and Peter’s escape to the stairwell were cut off as the elevator doors opened once more, Happy stepping out. The man’s eyes landed on Tony and it seemed as if he was unaware of the tension, “Tony, I know I promised I’d wait but Pepper called and said she was picking up Morgan from her after school program. I told her that I-” He paused, catching the look on the other man’s face. “Tony?” 

Happy followed Tony’s gaze to Peter, who was still standing only steps away from the door to the stairwell and Tony could see the whirlwind of emotions that flashed through his eyes. The teen was frozen, his expression almost unreadable. 

“ This is Peter?” Happy asked, his voice choked and suddenly, Peter looked almost like he wanted to cry. 

“Yeah,” Tony found himself saying, his voice soft. 

“You…” Happy trailed off, stepping forward towards the teen. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

One glance at Kate told him that she was also confused as to what the man was referring to, the both of them watching the conversation unfold. 

“You’re May’s nephew,” Peter’s face fell at the mention of her name, “I always see you there. Why…why don’t I know who you are? Why don’t I remember you?”

At his words, Tony’s heart broke. So it was true, nobody remembered who Peter was.

“Peter?” Kate said to the wide-eyed teen, who had yet to speak. “What is he talking about?” 

Tony noticed the way Peter’s hand shook a little before he seemed to compose himself, swallowing hard and speaking, “Happy, I’m…I’m sorry.” 

It was silent for a moment, something heavy in the air that promised despair.

“Why don’t we talk?” Tony asked, clapping his hands together. “You too, Haps.” He reasoned that maybe feeling like another person was in his corner would make Peter feel more comfortable. 

Peter rolled his shoulders, tipping his head back with his eyes closed before giving a deep sigh. “Yeah, okay.”