Selim’s Bad Day
Selim loved his job as a Human Resources generalist. He enjoyed being able to help people and make their jobs and their lives a little easier. He also enjoyed the strict policies that made his job that much easier. Of course, not every aspect of his job was the best. He hated it when he had to attend disciplinary meetings with employees, these meetings often had a way of getting out of hand, and more often than not the employee would either quit or be fired. Unfortunately for him, he was on his way to one such meeting, so he threw on his blazer, straightened his tie, and brushed a little lint off his shirt. Then he turned his phone on silent and locked it in his desk drawer. Surely the other avatars could last an hour without him, right?
Two hours later, a very exhausted Selim headed back to his office. The meeting had not gone as planned, not at all. The employee had become enraged, and started throwing papers and swearing at him. In the end, the employee was escorted out by police, fired, and Selim now had reams of paperwork to do concerning the incident.
Arriving at his office, he opened the door. He removed his jacket and shut the door behind him before he sat down in his office chair. Hopefully the rest of the day would be somewhat tamer.
Unfortunately, his hopes for a calm afternoon were dashed when he caught sight of the chair opposite him.In said chair sat a seven foot tall, olive skinned man with long black hair who was holding a crook and flail. Osiris, the god and judge of the dead, among other things. Selim had served as his avatar for nearly four years now.
“It has been a long day, Osiris. Please tell me that you’re not here to summon me to a meeting of the Ennead.”
The god looked at him and shook his head. “I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened. You may want to check your communication device.”
“Did you really just quote Star Wars to me?” he asked the god as he removed his phone from the drawer. He had been gone for two hours, how bad could it be? Then again, it Osiris felt the need to come and tell him there was trouble, it was probably bad. Or Osiris was bored. Either was a possibility. With great trepidation, he opened the group chat.
AVATAR GROUP CHAT
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Layla(1:00pm): Hey we’re going to the London zoo today! If anyone needs us, should be back by 3
Layla(1:30PM): Day going good, here’s a pic of us :).
Layla<PICTURE- Layla, Jake, Steven,Khonshu, and Taweret in front of the lion exhibit
Aya(1:33PM): Aww, you going to show Taweret the Hippos?
Layla(1:35PM):Right after the aviary, Steven wants to feed the parrots
Layla(1:45PM):Khonshu is currently in a verbal fight with a macaw. The macaw is winning.
Layla(1:56PM):Marc had to drag Khonshu out of the aviary after he created a wind storm and scared all the birds. Off to the hippos now.
Layla(2:00PM):OH GOD. SHE FREED THE HIPPOS.
Marc(2:02PM): I took care of the bird, not taking care of hippos in the Thames.
Yatzil(2:03PM): would anyone like to explain why i just got an amazon delivery of 87 kazoos, 29 harmonicas, 18 slide whistles, 3 accordions, 3 bongos, and 14 triangles?
Yatzil(2:03PM): not Hathor, and i couldn't find a note in the box. No charges on my account
Yatzil(2:04PM): who sent them, who is responsible for making my apartment sound like a music shop exploded?
Yatzil(2:04PM): whoever it was, i will get you
Marc(2:05PM): Um, haven't seen Jake in a while, anyone laid eyes on Jake?
Layla(2:05PM): I DONT KNOW I'M A LITTLE BUSY DEALING WITH THE HIPPOS ON THE THAMES!!!
Finnigan(2:08PM): Oh, i have Jake. we’re at the car show.
Marc(2:09PM): what are you doing in London, and, Jake, when did you leave the zoo?
Finnigan(2:09PM):i’m here for work, have the afternoon off. Jake showed up about ten minutes ago.
Finnigan(2:13PM): Jake just drove out in a 1925 Rolls Royce Phantom. I’m unsure if he stole it or bought it.
Aya(2:20PM): Isis just learned that you can have test tube babies, and turkey baster babies. Now she is all, oh you can have a baby, even though you don’t like men! Girl, i can’t afford a baby, they cost, like, so much!
Bethany(2:22PM): I'm unsure if this storm is Tefnut or if Thor is in town.
Jake(2:25PM): This is so much nicer than my taxi
Jake: <PICTURE- black 1925 Rolls Royce, Jake at the steering wheel
Bethany(2:30PM): It’s Tefnut. It’s currently raining in my office.
Yatzil(2:35PM): OH for the love of, she is playing weird Al Yankovitch on the accordion. She is not good at it.
Layla(2:40PM): Progress, the hippos are out of the Thames. Now there are hippos on the Buckingham Palace lawn.
Marc(2:49PM); Uhh, guys? There is a parrot in Khonshu’s skull. They appear to be arguing.
Finnigan(2:53PM): Hey, do you think a corvette would be a good car for me?
Layla(2:57PM): A hippo just pooped on a royal guard
—---
Selim rubbed his forehead. He was getting a migraine. “You knew they were up to all this nonsense, didn’t you?” he asked his god. Osiris simply nodded his affirmation. Great, this day was just getting better. His friends, esteemed avatars of the Egyptian gods ( and one werewolf/ avatar of a Greek goddess), could not keep their shit together for two hours.
Time for him to do what he does best, to fix their messes.
AVATAR GROUP CHAT
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Selim: All right everybody, here’s what we are going to do.
Layla, explain to Taweret that the hippos will not be happy outside of their enclosure, as they will not have access to the proper food, medical attention, and shelter. Show her how you can sponsor the zoo’s hippos, and offer to sponsor one for her. Might make her feel better to know she is helping contribute to their care in some fashion.
Marc, Remove the parrot from Khonshu’s skull. Why did Khonshu even pick that form for an outing, he could have chosen either of his humanoid forms.
Jake, Did you buy the car, or did you steal it? If you bought it, congratulations. If you stole it, please return it. I will not bail you out. Marc will not bail you out. Layla will not bail you out. NO ONE WILL BAIL YOU OUT.
Finnigan, you do not need a corvette. You have a perfectly good Ford that is only two years old. You walk everywhere half the time any way.
Bethany, are you sure a pipe has not burst? If it definitely is Tefnut, ask her to stop. Just act like you have no clue where the water is coming from in your office. It will be explained away as some pipe or tap left running, and the office will close for a few days for cleaning. Everyone will be happy to get a few days off paid, trust me. Why don’t you take her somewhere there is a drought, let her have fun with rain and do some good?
Aya, Stop letting Isis chat with Taweret. Try distracting her with some of her other godly duties, she is also the goddess of motherhood, magic, death, and rebirth. If this does not work, let me know and I will ask Osiris to have a talk with his wife.
Yatzil, Do you really have to ask who sent you those instruments? Didn’t you send a certain someone milkbones, flea collars, and chew toys last month? Just put your noise canceling headphones on and let Hathor have her fun. And please tell me you do not have your credit card on your Amazon account, we do not need a repeat of the Itunes incident.
Selim: And for me? I am going to go home, have a scotch, and go to bed.
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Selim clicked the phone off with a huff. Thank god it was a Friday.