Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus
Oh god. Oh jesus. Here it comes. Why did I say that? “What’s up?” Are you serious Kyle? Good going. Kyle winced and he stepped back in preparation for the furious storm that was surely about to come crashing down upon him. The muffled sound of Stan’s footsteps approaching mirrored the ticking of the timebomb about to explode inside his chest.
Kyle did want this - to talk - but the sight of Stan speed walking through groups of dancing people to get to him… was a little intimidating.
What would Kyle even say? It seemed as though years of buildup and hidden resentment was gone in an instant, leaving his brain searching for something, anything, to confront his best friend about. Instead, all he could do was gaze at the boy. His staring wouldn’t last long, though as the distance between them was quickly closed.
As Stan stopped, just a couple of feet in front of him, he took a deep breath. Their eyes locked, and as Stan opened his mouth to undoubtedly curse him out for stealing his girlfriend or something, Kyle interrupted.
“Look- I- Stan it’s not like that. She was like- you know- like,” Kyle shifted his weight from one leg to the other, and glanced away. “Alone and crying and stuff. She was even about to leave, I mean- you probably saw. And I was just like, man I feel bad, and-”
“Dude, stop. Don’t explain yourself to me, I don’t care, it’s just-”
“No no no, you can’t pretend like you weren’t just giving me the biggest craziest death stare of your life back there. I could basically hear your brain cursing me out. Man, I swear there was like smoke coming out of your ears.”
Stan exhaled sharply. He looked exasperated. He took a subtle step closer, angling his head up so he could continue to maintain eye contact. Stan was pretty short, but his posture created an energy around him that exuded intimidation.
“Look- if you could just let me speak then maybe we wouldn’t be yelling at each other in the middle of the gym! Just listen to me dude.”
Kyle quirked an eyebrow and tilted his head. His eyes scanned over Stan judgmentally, and Stan closed his mouth and subtly shrunk back. His eyebrows raised as his hands did the same, a defensive gesture that let Kyle know that he regretted his previous statement.
“Listen to you? Do you hear yourself? Man- all I fucking do is listen to you bitch and moan about Wendy all the time. And I’m pretty sure you’re the one yelling at me in the gym. If you have anything to say to me that could remotely make me feel better about-” he gestured his hands at Stan, “-this whole situation then please go ahead. Go on.”
Mouth agape, Stan stood there, looking quite stupid in Kyle’s opinion. He glanced around and took a small step back.
Kyle followed suit, looking around at the suddenly very quiet gymnasium. His angry breathing slowed significantly as he noticed the multitude of watching faces. The dark blues and purples that surrounded them only helped in blurring the still figures together. Kyle’s sudden awareness of the scene he and Stan were creating brought a rush of blood to his face. He brought his hands up in an attempt to hide the creeping blush beneath his pale skin.
“I… maybe we should talk, um, somewhere else.” Stan’s voice cut through the thickening quiet of the gym. Not even the cheap pop playing could fill the endless chasm of discomfort that clouded the space.
Kyle nodded, but he wasn’t sure Stan even saw it. They were both caught up in the intense spotlight they’d been so suddenly thrust into. Grabbing his wrist and pivoting sharply, Kyle began to lead them out of the gym.
On the way out, Kyle could hear the conversation picking up again. He breathed out and hoped that their peers would show mercy on them and not gossip too heavily until they were out of earshot.
As Kyle shoved the two gymnasium doors open, cold air blasted his face. The night sky was dark, but no clouds seemed to cover it. The stars became small streams of light as the two quickly walked past the rows of houses near the school, and sped past the parks separating the intimate cul-de-sacs decorating their town. Stan kept up with Kyle’s wide gait, however, with ease. Probably because of all the sports Randy’s signed him up for. Not complaining, though. Kyle considered the fitness of his friend, and decided he wasn’t totally against the packed schedule his parents had given him. It’s certainly doing favours for his figure, I guess. I mean, like, whatever. It’s not that great. I mean, I wouldn’t know. Not like I spend any time thinking about it.
Kyle was, thankfully, broken out of his train of thought by a very annoyed Stan Marsh.
“Um, hey earth to Kyle? Where the hell are we going?”
Crap. Kyle hadn’t thought about their destination. The only thought on his crowded brain was Must escape escape escape. He hadn’t really stopped to actually figure out where they were going. He stopped and glanced around.
“Um. Right here is good I guess. Stark’s pond is right over there, right? Isn’t there a bench around here somewhere? Uh, I mean, we don’t have to stay here I guess, um-”
“Whatever. It’s fine. Stop stalling. Go ahead and yell at me like you did in the gym, I’m ready.”
Kyle stood, shocked at the sudden boldness of Stan, and shot back, “Dude, fuck you. And if I remember correctly, it was your turn to tell me something. No wait, let me guess, I’m a terrible friend because I actually did something nice for Wendy instead of being on your side again. Or, wait, maybe you need to tell me how sad it made you that I didn’t come to prom with the group, even though you didn’t even remember to actually fucking invite me. You just assumed that I’d be totally okay with it, just like usual.” Kyle breathed out, hand in his hair and eyes looking at the wet grass interrupted by spots of stubborn snow that hadn’t melted yet.
“Fuck, Stan. I guess it’s my fault though, huh? Not like I ever had the balls to actually tell you any of this, right? Guess it’s on me for expecting something from a group that hasn’t changed since the fourth grade.”
Stan stood there silently, and to Kyle’s surprise, a small tear escaped from his watery eyes. Kyle stepped back, stuttering an apology.
“Kyle I-” Stan choked. “I’m so sorry dude. Fuck. You’re right. I should’ve just fucking grown a pair and asked you for real. It’s just- I just- I can’t explain it to you. I was just so nervous and I kept overthinking-”
“No, Stan, stop. I didn’t mean it. I- even though- I guess since we-” Kyle cleared his throat. “I guess we didn’t hang out that much, because of like, friend groups and stuff, but, fuck, when we started to- again- It was- look. I know you’re different. I can see how much you’ve changed and its so fucking… scary, just seeing you grow into this new, cool, person. And… I guess… fuck.”
“You didn’t want me to grow up without you? You were… scared? Scared that I was gonna forget about you, and maybe realise that I was better off without you?” Kyle’s intense stare didn’t break from the grass. He nodded. Kyle, dude. You’re acting like me right now. Your job is to be one who knows better. The mature one. The smart one.”
Kyle’s stomach turned. How could Stan read him so well? How could he possibly understand so well what Kyle was going through?
“I just… I didn’t mean what I said. It was like, wishful thinking in some twisted way. Things would be so much easier if they were how they were in fourth grade. I just… didn’t know if we could ever be that close again. Fuck dude. Pretty dumb, right? That was years ago, and I’m just expecting you to want this as much as I do.”
“Kyle I-”
“Stan, I’m sorry. I just… you still know me so well… but I know you can’t understand this. This- just- how I’m feeling.”
“Kyle. I do understand. I want this so bad. Please. Let me explain myself.” Shaking his head Kyle finally glanced up at Stan, eyes hesitant but hopeful. “I… was gonna let Wendy go home. I didn’t want to deal with her tonight. I was just so upset that she got to dance with my best friend. I was just so sure that you two would just suddenly realise that you didn’t need- or- want me anymore. I know that’s irrational or whatever, but I just couldn’t bear to see you having fun without me. Especially because… like recently we’ve been getting closer and- fuck- I thought things would fall back into place. I didn’t wanna bring any attention to it, I didn’t wanna jinx it. I didn’t wanna… fuck, I just really wanted it to work.”
Everything slowed, and Kyle breathed. “Stan…” Kyle gazed at him, noticing the dark blush on his tanned skin, apparent even under the darkness of the inky sky above them. His eyelashes clumped together by hot, passionate tears. His scrunched face conveying emotion so raw that maybe… maybe he knew exactly how Kyle felt. Of course he would. How could I ever doubt him?
“Stan… it’s just… it’s funny. We always seem to do things in sync. I said you wouldn’t know how I’d feel, but, here you are. Putting my feelings into words so fitting, as though you could read my mind. I just… how could we ever be anything but this? This… just… these feelings-” He looked up, breaking their eye contact once again. The bright moon illuminated everything so beautifully, Kyle figured. Especially Stan.
Kyle’s guard was down, and he could tell that Stan’s was as well. Feeling bold, he reached his left hand out to grab hold of Stan’s right.
“I’m so glad we’re close again. I- I want to-” Stan started. Instead of interrupting, Kyle just glanced at him curiously. Stan's eyes moved back and forth, clearly trying to articulate himself correctly. Or maybe he was deciding whether or not to say anything at all.
Kyle’s breath hitched as Stan turned to stand squarely and firmly in front of him and grabbed his other hand. Stan inhaled, and Kyle didn’t dare to move a muscle in fear of discouraging him.
“I want us to be… closer. Maybe even… closer than fourth grade. I- can’t really put it into words. I’m- fuck my heart is about to beat out of my chest. Just. Look.” He brought Kyle’s cool hand up to the front of his newly pressed navy blue suit. He was right. Stan’s heart was racing. Kyle’s slight blush increased immensely as he glanced away.
“I… um…” Kyle cleared his throat and Stan stepped back.
“Um- sorry if that was weird or something but I just figured-” Stan stuttered. He went silent as Kyle pulled Stan’s right hand up to the same place, on his chest.
“I just… me too, right? Of course. Nothing to be worried about.” Kyle took a deep breath. “Stan. I- me too. I think I understand what you’re saying and, like me too. I think… I’ve never wanted something like this Stan. I’ve wanted this for… I guess… a long time.”
The look Stan gave him was so full of appreciation and… something else, that Kyle was at a loss for words. Nothing could escape his mouth, but nothing needed to. He’d said all he could’ve.
Stan’s eyes didn’t stay locked on Kyle’s, though. Instead flickering down ever so slightly, not subtle enough to escape Kyle’s watchful eye. Emotion clouded Kyle’s brain, and any thoughts were drowned out by his awareness of the situation.
“Kyle. I… maybe it’s not the right time, but I just…” Stan’s fleeting gaze didn’t move back up to meet Kyle’s eyes, instead fixed just a few inches lower.
“It’s not- but- it is. It really is.” Kyle’s chest refused to move, holding in tentative breath as his heart pounded so loud he could've sworn Stan could hear it.
And finally, as Stan’s hands detached from Kyle’s to gently cup his jaw, Kyle shut his eyes and leaned forward.
Without a moment to doubt the situation, to possibly consider the fact that this could all just be a big misunderstanding, or to allow the overwhelming emotion to overtake them and run away from each other again, their lips met.
Kyle had always heard about angels singing, or fireworks going off, or some other stupid cheesy stuff happening when experiencing a kiss like this, but god was this so much more than that. The largest explosion or the loudest church bell’s ring couldn’t hold a candle to this feeling, the feeling of something he’d been denied his whole life.
How come they’d never kissed before? The only thing Kyle could do was wrap his arms around Stan's warm, blushed neck and wonder how he’d gone so long without this. How could he have possibly survived for years, crushing on his best friend in the entire world, without this?
Of course he’d thought about it, (though rather shamefully), but nothing his teenage-boy brain could conjure up was even close to this.
No, this, being able to finally kiss Stanley Marsh after so many years, was something entirely different. It wasn’t shy, or embarrassing, or awkward, or anything he’d been worried about. It was just… right. Something that suddenly just made so much sense to him.
He felt Stan’s hands move from his face to wrap around his torso, and, to both of their dismay, Kyle broke the kiss.
Opening his eyes and taking a deep breath, encouraging some oxygen to reenter his brain, he smiled.
Stan’s momentarily worried gaze eased into a relieved smile. They laughed, and Stan knocked his forehead against Kyle's. For a bit, they just stood there, enjoying each other’s presence and calming down from the euphoria of the kiss.
“Can we do that again?” Stan asked bluntly, and Kyle laughed again.
“Um, duh, but in a second.” Kyle angles his head at the cool sky, and secretly gave thanks to the moon. “Stan. You have to be sure about this. How can I be sure you won’t like, I don’t know, totally ghost me and get back with Wendy?”
Stan gave him a deadpan look. “You’re funny, Kyle Brovfloski. You’re stuck with me now, whether you like it or not. Forever and ever and ever. Plus, I’m pretty sure my chances with Wendy are totally shot”
“Shit, dude, you’re right. She wouldn’t even take you back if you tried. Guess you’re stuck with me. We’re stuck with each other.”
“Hey, I’m not complaining. You’re totally hot. Thank goodness, too, I don’t think I could tolerate you if you weren’t so cute.”
“Ew. Gross. We’re not doing that. We can’t become those people… Just think of Craig and Tweek…” Kyle’s thoughts drifted to the overly-cutesy couple, calling each other the most ridiculous pet names ever and annoying every single person in the vicinity.
“Dude.” Stan shivered. “Don’t scare me like that.” They chuckled at the thought, and continued to make jabs and snarky comments about their classmates. As they moved from person to person, Kyle thought about Wendy. A pang of guilt pulled his face into a grimace.
“Oh. You should probably apologise to Wendy though.” Kyle blurted, and Stan’s face became grave.
“I don’t wanna think about that right now. She’s totally gonna kick my ass on monday.”
…
As the night came to a close, the two made their way back to Stan’s house. His parents had taken the opportunity to go out for the night, so there was no doubt that they would be crashed in their room when Kyle and Stan arrived.
As they quietly snuck through the house, avoiding knocking over noisy and precariously placed objects, they snickered and joked. The comfortability with which they interacted was so natural it was though they’d never been apart. They both glanced at each other, then away, shyly. Once they raced their way to the top of the stairs, they reached their target: Stan’s room.
Tired from the emotional night, they changed out of their uncomfortable suits and resigned to sleeping in whatever sweats and band tees they could find.
“Holy shit, this is totally my shirt dude. No way you kept it. Dude, holy shit!” Kyle sifted through Stan’s shirt drawer, marvelling at the artefact.
Stan jumped up and grabbed it from Kyle’s grasp. “No it’s not! It’s not dude I swear- well it is but it’s not like I- like- ugh. This is so embarrassing. Just take it.”
Laughing, Kyle threw on the shirt he’d thought he’d lost for good, and flopped onto Stan’s bed. Stan did the same soon after, crashing down onto already half-asleep Kyle in the way a professional WWE wrestler may have.
Unmoving and exhausted, they slowly drifted off, entangled in each other's limbs and listening to each other's soft breathing.
How dramatic. Kyle smiled softly. Chill out, past me. It’s alright. They’d figure everything out for sure in the morning, Kyle was sure.
Really, Kyle had never been more sure of something in his life. Any inkling of doubt he may have had was squashed by the reality they were in. Stan was here. And so was Kyle. They were together.
Of course it would be alright.