Khonshu knew he only had to wait for Jake’s return. Jake would never turn his back on him, he would want to continue his work as his avatar. Not that he blamed Marc or Steven for not wanting to continue this work, not really. He would never admit it, though.
Khonshu hadn’t always been like this. He had been closer to past avatars, and he had always been watching over them. But time had passed, and a lot had happened over the centuries and millennia. Years and years of backstabbing and treason had ensured that Khonshu wouldn’t get too attached to his avatars. He remembered very well the downfall of Arthur Harrow which had ultimately led to the former avatar getting obsessed with Ammit.
But Khonshu couldn’t help caring about Marc Spector, Steven Grant and Jake Lockley. When he’d first met Marc, he had known that he’d wanted to protect him, to care for him. Life had been cruel to Marc, and Khonshu hadn’t planned on making his life even harder. But then, again, Khonshu couldn’t really help himself. He wasn’t really used to bonding with his avatars anymore, not like this. Khonshu had made a vow to himself that he would never get too attached to these humans, not anymore. Not after everything that had happened in the past. Then he had Marc, and everything had changed.
He did care about Marc. And Steven and Jake (whom they didn’t even know about yet). Marc didn’t think that Khonshu cared and he wasn’t especially eager to let him know, but it didn’t mean that he didn’t care. It just wasn’t really easy for him to let him know. So he’d played his schemes, but he had always had Marc’s best interests in mind: To keep him and his alters safe. But his ways were limited, especially these days. His powers and influence had weakened over the millennia when people had stopped believing in Egyptian deities and he could only really keep them safe as long as they served as his avatar. The short time period while Khonshu had been trapped in stone had made that crystal clear as well. He hadn’t been there when Harrow had shot them. He had failed at keeping them safe.
The realization that Marc had died had been a terrible one. Neither Marc nor Layla knew this, because Khonshu had made sure not to show his true feelings, but he hadn’t only been blaming Ammit and Harrow for his avatar’s death, but also himself. He hadn’t been there, after all, to take care of him. To watch over him. So Khonshu had felt responsible for their death. When they had found their way back from the Duat, the moon deity had felt relief. Again, he hadn’t told anyone about this. Marc and Steven would never have believed him anyway. They had made up their mind about him and Khonshu knew it wasn’t good. And he knew it was his fault, partly at least, but he didn’t bother so much about what they were thinking about him, as long as they were safe.
Jake, on the other hand, was different. He didn’t seem to hate him the way both Marc and Steven apparently did, and it made working with him a lot easier. He didn’t really blame the other two, though. Khonshu had brought this upon himself, but he couldn’t really help it. And at this point, they would never believe him, even if he tried to convince them that he really cared about them.
Khonshu knew that Jake was on his way long before he arrived on the roof the deity had been waiting on. He didn’t even turn his head when Jake finally arrived.
“What have you done?” Jake asked.
Khonshu didn’t need to look at him to know that it was Jake. Even if Marc and Steven hadn’t insisted on stepping down as his avatar, he would have known which of the alters was talking to him. He didn’t even need to hear a single word of them. He didn’t need to hear the different accents or how different they stressed the words. He just felt if Marc, Steven or Jake was in control. Or maybe even more than one of them.
“I made sure you are safe, as I always do” Khonshu replied.
“And why are these idiots” Jake actually used a Spanish slang word and Khonshu knew he meant it in an affectionate way, “not your avatar anymore?”
“They didn’t want to continue their work as my avatar.” He looked at Jake for the first time since his arrival. “But I can still count on you, I suppose?”
“Why should I agree? You weren’t there when we needed you. You didn’t keep them safe. We died.”
You didn’t keep them safe. Khonshu noticed the phrasing here and he knew that Jake didn’t care so much for his own safety. But he deeply cared about Marc and Steven. Would they ever learn about Jake? Would they ever know how much he loved them? Khonshu knew about this. He knew how important Marc and Steven were to Jake. He knew everything going on in their head and in their souls.
“I was imprisoned in stone.” He knew it wasn’t really an excuse. Khonshu blamed himself too, after all. He would never admit it, though.
“Yeah, I know. But you fucked up.” Jake took a deep breath. “Whatever. I’ll stay. I’ll continue the work. Just don’t let us die again.”
Maybe Khonshu had been wrong, after all. Maybe Jake was as hostile towards him as Marc and Steven. But again: He didn’t blame any of them, even though he wished things had been different. But he couldn’t change anything about that now. And he wouldn’t let anything happen to them again.
***
Khonshu might have fooled Steven and Marc, but that didn’t work with Jake. He knew that Khonshu cared more about them than he let on. He had decided not to call the deity out on his bullshit, though. It was like a silent agreement: Jake didn’t ask stupid questions and Khonshu kept them safe. But now Jake felt betrayed. Khonshu hadn’t kept them safe this time. They had been dead, and he needed to be sure that this would never happen again. Jake didn’t care so much about his own life. He would happily vanish into nothingness if that meant keeping his alters safe, but they needed him. Jake needed to protect them from anything and anyone that would dare hurting them.
He knew it wasn’t technically Khonshu’s fault. The gods had imprisoned him and there was nothing he could have done. But blaming Khonshu was easier than blaming himself. Not that Jake didn’t do that anyway. Of course he blamed himself, too. If he had just pushed Marc aside … he should have been fronting in the tomb. Maybe he could have kept Harrow from shooting them. Or maybe he should just have taken over back in London when Harrow had kidnapped Steven. He should have gotten rid of him for good back then.
He would not make this mistake again. So when Khonshu wanted him to kill Harrow, Jake didn’t bargain, didn’t hesitate, didn’t complain. He knew why Marc had spared Khonshu’s former avatar, but Jake agreed that letting him live was a risk they couldn’t afford. Not after everything that had happened. What if Harrow would be free one day and try to finish what he had started? It was too dangerous. He would never let anything happen to Marc or Steven. So Jake finished the mission, no questions asked. He would never kill innocent people, but he didn’t mind taking care of people like Harrow. He had killed them first, after all.
***
When he came back to Steven’s apartment after the mission, he sensed that something was different. He didn’t even know what exactly it was, but he just knew that he wasn’t alone. Someone was here, and it wasn’t Khonshu. Someone else.
Jake moved warily into the apartment and grabbed a knife.
“Marc? Steven?”
Jake turned around and looked into Layla’s eyes. He slowly dropped the knife. “Que … - What are you doing here?!” Why was she here?
Layla frowned. “You’re not Marc or Steven.”
Shit. Jake had not been expecting here. When Layla had found out about Steven and their DID, he had always thought that she would maybe find out about him at some point, too. Layla was smart and observant. But he had managed to stay hidden even from Marc all this time, so Jake had hoped that it wouldn’t happen too soon. He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing if they knew about him. What if they didn’t like him? He couldn’t even bear the thought of it. Jake wasn’t cruel for the sake of cruelty, but sometimes he had to get things done to keep them safe. What if they wouldn’t understand? Jake could handle that they didn’t know about him, but he could never handle if they hated him.
He considered lying to Layla, but ditched the idea right away. Even if he could convince her that he was Marc (and Jake wasn’t sure if he could), she didn’t deserve it. She had been through enough. Marc had fed enough lies to her to last for a lifetime, and Jake knew that Marc wouldn’t want him to tell more lies if he knew about any of this. Marc had been talking to Layla before leaving Egypt, Jake knew that, and he had promised her no more lies.
“No” Jake finally said. “I’m not.”
Layla looked at him and nodded slowly. “Maybe we should sit down. Tea? Coffee?”
“Yeah. Coffee sounds good.” He was impressed how quickly she was able to adapt, but he hadn’t really expected anything else from her. Once she had gotten over the shock of finding out about their DID, she had treated Steven with nothing but respect and kindness. And Jake was sure that Layla would show him the same curtesy. He just wasn’t sure if it was appropriate.
Layla got the coffee and sat down. “What’s your name?”
“Jake. Jake Lockley.”
“Marc … didn’t mention you.” A hint of uncertainty was in her voice. Jake knew why. Her husband had lied to her, and she was afraid that Jake was another thing Marc conveniently had forgotten to mention.
“Yeah, well, he didn’t know. I’ve never revealed myself to him, and I’m not sure if I want to.” He looked at Layla. “You really shouldn’t have come without a message.” This wouldn’t have happened if she had just called before coming here.
“Marc and Steven invited me. I needed a few days to think, and to arrange a few things, but Steven gave me a key and I figured …” Layla shook her head. “Well, I thought it would be a nice surprise.”
Jake swallowed his sigh. It was. He was actually happy to see her. He’d always liked Layla, and not only because she had always grounded Marc. Jake adored her, too. She was brave and smart and honest, and she was under his protection, too. Most of the time, Layla protected them, though, since they’d always had a talent for getting into trouble. And both Marc and Steven would have loved her surprise. “Okay. Whatever. They would have liked it. Wasn’t your fault you didn’t know about me.”
“Yeah, but still. Sorry. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
Jake wasn’t sure if someone had ever said something like that to him. Most people didn’t give a shit. He didn’t even know what to say, so he stayed quiet.
“What are you going to do now, Jake?”
He shrugged. “Nothing.”
“But … why don’t you talk to them?”
“None of your business.”
Layla said nothing at first, then: “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry. It’s not my place to tell you what to do.”
How could he not adore her? “It’s just … what if they don’t like me?”
“Why wouldn’t they?”
“I’m not like them. Sometimes I need to do stuff. They won’t like that.”
“What kind of stuff?”
“Never mind. Doesn’t matter.”
“In Egypt … the fight against Harrow … that was you, wasn’t it?”
Jake nodded.
“And now you’re afraid they might think that you’re not a good person?” Layla smiled kindly, when Jake nodded again. “Marc has similar concerns. But that doesn’t make him a bad person. And I’m sure you’re not a bad person either, Jake.” She looked at him. “Is it okay for you if I touch you?”
“Yeah …”
Layla took his hands and gently stroke his fingers. “I don’t know you yet, but the fact that you’re concerned about this shows me that you’re not a bad guy. If you were, you wouldn’t think about that. You wouldn’t care. But you do. And you care about them, don’t you?”
“I will do anything to keep them safe.”
“I take that as a yes.” Layla still stroke his fingers. “I won’t tell them about you, don’t worry. I know it’s not my place to make that kind of decision. But I don’t think they won’t like you, Jake. It would probably come as a shock to Marc if he didn’t know about you yet, but I’m sure he’ll come around.”
But what if he didn’t? Or if Steven thought he was too violent?
“Everything will be alright, Jake” Layla said.
And for some reason he started to believe her. What could go wrong if she had his back?
***
Nobody had noticed that Khonshu had been watching all along. His avatar was in good hands. Layla El-Faouly would take care of them, and Khonshu would continue to watch over them. And maybe someday he could tell them the truth. That he still needed them as his avatar, and that one of the reasons he didn’t want to let them go was that he wanted to keep them safe, and this was the only way to do it.
But the time hadn’t come, and right now what mattered the most was that they were safe.
And Khonshu would make sure it stayed that way.