Chapter 1
"Want me to call you daddy, then?"
If Peter knew then that saying something like that could have put him in the situation he was in now, he might have thought it through more.
'The situation' specifically, involves him and Mr Stark wandering through the museum of natural history hand in hand.
"This is really stupid." Peter huffed, attempting to loosen the vice-like grip Mr Stark had on his hand.
"It's your fault I'm in this mess," his mentor smiled, swinging their joint hands obnoxiously, "besides, you already agreed."
"That was before we left the tower. Now though...?"
"God you really don't know how to have fun, do you?"
"I do - !"
"Good, then lay your head on my shoulder and act like I just said something funny."
He huffed, but ultimately did as Mr Stark asked. He turned to his mentor and leaned into him flirtatiously, summoning amusement from some deep pit within himself in order to push out a half-convincing giggle.
Honestly, Peter should have said no when Mr Stark suggested messing with the media.
"They're always sticking their noses where they don't belong, we're just gonna have some fun - teach them to keep out of stuff that doesn't concern them."
And really, what harm could it do? Peter had thought.
A lot, actually. If the damage to Peter's heart was anything to go by. All the fake 'could-be' dates were making the poor thing explode from the stress.
Peter was distracted by a kiss planted on his temple and jumped before sighing, "There's a photographer on the balcony, isn't there."
"Yup. How much you willing to bet this makes headline news tomorrow?"
"I'd bet my soul but I'm not sure what's left of it."
Mr Stark yelped out a laugh, loud and echoing in the quiet museum hall. "Alright Elmo, let's bounce."
"Elmo?"
"Can't imagine anything more soulless." Tony nodded, solemn.
"He's a puppet, Mr Stark."
"Proving my point here kiddo." Tony shrugged, one arm wrapped around Peter's shoulders as he guided them towards the exit, bickering the whole way.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Starting this plan with Mr Stark, Peter had forgotten to consider what Aunt May's reaction might be.
Stepping into their apartment Peter immediately knew something was wrong. A shean of cold sweat prickled the back of his neck. He closed the door behind him and toed off his shoes. "May?" He called.
"In here."
Just from her tone of voice Peter knew he was in trouble. He tentatively creeped through the apartment, finding May sat at his desk in his room, legs crossed.
Every possible reason for this confrontation flashed through Peter's mind. Had she found something cleaning? Had he forgotten an important date?
"What's this?" She spoke, cold and disinterested... Or so it appeared.
"Wha-" Peter cleared his throat, "What, exactly, are you referring to?"
"Just this." She reached for the pile of mail from yesterday on his desk - he'd forgotten to go through it and she must have come to his room to check it herself.
Smack
A glossy tabloid hit the floor by Peter's feet. The front page almost entirely engulfed by a rather incriminating photo of him and Mr Stark; their faces close together, as if leaning in for a kiss. Tony looking suave and Peter a blushing mess. Seeing it again, Peter realised just how bad this looked.
"Ohhkay... Right. I - I don't know how to explain that, actually." He stuttered.
May hummed, her demeanor icy.
"It's, like, totally not what it looks like and I know that's a super cliche thing to say and sounds completely not true andiswearMrStarkwouldneverdoanyhtinglikewhattheyresuggestingand-"
"Okay, I'm going to stop you there."
Peter gulped audibly.
"I don't know what you think is going on but I most certainly do, and I'm putting a stop to it."
"Wait, May-" Peter tried to explain, but May was beyond reasoning with.
"Is this how you got that new laptop? The phone? I can't believe that man, I always thought he was a sleazeball but I let him fool me into thinking that he actually cared about you! I mean all that time together alone in the tower, and the trips, Oh God the trips!!! If I so much as see-"
"May! Hes not sleeping with me! We're not ... It's not like... Just no. That's not happening."
May ran her eyes over his frame skeptically but ultimately fell quiet, letting him explain.
Taking a deep breath Peter began, "So this is going to sound kinda crazy, um, but basically this one guy thought I was Mr Stark's sugar baby so we sort of made a joke about it, but I messed up and some paparazzi picked up on it and now they can't tell if I'm his son or his l-lover or something and so we've sort of been messing with them by making it look like both?"
May stayed quiet a little while longer, taking everything in. She tapped a nail on the desk rhythmically. "So that's not real?" She nodded to the magazine at his feet.
"Um, no."
She searched his eyes for something. Seeming to have found it, she sighed, dropping her head into her hands.
"Why?" She asked, a pained look on her face.
"It's fun?" He supplied.
"I, I don't even have words for this. Just. Don't take it too far, please."
Peter sighed, relieved. "Yeah, of course, May."
"I can't believe I thought he'd do something like that.." she muttered to herself.
"Yeah," Peter agreed, absentmindedly, "if I was sleeping with him, I'd have asked for something much better than a laptop."
May snorted, giggling up at him with tired eyes. "Let's eat." She suggested, pushing herself up, still in her scrubs.
"I'll cook tonight, May."
She smiled, "What a good housewife." She teased, shuffling into her room for her after-work shower.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Tied up in dinner, Peter forgot to charge his phone, leaving several texts from Ned unread.
Ned: Dude! Why is your face all over the internet?!
Ned: Is that you and Mr Stark?!?!
Missed call: Ned (4)
Ned: Peter! What is going on?
Ned: Dude don't come to school tomorrow people are saying some pretty nasty stuff.
Ned: R U okay?
Ned: Give me a call when you can. My mom is freaking right now.