a bad feeling
It’s been a weird year. From Yelena getting her sister back to becoming an “honorary Barton” to breaking up with Kate to meeting the girl that would become her sister’s adopted daughter, Yelena’s pretty sure that this has been the craziest year of her life.
Now adding that her sister’s engaged, her and Kate are back on good terms - great terms, even - and her life finally feeling like some semblance of normal, Yelena’s pretty sure that things could be looking up. Not that she’s an optimist or anything, it just seems okay.
That’s only helped by her now situation, curled up in Kate’s arms in the early morning of a random Wednesday in February.
Gently, Yelena tugs Kate’s hand from around her waist to her lips, kissing it once, “You’re gonna have to leave soon,” she smiles softly as Kate’s fingers gently hold on to hers, “Tasha’s supposed to be here in an hour.”
“It’s warm here, though,” Kate responds sleepily, nuzzling her nose against the back of Yelena’s head. She wraps herself tighter around Yelena’s back as to further her point and it almost makes Yelena take back her former statement.
“I have things to do today, Kate Bishop,” Yelena whines, yet making no effort to move.
Kate kisses the back of her head, “Just tell Nat you don’t want to go. She probably has other shit to do anyway.”
Yelena hums, unsure. She knows Natasha’s taking her to the Avengers Tower to meet Bruce - the acclaimed MD that also turns into a crazy broccoli every once in a while (sometimes voluntarily?) and was a momentary romantic interest of Natasha’s - and she’d love to make fun of her for that, but… bed. Kate Bishop. The dogs.
She didn’t exactly expect to be back to morning cuddling with Kate this soon, but it’s addicting and she doesn’t want to move. Not to mention, Fanny’s laid over her feet and keeping them warm and Lucky’s somewhere next to Kate and it’s just all so warm and cozy.
“I think it’s snowing,” Kate says after shifting behind Yelena, the warmth of her chest pressed against Yelena’s back leaving, “maybe your appointment will get canceled.”
“Doubt it,” Yelena mutters, flopping onto her back and wincing at the way her knee is already aching. Natasha also told her to not take any blood-thinner type medicine (ex. Ibuprofen, because of fucking course the one thing alleviating her discomfort is on that list) because she might get her blood drawn. Gross.
Kate’s sitting up now and when Yelena looks up at her, blue eyes meet hers, “are you gonna be okay at this appointment?”
“Probably,” Yelena responds, smiling softly when Kate reaches down and runs a hand through her hair, “I’m the best for a reason.”
“How could I forget?” Kate asks sarcastically, their sweet conversation interrupted when Lucky inches his way between them, obviously ready to start the day. Yelena swears she catches Kate mutter something along the lines of attention whore.
They get out of bed eventually, Kate going into the bathroom to get ready and leaving Yelena alone in the room.
She sits on the edge of the bed, legs dangling over the side, trying to come up with the will to start moving. Normally, it’s easy, but today, she has this sense of dread set deep in her stomach. Granted, it’s been around for a month now, but it’s been especially unsettling today.
She’s brought away from her circling thoughts by Fanny, who bats at the bed with her paw before resting her chin on Yelena’s leg.
“You’ve been a real brat recently, you know that?” Yelena asks, gently scratching behind Fanny’s ears, “Very demanding.”
Fanny doesn’t respond verbally (though sometimes Yelena wishes she would) and instead jumps back, hopping and making a noise that sounds like a gross between a scoff and a sneeze. It’s almost like she’s telling Yelena to get moving already.
Yelena can’t help but think back to when Natasha found out about everything going on with her knee, how she gave Yelena a look that made her want to curl in on herself. She can still hear Natasha asking why she kept it all a secret. She just needs to keep the fact that it’s getting worse from Natasha, knee pain for her is normal. She’s fine.
Yelena stands, but immediately falls back on the bed when she feels searing pain in her leg. It was not this bad yesterday.
She bites down on her lip, hard, trying to avoid letting a sob come up and willing the pain away. What did she do to make it this bad? It hasn’t hurt this much since she last broke it, and that was ten years ago.
She runs a hand through her hair, trying to think. How is she going to hide this?
Kate bumbles out of the bathroom a minute later, hair tied up into her signature ponytail and in fresh clothes for the day.
“Hey, why aren’t you up yet?” Kate asks, “You were the one rushing to get up.”
“I know,” Yelena says softly, flexing her toes as she thinks. This shouldn’t be so bad. Why is this so bad?
“What’s wrong, Lena?” Kate kneels down in front of her, hands resting on top of Yelena’s thighs, “Something’s up, I can tell.”
Yelena bites her lip, looking away when she feels tears building in her eyes. This shouldn’t be happening. She’s made of marble, she’s done way better with way worse odds.
You’re Yelena echoes in her head, and she breathes, trying to remind herself of all Isabel’s told her. She’s Yelena. She’s not marble, she’s human, and humans are allowed to hurt (but this isn’t normal and why does it hurt so bad?).
“Is it your knee?” Kate asks softly, shifting so that she isn’t leaning as much on Yelena’s legs now, “C’mon, detka, what’s wrong?”
Yelena swallows, trying to regain her composure and running epiphany through her head.
“Something’s really wrong,” she finally whimpers, not caring anymore that she knows she’s crying. She offhandedly blames it on the fact that she hasn’t taken her medication yet this morning.
“Can you give me more details, Lena?” Kate gently takes Yelena’s hands in hers, stopping her from almost breaking skin with how tightly her fists were clenched, “I just wanna help, okay?”
Yelena takes a deep breath, still not meeting Kate’s eyes, “I can’t stand. Feels like I broke it again.”
“Okay,” Kate says, drawing small circles on the back of Yelena’s hands with her thumbs, “Do you think we could get downstairs and get you in a car? Or do you think you need medical professionals right now?”
Yelena’s stomach sinks, she doesn’t want to deal with doctors. The only reason she remotely agreed to Natasha’s plan was because they wouldn’t be at an actual doctor’s office and Natasha assured her that it’d be very surface level.
What Kate’s suggesting, though, sounds a lot like an ambulance and then a hospital and actual doctors and none of that is surface level and all of it is horrifying.
“How about we call Natasha?” Kate asks carefully, still playing with Yelena’s hands, “she could probably help us more than I can.”
Yelena hates that she knows Kate’s right. She hates that she just wants to curl on herself but she can’t because her knee hurts so badly, she hates that her training has her thinking that Natasha’s not going to want a broken sister after she just so meticulously put her back together again.
Why can’t she just be okay?
“Yelena, c’mon, babe, you gotta talk to me,” Kate releases her hands and gently wipes at the tears on Yelena’s face.
She swallows again, muttering out a quiet, “Call Natasha.”
“Okay,” Kate stands, leaning over and pressing a kiss to Yelena’s head as she grabs her phone out of her pocket. She quickly dials and Yelena drones out the noise, all too consumed by the feeling of dread in her stomach. She doesn’t want to go to the hospital. She can’t deal with that.
Keep your helmet, keep your life, son. Just a flesh wound, here’s your rifle.
She tries again when it doesn’t calm her down as much as normal.
Crawling up the beaches now, sir I think he’s bleeding out. And some things you just can’t speak about.
She whimpers as much as she doesn’t want to, stomach churning under the weight of all of her thoughts.
“Lena,” she looks up at Kate, who’s putting her phone away now, “lay back. Take a couple of deep breaths, okay? Nat’s on her way.”
Yelena nods, words falling out of her mouth before she can stop them, “Um, can you get my medication box? I- I need to take those.”
Kate nods, walking into the bathroom and emerging a few seconds later. The medication box rattles in her hands and she sets it down next to Yelena, grabbing her water bottle off the nightstand and handing it to her. Yelena grabs her pills, quickly washing them down and absentmindedly chewing on the silicone straw of her water bottle.
It doesn’t calm her down much, her stomach is still in knots and she’s too afraid to move, but it gives her something to focus on.
Time blurs and Natasha’s there in what feels like seconds, Fanny and Lucky excited to see her and greeting her at the door while Kate stays sitting next to Yelena on the bed.
Natasha’s dressed, Yelena assumes that she must’ve been getting ready when Kate called because her hair is done in a tight french braid down the back of her head. What’s offputting, though, is the wild concerned look in her eyes and panic writ in every bit of her body language. Natasha’s not one to panic.
“Sorry I took so long,” Natasha says, walking over to Yelena and looking at her, “What happened?”
“I can’t stand,” Yelena responds quietly, not meeting her eyes. She knows she’ll completely break down if she does.
“Okay,” Natasha nods, “how so? Is it painful? Numb? I need more information.”
“Pain,” Kate answers for her, “I suggested professional help but she doesn’t seem to want that.”
Yelena watches as Natasha’s feet shift, almost feeling detached from this situation completely. She doesn’t want to be here.
There are more words exchanged, but she doesn’t catch on to them, instead fiddling with her fingers and missing the rings that normally adorn them.
“Yelena,” Natasha gets down in front of her, zapping her out of her head, “we need to go to the emergency room.”
“No, no. I don’t… no,” Yelena shakes her head, “I don’t want to.”
“I understand that,” Natasha finally meets eyes with her, “but you need help. Right now. I would love to do that with your full consent, but I’m not against picking you up and putting you in the car right now. This is really serious, сестра.”
Yelena feels tears well up in her eyes again, “I don’t want to, Tasha. Please.”
“I know,” Natasha’s hand floats up around her bicep, offering a gentle squeeze, “but this isn’t something I can help you with. We need to get you to someone that can help you, okay?”
Yelena whimpers, heart breaking in her chest. She doesn’t want to see a doctor. She doesn’t want to get prodded with needles like they did in the Red Room. It always hurt so badly.
“They can help,” Natasha says a little more desperately this time, “Please, Lena, let me help you.”
Yelena feels the sobs bubbling in her throat and just wants to cry and scream until it’s all okay, but she knows Natasha’s right in the barely-there rational part of her brain. She needs help.
She finally nods and things move pretty quickly after that, but all she remembers is Natasha holding her tightly and the dam breaking, sobs convulsing her entire body and her knee hurting.
There’s something about an ambulance coming, but she doesn’t pay attention to that.
Everything already hurts too much.