Chapter 2
Kurt walks into his room, with his pajamas already on. Fully prepared to listen to Pietro until he runs out of words to say. It's only when Kurt sits down that Pietro notices it came into the room. Mostly because they flopped onto his bed and shuffled around until they were on its side so he could lay comfortably, and still pay attention and look at Pietro and whatever he planned on showing him.
“Hey, have you ever wanted to see the whole universe, but realize you’re entirely too small for that? Well, I think I can fix that. I think I’ve figured out a way to make a small universe you can have just to look at and junk” Pietro says, effectively trapping Kurt's attention, because, no, he’s never thought that, but now he has. A good business technique.
“I can't say that I have ever thought about the fact that I’m too small to see the universe. But now you have my attention, so tell me, how the hell do you plan on making a tiny universe?” Kurt asks, with genuine interest, because that sounds cool as hell. Just like that, Pietro is sent into another tangent, this time about how he plans on making a universe in a Chinese takeout container.
“Are you a movie star like they say you are?” Pietro randomly asks, interrupting his own sentence. “ Wow, that was rude, and random. Uhm.. my bad, again.”
“It's fine, I assure you, but ja, I am. I am also an X-Man” Kurt says with a laugh, almost waiting for the question. They knew he would ask at some point, everyone does.
“You probably get that a lot don't you? I mean, if they don't recognise you right off the bat.”
“Ja, it's alright though, I’ve almost been anticipating it at this point. You were bound to ask about my job, or my life in general.” That's when Pietro realizes he still knows nothing about Kurt other than the basics, and Kurt now knows a lot of odd details about him.
“Well, now I feel bad. Tell me 10 random things about yourself, and then I’ll do the same” Pietro said with a smile, because he genuinely wants to know more about Kurt, but doesn’t want to seem rude, or pushy.
“Well, I was born and raised in a small town in germany, I grew up in the circus, my father is an islander and my mom is american, I am a teleporter, I'm an actor as well as an X-man, I can sword fight with my hands, tail, and feet, I'm a priest, and may or may not be gay, not sure on that one yet.” Kurt lists, piquing Pietro’s interest. To Kurt, those things seem rather insignificant, but they seem like a good start.
“Okay, my turn.. Um, I'm Romani, lived in Romania for a while, I used to live with the Brotherhood, I've got a twin sister, I know a little bit of german, I figured out how to put a coin through someone’s head with pure speed, I manipulate space-time, I can float if I spin really fast, I’m a bit of a kleptomaniac, I would die and kill for my siblings, and have mastered the art of making soup out of stuff I find in my yard.” Pietro listed, and if Kurt was being honest, that was far more interesting than his 10 random facts. Overall, Pietro seems much more interesting than Kurt, but it's the opposite to Pietro.
“Bonus fact time, you first then me.”
Kurt had to make this bonus fact good. It had to be something worth remembering, or even worth the effort thinking of and saying. But all he can think about is it’s time in the circus, being the main arealist. Maybe they will show him some time. Why not now? He can teleport can't it? ‘What the hell’ Kurt thought to themselves.
“This last thing is easier to show, take my hand” Kurt offers it’s hand to Pietro, and he makes a face, while shrugging his shoulders with a nod. With a small smile and a ‘BAMF’ they’re in what everyone has dubbed ‘Kurt’s training gym’, which, in reality, is just a normal gym, with aerial equipment. However, no one else does aerial, so it’s basically his.
“Huh, I thought I snuck in everywhere. That's crazy” Pietro said, confusing poor Kurt.
“Have a seat, and enjoy the show” Kurt said, gesturing to a fold up chair and ending with a little bow. Pietro sits down and waits, slightly confused as to what is happening for a bit while Kurt stretches. He has no idea what to expect, he doesn’t even know what some of these things are for, let alone what Kurt would do on or with them.
“Would you like music as well? It’s more fun to watch that way” Kurt said, less of a question and more of a comment as he grabs his phone and hooks it up to a speaker against the other wall next to Pietro. Kurt hands it’s phone to Pietro and asks him to press play on the opened playlist when he gets to the starting platform. When he gets to the top, Pietro presses play and Kurt grabs a bar on some ropes and jumps, swinging to the other side and back. After swinging a couple times he swings harder and lands on the platform, sticking the landing.
“Would you like to come up here? I promise I won't drop you” Kurt says, the last part jokingly. Obviously Pietro says yes, because in what universe would he say no? So Pietro climbs up to the opposite platform and waits.
“Okay, I will swing back and forth a few times, then I will ask you to jump, I will grab your arms and continue swinging, and will gently toss you to the platform. I've done this many times in the circus, even with people from the crowd. In the event that I do drop you however, I will teleport us both to safety, as to not risk serious injury.” Kurt states, as if he’s done this a million times. Pietro trusts them not to drop him, mostly because of his lack of self preservation. So he stands and waits. He waits until Kurt tells him to jump.
This time Kurt has the bar with its feet, so their hands are free to hold Pietro’s arms, which is a bit more impressive in Pietro’s opinion. Like Kurt said, he swings a few times before instructing Pietro to jump, and just like he promised, they catch him, holding his arms tightly and Pietro grabs Kurt’s arms as well, and they swing a bit before Kurt asks if he’d like to stop. Pietro doesn't really want to stop, but he’d like to see what he meant by “gently toss” earlier.
“Yeah, arms are getting tired ya know?” Pietro half-lies, because he doesn’t know how to phrase that he wants to be thrown onto the platform, just to see what it meant.
“Alright, when we get close to the platform, I want you to let go of my arms, and I will toss you, it’s alright if you don't stick the landing, prioritize your legs. It will hurt if you try to stick the landing and stumble, even the smallest bit.” Kurt says, clearly, it’s done this before. Pietro just nods his head, and does what Kurt said, and like Kurt said, he stumbles and ends up rolling a bit when he lands. Who’d’ve guessed it, that landing did hurt a bit. Kurt swings one more time before showing him up with a perfect landing.
“If you’d like, I can show you a bit more. Like the silks, or the hoop” Kurt says, and Pietro doesn’t even know what those are. So naturally, he says yes. How else is he supposed to learn what they are and what they're for? He debates on sitting patiently and watching, or standing, and ultimately decides on standing.
When Kurt starts, Pietro didn't know what to expect. He didn't know what the hell a silk was, but he assumes that it's the colored thing Kurt is climbing, he isn’t sure though. Kurt starts wrapping the silk around his leg and foot so he can climb up and Pietro thinks that that has to hurt, even a little bit. Yet Kurt keeps going, wrap, lift, rewrap, lift, all the way until it’s a decent way up the silk before wrapping it around their hand and arm for grip, and letting go with his legs so it's just dangling by their one arm.
Kurt spends the next little while showing off, and they may or may not be trying to impress Pietro. Little does it know Pietro is already impressed. Why wouldn’t he be? He’s never seen anyone do this in real life, and he thinks it’s the coolest thing ever.
--- ---
“Toad, you mind if I talk to you for a bit?” Pietro asked as he sits down next to Toad who’s sat outside watching frogs hop around with a longing gaze.
“No, go ahead, what’s up?”
“Well, there's this guy, and he's really pretty, okay he's like, hella hot, and funny and kind and didn't yell at me or get mad the 2 times I’ve broken into the bathroom while he’s trying to take a bath. And… OH MY GOD KIRBY PHYSICS IS BIOLOGY BASED NOT PHYSICS BASED!! THAT'S WHY IT MAKES NO GODDAMN SENSE! I need to go tell Kurt immediately. Sorry Toad, I'll be back I promise!” Pietro shouts before jumping up and running off, Toad just laughs and goes back to watching and holding frogs.
--- ---
Pietro sprints down the hall to Kurt’s room and debates knocking a little bit too long, and smacks into the door. A very confused Kurt opens the door and asks if Pietro is okay.
“YeahI’mfinebutthisismoreimportant!Kirbyphysicsaren’tphysicsatal!It’sallbiologybecasusehealtershisgeneticswhenheconsumesthings!MEANINGhecanflybecauseheisconsumingair, makinghimhavethesame/similarproperiesofairsohecanfly!”
“Pietro, you’re going to have to calm down, I can’t understand you”
“Kirby physics isn't physics at all! It’s all biology based, maybe a bit of chemistry but shh. Because he altered his biology when he consumes things! MEANING he can fly because he is consuming air, making him have the same/similar properties to air so he can fly!” Pietro rambles, and Kurt finds it cuter than he’d like to admit.
His whole life, Kurt has heard people talk about mutants, always showing them in a bad light. It’s parents tried to keep them away from that sort of thing, but exposure to racism isn't something so easily avoided when he’s so physically mutated. They tried to not let it bother him, but it eventually got to it. He doesn’t view it as what it is, internalized racism, because they don’t feel the same about other people with physical mutations. He has lived their whole life feeling as though others are better not being so close to him, because of the way it looks. He doesn’t realize that they shouldn’t have to worry about that, if their friends are really it's friends, they wouldn't care. Truth be told, they don’t. They’re friends with him because of who he is as a person, not caring about how it looks.
No one applies to this more than Pietro, who wants to date him, not giving a rats ass about how physically mutated it is. Pietro still thinks they’re absolutely gorgeous. But he has no idea how to tell it how he feels, and unfortunately for him, Kurt also has no idea how to tell him how they feel.
--- ---
“John, I think I love him.”
“So, what’re ya gonna do about it?”
“Nothing? They’d never love me”
“Mate, I may not be a telepath, but even I can tell he feels the same”
“Don't just say that John. Why would they? Like Wanda always says, I'm too annoying to be loved” Pietro sighed. He has spent his whole life trying to protect Wanda, making sure she had an okay childhood. Denied himself the ability to be a kid, so she could be one. She’s always said he was annoying and obnoxious, but when the twins got older it turned from saying his constant chatter about one thing or another was annoying, to telling him that she hates him. She hates being related to him, being around him. That he's destined to die alone because she’ll never save him. And like Kurt, Pietro doesn’t see this as what it is, an astronomically low self esteem and self worth issues. He began to relate his value as a person to how much he can help others.
“How many times do we gotta tell ya? Wanda’s just a bitch, if it's listened to this much of your rambling with no complaints, and continues to want to listen. They ain’t gonna suddenly decide to hate ya for it” John tries to reason, knowing it's like negotiating with a fence post. Pietro is never gonna believe them, it’d take a lot of convincing and even then, it's iffy.
Pietro continues to sit next to his brother on the couch as some cartoon he can’t bother to remember the name of plays. Pietro, being left to his thoughts, decides that he doesn’t want to be depressed about the fact that Kurt will never love him, he will go and get laid. Distract himself by getting shitfaced and fucking some other sad lonely person looking to do the same thing.
It's not the most graceful solution, but it’ll do. He doesn’t want to face the fact that Kurt won't see him the way he sees them, the thought hurts him, so he’ll just ignore it.
--- ---
“Has anyone seen Kurt?” Jubilee asks, to no one in particular. She wants to bug him into going to the mall with her, maybe even convince Pietro to come too. But that’s kind of hard to do when she can’t find either of them.
“Come to think of it, no. Maybe he went straight to work today?” Jean replied.
“Well that's no fun. Now I gotta wait” Jubilee complained half-heartedly. Not really annoyed, just mildly inconvenienced. Now she’ll have to go bother someone else to come to the mall.
--- ---
Kurt debated coming to work today, but as the star, he kinda had to. They clearly don’t want to be there, but that doesn’t matter. At least not to the sponsors and higher ups.
“Come on Kurt, try not looking so depressed? This is an emotional scene, but that's the wrong emotion” Alma, for once, doesn’t shout. Even she wouldn’t yell at him when there's clearly something wrong.
“Verzeihung Alma. I will do my best” Kurt said, not really sorry, but it meant it when they said he’d try his best. Ever since yesterday Kurt hasn’t been doing too great emotions wise. An odd sinking feeling and things of the sort, and they can’t place the feeling.
“Just, take it from the top” Alma sighed, hoping whatever the hell is wrong with Kurt fixes itself soon, or else everyone’s out of a job.
The scene is reset, ready for another take, everyone in position again, Kurt visibly brightens, but his eyes remain dark. He seems fine from a distance but his eyes still reflect his true feelings. It will have to do for now, seeing as that is the best they’ll get for the next while.
--- ---
“That’s a wrap! Kurt, can I talk to you for a minute?” Alma asked.
“Hmm? Oh, ja” Kurt said, before walking over to Alma. He already had an idea of what she was going to say, but chose to wait until she asked them before it answered.
Kurt just wanted to go home and sleep for a million years, but he knows that ignoring Alma is a death wish, and they want to sleep, not die. So it walks over to her, and just stands there, waiting for her to say/ask what she is going to say/ask.
“You sure you’re alright Kurt? You don't have to talk about it if you don’t want to”
“Ja, guess i'm just, out of it, so to speak”
“Whatever you say Kurt, go home, get some rest, see how you feel in the morning.” Alma expresses genuine concern for Kurt, but he suspects that it's because production is dragging on.
Kurt just nods, not really wanting to waste the little energy he has left on forming words to end the conversation. This just raises Alma’s concern, but there's nothing she can do. Production is already over schedule, she can’t do much else other than offer to listen to his problems and tell him to rest.
--- ---
Kurt was walking to his room after a late night bath, seeing as he took a nap when he got home, and he quite literally ran into the source of his problems. Pietro is standing with a man Kurt doesn’t recognise, all three of them share the same look of confusion. Pietro is confused as to why Kurt is up this late, getting a bath no less, Kurt is confused about the other guy with Pietro, and the guy is confused about what Kurt is.
“Hallo Pietro, and friend?” Kurt said, sleep and confusion lacing his voice. The accent only added to the other man’s confusion though.
“Oh, um, hi. This is…… Garret?” Pietro said, although when saying the name, it seemed more like a question. Pietro smells slightly of alcohol and sweat,and seems a bit more disoriented than usual. ‘He must have been drunk’ Kurt thinks to itself, somewhere between disappointment and confusion.
“Hey?” says the man, presumably Garret considering he didn't correct Pietro. He clearly doesn't want to continue the conversation, and leave. Pietro on the other hand, is visibly conflicted about what he wants to do.
“You can see yourself out right? If not I'll, I'll show you, but… kinda wanna talk to Kurt for a bit” Pietro finally breaks the silence, albeit awkwardly.
“Yeah… I'll… I'll just, go…” Garret says uncomfortably. And he backs away and leaves.
“So… how’s it going?” Pietro asks clearly tense, but Kurt can't be too judgemental about it, he's also really tense. They both stand there for a minute before Kurt realizes he's supposed to say something.
“It's… it's been going, you know?” Kurt finally replies, just amplifying the awkwardness of the entire everything that’s been happening the past couple of weeks.
“Don’t I know it… but uh… That's nice…” Pietro pauses for a moment “Can we just skip the pleasantries, and go back to me rambling?” Pietro finally says, exasperated.
“As much as I would love to, I do have to train in the morning, and an interview in the afternoon. I should really get to bed. Another time?” Kurt says, he feels bad, but they don't think it can emotionally handle that right now.
“Oh, yeah, you're right, it's hella late. My bad. See ya around?” The last sentence was more of a question, and Kurt doesn't know the answer either.
“Yeah, maybe tomorrow?” Kurt suggests knowing they won't talk for a while, and will inevitably avoid each other like the plague.
“Yeah, maybe tomorrow.”
--- ---
After training for X-men stuff, Kurt changes into more casual clothes, but in actuality it's a shirt he's been told makes them look like a pirate, jeans and a graphic tee shirt. It should look like a disaster, but he manages to pull it off. Then they’re off, off to a stupid interview thing its agent scheduled for them, one of it’s least favorite things to do and his least favorite thing about their agnet.
Kurt debates on teleporting, because he doesn't want to smell like sulfur, but decides to anyway, mostly because they already smell of sulfur from training earlier. It does stop to get a snack first, getting a sandwich and a drink before heading to the radio station to get the interview over.
--- ---
“Well, listeners, here we have Kurt Wagner with us in the studio today and we’re gonna let you ask him some questions.” says the radio host, not letting Kurt say anything, which was odd to them, but it’s not in charge so they don't really care.
“All right, caller number one, ask away”
“Okay, um, I'm a big fan, and I wanna know what got you into acting in the first place” the person asked, filled with excitement.
“Well, growing up in the circus probably had a lot to do with it. I always loved showing off and entertaining people, and that has carried on into my adult life. I say this more figuratively than anything since I've been 17 for quite some time. My mother always said that I would do big things one day, get out of the circus and leave behind everything they taught me to make my own person. But I still keep a lot of Romani culture in my life, I still call and write my mother and father, I still do acrobatics. So she was technically correct. Also, buna mama si tata!”
“That's sweet, Next caller! You're live on the air”
“Hi, also a huge fan, I understand if this is personal, but how do you feel about your virtual immortality?”
“Nien, it is fine, it is only natural to be curious. And if i'm completely honest… I am not a fan of the notion of not dying. One of my biggest comforts in life, especially my youth, was that no matter how many bad things happen, I still had going to heaven to look forward to. That no matter how much suffering I do, I don’t have to suffer forever. But since I am pretty much immortal, I cannot exactly look forward to a pleasant afterlife in heaven. The very notion of outliving my friends and family, my loved ones, is crushing. I… I can hardly stand the idea that it is possible I will have to bury everyone close to me.”
“I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to upset you!”
“Nien, it’s fine, it is good to talk about one's feelings, no matter how upsetting they are.”
“Next caller, Live!”
“No offense but, how often does your tail get stuck in doors and other moving things? Does it hurt?”
“Aha, I don't get my tail stuck very often, at least not anymore. When you're born with a tail, you learn to go through doors fast, and keep it above stepping level. But it does hurt when it happens. I've sprained it because it moves with emotion and idly, and I got very excited and sprained my tail, I've broken it before as well.”
The interview continued with questions ranging from his favorite song, to what his home town is like. It lasted a couple hours, before the host said they were out of time and Kurt left. Once again teleporting to their room and flopping into bed.
Over the past couple of weeks Kurt has been spending more and more time in its room, laying in bed, which is increasingly concerning to his friends, especially those who heard his ramble about how they feel about it’s immortality. Their behavior in general is concerning, especially for him. It hardly ever does their hobbies, only goes to work, doesn’t train for the X-Men, and no one has seen him eat (but they assure people that they’re eating, just no one notices them enter and leave the kitchen).
--- ---
Pietro is very quickly realizing that meaningless sex, is in fact, not the solution to his problems. After about three weeks of whoring himself around to other sad lonely people, he realizes that he can’t stop thinking about Kurt. For the past three weeks, he hasn’t been able to get the other out of his head, and didn't even notice.
“Well fuck… what do I do now?” originally it was rhetorical, but then he turned to his pet turtle “what do you think Mister Dibbles?”
“-hiss- (you should talk to him)”
“I see… I should talk to him, But that's scary”
“-hissss- (coward)”
“Mister Dibbles! That was rude! But you're right” Pietro stated, because he was right. He is a coward and won’t actually talk to Kurt about shit, let alone his feelings. Expressing emotions, at least verbally, was never Pietro’s forte. He is the kind of person to outwardly express things, he always has, and always will, wear his heart on his sleeve. No matter what he thinks or does to change it, he will. That doesn't mean he knows how to word his emotions though, it’s the opposite.
“I'm doomed Mister Dibbles, DOOMED I say!” Pietro says as he flops backwards onto his bed.
Mister Dibbles rolls his eyes at Pietro, because the whole ordeal is completely pointless and easily fixed. Pietro is just stupid.
Pietro has no idea how to talk about his feelings, especially to someone else, especially if that someone is the subject of his big boy feelings. So he is currently opting to suffer in silence, but not continue to be a whore. At least as regularly as he has been recently.
--- ---
Kurt can’t keep living like this, it's overtired from sleeping in their free time, and overworked because if he can't sleep it's training, more than they should on a virtually empty stomach. He looks like they died, and no amount of actually bathing can change that. They’re not doing it on purpose, it just doesn't have the motivation to do much else, and because of how much he’s been sleeping, eating regularly isn't exactly easy.
All of Kurt’s friends are concerned, because it’s been weeks of this, and they know it isn't healthy for them, especially with its jobs and hobbies, not to mention what their mutation needs to use to teleport.
“Someone needs to go check on Kurt”
“Yeah, but what would checking on him do? They’re just going to say it’s fine”
“I know… does anyone know what’s wrong anyway?”
No one answered. They don’t know what’s wrong with Kurt. How would they? He hasn't been very open about whatever’s bothering them. It hasn't been doing that on purpose or anything, he just feels like it isn't worth bothering their friends over. In reality, it is, but it does not think so, at all.
--- ---
Through all of Pietro's endeavors of meaningless sex,one person has been increasingly concerned. Pietro lives his teenage years stereotyping himself as a whore and a thief who doesn't stay in one place. No one has thought much of his recent activities, because that's just Pietro, except for Venus. Some would say that's just because that's just how she is, and they would be right, but she's also concerned for him and Kurt.
Venus is usually up and about when Pietro is sneaking out (sometimes in) with a random person from the bar, and this day is no exception to that.
"You know, Pietro, this isn't going to fix whatever’s wrong." Venus says when she hears him coming back downstairs from his room.
"Shit! Uhm… I don't know what you're talking about" Pietro says, clearly startled by her comment. He forgot she'd be down here, and feels kind of stupid for forgetting.
"A rebel from the waist down gets nothing except for a bad reputation, Pietro"
"Look, respectfully, fuck you" it had to be respectful, he doesn’t want to die via Venus. “That was the most insulting thing I’ve ever been told, and honestly, I’d prefer if you just called me a whore straight up”
“Pietro, what’s wrong? Clearly something is wrong, it’s eating away at you. You can tell me” Pietro can't tell her what’s wrong, he can't admit that he's whoring around because he's in love with someone way out of his league. He knows logically that's not a good reason, it’s not even a reason, but he doesn't know how else to cope.
“Nothing’s wrong. Don't worry about it even if there was something wrong, I’d tell you if it was worth sharing”
“No you wouldn't, Pietro. Don't lie to me, it's rude. And stand up straight, that's why your back hurts, hun.” She had a point, considering that is literally what he’s doing. But that won't make him any more inclined to tell her, he knows he should tell someone that isn’t Mister Dibbles, but he doesn’t exactly want to do that. It’s not like she’s his mom, and even if she was, he wouldn’t tell his mom what’s wrong. It’s embarrassing.
--- ---
Kurt hasn’t left his room unless it's for work in weeks. They feel like shit, it looks like shit, he feels gross, and generally, they’re not having a good time.
It hasn't been at this low of a point in a very long time, and he is ashamed to think it's because of a boy. The last time they even considered something as terrible as harming itself, it was because they didn't feel as if they deserved forgiveness from God. Now he feels like it doesn't deserve much of anything, let alone the concern of their friends. The whole ordeal feels stiupid, and he wishes it doesn't feel this way, especially over something so stupid. He doesn't deserve to be upset, they knew Pietro could never love him. It knows that people like him cannot be loved, yet that's exactly what it wants.
Kurt sighs as he goes towards the bathroom, ahamed of its own head and thoughts. How could they damage gods creation? Maybe because it wasn't meant to be, maybe his mom was right to try to end their life before it began. He knows Father Wagner would be disappointed in them, but that is only a small quiet thought in the back of their head, barely noticeable through the thick fog of depression, the need to do something to make it go away was too great. Kurt needed to do something, anything to make it go away, and he knows that this won't work, but they can't think of anything else, short of a lobotomy.
It's been a long, long time since Kurt could possibly think to turn to this, not since he was 13 years old, living in the church with Father Wagner and spending his days hearing people talk about how terrible mutants are, and how they're damned to hell for all eternity. That was when he carved the runes into his flesh, he thought that they'd make him more holy, that it would make God forgive them for being this way. Now look at it, hiding in a bathroom, doing almost the same thing, except for the fact that he's not carving runes so much as slashing their anger and sadness away, hoping that with each drop of blood it'll feel better and better. Life doesn't work that way and he knows it, but it was oddly soothing, something they seem to have forgotten over the years. They keep slashing until its tears mix with the blood on the floor, and sit there, failing to remember if they locked the door. He hoped it did, otherwise some poor child will end up traumatized. They sit there for a while, on the floor, as blood and tears mix on his clothes and on the floor, and finally pushes itself off the floor and decides to clean up, and bandage up their arm before heading to bed.
He can't even be bothered to be upset at how patchy its fur looks now, they can be upset about that in the morning, if he can even be bothered. It hopes they don't run into Pietro, he doesn't want to deal with that. A small part of them wants to see Pietro, maybe he’ll save it from himself. That's not fair to Pietro and they know that, but subconscious thoughts don't exactly care about that kind of thing.
Thankfully, he did not run into Pietro, and made it back to its room without seeing anyone. Which isn't that surprising considering it's almost 3 in the morning, but he's grateful nonetheless. They flop into bed and just lay there, motionless, he can't tell if it's sad or not. They're not exactly upset anymore, at least, he doesn't think so. But it is. They're still upset, even if he doesn't think it has a reason to be upset. Why would he? It's not like they're dating Pietro or anything, why would they be upset if he's sleeping with other people?
Kurt knows that Pietro can do whatever he wants, and it has no right to be upset, but he is. They don't even understand why it’s so upset, but he is.
--- ---
Pietro can't keep this up. His heart hurts because of Kurt, but he can't even tell them. He can't keep trying and failing to cope like this, it's just making things worse, but he doesn't know what else to do.
“I can't keep living like this, I just can't Mister Dibbles”
“Plep (Then talk to him. Bitch.)”
“You know I can't do that”
“Hiss (yes you can, you're just afraid)”
“Yeah, I am, so what?”
“Hisss (then don't complain)”
“I'm gonna complain!”
Pietro knew the turtle was right, he shouldn't be complaining, he did this to himself, he's actively doing this to himself. But he's afraid to talk to Kurt about it, he's too afraid of rejection to actually say or do anything about this. He knows he just needs to get it over with, but he can't. He's too scared, so he’ll probably ask John to hype him up to do it.
- -
“Hey, John, I need you to hype me up to talk to Kurt about how much I love him” Pietro randomly stated after walking into the room
“Aight, you got this! It’s just Kurt, just a conversation, you can do this! You're good at talking anyways! Just talk, just say words! You can do this!” John tried his best to make it seem like not a big deal, at least, less of a big deal than it was.
Honestly, Pietro needed that, he needed that push, he needed someone to believe in him, especially his little brother. He's gotta be a good role model, he's gotta show him that even if things are scary, you can still do it.
“Thanks John, I needed that. Wish me luck.” Pietro said as he started to walk towards Kurt’s room.
As Pietro was walking to Kurt’s room, he began to think too much, which is something he's very good at. He almost backed down, but didn’t, he needs to set the good example for John. So he kept walking, each step bringing him closer and closer to his probable social death.
“Okay Pietro, you’ve got this. He's just a guy, you're just a guy, just two guys having a nice little chat.” Pietro says to himself, in an attempt to give himself a pep talk. He ends up repeating this a few times and just pacing outside Kurt’s door for a while, before finally knocking.
It’s quiet for a minute, and Pietro doesn’t wanna eavesdrop, but he does, and he can slightly hear the rustling of sheets and blankets as he assumes Kurt gets out of bed. He tries to strain his ears to hear if Kurt is walking towards the door, or if he just rolled over away from the door. But Kurt’s steps have never been audible, so that doesn’t really get him anywhere. So he continues to stand and wait for what seems like forever, before the door knob twists.
--- ---
Kurt was trying to nap, he was tired, but that was just because he’s overtired from sleeping almost 20 hours a day. He's just laying silently, as he has been for the past what feels like a month, but was actually a week or two. Then he hears footsteps pacing outside his door and muffled speech, too soft and fast for him to properly process. It goes on for a while, before the speech stops and the footsteps eventually halt, and there’s a soft knock on his door.
He was originally going to ignore the knock, because he expected it to be Jubilee, or one of his other friends he didn't exactly want to see or talk to right now, but something inside him made him get up, slowly.
He didn’t know why, he’d rather be in bed and ignore the person at his door, but he got up slowly, and silently made his way to the door. He didn’t know why he was trying to sneak to the door, it’s his bedroom, and it’s not like the door has a peep-hole to see who’s there, he’d have to talk or open the door to figure it out.
Finally Kurt reaches the door, and grabs the knob, he says a small prayer that it isn’t Jean or Alma here to pester him about not going out or not doing his best at work, and slowly, he opens the door.
At first he closes his eyes, mostly because it’s bright in the hallway, and also because he is kind of afraid of who could be on the other side of the door. When he opens his eyes, he’s conflicted, because it’s Pietro on the other side of his door. Part of him is happy to see Pietro, the other part is still hurt and upset that Pietro has been sleeping with other people when he thought Pietro felt the same way about him that he did.
“Yes?” Kurt finally said, so soft that he hardly heard it himself. Pietro was quiet a moment, either because he didn’t hear Kurt and was figuring out what he said, or because he didn’t expect Kurt to answer, he isn’t really sure.
“Um.. hi, haven't seen you in a while, haha…” Pietro said awkwardly “Look… I'm sorry, for everything, I really really like you, I might even love you and I was scared, because you're perfect, and I'm me, and I am not great, I'm okay at the best of times, and I did what I did to try to dull the pain of you not wanting me too, and it didn't work and now i'm here, trying to apologize because i've realized i've really hurt you and that's not what i meant to do, i'm so sorry, and i guess it's a bold move to ask, but you wanna go get dinner and see a movie sometime?” Pietro word vomited at Kurt, hoping he was comprehensible, because he doesn’t want to have to repeat himself, because that speech was pretty embarrassing.
Kurt was quiet for a moment, processing what Pietro said. Eventually he was able to process the mini speech.
“Um.. you really want to go out with me? Or did someone put you up to this? If they did, this isn’t funny…” Kurt said cautiously waiting for a group of people to come out from around the corner and laugh at him for actually saying yes to the joke.
“No! Uh, I needed a pep talk first, but I don't think that's what you mean haha… I swear this is genuine, you can ask John, or Toad, or even Venus, they'll tell you, I wasn’t gonna do this because I’m scared of rejection, and I'm repeating myself aren't i? Hehe sorry, I'll stop talking now” Pietro rambled again, not remembering what he said before.
This made Kurt pause, because if this was a joke, they should have chosen anyone else to do it, because Pietro just ratted them out, unless it isn't a joke and Pietro is telling the truth about needing the pep talk, and everyone else helped him. The more and more he thinks, the more it looks like Pietro is being genuine. But it's not possible. Kurt doesn't want just a hook-up, he wants a relationship, he doesn’t much care for the sex aspect. And that appears to be all Pietro does, he sleeps with someone, then moves on. That would hurt more than seeing Pietro with other men.
“I'm not going to have sex with you and have you leave. I can’t take that right now. I'm going through some stuff…” Kurt finally says after a few moments, not wanting to reveal how upset this has really gotten him. He’s barely holding onto his emotions, trying not to cry right then and there.
“Wait, is that what you think of me?” Pietro asked genuinely
“Yes”
“Oh.. i'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you, I meant to hurt myself…”
“Why would you do that”
“Because I love you and I’m afraid of loving you” Pietro blurted out.
Kurt was stunned, he didn't know what to say, all this time Pietro was afraid of his feelings? He was afraid? Why? Was kurt that bad? Was he that scary? Was the idea of loving him that horrible?
He's spiraling, he knows that, but that doesn't stop it. He's never been good at being able to stop it, especially something this pressing to his current mental health.
“It's because I'm blue isn’t it? Or is it the fur? Or is it the lack of 5 fingers and toes? Or my fangs? Or the fact that I have a tail? Or is it just because I'm physically mutated?” Kurt rambles out suggestions to why Pietro might be afraid to be with him. It does no good asking, it’s not something he can change, but he’d like to know why he's so scary to be with.