Trauma Bonding
Leighton unfortunately couldn’t get a flight out that weekend because two exams, a term paper and women center responsibilities had to come first. She did talk to Tatum every day on the phone and once in a FaceTime chat where Leighton could see that she was out of the hospital and staying at The Ritz Carlton. That dazzling smile that made Leighton’s heart flutter was back on her face. The next weekend, Leighton flew out to see her.
Leighton started to panic as she walked into the lobby of the Ritz. She made sure there were no crazy ex-girlfriends lurking in the corners.
She was led to The Artists Gate Suite, where Tatum was staying. The bellhop brought Leighton up there and she tipped him $20.
BH: Thank you, Miss.
L: You’re welcome
As she knocked on the door, she could hear multiple voices. Kate opened the door.
K: Leighton, nice to see you again. Come in.
L: Hi Kate. Likewise.
As Leighton walked into the room, she saw Tatum’s friend Maddie as well as Taron and his girlfriend Carrie.
Sitting on the couch with a cane nearby was Tatum. She had a 5 Stripe Aviator Nation hoodie on and blue leggings. Her toes look freshly pedicured…blood red. Ironic, Leighton thought.
Tatum’s beautiful face lit up when she sees Leighton.
T: Leighton, my sweet! Great to see you!
Leighton is feeling quite intimidated with all the people in the room hovering over Tatum. Kate was spot on, she is fiercely protected.
Leighton masks her nervousness and goes over to kiss Tatum on the lips.
Tatum: Mmm hmm.
Leighton giggles.
Taron, Carrie, Maddie and Kate all stand awkwardly by as Leighton and Tatum hug.
Tatum: Alright everybody, out!
Taron: Sis…
Tatum: I’m serious! I’ll be fine. Just give us a few hours, okay? I’m sure you all can find something to do in the city.
Everybody reluctantly looks at each other and Tatum, with those deep blue eyes, tells them to get the fuck out.
They all give Leighton one last look, scorn or suspicion, she couldn’t tell…
After everybody leaves, Tatum grabs Leighton and begins kissing her. Not having been with each other in close to a month, hands and mouths start traveling, frantic breathing and gasps also start.
Leighton stops for a minute breathless: Are you okay to do this?
Tatum, also breathless: Yes, a little stab to the back isn’t going to stop me. Trust me, I’m fine! Everything works.
She raises her eyebrows seductively.
Leighton laughs.
L: Why am I not surprised?
Tatum pulls Leighton close to her: Come here.
Stabbed or not, Tatum was still quite strong.
Leighton unzips Tatum’s hoodie and begins kissing every part of her front until she goes all the way down to the leggings which she swiftly removes.
She orders a now topless Tatum to sit on the couch. Tatum immediately obliges. Leighton removes Tatum’s thong and begins kissing her stomach, her belly button, her side, her knees. She reaches her right oblique where a large bandage covers up the wound. Tatum grabs Leighton’s face and puts their foreheads together and kisses her. Leighton starts to tear up.
Tatum, wiping Leighton’s tears away gently says: Babe, it’s okay. I’m right here. I’ll be fine.
Leighton nods and kisses the bandaged wound.
Leighton comes back and opens Tatum’s legs and takes Tatum in her mouth….
Ninety minutes later , after a rigorous sexual encounter, Tatum and Leighton made it to the bed somehow. Tatum moves a little slower than usual but the stabbing didn’t slow down her lovemaking skills or prowess. And Leighton was thankful for that.
Tatum looks at Leighton who is sitting on her chest: Hi.
Leighton blushing: Hi.
They take a moment admiring each other’s faces.
Tatum looks at Leighton and smiles at the messed up blonde hair, blue eyes, subtle freckles, very slight beauty mark under her left eye and pink lipped woman looking back at her.
Leighton looks at Tatum and grins at the mussed blonde hair, steely blue eyed woman with a jawline to die for, the dimples, and those thick full lips that had taken her to heaven not ten minutes before.
T: So…what’s new?
Leighton chuckles
L: Didn’t you hear? My girlfriend was stabbed by her ex-girlfriend who was trying to stab me.
T: Your girlfriend sounds very brave.
L: Oh she is.
They kiss.
L: How are you babe?
T: I’ve been better. *she laughs* But I have also been worse.
L: How long is the recovery process?
T: The hard part is over. I’ve got tons of stitches back there. But maybe in two months, I’ll get back to some kind of normalcy….physically, anyway. I’m being closely monitored.
Leighton laughs.
Yes, I see. Your friends and family love you something fierce.
Tatum smiles: I’m lucky to have them.
They chit chat for a while before the conversation turns serious.
T: She’s taking a plea, babe.
L: Who?
T: Stacey. She’s taking a plea deal.
L: So no trial?
T: No, She didn’t want to embarrass herself or her family any further.
L: What’s the result?
T: She’s going to do 19 years with no chance of parole. Only after she is released, she’ll be on parole for five more. We agreed to the deal. It was…suggested to her she jump on the deal.
L: Suggested?
T: My uncle is a retired cop...
Leighton nods.
T: She’s going to get the help she needs cause lord knows it’s a long time coming.
L: Babe, I need to tell you something.
T: Yes?
L: Lydia wanted me to leave you.
Tatum laughs: Ah that explains a lot.
Leighton looks confused
T: My pop and mom were there when I stirred awake, I was told. I don’t remember the first couple of days. But then I saw my brothers, my grandparents who came out of nowhere and then Kate, Brenda, Maddie, Dalia and Regan popped up too. I asked for you.
Leighton: You did?
T: Yes. I wanted to know that you were okay. That’s when Lydia appeared and told me she and you talked.
Leighton: Oh.
T: She’s awful sometimes I know. *laughs* So I can imagine how that conversation went.
Tatum slowly gets up from the bed, grabs her nearby robe and puts it on. She grabs her cane and gingerly walks to the nearby couch. She turns back at Leighton and gestures for her to come too.
Leighton puts on Tatum’s aviator hoodie and her own blue underwear and comes to the couch.
Tatum picks up her phone after it almost vibrates off the table. She starts texting. Then she gets on the phone and orders from a nearby restaurant for she and Leighton after getting Leighton’s order.
They cuddle on the couch talking about how Leighton’s life has been the last three weeks. Tatum listens intently as her girlfriend recounts all her highs and lows of the near month they didn’t see each other.
About 50 minutes later, there’s a knock on the door. Both Tatum and Leighton remain hyper aware of any situation.
Tatum bellows out: Who is it?
The bellhop that helped Leighton earlier is on the other end with their food.
Leighton gets up to go get it but Tatum stops her.
Tatum: I have to walk around. She gets up with her cane, grabs $20 from her bag and walks to the door. She opens the door and lets him bring the food inside. He sets it on a table nearby. He sees Leighton and it clicks for him that the two blondes are not related.
Leighton giggles silently.
Tatum gives him a look that says “get out now”, hands him the $20 and hustles him out of the room.
Tatum and Leighton look at each other and laugh.
T: Let’s eat.
Tatum ordered herself a chicken avocado club sandwich with a side of fruit. Leighton got herself a chicken Waldorf salad and also a side of fruit.
As they finish eating, Tatum grabs her water and walks to her bag and pops a pain med.
T: Babe, we need to talk.
Leighton gets uneasy.
About?
Tatum sits back on the couch: Us.
Leighton moves closer to the couch: Us.
T: Yes. Look, hon, this is going to be a lot to deal with. The recovery process will happen but it’s slow.
L: Okay?
T: And I have all the support I need.
L: Okay?
T: Leighton…
L: Don’t say it…
T: Leighton…
Leighton begins to cry…
Tatum pulls Leighton to her. Leighton half heartedly pulls away but Tatum’s strong arms have a hold of her.
T: I don’t want to do this but I have to. Leighton, you still have time left to enjoy yourself at Essex and I have a hard three months. It’s too much to ask of you to have this be another thing on your plate.
L: We were just rounding into form.
T: I know, babe. But maybe this just isn’t our time.
L: Lydia got to you. Is that what this is about?
Tatum shakes her head in denial: No! That’s not it!
L: You don’t want me, is that it?
T: Of course I want you. I always want you but it’s not about what I want but what you need.
L: I need you.
T: No babe you don’t. I told you this before, you can’t live your life for somebody else. You have to live life for you.
She drinks from her water bottle.
I have to come to terms that my choices in dating and the way I have treated some of the girls I have been with almost led to you and me dying.
L: It’s not our fault, Tatum.
T: Consciously, I know you’re right. But that doesn’t make it easier to swallow.
Leighton is deflated.
I can’t believe you had me fly out here just to break it off.
T: It’s the right thing to do. I’ll pay for your flight back, okay?
L: I don’t want the money, Tatum…I want you!
A hint of Cold Tatum returns
T: You’ll get over it. Leighton, it’s only been a few months. It’s not like we were getting married.
L: I know what you’re doing…it is not going to work. I know this game all too well. You don’t think I heard the Uber driver talking to you before we went into the lobby about holding on for as long as you could if I was worth it?
A look of surprise comes across Tatum’s face.
T: I thought you were asleep…
L: Guess you don’t know me as well as you thought.
Tatum knowingly smiles.
T: Leighton, resentment will build for both of us if we go on like this. You’ll resent having to take care of me. I’ll resent the fact you’ll resent me. It’s a cycle that neither one of us need.
L: Why are you so mature? I can’t stand it.
T: It’s just me.
She kisses Leighton on the forehead.
I want you to enjoy your college years. Meet new people, new girls…I guess. See what it’s all about. I’ll just be a memory for you one day. Hopefully a good one.
Leighton’s head is beginning to wrap around to the fact that Tatum is breaking up with her.
So I can’t even speak to you back on campus?
Tatum: I don’t see why not.
L: Your friends, Tatum.
T: They can’t stop us from talking.
L: But they can stop us from having a relationship.
Tatum shakes her head
You know damn well I don’t do anything that I don’t want to do. They played no part in this. I care about you, Leighton. It would be selfish of me to have you here like this. I’m gonna be home for the next month or so. Tennis is over for me. Maybe I’ll pick it up one day again.
Leighton: So this is it? So we’re done?
Tatum: Yes. For now anyway…who can say what the future holds.
L: I remember what you told me the day on the sidewalk.
T: I remember too…
Tatum grabs Leighton and unzips her hoodie. She goes straight for Leighton’s neck.
Leighton knows what this means and smiles….
Another 90 minutes later, Leighton is in the shower. She had to borrow some of Tatum’s clothes since she didn’t bring any but planned on stopping at her folks place for a quick visit.
She can hear loud voices coming from the living area.
Voice 1: Did you do it?
T: I did. I didn’t want to but it’s best for her.
Leighton recognizes Lydia’s voice.
Lydia: Let her go back to whatever it is she does at that center.
Then Leighton hears Kate: She is in the bathroom right now, skank.
Tatum shushes both of them.
Girls, I didn’t do this because I wanted to. I want her. But wanting isn’t enough sometimes. I have to let her go.
Kate: I think she can hear us.
Leighton yells out: Yeah, no. I totally can!
*silence*
Leighton puts on a blue blouse and gray leggings and leaves the bathroom.
A hint of old Leighton returns: Lydia and Kate, leave the room please. I need to talk to Tatum. Do it now.
Tatum subtly grins. Lydia looks taken aback and Kate nods her head in approval.
The girls quickly leave.
L: I understand why you’re doing this. I don’t like it one bit but I understand.
Tatum nods.
L: What about our parents?
T: I told George and Sharon what I had planned to do. Just not to surprise them. Sharon actually took a liking to you…and that’s shocking.
L: I will say hi if I see you. I don’t care about these exes and friends of yours.
T: I wouldn’t have it any other way. Good b…see you later, Leighton Murray.
L: See you later. TT.
Tatum raises an eyebrow.
TWO MONTHS LATER
Tatum returned to campus a month prior to much fanfare. Her teammates are overjoyed as are her friends. She no longer needs the cane but does go around with a scooter when she feels it necessary to do so. It’s amazing how many girls are willing to help a wounded Tatum…and it annoys the hell out of Leighton.
They see each other in passing and they wave or smile at each other in acknowledgement in public.
Unbeknownst to anybody but Kimberly, Bela, Whitney and Kate: Leighton and Tatum are actively sleeping together. It has happened multiple times since Tatum returned to campus. Leighton is confused as the last month of Tatum’s being on campus has now arrived.
Thank god I have a session with the doc tomorrow morning, Leighton thinks to herself as she gets ready to leave Tatum’s apartment. Tatum never wants to cuddle or talk afterwards like she did when they were dating. But…like aren’t they still kind of dating? Leighton isn’t sure. Leighton has caught Tatum’s face betraying her when she leaves her place. Like she wants to say something but stops herself.
At 10 am the next morning, Leighton closes the door to her room since Kimberly wants to make breakfast with her “Save the Earth” podcast blaring throughout the dorm. Leighton is exasperated by it all.
At about 10:15, Leighton hops on with the doc.
Doc: How are you Leighton?
L: Stressed!
D: Is it school, family…relationship?
L: All of it! Leighton shouts
D: Okay, let’s take one thing at a time. What is the most pressing issue?
L: Tatum!
D: Okay? I thought you said she was going to be fine.
L: Yes, she’s good. She’s back on campus.
D: That’s good news, yes?
L: Yes it is.
D: You seem unsure.
L: We have been sleeping together.
D: I was under the impression you two had split up.
L: That’s correct.
D: But you’re actively having sex?
L: Yes.
D: When was the last time?
L: Last night.
D: Why do you think you are actively engaging in a sexual relationship with your ex-girlfriend?
L: Because it feels amazing.
D: Besides that, Leighton…why do you think?
L: I can’t let her go. But she’s not making it easy. She never wants to discuss it or talk about it before or after we’re done.
D: But it takes the both of you to engage but my main concern is you.
L: I don’t know. I know that we’re running out of time since she graduates in four weeks. I’m getting anxious. But this is so confusing.
D: That’s understandable. Your sexual partner and former relationship partner is leaving campus forever. It’s a hard thing to deal with.
L: It is. It really is. At least when we’re in bed together, I have all of her. Her undivided attention.
The doc nods their head.
D: But do you think it’s healthy? You mentioned that she never wants to talk about what it means that you two broke up officially but you’re still having sex.
L: Yeah
D: Have you asked her why?
L: No, I’m scared to.
D: Why?
L: Because she might start thinking about it and then want to stop.
D: You said before that she’s really good about communicating her wants and needs with you. Maybe it’s time that you communicate your wants and needs with her. Perhaps write down what you’re going to say to her. Leighton, have you heard the term trauma bonding?
L: …
D: It’s when two people who have gone through a traumatic experience together become attached. The two of you were in said such experience. Do you think that is why you are able to continue having sex with her? You mentioned when you are together, you have her undivided attention.
L: Yeah, I mean. When we first got together, it took a little while for her to warm up to me. Then it was me lying to try to seem cooler than I was *she laughs at the memory*, then meeting my dad in a very awkward situation…and then us breaking up and then agreeing to try again…it’s always been something. But never in bed…like, it never affected us there. But maybe…
D: You and I have gone through steps about what needs to be done to help you heal from your experience. Tatum was part of that experience. Sex keeps you two connected. But what is to be done when that connection is severed?
L: I don’t know, it will go to like before. When we first started dating, she would look at me like I was the brightest star in the sky. I would melt. But when we broke up, the look that was there before returned.
D: How so?
L: It went back to how she looked when we first met. Cold, unfeeling, disgusted. And then we got back together, and there was a look to her that I could never process, except in bed. Then when she got stabbed in front of me, the life left her eyes briefly as she looked at me. It was horrifying. Now when I leave her apartment, she looks unsure. She masks it but I know her too well now.
D: You abstained from sex for a couple of weeks before to figure out how you guys feel about each other, correct? Is that option still on the table?
L: No! Doc, it’s so good, I don’t think I could stand it. We didn’t even make the two week mark I had set the first time.
The doc chuckles.
D: Well, okay then. Here’s the assignment for the next two weeks. Talk to her. See where she is at mentally. Express your feelings to her and let her know that this is confusing for you.
L: Okay, Doc. I will.
Two nights later…
Leighton and Tatum meet at the Browningside Hotel. Tatum’s apartment is now almost empty due to the movers shipping her things back to New York.
After having sex, Leighton builds up the courage to do what her therapist suggested.
L: Babe…
Tatum stroking Leighton’s hair: Yeah?
L: We need to talk…
T: I know.
L: Tatum, this is extremely confusing. You have me fly out back home to sleep with me and then break up with me. I don’t hear from you for a month. I heard nothing! You come back on campus…
T: I know. I’m sorry.
L: I don’t want you to be sorry! I want you to tell what is going on in your head. We can’t keep doing this.
T: I missed you. That’s why I contacted you. I know it isn’t fair, Leighton. It’s on me. I can’t let you go even though I should.
L: Why?
T: Leighton, we have to be realistic here. Long distance is not going to work. I don’t want it to screw with us. What if you meet somebody or I meet somebody and there’s a connection and you’d like to explore it? I want you to be able to do that, guilt free.
L: You met someone?
T: No, that’s not what I said. But it could happen just like it could happen for you. We have to be honest about this.
L: So you’re doing me a favor, is that it?
T: Why do you make it sound like that?
L: Cause that’s how it’s coming across. You want to fuck around but if you break up with me, you can do it guilt free.
That gets a rise out of Tatum.
T: Absolutely not! I’m just being a realist.
L: You’re making me feel cheap. Like I’m good enough to fuck but not to date.
Tatum’s eyes widen.
Leighton, babe, I’m sorry. No that’s not it. It’s hard…okay? It’s hard to try to be together knowing I’m gone shortly. It’s hard to be couply when we’re just delaying the inevitable. And it’s all on me. I’m the older one, I shouldn’t mess with your emotions like this.
Leighton gives her a “well, yeah!” look.
L: What do you want?
T: I…I don’t know. But you’re right. This can’t continue.
L: It’s going to happen again, you know that.
T: Yeah most likely. *chuckling*
Okay, we’ll make it a week. The last week….
And with that, the two women continued on. Leighton became more and more distraught as Tatum’s apartment slowly but surely was packed up and then bare. She kept on a brave face when George and Sharon visited and they seemed thrilled they were trying to make it work. The Wall of Mean could barely contain their annoyance about Leighton being around for all the celebrations but Kate and shockingly Maddie told the rest of the crew to keep their comments to themselves. Tatum revealed she was also in therapy trying to come to terms with what Stacey had done.
“I’ll probably never get over it…I’ll always have a reminder.” On Tatum’s right oblique to the small of her back there remains a memento. It’s not large but she knows it’s there. Leighton liked it, though. A war wound, one might call it.
Leighton asked the women’s center crew about getting a speaker to give a presentation on intimate partner violence in the community. They all readily agreed. Tatum declined to be a part of it which Leighton completely understood.
T: But you should do it, babe. It had an effect on you too. Besides, everybody is going to know who you’re talking about. She wryly smiles.
Leighton brings back Dr. Wyms, for this discussion.
It was another packed house.
Her roommates and the usual suspects showed up for it.
Dr. Wyms gave scenarios, signs to look for, red flags, hotline numbers to call, shelters that one could go to.
Leighton went up with Whitney behind her for support.
L: I, Leighton Murray, am a survivor of IPV. My…girlfriend and I were attacked by her ex-girlfriend.
Some people in the audience gasped and looked around. Apparently, what happened wasn’t as well known as she thought. I guess the Wall of Mean can close ranks when they need to, she thought.
Random voice: Are you comfortable sharing what happened?
Leighton looks at Whitney who nods her head in a “you can do it” way.
L: My girlfriend and I went out of town. Her ex-girlfriend followed us there. We were blindsided. The ex-girlfriend lunged at us and ended up injuring my girlfriend. Severely. She was unconscious for about two weeks. She’s doing better, thankfully.
Ginger mouths quietly: Tatum?
Leighton nods.
Ginger mouths “Wow!”
Dr. Wyms comes to comfort a near tears Leighton.
Ms. Murray, you went through a completely traumatic experience. It’s okay to feel scared and hyper aware.
Leighton and Dr. Wyms (who is not Leighton’s therapist) have spoken privately about the matter.
Leighton nods.
Random voice: What happened?
L: The ex-girlfriend took a plea deal. She’ll be locked away for a very long time.
Random voice: Are you and your girl still together?
L: It’s…complicated.
The conversation and presentation went on for a couple of more hours.
Whitney hugs Leighton as they all get ready to leave.
Alicia stops Leighton: Murray, I heard rumors about what happened. I’m so sorry. I know when you got back from New York, you seemed shook. I didn’t want to pry. I have seen Tatum and you around campus so I take it she’s alright.
L: She will be.
A: And the two of you?
Leighton smiles: Boundaries, Alicia.
A: Noted. Take care, Murray. See you tomorrow.
The final week approaches.
Leighton’s stomach is in knots. Tatum and the tennis team had a celebratory final dinner. The laughs were hearty and the drinks were flowing. Tatum never left Leighton’s side. It was good to see Tatum’s dazzling dimpled smile once again.
Tatum gave out so many hugs, handshakes and daps, Leighton felt like the President’s wife getting all of them as well.
They went back to the hotel together.
T: I have to fly out for Taron’s graduation early tomorrow morning. I’m not sure when I’ll see you again.
Leighton grabs her: Let’s make the most of tonight then…
Two days later: Tatum, The Wall of Mean and the rest of Essex’s Class of 2024 graduate.
Leighton and Bela sit together at the ceremony as Eric has also graduated. Both of the girls console each other.
B: We broke up. It’s for the best. What about you two?
L: We agreed to end it. For the best, right?
To be continued…