Chapter 40
Chapter 40
Thor had locked himself in the bathroom a few hours ago. His own room was occupied and he needed time to think things through. Bruce and Tony had left him to himself. The doctor was busy with Loki anyway and they both knew this was a decision Thor had to make completely on his own. The thunderer was struggling with himself. He knew which choice he should probably make but still … this wasn't possible! He couldn't kill his own child! He'd made dozens of promises to Loki that he would do everything to keep him AND the baby save. To keep them save from any danger or from being injured or even killed. He knew that if he decided to let banner kill the child, Loki would abandon him. He'd go back into solitude, talking to no one and telling no one about his emotions. they both would be lost and … he knew Loki had attempted suicide several times. That was the point when his decision was made. No! He wouldn't let Loki down again, he wouldn't let him fall back into depression and terror, even if it meant losing them both in the end.
When he came out again, his friends were already waiting for him. the blonde looked terrible, exhaustion all over his drained features and bruises under his eyes from crying. He approached Bruce directly, trying his best to appear as confident as he could.
Thor: " - Banner, - don't take the baby out. - Wake him up."
His voice was breaking then and he trailed off. Bruce looked at him in confusion.
Bruce: "Thor - there may be a chance they both will-"
Thor: "I know! - But if this is the price for keeping Loki happy for the time being, I'll pay it. I've already broken too much promises towards him. - I'll at least keep this one. Furthermore, - the baby is equipped with a part of Loki's magic, which means it wouldn't let you take it out in any case."
Bruce hesitated, not sure of what to say. Then he nodded understandingly.
Bruce: "I'll try everything I can to keep him well, I hope you know that."
Thor: "Yes … yes - I know."
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Bruce: "Well - it doesn't mean there's no chance they could make it out alive. Actually, although it's quite small, there still is one. Don't give up yet, Thor. You and Loki can make it."
Tony: "You WILL make it. You're one of the strongest avengers and your boyfriend is the toughest mischief-maker there is! If not you, - who else?"
Half an hour later, Cap, Natasha and Clint had arrived as well. Tony had texted them that he and Bruce had had to leave. steve had suggested they ate something before returning and afterwards they had taken a taxi to join the others. They were all standing around the bed, Thor in the middle. The blonde looked hopeless, seemingly already trying to deal with the thought he might lose the love of his life. Everyone tried to cheer him up, but nothing worked. Loki was shortly before awakening now and Thor was visibly feeling uncomfortable with having so many people around right now.
Steve: " - I guess we better leave you two alone for a minute, huh?"
The Asgardian only nodded briefly, throwing them an apollogetic glance. His friends forced a smile onto their faces, leaving the room quietly.
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Once outside, the rest of the team gathered around the table. Now that they were out of the room, everyone seemed quite dejected, staring at each other hopelessly.
Clint: "Holy shit! I mean - I'd never say I'd be sorry for Loki but - this is kinda hard for goldilocks as well. - You think they're gonna make it?"
Natasha: "I honestly hope so. If not, then … "
Tony: "If not, then we could probably forget about him as well."
Everyone fell silent after that. Tony was staring into his glass, Steve and Bruce were looking at each other with concerned expressions, Clint focused on staring at the wall but even he seemed truly affected by the situation. Natasha, the cool assassin who was normally only showing emotions at rare occasions, wiped a tear from her eyes.
Bruce: "I don't know. - I really don't know if he can make it. I have no clue 'bout asgardian survival chances and stuff but … doesn't look good, I can tell that."
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When Loki woke up again, Thor was sitting next to him, gently holding one of his hands in his own. When he opened his eyes, he slowly took in his surroundings. Thor gently squeezed his hand. When the trickster's eyes met Thor's blue ones, a tiny smile spread across his lips.
Loki: "Th-thor? - The - the baby, I - is it alright?"
Thor's heart nearly broke at the tenderness in his brittle voice, so small it was difficult to make out. He bowed down, placing a gentle kiss on Loki's forehead.
Thor: " - Yes, my love. - Everything's okay. - You're okay."
They stayed in silence for a while. Loki cuddled into his arms as best as he could. The Asgardian barely dared holding him, in fear he could hurt the brittle form in his arms. At some point, Thor began to speak again.
Thor: "Loki, - I want to be honest with you. - There is something we need to talk about."
Loki's eyes looked up towards him, exhausted but still curious.
Loki: "Wh-what?"
Thor: "Loki, - after Banner examined you - he left me to a choice. - He told me your chances to survive if you kept the baby were - quite small as it would grow too big for you. So he - he recommended removing it."
The god of mischief's eyes shot open immediately.
Loki: "Wh-WHAT? HE - HE WANTED TO KILL IT? I'LL KILL HIM! I'LL KILL ALL OF THEM! I'LL-"
Thor: "Loki, they left me to the decision! And I decided against it. Have you forgotten what I promised to you? As long as I'm alive and by your side, I'll do anything in my power to keep you AND the baby save! I know you would have hurt terribly if I had allowed them to kill it, even if it had ensured you'd stay alive. - I couldn't let that happen. And I would always decide the same way. I love you, Loki! And I could never have stood you hurting yourself or - worse if I let that happen! I would have lost you then as well and - I'd have broken your heart. It's enough if one of us has to suffer through this."
Loki kept quiet after this, staring at Thor unbelievingly. His eyes softened then, an immense amount of love and tenderness lying in them.
Loki: "You - you accepted to lose both me and the baby for - for me to be happy?"
Thor: "I would always do the same."
Loki looked thoughtful then, continuing to talk after a moment.
Loki: " - Is there a chance we can - make it out?"
Thor had to stop himself from crying once more. What should he tell Loki when he was so unsure himself? He didn't know if there were any, the only thing he knew was that …
Thor: " - I don't know, Loki. - But I will do everything to keep you and our baby alive, that's what I can assure you. As long as I am by your side, I will do everthing I can to protect you both."
He put a gentle kiss to Loki's lips. The trickster kissed him back tenderly, so weakly it was barely noticeable.
Thor: "I love you so much!"
They remained in silence for a while.
Loki: "Thor, I - I know they wouldn't have acted without your agreement and you'd never do this but - still … I can't stay with them."
Thor: " - What do you mean, love?"
Loki: "I can't entrust a man with my child's life, who would murder our baby if he had the allowance for it. I - I can't trust such a man to touch me and lay hand upon my child, it just feels like - like him again."
Thor nodded slowly. He knew how terrified Loki'd been when Odin had tried to take their child's life - he'd felt the same way - and it was only too understandable that this feelings came back now. He was actually glad that Loki had even told him right away.
Thor: "But Loki, - what if something happens again? What if - what if the baby changes again and no one is there to aid you? What if … "
Loki: "Then I'll trust you to bring me to anyone who can help me. Just - I want to go home for now."
Thor smiled a little, putting another kiss to his lover's lips.
Thor: "As you wish, my love. - We'll leave soon."