Bruce took a sip from his cup. Ignoring the pain in his shoulder. He kept his eyes on the scene in front of him, because he thought that if he looked away, it would all be over.
They had won. No big deal or anything.
The ones they lost had returned to them. Of course the world was still in shambles, but they had to take time to appreciate this small victory while they had it. Bruce had snapped his fingers, thinking of everyone that had been lost before, and the ones that were lost along the way. He didn’t know if it would work like that, if the stones had that much power to bring people back from the other side.
But here stood Nat. Alive and well, standing in the mix of people, a drink in hand and a smile on her face.
Bruce knew they were lucky, most times, things like this don’t work out for people. Not everyone gets a second chance with the people they’ve lost. His spirit fell as his eyes turned to look at the Asgardian God sitting on the other side of the glass wall.
Bruce hadn’t spoken to him since everything happened, he didn’t think anyone had. He took another sip before getting up enough courage to take a few extra steps into the quiet room. As he entered the noise faded. People's voices and laughter turned into muffled sounds. The God's back was turned to him, and he didn’t make an effort in turning to see who had disrupted his peace.
Bruce noticed the untouched drink in Thor’s hands, and part of him was grateful for it.
“Hey, Thor.” He said, plastering a smile on his face.
“Hello, Bruce.” Thor returned. But he didn’t pretend to be in a good mood. It was strange seeing Thor without a smile, or a haughty laugh. He was the perfect representation of a golden retriever. Well, he used to be anyway.
Bruce’s smile faltered, but he tried his hardest to keep it up. For his friend’s sake. “Are you sure you don’t want to join us?” Bruce asked with hope behind his voice.
“I’m sure.” Thor responded, seemingly without having to think about it.
Bruce’s shoulders fell, as did the fake smile on his face. He grabbed a chair and drugged it over to Thor, finally earning a glance from the God. Bruce took a seat, waiting a moment before he spoke.
“We never talked about it, Thor.” The Asgardian immediately knew what the scientist was referring to, given the aggravated huff and impatient eye roll. “I’m serious. You’ve spent the last five years carrying the weight of-”
“Don’t say it.” He growled, stopping Bruce in his tracks.
If it were any other day, any other topic, Bruce would have stepped down. He would have apologized and left the room quickly. But he really didn’t know what had gotten into him, “I know you blame yourself for Loki’s death. I know you blame yourself for everything-”
“That’s enough, Bruce.” Thor warned again.
“But it’s still not a good enough reason for you to drown yourself in alcohol and self pity-”
Bruce flinched as the glass hit the far wall, the beverage sliding down the paint. Bruce half expected for him to be thrown into the wall next, but he wasn’t. Thor collapsed back into the chair. His elbows on his knees, his shoulders shaking as the floodgates opened. Bruce was nervous, but he bit his tongue and reached for his friend anyways.
“I’m so lost without him-” Thor choked, Bruce nodded, rubbing Thor’s shoulder. He gave a pitiful laugh, “I even expected him to walk through one of those stupid portals- I just thought- I knew it had to be another trick. It had to be.” Thor shook his head. “It took me a long time to realize that- that he’s not coming back.” His shoulders shook violently as he sobbed into his palms.
Bruce winced, trying to think of something- anything- to say. But what could he say that Thor hasn’t already heard before? What could he possibly say to ease the pain he was in? The guy lost his brother, his family, his friends- his home.
“Thor…I- I wasn’t going to tell you this, because I wasn’t sure if it was even going to work…but now that Natasha’s back I….” Thor looked up at him. His eyes red, tears still staining his skin.
“What?” He asked, begging for Bruce to continue.
Bruce chewed on his lip, trying to decide if this was a good decision. “Nat wasn’t the only person I was thinking of.”
“Bruce-”
“Look- Like I said I wasn’t sure if it was going to work. I mean, Nat died! She wasn’t dusted away like the rest of them. But then Strange went to Vormir- Found her there alive and well- So then I started thinking, okay well if she’s okay, then there’s no reason for Loki not to be okay-”
“Bruce!”
The scientist stared up at the wide and crazed eyes in front of him.
“Are you saying my brother is alive?” Bruce hated the sound of Thor’s voice at the moment. It was so soft, so delicate. Two things Bruce had never paired with Thor in his life.
“No, no- I mean….I’m saying there’s a chance. I don’t know for sure, I don’t know how it works. Nat well- Well she’s been dead for a day, Loki….It’s been almost five years.”
“I know.” Thor said bitterly. As if saying, I know, you don’t have to remind me. Bruce cringed. “I’m sorry, I just- I don’t want you to start…believing it and then it doesn't…happen.”
“I understand, Banner.” Bruce deflated at the use of his name. “I doubt your theory is correct anyways-”
“Thor-”
“He’s been dead too long. I buried him a long time ago.” Thor shrugged.
“Thor, we don’t know that, it could still work-” Thor stood, towering over Bruce’s small form.
“I appreciate the attempt, Banner. I really do. But like I said, I think it’s finally time I come to terms with it. He’s gone, and he’s not coming back.” Bruce knew those words took everything in Thor to say. The thunder God made a quick exit after that. However he did not return to the party, he took a sharp right down the hall where his private quarters were located. Bruce sighed, his shoulders sinking and his chest concaving. He didn’t know what would be best.
If Thor was confident in moving on, well then Bruce should be happy for him. But what if it worked? What would he do if Loki was finally back in his life after all this time?
Well, Bruce just guessed he would wait and see.
***
The area in the forest was calm and untouched. It was dark, sprinkles of moonlight shined through the tree limbs, the crickets chirped and the distant river ran.
There was a section of dirt in a small clearing that moved from under the earth. Mounds grew in size as pressure increased beneath it. Suddenly a hand shot up from the ground, clawing around the surface. Pushing the mud and dirt away as the rest of the man clawed his way to the surface. He crawled from the buried hole, gasping for air. He coughed and he choked, spitting up dirt and mud.
He looked around, his vision out of focus. Everything was blurry. It was just a mass of darkness. He could feel the ground around him, sticks and pine needles poking his bare legs. His hands flew to his chest, feeling clammy cold skin, no doubt also covered in dirt and grim. He still hadn’t managed to catch his breath. He felt like he could hardly breathe, like he was still suffocating. He stumbled to his feet, his legs feeling like twigs that might break. His entire body ached.
His vision was still shit, but he was determined to stumble his way through the woods. He shuffled from tree to tree, his knees giving out only a couple times. The cold wind didn’t help either, it sent shivers that rattled his whole body. He had never been so cold in his entire life.
As he reached the edge of the woods, his vision got a little better, he could make out the shapes and shadows of houses in the distance. He was very thankful for the dead of night and the fact that this place seemed well secluded, he really didn’t want anyone else to witness him tumbling down a hill butt naked.
He fell on his knees hard as he reached the bottom. He could feel the blood starting to seep out of the scrapes and scratches, and the bruises starting to form. If he felt like shit before, he definitely feels it now. The pounding in his head had really started, and the tightness in his throat was only getting worse. He realized quickly that he had limited range of motion of turning his head. Everytime he would try he would be met with this sickening sharp pain shooting up and down his spine, it almost made him throw up a couple of times.
He shuffled towards what he hoped was a clothes line, everything was still so fucking blurry. There was a sharp pain shooting up his right leg, no doubt a sprained, twisted, or broken ankle. His hands felt the clothes on the line. He grabbed what he guessed and hoped were sweatpants, and a hoodie. Both were very big and hung off his body. He didn’t really care, just as long as he wasn’t wandering around in the dark naked anymore.
His hands ran along the side of the house. He stumbled out onto what he had to bet was a road, or a sidewalk. He tried getting a hold of his surroundings but it was useless. He just started walking. He hadn’t a clue of what time it was, or where he was. The sun could be up at any moment, which most likely meant people would start their daily routines. He really wanted to stay out of sight as much as possible. He wasn’t sure he was even capable of running or fighting at the moment. Given that one, his body felt like he had been run over by a train, and two, he couldn’t see shit.
He walked for a couple hours, frequently having to take breaks along the side of the road, or behind a tree when he heard a car coming his way. The sun had just started to come up as he reached the top of the hill. His vision had improved, but the light burned his eyes, which just felt… awesome.
He stopped at the top of the hill, looking at the clearing in front of him. Even with blurry and burning eyes he recognized it. It was the same bluff his father- Odin had died on. Just a couple weeks….Or maybe it’s been longer than that?
He took a few steps forward. Every muscle in his body screaming at him to stop, to rest, to sit down and never get back up. He ached, and burned, and felt like he was stepping on glass and breathing in toxins. He was in so much pain. But he couldn’t stop. He ignored every part of it, especially the constant throbbing of his swollen ankle.
He made it to the edge of the bluff, the sea crashing against the shore below him. The breeze blowing against his skin. He closed his eyes, picturing the scenery of Asgard. It felt and smelled just like it. The waves, the birds, the light creeping above the shore line. It felt like home. A feeling that he had forgotten for a very long time.
For the first time since he had woken up however long ago, he felt like he could breathe.
“Hey!”
His shoulders tensed, and what little air he had managed to accommodate immediately left his system. He jumped to his feet, which he quickly regretted. He turned around, not even surprised that all he could see was a blurry figure quite a bit a ways. He could hear them gasp, stopping in their tracks.
That’s when he then discovered that he could not say a single word. He tried, but his throat wouldn’t move. Not even a raspy whisper would make it through. His fists tightened at his sides. He knew he had been this scared, or even more so in the past, but he still didn’t like it. He had no idea where he was, what he was doing there, how he got there- OR- who the fuck was standing ten feet away from him!
He just wanted an explanation…and maybe a shower.
“Loki?” The voice asked in a whisper he barely heard. It sounded like a woman from what he could tell.
He leaned in, trying to ask who was there, but again, nothing managed to escape his mouth. He heard the quick steps of the person approaching. He took a panicked step back, forgetting how close to the edge he stood.
“No, no, no!” He heard the fear in her voice, her hand grasped his arm as he began to tilt back. She pulled him forward, away from the edge and into her arms. She felt…familiar. He felt her heavy breaths on his chest as her arms still wrapped around his waist. His fingers hesitantly ran through her hair, he was feeling for anything that would possibly tell him who this was.
“Loki, what the hell-”
She took a step back, freezing as his hands cupped the sides of her face. She stared into his eyes…eyes that were unfocused, and glossed over.
“Loki?” She asked fearfully.
“Val-” Was all he was able to croak out. It burned his throat and it felt like he was choking on razor blades. He couldn’t wait for an answer before he collapsed to his knees and began coughing. She went down with him, her hands on his shoulders, she was talking but he couldn’t hear a word she was saying. It was just muffled noise.
The last thing he heard before he fainted was, “I’m going to get you help,”
***
Loki’s eyes shot open, a quick gasp filling his lungs. The first thing he noticed was that he could definitely breathe better. The second thing he noticed was that he was laying in a very comfortable bed. He still felt like he had been hit by a train, but at least he was laying down. Now where, he had no idea. His eyes were significantly better. He blinked rapidly, trying to get the stinging to cease. His neck was still extremely stiff, he was stuck staring at the ceiling for most part, but he could see a little out of the corners of his eyes. The room was small, wooden panel walls, the floors and top of the dresser cluttered with trash and empty beer cans.
He was able to stretch his fingers and wake his muscles up in his other arm and feel around. The blanket was soft and warm. Not like the stale cold sheets he had gotten used to from his time in the dungeon. He was still confused, his mind was still a jumbled mess. He remembers waking up, walking for miles…the bluff…Was it Valkyrie?
His eyebrows pinched as his mobile hand rubbed at his pounding forehead.
It didn’t make any sense- Valkyrie was still on Sakaar…
He knew there were bits and pieces missing, nothing in his head was lining up. He huffed, letting his arm fall back down beside him. He glared at the ceiling a little while longer until he decided he had had enough. He managed to slide his hand underneath him, trying to push himself up the best he could. He strained, his face pinching in pain as his back tensed up with the movement. As he got to a sitting position, he let out a long exhausted sigh. He had felt pain before, for almost two straight years he was in constant agony. He remembered what it felt like to be ripped apart, to be torn open and examined. It didn’t mean he necessarily missed it, and it didn’t mean that it made his current situation any less excruciating.
He sat in the bed for a moment, still not having a good range of motion. He could hear the faint sound of voices arguing outside the closed door. He tried to make the words out, but his ears were all stuffed up. He huffed, pulling the blanket to the side, swinging his legs off the bed. He sat on the edge for a minute. His clothes hadn’t been changed, he took a moment to sit and examine his hands and feet. They were caked in dirt, his fingernails were disgusting, and the bottoms of his feet were calloused and practically black. He felt like gagging.
He hated being dirty. He knew if Thor was here he would be having the time of his life. He had always teased Loki of being ‘prissy’. Loki never liked being drenched in sweat, or rough-housing with the other kids. He liked feeling and looking clean, you’d think that that would be admirable, but not to a bunch of 12 year old boys. He stilled, his chest collapsing as his mind raced back to the thought of Thor.
The only image his mind could conjure of his brother was of Thor on his knees at Thanos’ feet.
Loki tried to swallow but nothing would go down his swollen throat. He was choking, he felt like he was choking- He couldn’t breathe.
He couldn’t remember anything- He had no idea where he was, what happened- Where was Thor? Or- Or Thanos?
Loki stumbled off the bed into the wall a couple of feet away. He wheezed, scratching at his throat, nails digging into his skin leaving marks of fresh blood. A sharp pain shot up his leg, his eyes burning. His ankle was double its size, he couldn’t really tell from all of the dirt layered on, but it was definitely black and blue. He coughed a sob- God what was wrong with him? His mind was on fire, his emotions skyrocketing. Everything felt like it had been amplified. His pain, his fear, the tiny voice in his head was screaming. He couldn’t process a single thought.
He felt like he was going to be sick.
He stumbled to the door, the voices a little clear now. He didn’t know who was on the other side of that door, but at the moment he didn’t really care. The only thing on his mind was getting to a bathroom or a trash can. He turned the knob, jerking the door open falling into the exposed hallway. He caught himself, resting his hand on the wall in front of him. He was forced to close his eyes, everything around him was twisting and spinning. His stomach was churning and he knew he was going to be sick.
“Loki?” He heard it multiple times, along with other words but he couldn’t comprehend any of them, or the sincere and worry that followed.
“M’fine.” Loki mumbled out, his hand clutching the skin on his stomach.
He continued to hear the voices, a man and a woman. They argued a little bit more as Loki contemplated suicide one more time; he knew it probably wasn’t appropriate at the moment, but fuck he felt awful.
“Thor, he needs a hospital!”
“He doesn’t like doctors!” He heard a gruff voice argue back, it was then followed by a heavy huff. “I was waiting for him to wake up, so he could decide.”
“Well, you know he’s going to insist he’s fine- He just did for fucks sake!”
“Could you-” Loki felt their heads snap in his direction, “Could you lower your voices please?” His voice didn’t even sound like him, it made him cringe.
“Loki?”
Said man peaked his eyes open, the blurry figure of a man quickly focused. Loki’s eyes widened twice their size, as he stared at a guy who sort of resembled his brother.
But it couldn’t possibly be Thor….No, not this guy. With his long untidy beard, hair uncombed and unwashed, and well… the sweat pants and beer gut didn’t look anything like his brother.
A hand reached towards Loki’s shoulder, but he knocked it away, stumbling back a step. “No,” He said fearfully. He fell with a heavy thud. Thor and Valkyrie both lunged forward, but ultimately halted as Loki’s eyes were crazed. His pain was only getting worse, his anxiety only growing. He was going to be sick-
“Loki are you okay?” He heard Valkyrie ask.
“Bathroom.” He mumbled out. Thor opened the door to his right, and Loki practically crawled into the room. It wasn’t a second after he reached the toilet that everything came back up. It wasn’t much but bile and stomach acid. He hadn’t really eaten anything. He was a little preoccupied so he didn’t witness Valkyrie and Thor both wince and cringe in the doorway. Thor took a few steps forward, he gathered Loki’s hair, pulling it out of his face.
Thor looked regretfully over his shoulder towards his friend, “Call the healers.”
Valkyrie nodded exiting the small house.
Thor’s worried gaze returned to his little brother. Loki continued to cough, it was weak but it still managed to rattle his body. Thor had knelt down beside him, his other hand resting on Loki’s back. Thor could feel the sweat start to drench through the thick cotton. Loki’s coughing had ceased, but he looked even worse than before. His elbow rested on the seat of the toilet, his hand holding the rest of his head up. His eyes were barely open, and he had drool and bile running down his chin.
Thor grabbed a towel, getting it damp underneath the sink before he dabbed it across his brother’s mouth.
“There.” Thor said, mostly to himself since he doubted Loki was completely aware.
Thor stayed on his knees for a moment, finally having time to study his brother. He still had wounds, the bruising on his neck made Thor sick to his stomach.
“Loki? Can you hear me?” Thor asked, Loki squinted his eyes open an inch. “Do you want to get cleaned up before the healers get here?”
Loki didn’t really reply, he did make a motion like he was trying to get up. Thor pulled the seat cover back down and hoisted Loki up onto the toilet. Loki pulled at the edge of his hoodie, until Thor grabbed the ends with him and managed to wiggle it off of Loki’s clammy skin. Loki huffed after finally being set free. Thor stood there a moment, frozen.
His eyes trailed over the mud stained skin, the bruises blended in with the dirt. He had fresh scrapes, the blood however dry. He was thin, thinner than Thor remembered him being. Thor tried to clear the lump in his throat, he tossed the hoodie into the hamper in the corner. He turned his attention to the tub. He took cautious time trying to get the water just right. He didn’t want it to be freezing, but he also knew a cold bath would probably be the most beneficial. Loki felt like he was starting to get a fever.
Thor turned back around, he wasn’t prepared for his brother to be staring at him attentively. Thor couldn’t help but squirm underneath Loki’s glare.
“What is going on Thor.” It wasn’t a question, Thor knew that.
“I’ll explain later-”
“Explain now.” Loki demanded, his voice although raspy, held its signature venom.
Thor chewed on his lip, his hands digging into his hips as he searched for the right words.
“I’m scared, Thor.” The Thunder God looked up unexpectedly. He would never get used to seeing fear in his little brother’s eyes, even though it was a look he wore often.
“Loki there is nothing to be scared of.” He said gently.
“I don’t know where I am- What happened? Why- Why I’m here- How you’re here? Why do you look like that?” Thor tried not to be hurt by his brother’s implication, “I don’t know what’s going on-” His voice trembled into a soft scratchy whisper, his cheeks grew red as he started to cough again. His hand frantically reached for his throat. Thor noticed the already prominent scratch marks over the bruising skin. Thor stepped forward, wrapping his fingers around his brother’s thin wrist.
“It’s okay, it’s okay-” He tried to soothe him, he pulled his hand back down calmly. Thor reached for the abandoned glass on the sink, filling it with water. He handed the cup to Loki, waiting as Loki anxiously sipped it down. Once Loki’s chest started to rise and fall at a normal rate Thor continued.
“We need to get you cleaned up, then we will talk. I promise Loki, I’ll tell you everything.” Thor said sincerely. Loki nodded, not pushing away as Thor helped him back to his feet. The oversized sweats fell to the floor, and Thor helped Loki get lowered into the tub.
Loki knew he should probably feel embarrassed, or ashamed- hell even pathetic. He’s a grown man. He shouldn’t be in a tub having his older brother wash his hair for him. But honestly, Loki didn’t feel anything- Well, except for discomfort. But that wasn’t necessarily because of Thor.
“What hurts the most?” Thor asked as he poured a cup of water through Loki’s black curls.
“My throat.” Loki croaked. He knew he overdid it earlier, he was talking too much. Thor nodded, his fingers combing through his hair. Loki would have asked him to stop, it wasn’t helping him stay awake any. In fact, it did quite the opposite. Loki’s eyelids grew heavier and heavier, until eventually he was consumed with darkness once again.
***
The next time Loki awoke, he recognized the room. Although this time it was much cleaner. Not a single beer can in sight, no clothes or trash scattered around the floor. The room smelled fresh too. Like the sheets and covers had been recently washed.
He groaned, his hand reaching for his face. His entire body felt stiff as a board. He wasn’t necessarily in pain, per say. He couldn’t actually feel anything…and somehow that was worse. Loki rubbed his eyes, he felt like they had been glued shut and he had to pry them open. He tried to look around some more but his range of motion was completely blocked. His hand frantically reached for the plastic neck brace that was currently wrapped around his throat. His hand began to wander around the rest of his stiff body. His right arm was strapped across his chest in a sling, his right leg laid on top of the soft blanket. His ankle was enclosed in a heavy cast.
Loki groaned, trying his best to sit up on his own. Again, his body protested against him, but of course he ignored it.
He shuffled to the door, having to drag his casted foot behind him. He opened the door, exiting out into the hall. He ran his hand alongside the wall as he walked into the living room. It was small, but surprisingly clean. He noticed the noise coming from the kitchen, the clattering of dishes and water.
Loki transitioned into using the back of the couch as a crutch instead as he let go of the wall. He reached the doorway, leaning on the frame. He already felt exhausted. His muscles ached, begging for him to just sit still.
He watched Thor for a long time. His brother is busy cleaning the kitchen. It was apparent that Thor was in the process of deep cleaning the whole house. The kitchen was obviously his last spot. The counters were still messy, and overcrowded with dishes, leftover food, trash, and a pile of unopened mail. Loki shuffled through the doorway, clenching his jaw as more pain shot up his leg.
Thor whipped around, his hands still emerged in dish water.
“Loki, what the hell are you doing?” He quickly dried his hands, turning the rest of the way around. “You’re not supposed to be up-” Thor had marched over to his brother, but Loki swatted his hands away as he tried to help him. Thor huffed, watching his brother limp his way over to the table. Thor helped him pull out a chair, and grabbed onto his uninjured arm to help him get lowered down onto the seat. Loki huffed, exhausted from the exertion. Thor hesitated, but he reluctantly returned to the sink after he made sure Loki wasn’t going to collapse or anything.
Thor kept his head down while he continued to scrub at the dirty dishes. “You’ve been out for a couple of days.” Loki glanced upwards at his brother’s back. “The healers came, treated the wounds that they could. They said the others were too old to treat with magic. That they would have to heal naturally.” Thor shrugged as he spoke. Loki knew Thor was stalling, or really avoiding the conversation that Loki forced himself out of bed to have.
“But how are you?” Thor glanced over his shoulder, before directing his gaze back to the water, “How are you feeling? I was starting to get worried, I checked on you a dozen times- I wasn’t sure if you were ever going to wake up-”
“What happened, Thor.” Loki watched as the older god’s shoulders tensed, and his hands stilled in the water. “I mean- Where are we? What happened aft-after? How long has it been? I mean you- You don’t look-” Loki started coughing, he clawed at his swollen jaw, trying to pry the neck brace just an inch. It felt like it was suffocating him all over again. His eyes were beginning to water and burn, the coughs scratching his throat all the way up they went.
Thor was by his side before Loki realized it, a heavy hand on his back and a cold glass of water was pressed against his lips. Loki sipped it as Thor rubbed his back. Loki coughed again, clearing his throat. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, nodding at Thor sense he was too embarrassed to say thank you.
Loki kept his eyes on the center of his brother’s back as Thor returned to the sink.
“It’s been five years.” Thor finally said. His voice was the only sound in the entire house. “That’s why…” Thor tried to chuckle, but it didn’t sound right. He looked over his shoulder, trying to smile, “That’s why I look a little different.” Loki only stared at him.
“But…So then-” Loki stuttered, resting his elbow on the table as he tried to wrap his head around things.
“Thanos won.” Loki looked up to meet his brother’s discolored eyes. Thor cleared his throat, his eyes falling to the floor, “He had the stones, and he won. That was five years ago. Recently, just last week actually,” He chuckled, “We came up with a plan. We fixed things, and we brought everyone who was lost back, but I-” Thor swallowed thickly, “I’m sorry, Loki, I didn’t know that meant you too. I- I just thought that you were gone. I had finally forced myself to accept it, and then,” He sighed, “I just didn’t want to get my hopes up. I would have been out searching for you if I had known, I swear, brother, I-”
“Thor!” The room went quiet, Loki pinched his forehead, “Thor, it’s okay.” He said more calmly. “I’m here aren’t I? Nothing else matters.”
Thor’s breathing shuddered, his lungs burned as he tried to take a deeper, clearer breath.
Thor shook his head slightly, “Brother, you have no idea how much I missed you.” He confessed, a small painful smile on his face.
Loki nodded, swallowing thickly. He couldn’t look at Thor right now, he kept his eyes on the table as his nail scratched at the wood.
It was quiet for a long time. Loki stayed at the table while Thor continued to clean the kitchen. It was when Thor returned after having taken out the multiple trash bags. He entered the kitchen, dusting his hands together as he assessed the rest of the kitchen.
“Thor,”
“Yes, brother.” Thor said chipperly.
“Why did you bury me?”
Thor paused, “Well, I…” He stuttered, “I was afraid.”
“Why?” Loki’s brows pressed together.
“Well, first…” Thor cleared his throat, walking to the sink to start putting the clean dishes away. “When you died, you didn’t… Ascend.” Thor glanced over his shoulder to gauge his brother’s reaction. Loki stilled, seeming to just realize that.
“Oh.” Loki tapped the table, “Well, I mean… It makes sense.” He shrugged.
“What do you mean?” Thor turned around completely, leaning back on the counter.
Loki avoided his gaze after seeing how harshly his brother’s brow was set, “Oh come on, Thor,” Loki said lightheartedly, “I wasn’t exactly a saint.”
“That- That doesn't matter, Loki. You died a warrior's death you should have-”
“I’m not Asgardian, Thor.”
Thor’s face fell, “What?” His voice was low.
Loki pinched his forehead, “Valhalla is the heavens for Asgard. Asgardians. I am not one of them.” Loki shrugged, “I never would have made it, it doesn’t matter.”
Thor went still for a moment, he shifted uncomfortably, “So you… Did you go to…” Thor trailed off.
“Hell? Did I go to hell- Wow, Thor, tell me what you really think of me.”
“Loki! I didn’t mean it like that, I just-”
“I’m just kidding.” Thor huffed aggravated, turning back around to the sink, he could hear his brother’s annoying snicker. “I don’t know, Thor. If I did, I don’t remember, thank the gods.” Loki paused, “But that doesn’t explain why you buried me? Why wasn't I cremated?”
Loki saw the muscles in his brother’s back tense.
“I don’t see why it matters now, Loki. Just leave it.”
Loki sighed, “You’re a terrible liar.”
Thor huffed, turning back around, crossing his arms hastily over his chest.
“Fine.” He growled, “I didn’t burn you because for a while after your death I tried to figure out a way to bring you back, and for most of the spells and rituals, they required your body.” Thor huffed, “Happy?”
But Loki stayed quiet, he sunk further into his chair.
“Thor that sounds like dark magic.” His voice was frighteningly soft.
“Yeah? So what?”
“Thor-”
“You don’t get to preach to me, Loki! You’re the one who wasn’t here. I was alone! A-and scared- And I needed your help.” His voice scratched along his throat as he shouted, making it rough and coarse. “I needed you. And you weren’t here.”
The house fell silent. Thor’s breathing was wet and rough. He grunted, throwing his fists down at his sides, and promptly left the kitchen.
“Thor-” Loki croaked, his voice cracking. He flinched when he heard the door slam. Loki sighed, turning back to the empty kitchen.
***
It was late into the evening until the front door crept open again. Thor pushed it closed with a soft click. He hung his coat on the rack as he walked down the hall and into the living room. The house was dark, but the room was illuminated by the glow of the tv.
He saw the back of his brother's head sitting on the couch. Thor took a deep breath before walking around the furniture standing by the opposite arm from where his brother was occupying. Loki was staring directly ahead, the remote resting in his hand.
“You know, you’re supposed to leave that on.” Thor said, gesturing to the neck brace laying on the coffee table.
“It was itchy.”
Thor huffed out a laugh, but his smile faded. He chewed on his lip, his hands still shoved in his pockets as he stood there awkwardly.
“Where did you go?” Loki still hadn’t bothered looking in his direction.
“The tavern.” Thor answered shamefully. “I- I didn’t drink. I’ve been trying to cut back.” He admitted, he didn’t know why he told him that. It's not like Loki knew the extent of his recently developed drinking problem.
“That’s good.” Loki replied casually, “I used to drink too much, too. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
Thor paused, his hands finally sliding out of his pockets slowly, “You? When?” He chuckled, not believing his brother.
“After mom died.” Thor’s stomach dropped. “If you’re not counting the past five years, this is the first time I’ve been sober since.”
“Since- Since mom?” Thor asked, unsure if he actually heard him right. “Loki,” He said in disbelief, “I didn’t know that.”
“Well, yeah, I didn’t want you to know.” Loki shrugged.
Thor shook his head, finally walking in front of the couch to take a seat. He pinched his temple, while trying to figure out what Loki had decided to watch.
“I’m not mad at you, Thor.” The older God looked over at him, Loki’s eyes still glued to the screen, “I’m not mad at you for using dark magic.”
“No, Loki, I- It was a mistake. I should have listened to all of your- and - mother's warnings.” Thor admitted. “I was just so-”
“No,” Thor looked over, “No, I can’t be mad. Because I would have done the same thing if it were reversed.”
Thor smiled to himself, his arm wrapping around the back of the couch and his hand resting on his brother’s shoulders. Thor’s face contorted for a moment, “You are really invested in this show.” He mumbled.
Loki sighed, “No, I just can’t turn my head because my neck is broken, Thor.”
“Oh.” Thor said, trying not to laugh.
“You idiot.” Loki mumbled. Thor squeezed his shoulder as he began to laugh, doubling forward a little. Loki couldn’t help but laugh as well, “Oh- Ow! Ow…” Loki hissed, his hand shooting to his side.
“Broken ribs?” Thor asked, a smile still on his face.
“Yeah, yeah, broken ribs.” Loki repeated through gritted teeth.
Thor clapped his shoulder again, squeezing as he settled further into the couch. It felt nice, having Loki beside him after so long. He didn’t mean just after these last few gruesome years, but since they drifted apart so long ago. Thor didn’t really know when to pinpoint their estrangement, he guessed it could really be focused the day of his coronation, but that horrible day was built by centuries of neglect and hatred.
Thor was finally starting to see what Loki had meant.
He could see the light now, and it was shining on them.