Made to Watch
When does saving the world override every other personal responsibility? When does your family become less important than the mission?
Tony Stark had been sure that when he had left that nothing mattered more than saving the world because his family was part of that world. But now, sitting in front of a computer screen, Tony wasn’t sure he made the right choice.
Two years on this spaceship with Steve, Natasha, Scott, Thor, Loki, and Bruce had felt like an eternity. It felt so much longer than that.
Tony was about to find out just how right he was.
He takes a deep breath, pulling up the first video file. They have just now come through and all the team is scattered throughout the ship watching their own tapes from loved ones.
Tony clicks the video open, his heart stuttering at the girl on his screen.
“Hey, Mr. Stark!” Penny Parker adjusts the camera. She looks the same, youthful and full of hope. Her eyes are bright. “It’s May, 7th, 2024. You guys left a week ago now. It’s been good around here so far. Me and Buck and Sam have been hanging out, they said they would help on patrols if they needed to, so that’s cool!” Penny spins around in her chair as she talks. “I have a Chem test tomorrow and I think it’s gonna be a breeze. Pepper and Wanda helped me go over the note cards.”
“That’s my girl. You’re gonna ace it, Pen.” Tony smiles, tapping the screen with his fingernail, as if she can hear him. Penny continues on.
“Moving into the tower has been cool! It’s been a lot easier than I thought actually. May has only cried a few times but I see her all the time still so you know, it’s not too much of a transition. Just doing my best to- take over? That feels really weird to say but I’m, yeah, I guess just hold down the fort til you guys get back! Hope everything is going well in space! Tell Mr. Loki and the rest of the team I say hey!” Penny settles in front of the camera, resting her chin on her hand. She smiles at the screen, holding up the universal ‘I love you’ sign. “I miss you guys already, but especially you, Mr. Stark. Take care of yourself, okay? Don’t be too mean to the others in that tiny little ship.” Penny winks and laughs. “Alrighty, well, I guess I better get goin! Love you, Mr. Stark! Bye!”
“I love you too kid. I love you so much.” The tears in Tony’s eyes are instant. Two years. He hasn’t heard his little girl's voice in two years. It’s so good to see her again.
The next few videos roll on. Updates of her spider-girl adventures and school and the rest of the team left behind. Tony feels like he’s there almost. Like no time has passed at all. But then, the next video opens and Tony’s chest seizes at the look on his girl’s face. She’s still in the tower, but her eye is black. Her nose, lips, and eyes are red and puffy. She looks afraid. Defeated.
“H-hey Mr. Stark, it’s uh, it’s Penny,” the girl sniffles, rubbing a trembling hand over her face. “I fucked up so royalty it’s not even funny. I um, you remember Quention Beck?” Penny pinches the bridge of her nose and Tony feels his blood run cold. Quention Beck was a psycho employee Tony fired after he attempted to claim that B.A.R.F. as his own. He was a class A nut case. But a smart one. “It’s a long story including Nick Fury crashing my school field trip but uh, you know the E.D.I.T.H. glasses? You wrote that note about the next Tony Stark and I just thought you meant I had to choose someone else and after these element monsters were attacking the earth which weren’t even fucking real- I gave them to Beck because I thought he was my friend and I couldn’t talk to you so I just gave them to him and he used them for theses drone thing combined with the illusions and he showed me some really, really fucked things and then hit me with a damn train and I woke up in a jail and it hurt but Happy came to pick me up and-“ Penny finally takes a breath. It’s shaky and panicked. Tony grips the sides of the computer with his hands. “And then I had to fight him in London and I won but he- he recorded a video and sent it to the news and now everyone knows-“ a sob rips through Penny suddenly, and she buried her face in her hands. The sound makes Tony’s chest hitch “Everyone knows who I am Mr. Stark. Everyone and they think I killed… fuck, I don’t know what to do!”
“Oh, Penny,” Tony breathes, anger and fear and hatred all swirling in his blood. Penny’s identity was so important to her. She had been so careful. And now because of that asshole, it was all ruined. “I’m so sorry kid, I’m so sorry I should be there-“ Tony’s voice breaks.
He should be there.
“So, yeah, that’s where I’m at. Buck, Sam, Wanda and the rest of the team have been great, they have helped a lot, but they aren’t you.” Penny tries to pull herself together, wiping her eyes and sitting up straighter. She clears her throat. “They just aren’t you. Nobody could be you. I miss you so damn much. It’s uh, September 19th, 2024 by the way. I should go. I have- too much to do. I love you Mr. Stark, hope you’re okay and still taking care of yourself up there. I’ll see you later.”
“God, they better be taking care of my girl.” Tony rubs the side of his temple, letting out a harsh sigh. He knows the team loves her, but Penny was right, they weren’t him. Tony should have been the one helping, he wouldn’t have let any of this shit happen. He hadn’t been there for Penny to call. He hadn’t been there to leap up from his lab and demand to know where they were the second Beck’s name was spoken.
You have to save her in another way. If you weren’t here, Penny and the rest of the world would be doomed.
The next video pops up, and when it starts, to Tony’s horror, Penny’s doesn’t look better- she looks so much worse. She’s skinner, sadder. It looks like the life has been drained from her eyes. She’s in a large hoodie, huddled in the chair with her knees to her chest.
“Kid..” Tony’s fingers hover over her little face, eyes widen with horror.
It takes a minute for Penny to talk, when she does it’s horribly monotone. Hopeless. “I don’t even know where to start, honestly. It’s February 1st, 2025 now. Sorry it’s been so long, I haven’t been able to get into the tower.”
What? Why? Penny, not able to get into the tower?
“Well, I guess I shouldn’t say it that way I just- I didn’t even try but thankfully A.I. isn’t included in curses so F.R.I.D.A.Y. snuck me in.” Penny gives the ceiling a small smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “Last December after the whole Beck shit went down, life got weird with everyone knowing and I won’t give you the long version because it doesn’t matter but basically I went to Strange. I shouldn’t of, it was stupid and I was stupid but he tried to help and I fucked it up again and a whole thing happened with the Multiverse-“ Penny laughs darkly, rubbing at her eyes. “Literally what the fuck, right? I know, trust me. But it basically..” Penny falters as she searches for words, then waves her hands out in front of her. “Basically it split the Multiverse open and the only way to fix it was to make everyone forget me. Like, forget Penny Parker. So I uh, I don’t really have anyone right now.” Penny shrugs, looking down at her hands. Her eyes grow red. Tony can only stare dumbly, his brain struggling to process.
“I just really, really hope it only affected people on earth. Because I- I couldn’t take it if you-“ Penny shudders, gripping her hoodie in her hands. Her lip trembles. “God, I hope you remember. I need you to remember but it’s not like I’ll know until you come back so um, if you could do that? Sometime really soon? That would be awesome. Like really, really great. I just- I wish I could call you.” Penny lets her head fall back against the headrest, closing her eyes and letting the tears fall. “And uh, May. She’s gone, Mr. Stark. Last December during everything. I couldn’t save her. I’m trying not to feel guilty about it but- you know. I just, um, I just don’t know what to do. I’ve got an apartment. It’s shit but at least it’s something, the heater in the suit is a life saver. Money is tight so food is kind of hard to come by but, yeah. I just need you to hurry your ass up. I uh, I gotta go because I don’t want someone to walk in here but I miss you, Mr. Stark. I miss you more than I ever have and I just really fucking hope you still know who I am. I love you so much, I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
The video shuts off, and Tony rips his headphones off. He can’t breathe. He can’t think anything other than Penny.
Penny, Penny, Penny.
She’s alone. She’s afraid and grieving. She’s scared and hungry and Tony should not be in this goddamn spaceship! Tears race down his cheeks and Tony hiccups, putting his face in his palms.
“I remember you Pen, of course I remember you.” Tony cries. The need to get back, to protect. To save. To love and to fix all so strong it makes him dizzy. “I remember you. I remember you.”
Tony lets himself cry. Lets himself hate that he’s gone and hate that he can’t go back yet. He lets himself curse Kang for forcing him on this mission and curse himself for going.
Is the world worth my daughter’s suffering?
Tony takes a breath, grabs his headphones and puts them back on, and clicks to the next video, not sure what else he could do.
He’s not sure what he’s expecting. Tony’s been gone for two years, he knew the possibility of time difference was there but- but what he’s looking at…
Tony feels like he might pass out.
“Hey, Mr. Stark. It’s been a while now. It’s May 29th, 2030.” Penny Parker is looking at him through the screen and Tony is looking at a grown woman.
2030.
Penny was 29 years old.
She hadn’t seen Tony for 6 years.
“Happy 60th, old man. I’m sorry it’s been so long, I just didn’t really know what else to say. Everyone still doesn’t know who I am, by the way. But Strange, he found Spider-Girl a few years ago and got me involved in the Avengers again so I’ve rebuilt a lot of relationships but it’s um, it’s not the same you know? But it’s not bad either, I guess. It really isn’t. It was for a while but I’m- I’m doing okay, Mr. Stark, I really am. So don’t worry about me too much, okay?” Penny brings a hand up to the screen, Tony immediately meets his palm to hers and imagines he can feel her warmth. That he can reassure her and just- just somehow be there. “I wish I could tell you how much I miss you. God, I wish I could just hug you, Mr. Stark. I hope you know that even after all this time you're still my favorite. I really, really fucking hope you guys are okay. Drink lots of water, hydration is important. I love you, Mr. Stark.”
Tony does move, he just lets the next video play.
“Hey, Mr. Stark.” Tony it’s out a wet chuckle- the kid is still calling him Mr. Stark.
And he’s still calling her ‘kid’.
Penny is somber on the screen, her hair is pulled back in a ponytail and her arm is in a sling. Once again, it’s clear time has passed.
A lot of time.
“It’s August 10th, 2055. I’m 54 today, the same age you were when you left.”
Tony can’t think. His hand covers his mouth and he chokes on a sob. Penny looks at the ceiling for a second, then stares at the camera with a pinched brow.
“I’m really trying not to be angry with you but-“ Penny shakes her head, rubbing her shoulder. “I stopped making these because they just seemed pointless, honestly. I have no idea if you are even alive. I don’t think about you as much as I used to. I can’t. I had to move on. I still care about you, I always will but-“ Penny’s fist curl. “But Pepper is getting worse with her dementia. I know the doctors make video updates for you just in case you ever see these so I’m sure you already know about it. But dammit, Mr. Stark I just can’t help looking at her and not be pissed that you aren’t here with her.” Flustered tears spill out Penny’s eye and she growls, swiping them away. “She never regretted you going. She’s still proud of you. Maybe I’m being selfish but I just don’t understand, if you're still up there, why haven’t you come home?”
Tony once again buries his face in his hand, sobbing openly. The guilt and shock in his body make the room spin.
“Happy fucking birthday to me right? I can’t do this, I’m sorry. I love you, I really do. But- but I can’t do these anymore, Mr. Stark. I can’t keep hoping and I- I just gotta let you go. I hope you’re happy, I hope you’re safe. Goodbye, Mr. Stark.”
Tony thinks that’s it, thinks the files are over but they keep playing, and he thinks he has made the biggest mistake of his life.
Why save the world when you can’t live with those who you care most about?
“Pepper's funeral was today. She loved you so much Mr. Stark. I know I said I wouldn’t make these anymore but it just feels like now-“ Penny’s face crumbles as she weeps. “N-now the last piece I had of you is r-really gone. I fucking miss you and I’m so angry with you but I just want you to come back. Please come back to me.” Penny reaches up and ends the video abruptly.
The next one plays, and it’s not Penny Parker’s face. It’s Stephen Strange. Tony tries to see him through his tears. The man looks no different from the last time he saw him except for the fact that his eyes are red.
Tony has never seen Strange cry, but here he is. The man speaks and Tony breaks.
“Hey Tony, it’s June, 2057. I know I don’t look that old but you know, magic. Penny asked me to make this in case the fight didn’t go well. I’m not sure how much she told you but she knew for a few weeks that something was off. Like her senses warned her before she died.”
Died.
Died.
Tony cannot fucking breathe.
Stephen gives him a sad smile, regret on his face. “She went quick, Tony. I made sure it wasn’t painful. She died a hero; she saved the world. You know what her last words to me were? She said, ‘Tell the old man I’ll see him on the other side and I’m gonna punch him before I hug him’.” Stephen’s grief is clear but he does well to hold back his emotions. Tony doesn’t. “Before I read this I just want you to know that I loved her very much, Tony. The whole team loved her. We took care of her, Stark, I promise. So you don’t have to feel guilty about that.” Stephen brings out a letter and clears his throat.
“Mr. Stark
I’ve got a bad feeling that I won’t be here much longer so this is just a fail safe, just in case. So if Strange is reading this to you then I’m dead.” Stephen rolls his eyes at the bluntness. Tony clutches at his chest and screams. “I want you to know that I did live a good life and I’m proud of everything I became. My time as Spider-Girl has saved a lot of lives and that’s all I could have asked for. I’m not going to lie- I was mad at you, for a while. I was mad that you left and that I had to deal with the pain of that. I was mad that you didn’t get to watch me grow up. But I know and have always known that I would have done the same thing because that’s who we are, isn’t it? We are heroes and those choices to save others mean damning our own lives. And actually, I think I’m pretty lucky that you were such an impact on my life that your absence was felt so much longer than the time I actually knew you. You were my everything, Mr. Stark. You are the reason I am who I am. You are the reason I fight like I do. You are the reason I never gave up. You were and always will be my #1 and I will love you forever. I have no idea if you are out there, Strange says it’s likely that where you guys are going that it may have only been a few years for you which is fucking insane. But I hope you are, Mr. Stark. I hope you are living and saving the world and that your life is full, even when I’m not around. I hope you will still find love when I’m gone and that you’ll never stop being you. I hope you beat Kang and come home and continue on. And then, one day, at the end of all this shit, that I will finally get to see you again. Maybe there's a lab on the other side and we can go back to lab days? We can go back to movie nights and just hang out again. Catch up on everything. Take care of yourself. Take care of the team. I love you 3000.
-Penny Parker”
“No no no no,” Tony turns the computer off and drops to the ground of the spaceship. He sobs and he sobs and it doesn’t stop. His heart feels like it’s going to explode. Tony slams his fist on the grate floor and screams.
His Penny. His Penny.
Hands grip his shoulder and Tony knows the soft touch of Natasha’s fingers. Tony leans into it as the assassin slips down beside him and wraps his face in her hands. She touches her forehead to his, and Tony opens his eyes to find her crying too.
“My sister, Yelana” Natasha whispers brokenly. And Tony understands immediately.
“W-what did we do Nat?” Tony cries, begging for her to give him some reason to make all this worth it. “What the fuck did we do?”
“We are doing what we have to,” Steve joins them, resting a hand on Tony’s back. It almost scares Tony how little he cares about them seeing him like this. “We are doing it because no one else will.”
“Our lives for the lives of everyone else, that is how it must be.” Loki says solemnly from across the room. “It is fate.”
“It’s fucked.” Bruce sighs as he plops down, blowing his nose.
“Our daughters still lived,” Scott Lang, his face fallen and stricken with the same grief Tony is feeling, comes into view as he crashes to his knees. Tony is reminded that he isn’t the only one who lost a kid today. “They lived and- and that is going to have to be enough.” Scott gives him a wobbly smile.
“It wasn’t worth it,” Tony wheezes, closing his eyes again. Natasha runs her thumb over his cheek.
“No, it’s not.” She agrees. “But it is what it is.”
“We will kill Kang, and we will return to Midguard!” Thor booms, sounding unsure still. Steve laughs darkly.
“And we will carry on. Just like we always do.”
“Together?” Scott asks weakly.
“Together.” Steve says. His voice breaking at his next words. “For Bucky. For Sam.”
“For Yelana.” Natasha says.
“For Hope and Cassie.” Scott sniffles.
“For all the Avengers we lost while we were gone.” Bruce mumbles.
“For my kid,” Tony croaks. “For Penny Parker.”