Touch-Starved
Day 1: Touch-starved
“Spider-Girl.”
Penny turns around at the man’s voice, knowing fully well exactly who spoke it. The figure hovers in the sky with his ruby red fabric hold him up. She frowns behind the mask, taking one step backwards hoping to portray at least a low-level of uncomfortableness. It’s not that she doesn’t like him, but Penny doesn’t exactly want to make friends either. Make them again? Were they technically friends before? Maybe they were getting there but it’s not like it mattered anymore.
“Dr. Strange,” Penny nods to him, keeping her tone indifferent but not unkind. She hasn’t spoken to the man in two years now. Not since the spell.
The spell that took her life away.
The thought doesn’t pain her, not anymore. It just leaves her all the more guarded at the memory.
Stephen Strange cocks an eyebrow slightly, his expression registering surprise. Penny notes he looks more stressed than the last time she saw him. His worry lines are deeper and his hair is a lot messier, like he has had a lot better things to be fussing over than a trim and hair gel. His goatee is still well kept though, but the bags under his eyes are darker. Penny can relate.
“You know me?” The Doctor asks smoothly, his cape floating him all the way down until his feet touch the rooftop where Penny stands.
“I do,” she says simply. Her own voice must betray her in some aspect because he seems to blink in confusion at the layers underneath those two words. That, or his magic stuff tells him something. Either way, Penny has to physically bite down on her tongue to keep the sigh from leaving her lips. She really doesn’t want to do this right now- or anytime for that matter. She wants to be left alone.
No- no please ask. Please remember. Please help me.
The faint voice locked down in her gut sings sadly, Penny shoves it back down just as quickly as it came up. She rolls her shoulders to defuse some of the tension. “Are you here for a reason?”
Penny doesn’t want to be rude, despite everything. But she is just so tired. She’s done so good to keep out of the Avengers way until now. And quite frankly, the little girl who used to break down into nervous sputters in the presence of a superhero is far, far gone and she just doesn’t need to get her hopes up.
Stephen shakes his head, as if coming back into the present.
“Ah, yes. I’ve come to ask you to join us, we could really use you right now.”
“Us?” It’s Penny’s turn to raise her eyebrow. “I’m going to take a wild assumption and guess you mean the Avengers? And if I’m right, I hate to be a party pooper but I’m really not interested, however I am flattered by the proposal, but I prefer to work alone, thanks.” She takes another step away, closer to the edge of the building. The Doctor takes a step forward, eyes increasing in intensity.
“Wait, please-“ Strange looks almost desperate. Scared. Penny can’t really remember him ever saying please. “We need you, Spider-Girl. The fate of the universe is at stake.” Penny snorts before she can stop herself.
“Yeah, I’ve heard that one before.” She shakes her head, crossing her arms impatiently. “Why do you need me? You don’t know anything about me or my skill set, I could be useless.” It’s a lame attempt, but that sums up most of Penny’s life recently so… you know.
“I have kept my tabs on you over the years,” Stephen disagrees with her. “I know we fought together on Titan and on earth. Though I must admit, I never got a proper introduction-“
Yes, you did. Mr. Stark was there too. You asked if I was his ward. You just don’t remember.
“-but you are brave, fast, incredibly strong, agile, and I dare say fairly smart from everything I’ve gathered. I’ve seen you around. I have seen the way you help this city and this earth. I know you want to protect it even at the cost of your own life, which is exactly what we need right now. Am I wrong?”
Penny bites her cheeks for a moment, tapping her fingers on her arm. Why is there a know building in her stomach? Why is her heart rate speeding up?
“No, you’re not wrong,” Penny says quietly. She abandons her place on the ledge, facing the Doctor fully.
She does want to defend the earth, she always has. Especially now; that’s all she has left. Happy, Ned, Michelle, Pepper… they are still alive too. They may not know her anymore, but it doesn’t matter. Until her very last breath Penny will make sure they live long, happy lives on a safe planet.
Stephen takes another step towards her, his eyes fall slightly. He goes to say something, then pauses as he tries to find the words. When Strange looks back up, his eyes speak a sad apology that doesn’t actually leave his lips.
“This is more than Thanos ever was and ever could have been. This is going to take every one of us.” The sorcerer doesn’t have to clarify anymore, Penny reads in between the lines.
“This may take every one of our lives. I’m sorry for even asking you but I don’t have any other choice. I need you to be willing to fight a battle that we may not win.”
Penny knows it’s bad. She knows the man wouldn’t have sought her out if it wasn’t. She also knows Stephen Strange doesn’t say please for nothing.
The sinking feeling in her abdomen agrees.
Penny looks up at the sky for a moment, taking in the calm, breezy day. She takes a breath, then releases it, looking back at him.
“Look, I’ll go with you to the compound-“ just the thought of stepping foot in that place… Penny swallows back the bitter taste in her throat. She hasn’t seen it since it was rebuilt from the ashes. She hasn’t seen it since Tony Stark lost his life there. “But on one condition.”
Stephen waits for her, not interrupting. Penny grits her teeth, hating the way her hands start to shake. She might as well get it over with.
Penny reaches up to the back of her mask, pinching the fabric in her fingers and pulling it clean off her head. The doctor’s eyes flash with something Penny ignores as she tilts her chin up a little higher.
“We are teammates only. I don’t make friends and I’m going to keep it that way.” Penny says firmly. She tacks on a soft smirk, adding- “don’t worry, it’s nothing personal, just an occupational hazard thing.”
Stephen Strange gapes for just the smallest of a second, eyes searching her face. As if he recognizes….
No. Don’t even go there Penny Parker. Don’t do it.
He clears his throat at the same time Penny throws that hope back to where it came from.
“Deal.” Strange says, nodding. He extends a scarred hand to her. Penny’s heart jumps.
“Deal,” She steps forward, ignoring every ache in her soul as she stretches her hand out toward the magician and gently grasps his fingers in hers. The touch sends a shock of lightning up her arm. Penny tries to sound brave when she speaks, “My name is Penny Parker, your friendly neighbor Spider-Girl.”
_______________
It been two weeks of endless preparations, trainings, meetings, and strategies to get together even fragile ideal of how to defeat Kang. Two weeks, and Penny isn’t sure this is going to end well. She isn’t sure it’s possible.
She rubs a tired hand over her face, kicking her feet where they hang over one of the many balconies in the new and improved training room. It’s massive, several stories tall with all the toys you could imagine. Fake buildings, ladders, balconies, traps, training bots, etc. She knew it all by heart though. She knew because she had helped Mr. Stark come up with ideas for renovations.
Penny’s stomach flutters painfully at the memory.
She can see the fruits of their labor woven into every single edge of this room. Penny had come up with the idea of the roof that opens up to the outside world. Mr. Stark had chosen the light fixture designs. Penny had picked out the tiling of the floor and Mr. Stark had planned out where the training mats would go. She even knew about the small spiders emblems hidden in the curves small designs of the walls and training gear and objects in the room. Mr. Stark had put them in as a game, they had planned to find all of them together. He hadn’t told her how many he was going to put in here, he was supposed to be here to tell her when she had found them all.
Now she would never know if she was right.
Penny trails a finger gently over the quarter inch, silver spider etched into the side of the railing. The small dent in the metal feels like his voice telling her how much he loved her.
“Found one,” she whispers sadly into the air.
Nobody is there to respond. There is no chuckle. No smell of motor oil. No calloused hand patting her should. No, “Nice eye, Pen.”
Penny isn’t sure why that’s what finally does it. Not even the lab had made her so much as sniffle. But the tears that fill her eyes are without warning and there is no stopping them. Penny has been so good to keep them away. To keep away the other avengers and the emotions and the stress and the memories. She’s ducked away from the concerned eyes of Strange and blown off Yelana’s questions. She’s shrugged off Kate’s invitations to her room to get to know each other and Wanda’s watchful gaze. She’s brushed past Loki’s raised brow and Sam’s gentle tone. Bucky, Scott, Shuri, Thor, Clint. Penny has avoided and avoided and avoided some more. She has become her own person in solitude. She’s stuck to routine. She’s saved. She’s served.
But the loneliness is something she can only handle for so long, and Penny has been drowning in it for some time now.
It’s been two really fucking hard years.
The bubble in her throat bursts, and Penny wraps her arms around her knees, sobbing into them. It’s loud and harsh in the quiet of the room.
Penny cries and screams and punches the railing clean off the ledge. She curls up on the ground and rocks and gasps and yells like a child. Penny sobs until her throat is raw and eyes are swollen. She weeps until she hasn’t nothing left in her, she groans out the name of her mentor until she’s burnt out the muscles in her tongue. And that’s where she falls asleep all by herself wondering if she would be lucky enough to die in the battle waiting for her.
_______________
Stephen Strange has been worried about Penny Parker and he doesn’t know why. She has been on his mind almost more than the damn being that was trying to destroy the multiverse. But he’d made a deal to keep his distance. He had watched her avoid him and every other member like the plague and disappear off to wherever she hid when nothing important was going on. Stephen had tried to respect her space. Tried to force himself to keep his questions to himself and focus on the mission. Stephen had promised her, but when he stumbles upon the figure curled in the corner of the room by herself, Stephen can no longer ignore her when the very core of his being slams against his rib cage.
I know her.
His heart twists when he looks at her. He walks slowly and quietly up to the small frame of Penny Parker, kneeling down in front of her. Stephen can see the evidence of tear tracks on her face. Her hair is messy and soaked his some places from her crying. Stephen hadn’t asked her age, but right now, she looked no more than sixteen.
Something within him seems to stir. He swears he hears the faint voice of Tony Stark speaking into his ear.
“Hold her, she needs to be held Strange. Please, that’s my kid. Hold her for me.”
Stephen eyes darts around for a moment, his face drawing into a frown. What the hell is going on with him?
What happened? What am I missing?
Stephen Strange is not one for comfort, but his body works on autopilot as he reached down and gently wipes a strand of hair out of Penny’s face.
“I need you to remember for me, Stephen. She needs you to remember.”
It’s not that Stephen doesn’t believe in ghosts- he does actually and they are so far from the weirdest thing he has every encountered. But He also knows from his studies the amount of energy it takes for a soul to reach through to the plane of time and of the living. It’s hard; nearly impossible. It’s takes a will of a soul that few have to tap into.
Tony Stark for damn sure has a strong will.
Stephen Strange would be stupid to ignore him.
The man looks at the face of the child below him and gently soothes the back his hand over her damp cheek.
I won’t leave you, and I’m not going to let you be alone anymore.
Because she is alone. Stephen is so deadly certain of it- Penny Parker has no one in her corner. She hasn’t for a while.
Penny shifts slightly under his fingertips, her eyebrows scrunching together. She mumbles softly under her breath, “Mr. Stark?”
Stephen doesn’t know what to say to that, but that’s all the conformation that he needed to finalize in his mind- this is Tony Stark’s daughter.
The girl stirs some more. Stephen doesn’t want to frighten her, so he stays silent, keeping his hand softly against the edge of her hairline.
Penny’s eyes flutter open, her lashes still wet. For a moment, she blinks, looking confused, then Stephen jumps up with her, holding his hands in surrender as she lurches to her feet, scrambling away until her back hits the corner of the room painfully hard.
“Whoa, kid, it’s okay- it’s okay-“ Stephen tries, keeping himself in a none threatening position. The girls shakes her head frantically, anger and sadness and resentment and grief all flashing across her expression.
“No! No, stay away from me! I told you- I….I told you!” Penny cries, looking horrified and hurt all at once. Guilt hits Stephen in the gut like a brick.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, Pen-“
“Do not call me that!” The girl shouts, and Stephen clicks his jaw shut in an instant. Her eyes widen and narrow, they dart from him to the nearest exit, clearly planning and ready for an escape.
“Okay, okay. Easy, just-“ Stephen tries to take a breathe for her. “I only want to help you Penny. Will you let me help you?” He thought she might snap at him again. Or curse at him or flee as fast as possible, but she just sinks heavily into herself, crossing her arms over her body protectively.
“I can’t. I can’t do it again, sir. Please leave me alone.” Penny’s voice breaks. Her chest hitches with restrained tears. Stephen shuffles forward slightly, his heart aching.
“Call me Stephen, kid.” The words are dry in his mouth, Penny laughs bitterly.
“You’ve said that to me before too.”
“Because you know me. And I- I know you.” Stephen states it as if he can will back whatever he has lost. He leaves no room for an answer because he’s so sure he’s right. She answers him anyways.
“Yes.” Penny’s eyes meet his, and they beg him to help.
Stephen takes another step toward her.
“Tell me what to do.”
Penny looks even more pained, she closes her eyes shut tight. “I can’t, you’ll never remember. You told me you wouldn’t, and it’s not your fault. It’s mine! I- I was so stupid to ask for that spell and I gave Beck those fucking glasses and I tried to save all those people but- but it just fucked me over and it wasn’t worth it! It- it wasn’t worth it Dr. Strange! I lost everyone and I can’t- I can’t do it anymore.”
Stephen doesn’t know half of what she just said but he still speaks.
“It’s alright. I can fix it, I will fix it.” Her eyes dart to his, she starts to protest but he continues on. “I will fix it Penny. Whatever happened, whatever I did, I can undo it.”
He watches as hope kindles in the little girls mind, and she fights desperately with it for a second. Her whole body rattles and anxiety and loss.
“I can’t take a promise you can’t keep.” The words are barely audible.
“I wouldn’t make a promise if I couldn’t.” Stephen assures. “I know I know you. Somewhere in me, and I know I care about you. I’m not going to leave you, not again. I swear it.”
In a flash, Penny Parker is in his arms.
The girls wraps around him, her frame trembling. Stephen does what Tony Stark asked and he holds his touch-starved daughter to his chest.
Words seems to ring somewhere deep within his mind, and Stephen holds on a bit tighter.
(“What I’d everyone forgot who I was?”
“What?!”
“Their coming here because of me, right? Because I’m Penny Parker? So cast a new spell. But this time make everyone forget who Penny Parker is. Make everyone forget… me.”
“No.”
“But it would work, right?”
“Yeah it would work but- but you’ve gotta understand that everyone who knows and loves you, we- we’d have no memory of you. It would be as though you never existed.”)
Stephen isn’t sure how they end up on the floor, the girl sobbing into his shirt and his cheek resting on the top of her head, but as the veil snaps in two, Stephen’s tears join Penny’s. With a small, shaking voice, he whispers.
“I remember. I remember.”
Stephen vows to never forget again.