Monsters of the Past
Veronika, young and face clear of scars and less trauma, danced in the ballet room as the instructor and the person he brings to teach her watched her.
“Again!” He demanded when she missed her step.
She groaned quietly and went back to first position and started again.
Up.
Pirouette.
Down.
Jeté.
Jeté.
Jeté.
And so on.
She kept on the dance, closing her eyes to focus. Letting the sounds of Tchaikovsky move her.
“General Dreykov, you’re here!” her instructor yelled as she was going onto her last move making her dance falter. Which made her fall. Catching her instructor’s eye, he yelled “Insolent foolish child get up!”
She got up and looked at her father. “I’m sorry.” She mumbled as she started walking–limping–back to her starting position. But her father stopped her.
“Veronika! Come, my child.” He beckoned her over. She went over slowly and looked at him.
“Yes Otets…?”
(father)
“It’s time for your mission go get changed. And I want you to take your sister-”
Her eyes widened, she cut his sentence off. “Otets she is too young! You can’t possibly-”
He smacked her across her face. She yelped as she fell to the ground again. “DO NOT TALK BACK! Next time let me finish my sentence! You know she isn’t like you. A monster.” He said disgustedly and wiped his hand over his face. “I want you to take her home from school before you go.”
She silently weeps on the ground. “Okay, I’m sorry Otets…I’ll take care of her.” She was holding her face as she stood blood dripping into her palm. One of his rings had cut her when he slapped her.
“And wipe your face first before you go! I don’t need those questions.” his voice echoed as she walked down the hall painfully.
“Yes otets…” She whispered trying hard to keep tears away from the cut.
Monsters don’t cry do they?
Veronika sat up in her bed and felt tears in her eyes as she put her hand over the eye that was hit all those years ago.
“I’m sorry Antonia…” she whispered remembering that day. She stood from her bed looking at her clock, 6a.m., and walked into her bathroom. Wiping her tears as she stood in front of her mirror. She looked at her reflection, her eyes landing on that scar through her left eye. All of the visible scars on her face were caused by her father, ALL of them. Through her eye, over her nose, the small one on her cheek. Veronika’s memories of her father never ceased to bring back all of the pain and suffering. What he did to her after Antonia…he was so angry, but not as hurt as she was.
The only reason he never killed her was because he needed a very powerful weapon. But Veronika always wished he would. Just to make it stop. To make it go away.
She shook her head at those thoughts and bent down to wash her face. When she was younger, she would rinse her face and think that would erase everything, her past, who her father is, her even… but it never did. But that all changed when Steve found her. She didn’t wait for the march to end anymore; she just waited for the love and security he gave her. That Nat and he gave her.
And soon after that, Pietro gave her. Even though they “hated” each other’s guts at first, now when they talked and sat together it just brought her comfortability and security. He truly made her feel wanted.
But the fact he doesn’t understand why she can’t do this aggravates her.
He wants to keep you safe…he thinks it will help.
If he wants to help he won’t sign it!
It felt like those little Devil and Angel things were on her shoulders.
She grimaced as she dried her face and looked at the mirror again. “He can’t control you anymore…He’s basically dead.” She said to herself, though she knew these were all lies. Evil never dies. Her eyes were obviously tired, but she didn’t care as she left her room and walked to find her pup who had left earlier that day with her father (yes, she and Pietro have joint custody, and call each other mom and dad for Artemis. It’s cute shut up). “Artemis? Are you out here beautiful?” she asked as she went into the kitchen.
“She’s asleep with Pietro in his room.” Wanda’s voice said as she turned the corner. The brunette was sitting on the couch and drinking what Veronika guessed was tea.
“Oh, okay thank you.” No she wasn’t surprised, because she knew Wanda was stressed too.
“Nightmares again Ver?”
“That noticeable?”
“Yeah, you use Artemis as a support dog and obviously as a pet so of course you would look for her after a nightmare. Also, the tear stains.” Wanda pointed out.
“Yeah…” Veronika looked down.
“Want to talk about it?”
“You know already.”
“No, you blocked me, remember?” she said, smirking playfully.
“Before I blocked you out…when we first met you picked through my memories, I know you did. So you still remember?
She thought for a second and then realization hit. “It’s about your father, your birth father, isn’t it?”
“Mhm.” She grumbled keeping her eyes down. She fiddled with the sleeves of the (Pietro’s) sweater that she was wearing.
“Does Pietro know about these nightmares, Ver? And be honest.”
“Why should he? He has more going on with his own nightmares. I don’t need him to know my issues.”
“Maybe he should to understand your stance on the Accords.”
“What are yours?” Veronika said, shifting the focus to Wanda. Again she likes her shadows. “On the accords I mean.”
“Haven’t decided, because we just found out yesterday. So, don’t change the subject Ver.” Wanda scolded. “Pietro worries for you…and not telling him what is going on, only makes him worry worse. Trust me I know.”
Veronika sighed and walked over to Wanda and sat next to her.
“I know you know. But this, this he can’t…he won’t understand. He can’t know about the monster that still lies within. Besides he…he has to handle his own traumas, putting mine on top of those I’d feel even worse-” Wanda cut her off.
“I know you’re not good at partner things or love yet. But the whole point of boyfriends and girlfriends, husbands and wives. Is so that one person doesn’t have to carry all their own issues by themselves. My brother wants to help you in any way he can. He wants to know you, let him. His view of you, his…care” Love, “for you will never change.” Wanda said, looking at her friend. “Promise you’ll at least explain yourself?”
Veronika looked down and nodded. No spoken agreement, just the nod and Wanda opened her arms and Veronika went to her and the two girls shared a hug.
Their bond, stronger than friendship, honestly, they were just like sisters. And Wanda, if things go her way, hopes that they actually will be one day in the future. Honestly Veronika was just happy to have someone to explain this to. They just sat together until eventually both got up because tomorrow will hold many events.
Though Veronika still had a hard time falling back into her slumber. So, she focused on the family she made here until their memories flooded her visions.
Monsters don't have good families.
They don't have friends.
And they definitely don't have lovers.
Yet she had these things...
But she still felt like a monster.