Chapter 5
Out of all the people Matt brought home, James was possibly the nicest. Honestly, it wasn’t even a problem that he used to be a brainwashed nazi enforcer. That spoke about how strange life seemed to have become at some point, between the sky opening up and Matt starting college, that having the Winter Soldier over for dinner didn’t make Jack pinch himself to check if he was dreaming.
James was a surprisingly calm and quiet guy for someone with so many violent legends around him. But James, Jack found out, was not quite the same guy all the history books spoke about, or the violent legend himself. James was a guy who has been through shit, and instead of finding solace in the punching bag, he sought to be as far away from it as possible.
Jack knew that, if not from first hand experience. He respected it, and found maybe that was the reason that he and Matt seemed to work differently, and much better than all of Matt’s previous relationships.
They took it slow. James seemed like a gentleman, and he was also disabled, so he understood Matt in ways few people did. He was disabled as well as more capable than most people - that was also something they shared. He heard about James long before he met him, but the way Matt spoke was different. His whole demeanour, it was a far cry from the giddy but fragile sort of joy that hung around him with Elektra. Jack wasn’t worried.
That was a nice change of pace.
Of course, then Jack met James.
And for all that the evening was quite the success, the constant sneezing made it somewhat awkward. Jack knew he was allergic to cats. He never realized it was quite so bad that just the cat hair on the clothing and the general presence of someone who had a cat would affect him so badly. Truth be told it just somehow never was a situation he was in. The only cat owners he knew he never had more than a five minute conversation with.
And honestly they didn’t just not invite many cat owners over. They just didn’t invite many people over, full stop.
But it wasn’t a problem. James didn’t come over much, after all. Except then Matt started to get cat hair over himself by the proximity, and then Matt met Alpine, and then they promised to wash their clothes before coming, but that wasn’t enough, somehow, and Matt hated fresh washed clothes anyway, and Jack didn’t want to ask him to stay away from James for days after a wash, or ask James not to come over ever.
It... It was mostly annoying, frankly. For once Matt seemed to be in a happy relationship, and Jack wanted to share in that sort of happiness, get to know people important to Matt, let those people into their home.
But Matt said it was fine with him.
And he still showed up home on the weekends, and he seemed genuinely fine with it. Almost too fine? Jack knew it was almost an overreaction to assume his cat allergy would have anything to do with Matt and James drifting apart, and presumptuous to assume they were drifting apart at all but the way Matt spoke about him less and less and the tone of his voice changed and Jack worried, for entirely different reasons than usual.
And it probably wasn’t presumptuous after all considering not a few weeks later Matt came home and told Jack he and James broke up, but it was amicable and they stayed friends. And Jack almost felt heartbroken himself if not for the fact Matt himself didn’t seem heartbroken.
Matt didn’t seem exactly happy with it either, but that was Matt’s prerogative, right? He could process his own feelings. Jack didn’t sit down with him to have emotional conversations in years, but for whatever reason it just kept eating at him.
„You didn’t...” He broached, gingerly, after dinner, when they sat down on the couch, with a bottle of beer each, something new and nice and still strange for Jack as a parent for all that Matt could drink for a while now. „You didn’t break up with James because of my allergy, did you?”
He felt stupid as soon as the words left his mouth, and then he felt horrible when Matt didn’t immediately deny it.
„No. No, Matty tell me you didn’t.”
„It’s not that, dad.” Matt sighed, and he sounded so old suddenly, so mature and grown up and no longer like his little baby, and every now and then Matt had moments like that, when Jack realized some day, Matt would fly out of this metaphorical nest and got so scared of it. „It was a part of it.”
Matt seemed to need time to explain it, and Jack didn’t press. It took him years of active learning how to give Matt time and space to do things at his own pace, but he liked to think he eventually got there.
„Alpine was like an excuse.” Matt eventually said, sighed it out on one breath, resigned and accepting at once. „James was great. He was perfect, you know. Everything that should work out, but it just didn’t. I don’t know. It was comfortable, and easy, and not very exciting. It wasn’t making me feel the way a relationship should. We’re great friends and just... that’s all. And then it came out that you’re allergic and I thought hey, this can’t work out because of the cat. And then I thought, if the cat is all it takes for you to think it won’t work... It’s already not working.”
Jack nodded, both relieved and saddened at once.
„I understand.” He said, for Matt, and he meant it. He knew feelings didn’t have to make sense and be rational. The best option wasn’t always the one you wanted. „And how did James take it?” He asked, because he liked the kid, still.
„Well.” Matt mumbled, grumpy more than genuinely unhappy now. „We decided we can still be friends. But to be honest with you, I think right now he’s probably happier with his feline friend.”
Jack laughed and brought Matt close in. Even now, all grown up, Matt happily accepted the embrace, and Jack felt like maybe, there wasn’t much to be afraid of in the future. No matter how things would go, they would always be a family.